Subject: Thank you for that long and thoughtful critique!
Author:
Posted on: 2014-02-20 22:19:00 UTC

I've started to notice that my chargelists are getting unwieldy. I'll take your suggestion into consideration the next time around! Seriously, it is starting to remind me of my own ranting against walls-o-deduction in BBC Sherlock fanfics, where you can clearly tell Sherlock's deducting something because it's a humongous wall of text.

I do agree that there is room in the Trek society for someone socially conservative like Mrs Jones, but like you said, it's gotta be more justified than a 'I just want you to get married and give me grandchildren though I am too young to be a grandma'. Because that's problematic. I don't know how justified Christianne and Eledhwen are in giving her the Weeping Angel treatment, but I can attest to having my first impression of her be a very IT Crowd-esque 'ARE YOU FROM THE PAST?!' and that might've bled over a little too much.

As far as my Agents are concerned, it's 'fun' and 'games' and sarcastic quips until someone gets violently possessive of their romantic partners. I'll work on syncing the serious aspects and the funny aspects.

Hm, that is true, disguised Spock should be a little more disconcerted (probably touching his ears and looking horrified, at the least). And probably launching into a emotional rant once before catching himself and going all 'I really need to remember that I'm also part-Vulcan'. There was a lot more potential for comedy in there that I missed. Woop.

It was the terms that the PPC agents were using that triggered his memories, and Intel and firemagic both made remarks about this which I tried to address by having him mumble stuff about Sues. For me, Spock is a character that only speaks when it's necessary; joining a conversation in which he doesn't know (or is just starting to remember) the subject is something illogical. Perhaps if the Agents took greater care in remembering that he was there and recognising earlier on that something is Seriously Wrong with him remembering all the Sues...

Anyway, thanks for this thought-provoking critique! I'll keep them in mind as I force my Agents to brave the wastes of the Circle of Lemmings.

Reply Return to messages