Subject: More concrit
Author:
Posted on: 2013-08-15 03:35:00 UTC

I've read up to the end of the Floating Hyacinth's tale, and I must admit that you seem to have the Flowers' characters down to a T.

One little problem I detected. In this "sentence":
Even the Hyacinth, untrained though it was, could feel the low-intensity mental signal the detector – now attached to a massive framework, like a free-standing doorway.
at least one word is missing; the sentence reads like a fragment.

Which word(s), ultimately only you know, but at least one word is missing in the clause before the dash. Perhaps that clause was supposed to read
could feel the low-intensity mental signal sent by the detector
or perhaps
could feel the low-intensity mental signal of the detector.

Reply Return to messages