Subject: Good job!
Author:
Posted on: 2011-09-24 12:30:00 UTC
On the (hopefully) constructive criticism front: On the first page you use the word 'rather' four times in a very short time. I think at least half of those could be skipped.
My opinion (not claiming this as any kind of objective truth) is that words like 'rather', 'slightly', 'kind of' and so on, should be used very sparingly. Often, they don't add anything to the text other than a sense of fuzziness.
I read PoorCynics post and especially the part about the copy-pasting and would also like to say, that while I totally agree with what he says about wanting to see agents being funny and snarky and awesome rather than reading the fic, I didn't think that there was too much copy-paste in this mission, so maybe it is also a question of personal taste. I like large text-excerpts as long as they are relevant and as a reader they help me get involved in the mission and understand what the agents are dealing with. I also use them myself in my missions. So please don't cut back too much on the text excerpts.
I like your new agents and how they interact with each other. They make an interesting team with plenty of room for growth and I'm looking forward to seeing more of them. An interlude, perhaps? *makes puppy-eyes*