Subject: 794. I will not allow Eragon and Saphira to...
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Posted on: 2008-08-11 16:26:00 UTC
meet Lessa and Ramoth
- Or F'lar and Mnementh
- Or any other Pernese dragonrider pair.
795. I will not feed Sues to Pernese dragons.
- Listen, we don't need Suvian dragons
- Pernese dragons don't eat humans anyway
- Feeding Sues to fire lizards is also forbidden
-I will not kidnap Rikku (FFX/X-2) and drop her in FFVII, especially right next to Yuffie. Nor is the reverse acceptable.
--Nor will I point the two at someone extremely rich and hint that he/she might have treasure/materia.
--Nor will I bring the two to HQ and hint that someone I particularly dislike might have treasure/materia.
--If they have already met via crossover, I will attempt to mitigate the damage, not add fuel to the fire by dragging in any of the following: Norma Beatty(Tales of Legendia), Anise Tatlin(Tales of the Abyss)... or any other canons who are even vaguely obsessed with unclaimed properties of a valuable nature. Captain Jack Sparrow is right out.
-I will not steal a necromancer's bells and attempt to use one of them for an exorcism.
--Especially not Astarael. Killing everyone in hearing range is not funny.
--Also not Kibeth. The Walker has a sense of humour.
--No. Just no.
-I will refrain from making bad puns regarding Jewels within earshot of anyone from the Black Jewels Trilogy and related works. They are not likely to be appreciated, by the canons or my partner.
-Captain Jack Sparrow does not need to know about the Legacy(ToL), no matter how funny I think the resulting bit of attempted piracy might be.
-I will not steal the weapons of any video game hero; they are likely to need them. Soon.
--Even if I am a raging kleptomaniac.
On encountering any vampire, banshee, werewolf or undead agent I will not scream, "Back un-holy beast of the night!" at them.
-Nor will I atempt to ward them off with garlic, crucifixes, mirrors, pigs etc.
meet Lessa and Ramoth
- Or F'lar and Mnementh
- Or any other Pernese dragonrider pair.
795. I will not feed Sues to Pernese dragons.
- Listen, we don't need Suvian dragons
- Pernese dragons don't eat humans anyway
- Feeding Sues to fire lizards is also forbidden
774c. Nor is she Jacqueline Hyde.
780. Ledger's Joker and Carcer Dun must never be allowed to meet.
781. I will not tamper with a TARDIS' chameleon circuit to make it look like the Big Bad in every continuum it lands in.
782. I will not call Agent Dustin "Dusty SEP-Field."
-He only activates it to keep canonical contamination to a minimum.
783. I will not venture into the Dornsef Mountains without a Disguise Outfitting Ryticular Kostume System AND a Remote Activator or a TARDIS.
-If I do, I understand that whatever happens is my fault.
784. I will never assume a fandom to be devoid of Badfic.
-If I do, the Narrative Laws of Comedy demand that there be legendary-grade squickfic for it.
785. I will not pit Jaws against a wahrk to "see what happens."
786. I will not arrange a meeting between the Borg and the Cybermen to "see what happens."
787. I will not arrange a meeting between the Mondasian and Cybus Cybermen.
788. I will not glomp a Flower.
789. I will not portal any Redwall character into a furry convention.
-Nor will I convey them there by means of a TARDIS.
-In fact, I will not take them to one at all.
790. I will not squee if there is any chance "squee" might be a noun in the continuum.
791. I will not write badfic about an Agent I am mad at.
792. I will not clown around on Spire.
-Even if I can panic-link.
731) Yelling 'Thunderbirds Are Go' every time you launch a space ship was funny the first 15,325 times.
732) I will not ask Professors Oak, Elm, Birch or Rowan how their Pokeballs are.
-Or Ash Ketchum.
-Or Gary Oak.
-Or anyone from the Pokemon World.
733) I will not allow Agent Arti to access a TF-Gun, even if the photos would be great for blackmail.
-Particularly if they would be good for blackmail.
734) I also will not allow Agent Arti anywhere near the choir. This is for the safety of everyone.
735) I will not portal to Paragon City if I believe I look good in superhero tights.
-Or the Marvel Universe.
-Or the DC Universe.
736)I will not portal to the Universe of 'Celebrity Deathmatch' just to arrange the deaths of my most hated celebrities or characters, even if it would be canon.
737) I will not go anywhere near DoGA if I use a lot of hair gel and / or come from a Final Fantasy Universe.
-Nor will I direct anyone wearing hear gel to DoGA.
738) I will not mention the name 'Robecca' in earshot of Aslan. If I do, I will only blame myself for the consequences.
739) I will never call a 'Digimon' a 'daemon'.
-Or vice-versa.
740) I will not portal another Agent into the middle of a Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Link's Triforce Slash [i]hurts[/i].
741) I will not tell Tidus from Final Fantasy X that he is such a dream.
-Just because it's true doesn't mean he'll take it well.
742) Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin must never meet.
-Even if the ensuing hilarity would be unlike anything the world has ever seen.
743) Just because I dreamt of fighting the Battle of Helm's Deep with a machine gun, does not make it canon.
744) I will not answer any Sue's insult with 'Yo momma' or 'Yo face'. This will often enrage them.
-Particularly Abused!Sues.
745) Wearing Airgears will not allow me to get places faster in HQ.
746) The 'Power of Three' won't set me free of the Sues, no matter how many times I repeat it.
747) I will never pit an army of Mary-Sues against the hordes of Heartless in Hollow Bastion. Though the results would be amusing, we do not need Sueified Heartless taking the hearts of PPC AGents just by thinking about them.
748) I will never put another Agent's name on the Death Note.
-Even if we can resurrect them.
-Even if the way they die would be hilarious.
749) I can not steal the Keyblade from Sora. My heart is not pure enough, nor am is it powerful enough to do so.
750) I will not burst into singing 'Stick to the Status Quo' when in the HQ Cafeteria.
751) Nor will I sing 'I Don't Dance' in response to 'Stick to the Status Quo'.
752) Actually, there will be no random songs inside of HQ other than in specially designated areas.
-Abusing the Specially Designated Areas may result in a conductor's baton being shoved up your nose.
753) I will not require a dance-off to settle disputes with other Agents. This may give the minis ideas, and we do not need holes burnt through the floors from the mini-Balrogs break-dancing.
754) Happy thoughts alone will not make me fly.
-I will also stop telling the New Recruits this.
755) Tinkerbell has enough issues already. I will not add more by kidnapping her so that I can fly.
(apologies if something similar has already been done; I've read the List before, but I can't remember all the details)
#. I will not portal into a Potter fic set in book six or early book seven to rescue Remus and Tonks
- No, not even for sake of little Teddy
#. I will not debate the qualifications for being a "star" within earshot of Yvaine.
- If I do, the resulting incineration is entirely my own fault
- even if I WAS innocently referring to celebrities
#. I will not kill Eragon
- or Sapphira
- or Arya
- or Paolini
#. I will not call Worf "Mr Woof" and expect to live
- only Lwaxana gets away with that
- same applies for "Will Scarlet"
#. I will not pretend to have missed rule #_[Trojie's] and give Edmund Peter's crown
- no, not even if the gold-versus-silver thing is blatently unfair
- we all know silver's better anyway
#. I will not annoy Lucy. Her aim with that dagger is too good... and SHE'S the one holding the cordial
My Agent went on his first mission clad in only a towel after being interruptd in the shower. Does that count?
Didn't he wind up without the towel a few times?
I think it counts. : P
If anything I think that is incentive to put it on the list.
*grin*
Your zerglings. My zealots. Bring it.
Um, it's probably not a good idea to let 'Toss outside their native continuum either, is it? Oops. Well, any world can be improved by a Dark Archon or two running around.
I am a PPC Agent, not River Tam. My combat skills therefore DO have limits, and I DO need to practice to acquire skill with an unfamiliar weapon.
- However, just because she has incredible innate combat skills does not mean River Tam is a Sue.
- If she finds out you've been insinuating that she's a Sue, she'll take you to the forking cleaners, mate.
I may not kill Peter Pevensie and install Edmund as High King instead.
- No, not even if Edmund is the more sensible of the two and would therefore be a more suitable king.
- Peter isn't a Stu, honestly.
- I know he's irritating, but still.
On that note, I am not allowed to rip movieverse!Susan away from movieverse!Caspian at the end of 'Prince Caspian'
- Movieverse technically is a legitimate canon, okay?
- And the fact that her name is Susan does not make her a Sue.
-Ripping Susan away from Caspian and substituting Peter or Edmund, while tempting, is not allowed either.
- While we're at it, ripping Susan away from Caspian and substituting yourself is RIGHT OUT.
I am not allowed to take an MP3 player into fics in order to play 'Smack My Bitch Up' when I assassinate Sues
- Ditto 'Battle Without Honour or Humanity'
- Ditto 'Back in Black'
- I am not allowed to play any song when assassinating Sues. That's only one teeny step from having a theme-tune.
I am not allowed to hit Agent July in the head
- She gets concussed enough as it is by herself, she doesn't need help.
- If I have reason to need to stop her from doing something, I should hit her somewhere else instead.
I am not allowed to mention the Kraken from POTC in the hearing of Agent Trojie if I value my own ignorance of invertebrate anatomy.
I am not allowed to pit Jadis the White Witch against the Witch-King of Angmar.
- Not even if I think it would be a bitchin' fight scene.
Building Maintenance do not go armed and are not generally proficient with weaponry in any case. This does not mean I can irritate them at will, as they are EXTREMELY proficient with electricty and explosives and can collapse my RC on me if I piss them off.
I am not to throw anti-lustin grenades into RCs belonging to agents who are partners in that way.
- Especially if said agents are in bed
- Or in the shower. Together.
Conversely, I am not to throw lustin grenades into RCs belonging to agents who are 'just partners, thank you very much'
- Even if they'd make a really good couple
- Even if one of them asks me to.
-- I am to understand that should performing either of the above actions result in my being painfully dismembered/shot/stabbed/decapitated/bitten/strangled/poisoned/blown up/having my throat cut, it is entirely my own fault.
The PPC is not Torchwood, and I am not to refer to it as such.
- Neither am I to compare my fellow agents to Torchwood characters.
- Or force them to dress up as said characters.
- Roleplaying as said characters is right out.
I may not ask Agent Sabbat if he's a seme or an uke
- Unless I like having my throat cut
I will not drop Agents face to face with their Lust Objects.
-Not even if their method of fighting for self-control and finding the Anti-Lustin at the same time is funny.
-Especially if it is funny.
I will not portal Legendary Badfic writers into HQ wearing signs proclaiming the fics they wrote.
-If I do, then the carnage that ensues will be entirely my fault and I will have to fix it myself.
-Especially if I put LBTwriter in RC #45.
I will not mention 'mating heat' and 'dinosaurs' in the same sentence within hearing range of Agent Trojie.
- If I do, the resulting lectures are my own fault.