Subject: Nice work!
Author:
Posted on: 2014-07-11 16:56:00 UTC

Things I like:

The agents taking the mirrors too soon and having to put them back, and recruiting Mindy too soon. Nice to see them making rookie mistakes and learning their lesson.

Having Luna seem to see them for a minute. I dig the idea that Luna sees things that are actually there. Nice, kinda Discworld-y.

Lots of little things, like "Way-the-Hey-Out-of-Character Land" and the agents being immature and laughing at stuff like "Number 69" and "stud muffin." *g*

Also, I try to avoid commenting on the badfic in mission reviews, but dear god was the dialogue in that fic painful. Just... ew. Not to mention how ~*special*~ everything was. I'm pleased that the ridiculous amounts of OOC and uncanon were addressed, and I fully sympathize with the agents' nausea. (BTW, they might consider carrying some candied ginger around with them. Ginger is good for nausea.)

Things I am not sure about:

How come Mcgonagoll is a he? I think the minis tend to take on the gender of their namemistakes. Related: I always thought mini-Aragogs were approximately human-torso-sized. Big enough to haul fangirls away. I can't back that up, though. Has anyone read HFA recently?

What, nobody reacts to the Dursleys being randomly killed off by terrorists? I mean, sure, no one likes them much, but I still think the fact that no one reacts at all is deserving of comment.

Mindy seems to give up on her perceived masters a little too easily for the average house-elf. It's not something they can just choose to do even if they want to, and I'm not sure merely explaining that she's in a bad story makes it not count. Also, who's she going to take care of in HQ? House-elves want masters, unless they're Dobby.

Typos:

* ad nauseum - Should be "ad nauseam".

* After biding Lupin farewell - Should be "after bidding Lupin farewell".

* "We is ABPDW, precious" - Shouldn't that be "We is ABPWD"? Or is there another messed up acronym?

* "Harry gives his want to Ollivander" - Should be "Harry gives his wand to Ollivander".

* Katie Bell,Chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team - Missing a space: "Katie Bell, Chaser"

* ... and spawning an army of mini-Aragongs" - Should be "an army of mini-Aragogs". (How embarrassing. ^_^; )

* "But he's a Cute Animal Friend!" - Should be "But she's a Cute Animal Friend!"

* There was a period in place of a comma in someone's dialogue somewhere, but I forgot to note it down and I can't find it again. {= (

All in all, a very enjoyable read. Keep up the good work!

~Neshomeh

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