Subject: Warning: very much of words.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-07-23 11:26:00 UTC

Two warnings before I start. First, I'm working through this in order, not drawing syntheses or anything, so it may be a bit patchwork. Second, as a Permission Giver, I tend not to make Permission decisions on agents I've discussed at length - so please don't read this as 'this is how you can make sure you get Permission'. Different PGs have different views on things. In other words: this is just me, not my hat.

So: Rasheeda bint Giza. She reminds me somewhat of the Sphinx from Subnormality, which is not a bad thing. ;) Your description is fairly clear, and not objectionable, but:

therefore not unique enough to be considered speshul

This represents what I think is a fundamental misunderstanding of how to create a good character. Having unusual or even unique traits does not make a character 'speshul'; it's what you do with them that does that. Practically every fantasy protagonist ever written has something unique about them, whether they're the secret heir to a throne (hi, Garion!), can hear all dragons (nice to see you, Lessa!), or are just ridiculously lucky enough to run across a magic Ring (hey, there, Bilbo!). The fact that Rasheeda is albino means, de facto, it is biologically or magically possible in her continuum; you can't really argue against that, since she empirically proves it. But even if she was the first one in a thousand years, that wouldn't make her 'speshul'.

Now, if she was an albino, and therefore was wiser than all other Sphinxes, and everyone came to her for advice (because she was albino) but the evil Carthaginians tried to kill her (because she was albino) so she used her albino-powers to albinate them into Albania...

Traits are like characters: when they slot into the story, and are affected by its logic, they are fine. It's when they twist the story around themselves that they become Suvian.

Hey, I quite like that. Never looked at it in quite that way before... ahem. Moving on.

Her humanoid form: I hope you don't use this too much! I assume she has it because of her own story, but honestly, it's far more interesting to have non-human agents who stay non-human.

Some aspects of your bios seem to indicate you don't know about PPC disguises, so a brief rundown: when on a mission, agents are disguised by magi-technological means as something that will fit into the canon. A Sphinx can be disguised as a human - or as an Ent - or as a Hooloovoo if you desperately want. They don't need to have/use 'humanoid forms' from their own abilities - PPC tech has that covered.

And Rasheeda's humanoid form wouldn't work as a pseudo-disguise anyway. If (say) Legolas sees an albino girl with cat ears and a tail, he is not going to think she fits in. So even her humanoid form would need to be disguised (further).

Side note: SeaTurtle has claimed that disguises alter agents on a molecular level, negating any innate powers they might have. I'm dubious about that - we've definitely had agents retain their abilities while on missions. I'd personally say that any abilities that stem from your mind should be unaffected - we don't give them personality transplants. But things that stem from your body are going to be inaccessible when you're, uh, in a different body.

Moving on... you make a bizarre statement that Rasheeda has her 'cleavage being completely covered for moral reasons'. Er... she's a two-thousand-year-old Egyptian. I don't think they had that taboo. You'd be right that it's fairly ubiquitous in modern Arabic culture - but I'm not at all certain it existed two and a half thousand years ago.

Powers: she's terrifying. Really, she is. But you seem to change tack mid-paragraph: you start out by claiming she 'usually' kills things by crushing their windpipes (yikes!), but then claim she relies 'primarily' on ranged attacks. Er... which is it? Are her psionic projections weak enough that they can't actually kill anyone, necessitating her 'closing for the kill'?

Regardless, SeaTurtle is right on this score - all her physical attributes will be negated by disguises, as will things like 'generating mystical gusts with her wings' - because she won't have wings.

While mental powers are all very well, the standard rule in the PPC is that Sues - wait, why are you even talking about Sues? She's in Implausible Crossovers, right? So her job is to untangle crossed-over universes. Her powers have zero impact on that job. Huh.

Um, anyway. Sues have to be killed with weapons suited to the canon. In Middle-earth, you use bows or swords. In Star Wars, you use blasters or lightsabers. Where would you use incredible psychic powers? Quite a few places, probably - but mostly, not.

the same crude mental constructs as her Sphinx form albeit on a human scale and with a timespan of up to a minute, which she has to make do with on most missions to avoid becoming too overpowered.

I have no idea what you mean by this. There's something about her powers that would injure her in some way if she overused them? Or are you just saying, 'if she uses them too much, she'll be an overpowered character'? Because that's... well, pretty much the worst way of dealing with it. If you think she's overpowered, either tone her down, impose actual rules on her (many ex-Sues are forbidden from using their powers on missions), or create genuine limits. Don't just... say she 'has to make do'.

(Also, the humanoid form thing goes back to disguises again - if she's in disguise, her powers shouldn't increase to compensate - they should stay the same as in her 'natural' body.)

You describe a full Pokemon 'form' for her, but basically, that's a disguise. You can adopt a different disguise every mission - she certainly doesn't need a dedicated form. And if she was in a story where Meowstic wouldn't be found, she'll have to adopt a different one. (Plus, imagine the hilarity when she has to go in as a Growlithe - 'Ugh. I smell of dog.' "You are a-" 'Don't. Remind. Me.')

History: So, she was afraid of becoming a Mary-Sue, so joined the PPC? I can see that. I guess that might be what you meant by 'to avoid becoming too overpowered', and the idea of a character who is ludicrously powerful, but consciously fights it... I can see that. Reminds me a bit of Harry Dresden's experiences with the Mantle of Winter - it wants him to turn into a hulking powerhouse of magical rage and lust, so he spends all his time fighting it back. (And isn't that basically what he went through with Lasciel, too...?) You could equally equate it with Boromir's desire for the Ring - he has this intense internal struggle, which we never see until it breaks through.

Personality: Yep, definitely a relative of Subnormality's Sphinx. I'm not sure why you say 'at first glance', since it seems like 'stoic', at least, is absolutely her baseline personality. It's just that her Sphinxian Overpoweredness keeps trying to break through.

I'm guessing the reason she's in the DIC, rather than the DMS where she would actually get to take on Sues and Stus, is that she used to get too angry in assassination missions? This would continue the character arc I'm seeing in her: fear of becoming overpowered leads into fear of using her powers at all, which leads to a) absenting herself from sitations where she'd feel the urge to, and b) bottling everything up until it explodes.

I do agree that throwing PPC agents around the room like ragdolls is a bad thing to have in there (not to mention that many agents are very dangerous people - what makes you think she'd survive doing that?). If I may make a suggestion: have that be a thing that happened once. More specifically, I imagine her timeline going like this:

-Joins the PPC as an Assassin, hunting down Sues.
-Regularly gets furious, throwing objects around with TK.
-Has a particularly bad breakdown and throws her partner around, badly injuring her and sending her to Medical.
-Spends some time in FicPsych for anger issues. This may be a good time to talk to Jenni Robinson, who also has vast, usually-hidden powers.
-Requests a transfer to a calmer department, the DIC.
-Spends her time trying to avoid all use of her powers.
-This Is Where The Story Begins.

Because there's nothing wrong with being ludicrously powerful - but having to keep that in check is where the story becomes interesting. You can have a powerful secondary character - Gandalf - but a 'powerful' protagonist needs to be limited in some way. They can be in training (Luke Skywalker), or they can be holding back - way back - like I'm suggesting/think you're suggesting for Rasheeda.

Enough words from me; I think I've written more about Rasheeda than you did! I'll take a look at Fawkes later (and will start with his name...)

hS

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