Subject: The paragraph in question
Author:
Posted on: 2011-09-21 18:10:00 UTC

Cindy and Xanthus both looked on, and then they gave disgusted looks too. “My… Oh my… For Merlin’s sake, Anneli, I didn’t need that image!” she said. “I only just read some of Freud’s papers!”

It should be made a bit more clear that Cindy is the one speaking, since the first sentence does not deliberate which agent is the specific subject.

A more clear example might be something like: “My… Oh my… For Merlin’s sake, Anneli, I didn’t need that image!” Cindy said, her face twisting with disgust. Out of the corner of her eye should could see Xanthus making a similar expression. “I only just read some of Freud’s papers!”

And the godawful ones are so easy to spork because they give you the most ammunition. They almost mock themselves.

Reply Return to messages