Subject: Re: mission
Author:
Posted on: 2014-07-12 04:43:00 UTC

This was a fun read, as the badfic features some of my biggest peeves about Potter romances. (I won't turn this into a rant, but I'm mainly referring to the whole "magic bond" thing, and also making a huge deal about the money Harry's parents left in Gringotts. He's still a teenager, after all, and his "wife" already owns a house. What does he need all that money for?)

Anyway. I have to admit, I actually like Harry/Tonks, but only after Harry is older, so they're both adults. Fourteen vs. nineteen is a bit too dramatic a gulf for me. (There's a nineteen again. I swear they're everywhere.)

Sorry. I know I'm discussing the fic more than your mission, but I think everyone else has beaten me to the interesting comments. I am embarrassed to admit, I didn't get the joke about Luna seeing the agents until I read Nesh's comment below. Now that I get it, I must recognize it as sheer brilliant genius! I also like the research you put into it; I never would have recognized that Nundu thing as a canon monster, since it wasn't in the main series.

I agree that the easy swaying of Vilma/Mindy is the main weakness here. Other than some odd phraseology, the original author actually had her pretty in character for an average house elf (at least in the lines you shared in the mission). She would need a lot more convincing to abandon her masters, I think (although that logic bomb of Tonks not inheriting much is a good way to start).

I do like that you recruited not only the house elf, but Dogwig as well. Despite being a flagrant blasphemy against existence, it doesn't really do anything too obnoxious. It behaves just like a regular Potterverse owl--at super speed, but that could just be geo/time distortions--and didn't show particular loyalty to the replacements. Good to see some restraint and pity where it belongs! but seriously has the author never heard an owl

One thing I was wondering about is when the agents interrupt a question from Mindy. She never brings up whatever it was again. I was expecting something terrible to happen later, and then see Mindy say, "I was trying to ask about this . . ." but the line never payed off. Was this something that got cut, or am I just paying too much attention to that exchange?

There's also a part where Rina has dialogue split into two separate paragraphs. (Starting with "'Putting my curiosity to know that aside,'") I don't think there's any real reason for those two paragraphs to be split up as they are; nothing happens in between, so why should Rina pause there?

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