Subject: Okay so this isn't *technically* shant. BUT!
Author:
Posted on: 2021-04-07 21:47:08 UTC
I'd already written it and my brain has been made of white noise and clouds for the past week. So! You get this.
Nouvelle Caledonie, a PPC version of Galway Bay.
I'll try and write a proper PPChant later on tonight. =]
This thing recently got lodged in my brain so please, take it:
There once was a Sue, first name Mary
Who joined the Quest to destroy the Ring
Her skills contrived, her past tragic,
Her boyfriend Legolas
Chorus: Soon may the PPC come
To witness, charge, and kill, and run
One day when the mission is done
We’ll take our leave and go
She had not been two hours in town
When to the Council she went down
Revealing that she had the crown
Of some land still unknown
[chorus]
When Frodo said he’d take the Ring
The Sue thought it’d be a nice thing
To tag along and therefore bring
The Walkers up to ten
[chorus]
When Crebain flew, the Sue did see
A chance to hit on poor Leggy
She disregarded secrecy
To try and hold her prince
[chorus]
In Moria, at the East Gate
The Sue tried to change Gandalf’s fate
But Balrog whips do not forsake
And down Mithrandir went
[chorus]
In Lorien, Galadriel
Spoke with the Sue of tidings fell
And let her peer into a well
To see her future there
[chorus]
Poor Boromir, whose country’s need
The Sue decided was Ring-greed
He suffered from misogyny
At her hands, and then died
[chorus]
The agents had enough of this
They’ve compiled a huge charge list
And for the Duty, they won’t miss
The Sue, shot in the head
[chorus]
What do you do with a drunken agent
What do you do with a drunken agent
What do you do with a drunken agent
Early in the mission?
Way hay and away we go
Way hay and away we go
Way hay and away we go
Early in the mission!
Kill the Sue with a rusty razor
Kill the Sue with a rusty razor
Kill the Sue with a rusty razor
Early in the mission!
Chorus
Put them with an LO ‘til they’re sober
Put them with an LO ‘til they’re sober
Put them with an LO ‘til they’re sober
Early in the mission!
Chorus
Stick some Bleeprin down their throats
Stick some Bleeprin down their throats
Stick some Bleeprin down their throats
Early in the mission!
Chorus
Put them in the bed with a good Uruk Hai
Put them in the bed with a good Uruk Hai
Put them in the bed with a good Uruk Hai
Early in the mission!
Chorus
That’s what we do with a drunken agent
That’s what we do with a drunken agent
That’s what we do with a drunken agent
Early in the mission!
Chorus x2
I'd already written it and my brain has been made of white noise and clouds for the past week. So! You get this.
Nouvelle Caledonie, a PPC version of Galway Bay.
I'll try and write a proper PPChant later on tonight. =]
To the tune of "The Bonny Ship The Diamond"
With apologies to The Corries, The Longest Johns, and whoever it was that decided to put word to music back then.
There's agents gone away, they have, to a new Word World they're bound,
Their history is garnished all with bonny lasses round.
The Sunflower gave the order for to end a bloody tide,
In fics where glitter breaks the brain like darkness dims the sky.
Chorus (after each verse):
And it's go, break the words, be they purple or stale,
For the bonny Ix and Charlotte go a-fishing through the fail.
And it's go, break the words, be they purple or stale,
For the bonny Ix and Charlotte go a-fishing through the fail.
Along Headquarters' corridors, the agents stand around,
Black jumpsuits pulled about them and the salt tears running down.
Now don't you weep, my dearest friends, though you be left behind,
For you'll get a paid vacation 'ere those agents change their minds
Chorus
Three cheers to the Aviator, likewise to her good friend Dawn,
Here's a health to the Bonnefoy lad and Zeb, that ship of fire and fame.
But clad in jackets midnight-black, with all-else that shade too,
When Ix and Charlotte shall return, they'll have fine scars anew
Chorus
Oh, stars be bright both day and night when Assassin girls come home,
With pockets full of fandom junk, and trade wares to their name.
They'll push their bunks together and their blankets shall they share,
And saying more will constitute bad slash again, I fear!
Chorus x2
I don't know "The Diamond" well (yet), but very nice, and I like the ending.
There's a lot of room for these songs to be about other kinds of ships, isn't there? {= D
~Neshomeh
Plus, I actually spent time making the original song less sad and also less sexualised? So that's neat.
But yeah, gotta work on more songs. Making them not about stabbing whales to death is always good. =]
Not technically a shanty, but rather a rewrite of the classic filk song, "Banned From Argo".
When we portalled to Ankh-Morpork for a much-needed break We each set out to find what such mementos we could take Each of us tread lightly as we wandered off to see But it seems the city's unprepared for agents such as we And we're banned from Discworld everyone! Banned from Discworld just for havin' a little fun We took a jolly trip there for a mere three days or four But the flowers won't allow it anymore Our Slasher's needs were simple but her methods were complex Filching memorbilia with multiversal tech We kept our eyes upon her fingers but she must have had a chance She portalled home with almost half of Vetinari's pants And we're banned from Discworld everyone! Banned from Discworld just for havin' a little fun We took a jolly trip there for a mere three days or four But the flowers won't allow it anymore. The Assassin drank most heartily from anything with Bleep After so much work it was such that he needed it to sleep The trouble really started when he mixed it with some Splot And all of us went deaf when next we heard him try to talk And we're banned from Discworld everyone! Banned from Discworld just for havin' a little fun We took a jolly trip there for a mere three days or four But the flowers won't allow it anymore The Floater was a silent type, without much need for rest He went to Stibbons' building just to see what he could test He was well versed in magic (at least of a sort) that's true But Hex is now possessed by both a daemon and a grue And we're banned from Discworld everyone! Banned from Discworld just for havin' a little fun We took a jolly trip there for a mere three days or four But the flowers won't allow it anymore The technician had no lust objects as far as we could tell She never asked for anything and did her job quite well We didn't pay attention and we realized our mistake When the whole of the Seamstress' Guild began to shake And we're banned from Discworld everyone! Banned from Discworld just for havin' a little fun We took a jolly trip there for a mere three days or four But the flowers won't allow it anymore Our Pyro had been punished for his own proclivities We hid all of the matches and the gas quite carefully Nobody for a moment even let him out of sight We were quite confused how the Assassin's Guild was set alight And we're banned from Discworld everyone! Banned from Discworld just for havin' a little fun We took a jolly trip there for a mere three days or four But the flowers won't allow it anymore Wonder why?
It's a great song, and the Ban is a great subject for a PPC filk. It gives me fuzzy, nostalgic thoughts of Agent Trojanhorse.
~Neshomeh
a.k.a. "Roll the Old Chariot Along"
Yeah, this is low-hanging fruit since it's a supply-your-own-verses song, but that's why it lends itself so well to being picked up by disgruntled agents trying to pass the time!
Well, a day without a [BEEP!] wouldn't do us any harm!
A day without a [BEEP!] wouldn't do us any harm!
A day without a [BEEP!] wouldn't do us any harm!
And we won't be long behind.
Chorus:
And we'll roll the old loony bin along,
We'll roll the old loony bin along,
We'll roll the old loony bin along,
And we won't be long behind.
And a decent night of sleep wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
Another sip of Bleepka wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
Just a little bit of drool wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
And a fic that doesn't suck wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
And a big, fat check wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
And any pay at all wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
And so on!
Jenni: Another verse or five wouldn't do us any harm...!
... Oh, all right.
And we'll roll the old loony bin along,
We'll roll the old loony bin along,
We'll roll the old loony bin along,
And we won't be long behind.
Derik: A drop of Benden red wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
Gall: Another horn of mead wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
Ilraen: A run on the grass wouldn't do us any harm...!
Chorus
Nume: Some goddamn peace and quiet wouldn't do us any harm...!
All: And we won't be long behind!
~Neshomeh
P.S. What verses would your agents add? {= D
P.P.S. My headcanon is that a version of this song definitely made it to Pern, and I might write that filk, too.
For what is Misty Mountains Cold but the Theme Shanty of the Quest for Erebor? /bricked
As for the chariot song, I think...
Eledhwen: And five bars of chocolate wouldn't do me any harm...
Christianne: Yes it would.
Eledhwen: No, it wouldn't!
Christianne: And a shot of Bleepuvour wouldn't do us any harm...
The Disentangler: And my sonic pen returned wouldn't do us any harm...
Eledhwen: If you want it, come and claim it.
The Agent: And an Earl Grey crumpet wouldn't do us any harm...
Lori Starrett and Bill Fallis: And some time off with our son wouldn't do us any harm...
[A shiny new DBS Agent I am working on]: What is happening?!
Christianne: Singing! You can sing in English, right?
[DBS Agent, managing to sing to the tune]: 你俩别要撒狗粮，我就觉得很好了*
Christianne: ...That works, too.
All: And we won't be long behind!
Does the Board not support non-Latin characters? Paging an Admin...
Translation: Even emoji get displayed just fine, look.
But, to add a few more verses
And a big sack of loot wouldn't do us any harm...!
And a full night of sleep wouldn't do us any harm...!
And a real hunk of beef wouldn't do us any harm...!
And a quick in-and-out wouldn't do us any harm...!
Taq: And a cheap pint of ale wouldn't do us any harm...!
Peregrin (having figured out the pattern but not the context): And a ream full of leaves wouldn't do us any harm...!
Farah: And a nice flawless warp wouldn't do us any harm...!
Kkukttak: And a slow merchant ship wouldn't do us any harm! And a slow—
Farah: You're being really insensitive, you know
Kkukttak: But am I wrong? And it's not like we haven't done any plundering.
Farah: Still, this is a merchant song and that's just rude
Everyone else, ignoring the argument:
And we'll roll the old loony bin along,
We'll roll the old loony bin along,
We'll roll the old loony bin along,
And we won't be long behind.
Thalia: And some nice explosives wouldn’t do us any harm
Doom: Yes, it would.
Thalia: You’re no fun, puddin’.
Doom: And a second of peace wouldn’t do us any harm
Zara: And a visit to my friend wouldn’t do us any harm
Diamond: You clearly view him as more then a friend, you imbecile. Even if he is a good thirty years older.
Zara: Shut up.
Diamond: And drinking some human blood wouldn’t do us any harm
Zara: And you say I’m the perverse one.
All together: And we won’t be long behind!
First it was getting the giggles after a test verse and chorus. Now...well, I only skimmed before, and thought surely I could try just singing it, since I know the tune well and the words seem to fit well so far.
And then that backfired when I got to "Leggy" and just broke off to laugh for a bit. At this rate I'll end up having to post outtakes or something!
~Z
ETA: Have now given it a quick run through. Boromir's verse kind of got me as well. Let's see if I can make it all the way through now...
I will take it, and gladly! The PPC one hundred percent needed a "Wellerman" filk. Thank you!
... Friends. Boarders. Netizens. Write more sea song/shanty filks, and I will make a songbook to put them in. I am very here for this. {= D
~Neshomeh is getting into the shanty-singing scene, courtesy of an IRL friend who was doing it before it was cool.
Reviewing the words in case I get a chance to do some recording myself, though it looks like I have a full week of work ahead. Sigh.
[OT complaining]
I wouldn't mind so much if my annotation side-job wasn't still about conciseness, which is an incredibly tedious thing to evaluate for one thousand lines. First I gotta read to understand the line's meaning, then I gotta read again to decide if it's overly wordy or not, and if it is, then I gotta read the correction provided to see if it's an improvement or not. When half the lines are legalese, it's utterly mind-numbing and takes forever, and I hate feeling so sluggish at this when I felt like the Flash on the last project (reading for incorrect verb forms).
Every now and then I get something that seems to have come from a godawful erotic story, though; those lines are at least entertainingly bad, and often easier to judge, too. Kinda wish I could just edit that, but OTOH, it looks like rubbish, so that would only make for a different kind of brain damage.
[/OT complaining]
Anyway. Really just wanted to check about that one word. ^_^;
~Neshomeh
if it makes more sense to be "misandry" since it's at "her hands", then go for the change!
How about this?
Poor Boromir, whose country’s need
The Sue decided was Ring-greed;
A bit part of misogyny'd
Been his, and then he died
And, if I may suggest one more change, for the rhyme:
In Moria, at the East Gate
The Sue tried to change Gandalf’s fate
But Balrog whips did not abate
And down Mithrandir went
BTW, I think my favorite line is the one about Galadriel letting the Sue peer into "a well" to see her fate. The Mirror of Galadriel, a well. Do people throw coins in it and make wishes, too? Horrible, and therefore very funny. {X D
~Neshomeh, struggling to focus on work when her brain wants to do more filking.