Subject: I eventually read the interlude
Author:
Posted on: 2015-04-15 11:53:00 UTC

and I liked how you told Lapis Lazuli’s back story, but the end is confusing. Where exactly did Rainbow-Hair and Fiery-Tail find the blue-haired girl? Were they in a void left by the deleted badfic? Was she running on a generic plain in Nowhereland? Did the same agents who had been assigned to the badfic coincidentally find Lapis in the corridors of PPC HQ?

His eyes went huge and he and edged away.
One "and" too much,

Then Ripper and Alex appeared next to the canons just then...
The repetition sounds weird.

...she asked to the canons...
I think this "to" should not be there.

...an important artifact to him.
Word order is my weak point, but "an artifact important to him" probably works better.

She thought of when she had travelled across miles of country over the course of a few days.
I would believe in her ability to create plot holes if this had either been "hundreds of miles" or "a few minutes"; about one mile per day isn’t really fast. Or is the plot hole supposed to cause her travelling too slow?

HG

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