Well, whatever floats your oyster.

Subject: Well, whatever floats your oyster.
Author: Lily Winterwood
Posted on: 2008-12-07 06:04:00 UTC

I love using Jay's metted mixaphors.

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Ow, my brain. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-06 16:41:00 UTC Reply

I just read all of That Series in less than three hours. Now my brain hurts like all hell. I would tend to think think someone would need a mind of titanium to not be affected. Mind you, this is coming from someone who sat through C*l*b*i*n and most of Subjugation without feeling nauseated. My reaction to those consisted mainly of murderous intent and pure hatred for the authors. These are the only Legendary Badfics that have done anything to my stomach. Now I know never to read too many of these in a row ever again.

Dear brave PPCer, by Zoe on 2008-12-09 02:55:00 UTC Reply

Have you read these:

Beauty and the Beast, the "vergin in my vagina" version: http://www.asstr.org/~Kristen/20/beauty.txt

Data Goes Ballistic: http://www.trekiverse.org/archive/2000/adult/tng/DataGoesBallistic

The Interrogation of Leia: http://iiichan.net/stuff/be/dodge/?episode=277201

Teasetting Ron

and last but not least (for now), Rose Potter: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/girlwholived/

Have fun!

~Zoe~

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I just read three of them. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-09 16:02:00 UTC Reply

Beauty and the Beast one was dumber than a Stegosaurus with a head injury. Interrogation of Leia read like a very incomplete and very dumb Choose your Own Adventure book. Teasetting Ron was just idiotic (and it's a second-person to boot), but at least it was short. I have yet to read the other, longer ones, but I'll find time to at some point. All in all, they were more stupid than squicky, especially for someone who laughed at parts of C*l*b*i*n and Subjugation (Not much, and mostly at the massively retarded bits, but it happened at least once).

... by Anjilly on 2008-12-07 18:32:00 UTC Reply

...I'd say something along the lines of how incredibly insane you are, but everyone else already has, so I don't think I need to... XD

Hope your mind recovers soon. *hands you bleeprin*
You're mad! by Oozaru Angel on 2008-12-07 03:55:00 UTC Reply

Here, have a badge of mad honour. You loony.

Re: You're mad! by Ugolino on 2008-12-07 05:02:00 UTC Reply

And the rest of us aren't? To quote Stephen King: "we're all mad here, dear Alice."
*cackles*

I thought that was Lewis Carrol? (nm) by Oozaru Angel on 2008-12-07 06:08:00 UTC Reply

Re: I thought that was Lewis Carrol? by Ugolino on 2008-12-07 06:27:00 UTC Reply

No, it was King in a tribute to Carrol in his novel Cell.

Carrol's one is: by Fynn on 2008-12-08 11:02:00 UTC Reply

'But I don't want to go among mad people.'
'Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here'

I'm the one that found the things, and it took me months. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 01:27:00 UTC Reply

I couldn't read more than a sentence or two at a time on the first go. That's not just Redtooth, that's my freakin' CHILDHOOD with the spear in its unmentionable parts. My baaaaaaaaaaabiiiiiiiiieeeees ... *sob*

(Still, we got two potential OCs to play with out of it. Molly and Moses rock.)

C*l*br**n, on the other hand, was just funny to me until they got to the bit with the wooden apple. I think it helped me discover my teeth-pulling squick. What about Little Miss Mary? The pedo upset me, but I was too busy laughing at the appallingly stilted dialogue to be too disturbed. Similarly with "For Your Eyes Only", except that time it was the bad biology distracting me from the rampant misogyny.

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*has recovered from Morbid Curiosity* by Lily Winterwood on 2008-12-06 23:32:00 UTC Reply

I congratulate you on reading all of it. I only got to half of the fics...

*downs bottle of Bleeprin* When I read anything involving furries, I don't quite understand it as easily. Mostly because the authors tend to use the human anatomy. *shrugs*

If I'm ever going to finish That Series (like I would), I'll have to remember to keep on picturing the characters as actual humans instead of animals. Maybe it'll be a little less squicky.

It's not. Really, it's not. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 01:28:00 UTC Reply

Though I should inform you that mice don't have self-disinfecting recta either.

What, do humans have them? by Lily Winterwood on 2008-12-07 01:43:00 UTC Reply

*squirms*

No - but the author thinks either we do or mice do. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 01:50:00 UTC Reply

Look at the quote from "Among The Roses" on the TS page on the PPC Wiki.

Ahhhhhhh. by Lily Winterwood on 2008-12-07 01:52:00 UTC Reply

Yes. Either that or she recently got an enema.
(Either way it still makes me twitch)

Doubtful, since she's been wandering wild for a year. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 02:22:00 UTC Reply

But it gave me the opportunity for one of my favourite Foxglove lines; "Being a nice person doesn't mean you literally s*** rainbows". (Foxglove is the one who says all the things I wouldn't dare to say. Laburnum is the one who says all the things I'd be too smart to say - see the time she cussed out the angry wolverine leader of a vermin horde in front of his followers, who, had she not been rescued, would have done something very similar to certain events in TS to her. Would have been better written, but that's not much comfort when you're the centrepiece of the Musical Holes game.)

Even if she did, at least it wasn't made of wood. Poor, poor Redtooth. Must have nice thing happen to him in OFUR. Any ideas? Letting him get drunk and commiserate with Stormsong is first on the agenda.

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Awww. by Lily Winterwood on 2008-12-07 06:03:00 UTC Reply

Maybe you can find out his favorite foods and make sure he has an ample supply of it. And an ample supply of fanstudent stress balls.

And maybe he gets to see Cheesethief's expression ... by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 12:14:00 UTC Reply

We're of the opinion that Cheesethief would be mad that Redtooth "got all the attention again" and rant at Cluny about not thinking he's good enough to co-star in anything, then have a screaming fit when he actually finds out what the story is about and what happened in it. Now that's gonna be one for OFUTube.

You LOON. *pats shoulder* by Sedri on 2008-12-06 21:27:00 UTC Reply

I thank the stars that I don't know Redwall and thus, my Morbid Curiosity can't lure me into trying it. Here, have some Bleepuvian Ale.
*raise eyebrows* by Lily Winterwood on 2008-12-06 21:10:00 UTC Reply

Ummmm...That Series, the Redwall...pornfics?
Wow. All of them?

(And I could only read C*l*br*in in two parts. Kinda like Hitler's "Mein Khampf" or however you spell it...according to my history teacher, that book is so disturbing you can't read it in one go.)

*gives gallon of bleepka*
~Lily, who likes using...ellipsis...today...

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Mein Kampf? by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-07 04:04:00 UTC Reply

I have to read that in one sitting. I need to get the bloodlust up, and what better way to do it than to be possessed by a semi-unyielding desire to set Hitler on fire?

Well, whatever floats your oyster. by Lily Winterwood on 2008-12-07 06:04:00 UTC Reply

I love using Jay's metted mixaphors.

Same here. :) by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2008-12-07 06:48:00 UTC Reply

I want to have my agents use the actual term "metted mixaphors" at some point.

Aaaiee! by Maudlin Hart on 2008-12-06 20:36:00 UTC Reply

Aaaiee! It's my fault! Me and my high level of unsquickability! My fault your brain is melting! I should never have "nyeeer"ed at you! FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Naw. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-07 04:00:00 UTC Reply

All it did was keep my headache from going away, really. No permanent harm done. On the other hand, I can now claim a position as the most unsquickable Boarder.

Bah! by Maudlin Hart on 2008-12-07 23:21:00 UTC Reply

We shall share the glory! TO THE ALE-HOUSE!

Good Job~! by JulyFlame on 2008-12-06 18:51:00 UTC Reply

Ever hear of a lil' thing called Agony in Pink~?

I really have to read that. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-07 04:01:00 UTC Reply

*goes to Google Search*

Done reading, again in one sitting. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-07 05:33:00 UTC Reply

I finished both the original and the sequel. I also read 'Agony in Red', which was an attempt to make something more disturbing than that 'fic. All of this was more ridiculously stupid than it was squicky. The characters being tortured should be dead or at least somewhere very early in their 'fics, not in pain. No, scratch that. The right description is definitely 'dead', especially in the sequel - six hours in an airtight box filled with bodily waste at one point, apparently. Still, the torture descriptions managed to garner a 'mild nausea' rating from me, a bit lower than all of That Series combined. Actually, the last chapter of the sequel was just too stupid to be particularly disgusting, and Agony in Red was just moronic.

TS should have resulted in its victims being dead too. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 14:31:00 UTC Reply

Let's not even get into the spear thing, but a six-year-old could point out the anatomy fail there. And poor Pikkle. I realise one doesn't lose all that much blood from being raped, even several times in a row, but she actually says "over a hundred" times (I think - could be worse, there were four thousand Corpsemakers in total and she could have detailed ALL of them!) so, if we assume each one took two minutes (though I'm probably being generous here, hehe) that's over three hours of constant pain and difficulty breathing since they were, um, utilising both appropriate apertures, so one would think he'd at least have passed out.

And at least Agony In Whatever Colour's author didn't claim to be a veterinarian!

A vet? I didn't notice that particular one. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-07 14:44:00 UTC Reply

That must be uncomfortable for the animals. Vet from Hell, anyone? Oh, and that's exactly what I said about TS - they should all be dead after... err... in the middle of that kind of abuse. And four thousand? I don't remember *that*, but then again I haven't read any Redwall canon in a while. Pikkle should have died from the some-number-under-a-hundredth, actually. Poor hare. Most or all of the TS missions should have/should have had (depending on whether they're completed or not) a mention of "Avaunt, necrophilia!" in them.

All done, sadly, except the Sawney Rath one. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 15:45:00 UTC Reply

Nin volunteered for that one, but she's otherwise occupied right now. Going to hurt, though - it actually focuses on Tagg, with a brief cameo by Schizophrenic!Paedophile!Sawney. Sawney was about the only vermin leader who was actually a fairly decent guy before he went nuts, so Nin was pretty mad about that. Sadly we couldn't exorcise necrophilia which didn't actually explicitly occur, but it came pretty close. But it's bad enough, with the random incest and the paedo and the spur-of-the-moment orgies and the forced piss-drinking and the spear and the fact that she apparently doesn't realise that you can SEE people on the walltop of a fortified building particularly when it's besieged and there should be more than two defenders up there ...

Yeah, she said she's "in training to be a veterinarian" in the author's notes of Among The Roses. I don't know whether the author not knowing about the anatomy fail or just ignoring it in the name of getting off is creepier. The latter is probably better for society as a whole, though.

Have you seen her other works? The Lion King poem caused me physical pain. (As Nin said when we were discussing the mission via email; "It's called 'Poetic Orgy' and only one of those words is accurate.")

The irony is, I LIKE Redwall slashfic. Well, the non-graphic kind which does not involve physically impossible actions being perpetrated upon innocent characters. There's some gleeful fun in doing something the creator would disapprove of to something so cute and wholesome, but it still has to be written decently. And okay, Stormsong's death scene in the fic I borrowed him from was just as gruesome, but Snowspine was a better writer, it was far less detailed, and he actually got to DO things in the fic as a whole other than "be in extreme pain".

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Goodslash? Gimme. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-08 09:24:00 UTC Reply

I want to read a good slashfic for once. It makes a nice change from all the crap floating around (I'm looking - and pointing a Scarab Gun at - you, Subjugation, with the 'defiling Monty Python' charge), so a link would be a Very Good Thing.

Oh, and I just read Among the Roses now. The prose in that one is very, very urple, and now I understand what that 'doesn't mean you s*** rainbows' line was about. Didn't know it was part of That Series (Forgot to reread the Wiki page, I just clicked on all of the links that had the series name) - damn, now my badfic reading record is a bit off. I did read the poem, it was just plain stupid. I called BS on that one - Biological Impossibility is very, very common in Uoikih fics, but that one's particular offense was absolutely moronic.

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Can't think of any right now, but ... by Laburnum on 2008-12-08 10:30:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1965410/1/Vengeance_Quest
Here is VQ. Enjoy. Be warned, it has some rape scenes which are just as disturbing as TS, but in a good and non-graphic way. Riala is a rockin' heroine, though I admit I got distracted by the cute gay weasel.

I am going to accept on faith that the Lion King poem was supposed to be funny, therefore the bad biology "doesn't matter". I couldn't read more than four lines of it without wanting to scream, so I don't know.

I dare you to read "Sela's New Job" and "Cozair Prizzzoner" (the author's misspellings). My reaction was something along the lines of "They think whoredom is Sela's NEW Job? Wow, they're oblivious to subtext."

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I just read those two 'fics. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-08 10:59:00 UTC Reply

Rife with idiocy, and bad grammar to boot. Also, I think the victim in "Cosair Prizzzoner" should be at least almost dead or unconscious. The euphemisms used indicate that the author's under 18, and he apparently doesn't know much about biology. Fail author IS FAIL.

Yeah, plus I don't wanna know what it did to her spine. by Laburnum on 2008-12-08 15:55:00 UTC Reply

What the hell angle would she have to be bent at for them to be doing what they were doing? And HOLY SHIT FOUR INCHES WIDE OW. Apart from the fact that lizard genitals don't look like that. (Though if you've seen Greyscale's little fun in the OFUR, you could guess that using normal lizard anatomy would be worse.)

And have you seen Chaser Wolf's fics? They were worth the horror for the opportunity for the "Cluny was c-" line in the MST. I found that far funnier than I should.

Haven't finished reading the MSTs yet, actually. by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-08 15:58:00 UTC Reply

Should get around to doing that.

I've been tempted to write smut in the fandom myself ... by Laburnum on 2008-12-08 16:11:00 UTC Reply

... just to prove it doesn't have to be brain-meltingly horrible. Haven't been able to bring myself to do it, though.

*gasp* I still have principles! They must be destroyed immediately!

. . . brave person. by Makari on 2008-12-06 18:31:00 UTC Reply

I'm quite impressed with your determination, and your stomach. I managed C*l*br**n without too much trouble, but I drew the line at Subjugation. >.
And y'know, for most people reading one legendary badfic in a day... or week... or month... is more than enough. I forsee great things for you, though I'm not going to call you a grasshopper.
Dear Eru. What were you thinking? by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2008-12-06 18:29:00 UTC Reply

Are you actively trying to send yourself flamethrower-crazy?

*offers selection of Bleeproducts*

That's even crazier than most of the veteran Boarders, and I thought most of them were well past doodle ally.

Stick with the missions instead of the fics from now on, eh?
Honestly, you daft bugger by Pads on 2008-12-06 18:26:00 UTC Reply

Have you tried Draco's Christmas Cuppa yet? If you want sick-making that's a good contender.

Tried reading it... by Buta no Kaabii on 2008-12-07 04:03:00 UTC Reply

Finished, and I can still drink coffee. Either my mind's like an impenetrable forcefield or it's full of more holes than a ton of wire mesh. Probably the former, though.
Re: Honestly, you daft bugger by Ugolino on 2008-12-06 18:41:00 UTC Reply

Nah, that's just unpleasant. It's arguably the least squick worthy of the LBs, not that that's saying much.

Re: Honestly, you daft bugger by Pads on 2008-12-06 19:19:00 UTC Reply

We are talking about the same fic, right? The one with the coffee enema that is then drunk, complete with commentary on the lumps in it?

LxC is far less squick-worthy. The rape scenes are so abysmally poor they don't succeed in squicking, just confusing and angering.

Odd... by Ugolino on 2008-12-06 19:33:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, the one where Draco is possessed...and I remember the commentary. Strangely enough, I survived that one more or less intact. I say this having read both that and having finished That Series ten minutes ago due to morbid curiosity: they aren't nearly as bad as the Celebrian fic. I just laughed at the anatomical impossibilities in That Series, while I nearly based my computer screen in for C******

Do you drink much tea or coffee? (nm) by JulyFlame on 2008-12-06 18:52:00 UTC Reply

Tea yes, Coffee no. by Ugolino on 2008-12-06 18:59:00 UTC Reply

That might have something to do with it. Unfortunately, I read C*l*b*i*n right afterwards, and reading the sporking earlier didn't inoculate me. How Buta read through it without going axe-crazy I'll never understand. That filth is worse than Draco and That Series combined...

*shakes head* by Lycaenion on 2008-12-06 17:55:00 UTC Reply

Santa Zarquana Voostra... even by my standards you're mad.

Here. Have some Bleepulan Ale. And chocolate. And a towel, because you obviously enjoy dangerous situations and you're going to need one.
... by Ugolino on 2008-12-06 17:55:00 UTC Reply

How bad could That Series be? How could it be worse than C*l*b*i*n? On second thoughts, I don't want to know.

It can. by Laburnum on 2008-12-07 01:30:00 UTC Reply

I quote from TS: "Don't worry, I'll take it out once it gets all the way up to the blade." If you can't already guess from snippets you've picked up around here, do not ask about the context.
No, you don't. Do NOT tempt the Ironic Over-Power (nm) by Sedri on 2008-12-06 21:25:00 UTC Reply

You insane person... by Ansela on 2008-12-06 17:43:00 UTC Reply

What on Earth possessed you to read all of That Series in one go? Here, have some Bleepsinthe to wash the memory away. I've only managed to read a few of them, and I conveniently lost the link so I couldn't read any more.