Aw, really?

Subject: Aw, really?
Author: Iximaz
Posted on: 2015-03-17 03:33:00 UTC

What's its Nature/Ability? If it's Timid and Intimidate, I'll laugh.

I had a Skarmory in my AS blind run who tanked three Stone Edges in a row from Steven's Armaldo. She was named Falchion and my MVP for the run alongside my Swampert. Yay naming Pokémon after agents!

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Rose Potter, Part 3! by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 14:40:00 UTC Reply

What, so soon? Yep!

This is fantastic. by SeaTurtle on 2015-03-17 02:52:00 UTC Reply

Er, the mission, not the badfic. It's also fantastic but in a non-happy way.

I can't think of any critique that's not already been said in this thread so I'll just post a gif of EVA 00 going Berserk.

Also: yay, a reference to Victoria! Since Zeb doesn't seem to recognize her, I'm assuming that the Rudi's RP was noncanon, right? I just want to make sure that events line up if ever I want to mention Zeb & co. again...

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How about quasi-canon? by Iximaz on 2015-03-17 03:16:00 UTC Reply

I mean, in Part 2, Zeb did mention something about meeting the Librarian. Maybe it can be more canonish once my agents make it ~~somwhat~~ in one piece.

Anyway, I'm already nearly a quarter of the way through RPGoF. It's been a lot more fun to spork than PoA, probably because I'm not nearly as emotionally invested in the canon book as I am HPPoA. Once I get to OotP, though? All bets are off. >:D

Sounds good to me. by SeaTurtle on 2015-03-17 03:25:00 UTC Reply

And best of luck to Zeb and Rina-- they'll need it.

In unrelated news, I may or may not have a new Luxray named "Zeb" on my Alpha Sapphire crew. It may or may not be your fault, too.

Aw, really? by Iximaz on 2015-03-17 03:33:00 UTC Reply

What's its Nature/Ability? If it's Timid and Intimidate, I'll laugh.

I had a Skarmory in my AS blind run who tanked three Stone Edges in a row from Steven's Armaldo. She was named Falchion and my MVP for the run alongside my Swampert. Yay naming Pokémon after agents!

Gentle nature. Intimidate. by SeaTurtle on 2015-03-17 04:01:00 UTC Reply

Be the snake under the flower... or something.

Either way, he's pretty useful. I've also found myself a Relaxed Feebas just outside Fortree. Guess who's gonna be the Contest Spectacular's next beauty queen? She'll also be a ridiculously good tank as a Milotic. Astoundingly good, judging by her growth. Put Protect, Recover, Toxic, and Scald on her and she can stall for days...

Ooh, Feebas are awesome! by Iximaz on 2015-03-17 22:59:00 UTC Reply

...though I won't deny I have a bit of a grudge against Cynthia's Feebas in Platinum. Ice Beam took me completely by surprise and oneshot my Grass Knot Togekiss. Stupid Cynthia. >:U

Oh, Champion Cynthia. by SeaTurtle on 2015-03-18 01:39:00 UTC Reply

Don't speak her name! ~~you should totally pick up Fire Emblem by the way~~

Y'know, I still have nightmares about that Garchomp just tearing though my team. It took down four of my 'mons and only went down thanks to a lucky crit from my Empoleon. I remember feeling pretty good about myself... and then she sent out the Spiritomb she had rotated out several turns beforehand. FFFFUUUUU--

But yeah. I'm also experimenting with a Zoroark as a special sweeper. He has bones made of freakin' glass but if he survives the initial hit it's GG for the enemy team.

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Your best options... by Scapegrace on 2015-03-18 11:08:00 UTC Reply

Dragonite with Multiscale works pretty well, since you can put it in as a revenge killer and make sure you get a good hit off. I prefer the physical attacking sort, so if you can get an Impish or Relaxed one and beef up its Attack and Defense, you're pretty much golden.

Also, if you hate Spiritomb, be glad you never played Gen. V Hackmons on Showdown. Wondertomb was a hateful thing and I wanted it dead. D-E-D dead. There were ways around it, of course - Mould Breaker Regigigas was my personal favourite - but still, AAAARGH SUCH ENDLESS HATE.

Oh gods Wondertomb. by Iximaz on 2015-03-18 11:31:00 UTC Reply

That and Wondereye were just evil. *shudders*

As for Cynthia, I was playing a Nuzlocke at the time. I went in to fight the E4 with a Togekiss, a Luxray, and a Vaporeon. I came out with the Luxray and the Vaporeon. Surprise Ice Beam, like I said. Revenge-killing her Garchomp with my Ice Beaming Vaporeon was the best feeling in the world.

I've heard of Wondertomb by Voyd on 2015-03-18 14:55:00 UTC Reply

Thankfully, there are three beautiful countermeasures: Foresight/Odor Sleuth (which removes the Ghost-type immunity to Fighting, let me just smack you right in the pusth, yes I grew up with Looney Tunes), passive damage (IT'S RAINING SAND! HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAINING SAND!), and Mold Breaker (Hello, I'm Orlando the HaxoruOUTRAGE).

Of course, with Gen 6 this threat has been completely nullified thanks to the Fairy-type. I've actually tried running thought experiments to find a type combination with no weaknesses, now that Fairy's in the mix. I've had no luck.

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There aren't any. by Scapegrace on 2015-03-18 15:02:00 UTC Reply

Closest you can get is WG!Electric-type with an Air Balloon, and even then there are similar ways around it. Other pure-Electric types are an option, but I see Jolteon the most because of its speed. =]

If you're allowing hacks... by Huinesoron on 2015-03-18 17:16:00 UTC Reply

... would it be possible to alter a Pokemon to have a max health of 1 (a la Shedinja itself) and then give it a Focus Sash? Unless the code specifically distinguishes 'unhurt' from 'actual max health', a 1 HP Focus Sash seems like it would prevent any damage from actual moves (with a couple of exceptions).

Obviously you're still vulnerable to the usual array, just like Wondertomb, but...

(Also: is there seriously only one item that removes a weakness? That seems... pretty strange, though I can't find another...)

hS

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Er... no, not really. by Scapegrace on 2015-03-18 19:33:00 UTC Reply

Focus Sashes are a one-time only deal. Which is a problem.

Ah, that's what I missed. ^_^ Ta. by Huinesoron on 2015-03-18 20:26:00 UTC Reply

I did think it was a bit abusable...

hS

There are, kinda. by Storme Hawk on 2015-03-18 15:56:00 UTC Reply

So long as your opponent doesn't have mold breaker Eelektross (and it's pre-evolutions) do not have a weakness as levitate means they ignore all ground type moves.

Read the rest of the conversation. by Scapegrace on 2015-03-18 19:30:00 UTC Reply

Mono-Electric + Levitate is the only combo that works, but we're talking about it for the purposes of Wonder Guard. Since even in those a Pokemon is only able to have one ability, it's kind of pointless bringing it up. Also, see prior remarks about Air Balloon. =]

Yup. =] by Scapegrace on 2015-03-18 11:57:00 UTC Reply

Togekiss got so much better in Gen VI tho - and would absolutely destroy Garchomp. Dat Fairy typing. =]

John Constantine once told Alan Moore... by Mister Shoebox on 2015-03-16 21:52:00 UTC Reply

"The thing about Magic - any so-and-so can do it." He didn't actually SAY So-and-so, his word usage was much spicier and more obscene, but upon reading this fanfiction unsporked, I think he may have had a point. Because this holier-than-thou-look-how-awesome-I-am-cause-I-don't-wear-clothes-and-know-stuff-Only-cause-my-author-read-the-books is one of the biggest so-and-sos in the history of the written word.

You have my pity, Iximaz. Try to stay sane and eat as many cookies, ice cream, and ginger beer as possible. And then hug a puppeh or other pet of your choice.

*Gives hugs and beer*.

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*looks jealously at the beer* by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 23:50:00 UTC Reply

*gives it to her dad*

I'll go snuggle with my guinea pigs. They could use some snugglies.

Where is this sported version? (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-03-16 11:22:00 UTC Reply

I meant sporked. (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-03-16 11:23:00 UTC Reply

Nevermind, I found it. by Silenthunder on 2015-03-16 14:27:00 UTC Reply

Oh, dear Lord... I need to go and recover for a bit. THANK YOU for killing this one! I'm feeling like Rina was right now.

Heh. by Iximaz on 2015-03-17 00:08:00 UTC Reply

Words cannot say right now how happy I am that I'm not one of my agents.

Hello? Dr. Freedenberg? I need to make an appointment... (nm) by Dragon master 7 on 2015-03-16 03:03:00 UTC Reply
My head... by son_of_heaven176 on 2015-03-16 01:26:00 UTC Reply

Wow. I'm getting a slight headache, and this is only the sporked version! I'd shudder to imagine how I'd react to the badfic in all its "glory".

How much does this leave behind? Three more to go? Good luck. How Rina is holding on without Bleep, I do not know. Perhaps Zeb will have to Thunder Wave her and carry her into FicPsych by the end of this "septology."

Speaking of the mission, a few errors are still floating around:
1) Rina and Zeb appeared in Ardgarten Forest...
I do not recall any forest by that name in the Harry Potter books, and a Google search reveals a forest in Scotland by the name of Ardgartan. Perhaps this is a misspelling on your part?

2) Cerelian asked Rose to “[K]eep a strong lid on your instincts, it would not do for you to maul Mr Black.”
Given the way you introduce the quote, the structure is a bit off. Consider this instead: Cerelian asked Rose to “keep a strong lid on [her] instincts," as "it would not do for [her] to maul Mr Black.”

3) “Woah, when did you get so snarky?”
This is a very common misspelling. The word is spelled "whoa."

4) “Sorry, do humans not eat this part” he asked.
Missing question mark.

5) Maybe a visit to PicPsych wouldn’t be a bad idea after this was all over.
I believe that you mean "FicPsych." Though I would wonder what a "PicPsych" would be like. Perhaps a place where the doctors only use Rorschach tests? Or maybe it's a ward for those living pictures from the Harry Potter universe...

6) “Oh, Gred and Forge, the looks on your faces,” I said, and took a bow. “My name is Prongs Jnr a pleasure to meet you.”
Unless Gred and Forge were caught in earlier parts of the "septology," I believe that you missed two obvious mini-Aragogs. And unless "Jnr" is an acceptable abbreviation somewhere, wouldn't this make a mini-Sue?

7) chapter seventeen, “The Golden Patronus”. The title alone was enough for both agents to give massive charges.
I don't get it. Could you please explain how the title is so charge-worhty?

And that's it for the grammar and comprehension errors. However, there's one thing more that I would like to bring up. Given what I'm about to say, I'll first ask that everyone not give a knee-jerk reaction to my holding a contrary opinion, though correction is welcome if I speak amiss. That said:

“Rina, please, stop trying to play matchmaker! Besides, I…” He swallowed. “I’m not attracted to females.”
I know that you mentioned on the Board earlier that Zeb was going to be gay. However, I think that its introduction here was somewhat out of the blue.

Please allow me to explain.

The way that you've been portraying Zeb thus far, it seemed like he was more of an innocent character, somewhat akin to Neshomeh's Agent Ilraen. That said, it would seem implausible that Zeb would be that knowledgeable about sexuality, much less be able to identify himself as homosexual.

This is not to say that it's impossible to have a character be revealed as gay over the course of one mission. For example, with Herr Wozzeck's DIC team (Florestan and Eusebius), there was nothing in previous missions to imply that either character was gay. Then, in the midst of the mission "Blow All Your Canons Away", there came hint after hint showing the beginnings of something between Eusabius and the DoSAT Agent Zerenze.

In short, what I'm saying is that IMHO, Zeb being gay looks like something just tacked on, given what we know about his character. I personally would suggest maturing him a bit more before going that route (if not just leaving him innocent--I love how you managed to play off his awkwardness at times!)

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Response by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 03:48:00 UTC Reply

All I'll say is that I'm planning on ending Rose with a bang. :)

Rina's likely already insane, she's just good at faking normality. Because I doubt any sane person could survive in the PPC without Bleep.

1) It's some random forest Rose made up for the druids to run around in. Imma burn it down in the end. :D

2) I suppose I could rephrase that. I just like modifying the original quote as little as possible. I guess an exception could be made here.

3) I've only ever seen it spelled woah. Phone's dictionary's saying it's a word. Weird.

4) Drat. Nice catch, thanks.

5) PicPsych uses those ink splotches. The name's escaping me right now, unfortunately. :P

6) Gred and Forge are their canon joke nicknames for each other. "We're not stupid, we know we're called Gred and Forge." It's obnoxious when other characters do it, but technically not chargeable. As for Jnr... *is sheepish* Totally forgot to charge for that. Oops. *rubs forehead* Is my brain leaking from my ears?

7) Patronuses are never golden. Ever.

As for what you have left to say... *wince* Okay, yeah, I see your point. It did kind of come out of nowhere, didn't it? Oof, I messed that up. Okay, I've already got an alternate version in mind that I'll edit in tomorrow (but unfortunately it'll have to wait). His naivete is just so much fun to write, but unfortunately won't last... I guess I was getting ahead of myself. Rose Potter is forcing them both to grow up fast, but you're right, it's too early for him to know.

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Gred and Forge by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-03-16 15:35:00 UTC Reply

I don’t believe that these are really George and Fred’s nicknames for each other. They use them only once, implying that knitting their initials into their Christmas presents is a bad idea because now they can swap clothes to cause even more confusion than is caused by their indistinguishable looks anyway.

Fandom doing this again and again, emphasizing that the twins are oh-so-indistinguishable when their personalities are actually quite different, annoys me to no end. "Gred and Forge" don’t spawn mini-Aragogs, because they appear in canon. But I would still try to charge for "repeating a joke where it doesn’t fit until it’s no longer funny".

HG

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I did say 'joke' nicknames. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 15:40:00 UTC Reply

Oh, right. I apologize. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-03-17 09:18:00 UTC Reply

I didn’t want to imply that you annoy me.

HG

The Rorschach test by son_of_heaven176 on 2015-03-16 04:14:00 UTC Reply

is the name for "those ink splotches".

And I'm pretty relieved that you took my concerns in stride. I was wondering how you'd react, given the nature of the subject.

Heh, no problem. by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 04:24:00 UTC Reply

Couldn't wait, so I went ahead and fixed the thing. Is this better?

Sorry for the wait. by son_of_heaven176 on 2015-03-19 01:20:00 UTC Reply

I didn't reread the entire thing; I was more focused on the specific errors. It seems that you missed the errors numbered 2) and 3).

As for Zeb, the new line fits a lot better, as even naïve Zeb can tell whether he is into anything other than Pokémon.

Mad. Brave. Drill. Known. by Scapegrace on 2015-03-16 00:56:00 UTC Reply

God, the things you put yourself through.

Couple of things that stuck in my brain:-

When Rose shoves an elbow into Malfoy's guts, that in itself is another foul. Cobbing, or the excessive use of elbows, was originally legal, and when the ban was introduced there were mass protests. Also, I don't care if it was intentional, Quidditch with a Snitch is the single most pointless bloody game in human history. USE. A. CLOCK.

Talking about James Potter's journals has another, related charge as well. Rose is ostensibly British - and over here, we tend to use diaries. Britpicking badfic's like trying to clean your teeth with raw sewage, though, so I understand why people avoid doing it. =]

Maybe it's my love of subjecting my agents to horrifying Cronenburgian visuals, but I am choosing to imagine Rose's stomach bursting out of her chest like a, er... like a chestburster, I suppose, and promptly make a bid for freedom with a circular saw. I'd then have Wobbles insist on keeping it as a pet because she's just sort of, y'know, like that. I love the stuff you put in in that segment, though, especially with Rina's ever-growing Tally Of Voldemortification.

Quintaped

Maybe it's my Bogleech fangirlness showing, but I've always loved the really 'orrible stuff in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

I love what you're doing with this series, and I hope you keep going. Have a T-shirt along the lines of the one PTerry wore to conventions:

Tolkien's spinning
J.K. Rowling screamed wordlessly
Philip Pullman couldn't stop vomiting
Hi, I'm Rina Dives

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I debated mentioning cobbing. by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 01:21:00 UTC Reply

Decided not to. I'm enough of a show off as it is. :P But I probably should mention Rose fouled even more. Just to show how much of a beeyatch she is.

Yeah, they could have come up with a better way to end the game. It does bother me when people say 'oh, the Snitch is a game winner, everyone except the Seeker's useless, blah blah blah'. Quidditch finalists are determined by a long-running point total, actually, so you don't need to win every game.

Quintaped. :3

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I disagree. It goes way, way deeper than that. by Scapegrace on 2015-03-16 01:38:00 UTC Reply

Consider the Plumpton Pass. This (for non-Potterheads in attendance, or those Potterheads who go outside once in a blue moon) is a manoeuvre in which the Snitch, being about as bright as a 10-watt bulb covered in soot, actually flies up the sleeve of the Seeker, at which point automatic win for the Seeker's team barring circumstances so monumentally unlikely that the Weasley twins made a shedload of money off it happening during the World Cup final in GoF. In terms of game design it is, and I must censor myself here, a gobbet of half-chewed rat's anus.

Your remarks about finalists would be relevant in a league setup. However, we know that this is not necessarily the case for everything - as shown in GoF, with the Quidditch World Cup heavily implied to be a knockout tournament in the manner of the actual World Cup, complete with England scraping through to the knockout stages and crashing out ignominously to a country so obscure the UN has to check whether or not it actually exists. And yes, Quidditch is definitely wizard football. This is illustrated in Quidditch Through The Ages, which compares it to wizard American football (Quodpot, as she is known), which is like Quidditch but the balls explode. No, really.

I get that people want to like Quidditch, but as a sport it makes precisely zero sense to have it set up in the way that it is. You have the actual sport going on, which is alright and makes sense, and then you have the Seekers mucking about doing their own thing somewhere else, like they got lost. It doesn't work on any level, though it might - might - be improved if it didn't score any points.

Or better yet, USE. A. CLOCK.

Sorry, I tend to get up on my high horse about this. It's deliberate on Rowling's part, and that's fine, as a dig at the Byzantine rules of various school sports it's perfect. It's just that people think it's not a badly-designed mess of a game, and frankly, they're talking through their hats. =]

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You poor precious darling. by Cassie on 2015-03-15 21:22:00 UTC Reply

I actually intended to take on Rose Potter myself at one point, but then I re-read them and my motivation failed in the face of such horror.

Your guys are doing amazingly well. On behalf of my wizard Agent, I send you stashes of anything you might need.

Wow, really? by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 21:58:00 UTC Reply

Well, thanks for leaving if for me! {:-) *deranged laugh*

Frankly, I'm surprised they haven't both snapped already. Knowing they've got support would make them feel better. Shame they don't have outside communication. >:)

It can't get worse, right? by Seafarer on 2015-03-15 21:17:00 UTC Reply

I don't think she needs somatic components to cast her spells, so incarcerous wouldn't hold her. She'd just *shudder* Teleport.
And she's so much better than Harry, of course. Because she can use her speshul Druid powers to do exactly what he did without being stupid-OP.
At least the author never got to Hallows. Can you imagine how awful that book would be if you took out the themes of love and sacrifice and replaced them with the speshul Sue doing everything that idiot Harry couldn't think of? Plus she'd probably use the Killing Curse on Voldemort and take his place...
(Yes, yes it can get worse. Oh, so much worse...)

Considering what Rose does in GoF... by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 21:53:00 UTC Reply

Basically, she refuses to Teleport away because she wants to prove she's better than Voldemort. Heck, she lets Pettigrew tie her up and cut her arm for no reason. I was banking on that stupidity.

I'm curious to know what Halcyon would have done about the Snape/Lily thing. Probably flipped out and denied it ever happened. I'm just happy he didn't get past chapter seven of HBP.

Oh yeah by Seafarer on 2015-03-15 23:22:00 UTC Reply

Right, of course. The Sues expect the world to warp for them, so they can be taken by surprise when it doesn't. That makes sense. :-)
Oh, gods, Voldemort was so OOC in that chapter. Is he replaced, or just warped, do you think? Because taking out a replacement of a character with Horcruxes might be a challenge...
And I think that he might have made Snape fixate on Rose even more as a kind of replacement for his lost love. Then again, probably not. That actually sounds like it might create conflict, and Halcyon clearly doesn't want any of that.

-Claps- by Desdendelle on 2015-03-15 21:07:00 UTC Reply

Iunno how you have the stomach for this. Just reading the mission made me slightly queasy - though it might just be me being drunk.
There are some mechanical errors but a) I'm drunk and b) Hieronymus Graubart will probably catch them once he reads this.

Heh, I wish I was old enough to drink. by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 21:48:00 UTC Reply

*Gulp* Mechanical errors! My only weakness!

Your only weakness? by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-03-15 23:16:00 UTC Reply

Becoming a bit bigheaded you are. Picking your bubble I must to make you improve.

The technical errors were already spotted by Voyd and Eatpraylove, and when I refreshed the document, they were gone. So there’s nothing to do for me.

But I have to say that this story occasionally felt a bit disconnected. That’s probably because these fics become longer and you try to keep the missions at a reasonable length. I understand this and can still enjoy the mission, but please try to pay more attention to what you leave out and how this affects the flow of your story. What really stuck out to me was this one incident:

"Coming from Rose, it takes on a different tone," Rina finished. "Let’s see how the bit with Snape and the Marauder’s Map plays out, shall we?"

Zeb portaled them to the Potions classroom, where Rose was still trying to brew the Wolfsbane potion.

So what happened with Snape and the Marauder's Map? Zeb skipped it after Rina had said that she wanted to see it, and Rina just accepted this behavior?

HG, showing the ropes again

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Rose skipped it. by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 00:09:00 UTC Reply

She totally skipped the scene with the Map. But I did forget to mention that, so thank you for pointing it out. I'll add something in there.

And yeah... I don't want the missions to wind up being eighty-something pages long, but it looks like GoF and OotP will wind up being that long. And the longer they get, the more I'll be tempted to skip. Stupid Legendary Badfics.

Elaborating on continuity/transitions. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-03-16 15:14:00 UTC Reply

At long last, Rina gave up and lay on the grass, sobbing incoherently.

I wondered why there is grass at Diagon Alley. It took me some time to realize that Rina and Zeb are still at the edge of the forest, reading the words.

They skipped ahead to the last day of summer and took a much-needed break at Florean Fortiscue’s Ice Cream Parlor.

I assume they are still disguised in the same way they were at the end of Rose Potter and the Chamber of Secrets? And is this mini-Aragog spawned by your mission or by the badfic? I’m quite sure that it should be "Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlor"

Zeb sighed and opened a portal, waiting while Rina set the D.O.R.K.S. Once they were disguised as a pair of Gryffindors, they headed onto the Hogwarts Express, skipping past pages upon pages of plagiarized canon.

Why do they need to change into Gryffindor students now? Last thing I remember is that they were Slytherin students at Valentine’s Day (well, actually I had to look this up). But then they portalled into the Gryffindor common room, so they probably had changed into Gryffindors off-page, and then changed again into something else off-page, and now they want to be Gryffindors again for no specific reason other than planning to sit at the Gryffindor table after cleaning off the Chamber slime in the Prefect’s Bathroom. (If they couldn’t be Gryffindors at Fortescue’s, because the Sue might have realized that she should – but doesn’t – know these fellow Gryffindor students, they should prefer to sit at another table.)

They followed the class to the staff room, Rina using the D.O.R.K.S. to change them into thirteen year-old Generic Students so they could slip in with the rest of the children.

Weren’t they already not so generic Gryffindor students fitting in there? Maybe they weren’t thirteen years old, but why was this no problem at the hippogriff paddock? The last two applications of the D.O.R.K.S. could just have been omitted and I would have assumed that Rina and Zeb were Generic Third Years fitting in all along.

“Fine, fine, lemme change our disguises first,” Rina said, digging out the D.O.R.K.S. “It’s gonna be cold outside.”

As soon as they were dressed in thick cloaks and scarves, the agents arrived in the sweetshop and Rina immediately ran off to check out the fudge counter.

Wow, they walked really fast. No wait, they probably portalled, but still need warm cloaks because they intend to leave the sweetshop and walk to the Three Broomsticks. I think this could have been made a bit clearer.

The Rose and Ginny headed back to the castle while Sirius and his harem went to the Glen.
Does Rose really deserve an article, or did you mean "Then"?

It wasn’t said until they landed that the ‘strange things’ were dementors, but Rose immediately flipped out and kicked Buckbeak to make him go faster.

Rose, Lupin, and Sirius stood back-to-back in the Glen surrounded by dementors, Lupin and Sirius trying and failing to produce corporeal Patronuses.

Rose tried to make Buckbeak go faster, and then suddenly stood in the Glen? I would try to turn the first sentence around, somewhat like:
Rose immediately flipped out and kicked Buckbeak to make him go faster, although only when they eventually had landed it was said (or "she realized"?) that the ‘strange things’ were dementors.

Uhh, apparently I switched halfway into beta reader mode when I read this for the second time. (In full beta reader mode, I would also read and compare the badfic.)

What was the point of coming out here, other than to let Rose show off?
No criticism here, I’m just curious. What were the dementors doing there? Looking for escapee Peter Pettigrew, because for some ridiculous reason he would obviously want to return to Hogwarts? Or had the Ministry forgotten to tell them that Sirius had been pardoned?

HG

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*wince* by Iximaz on 2015-03-16 15:38:00 UTC Reply

Okay, I'll keep all that in mind for next time and try to fix it up.

As for the dementors at the end? I didn't see any reason for them to be there. It's possible I missed something, but I think the author just forgot to say why the dementors were there and just threw them in for Rose to show off.

Skipping is okay. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-03-16 09:49:00 UTC Reply

But you need to work on your transitions.

HG

Hmr... maybe? by Desdendelle on 2015-03-15 22:33:00 UTC Reply

-Looks at what you're sporking-
Eh, screw it. I need another drink.

Have one for me, then! :P (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 22:57:00 UTC Reply

Bottoms up! by Desdendelle on 2015-03-15 23:23:00 UTC Reply

I would recommend trying Kasteel Rouge once you're of drinking age. It's a pretty nice cherry beer.

Beer recs? Beer recs! by Scapegrace on 2015-03-16 01:05:00 UTC Reply

Left Hand Milk Stout
Carbon Smith Cardamomnomnom Stout
Canterbury Brewers Itzamna
Brewdog Hardcore Maelk
Kernel... anything
Harviestoun Schiehallion
Weird Beard Miss The Lights
Mikkeller Beer Geek Brunchweasel
Evil Twin Christmas Eve In A New York City Hotel Room
Moor Old Freddie Walker

---

A very, very short list, I know, but it ought to see a new drinker through until, oh, I dunno... lunchtime? =]

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The Hek are those beers? by Desdendelle on 2015-03-16 20:49:00 UTC Reply

Those don't sound like beers to me.

Putting on my KURACS hat for a minute... by Scapegrace on 2015-03-16 23:53:00 UTC Reply

Left Hand are a very well-regarded Colorado mob, and their milk stout is delicious. A milk stout, for the curious, is one in which milk sugars are used in the brewing process, and was often given to pregnant women to drink during the Regency era to promote healthy growth and shore 'em up for the rigours of childbirth.

Carbon Smith is a nanobrewery (or possibly picobrewery, I'm not sure) from Edinburgh founded by my mate Ollie from uni, and before you think it's just nepotism, the Cardamomnomnom Stout is currently on tap at BrewDog Edinburgh. BrewDog are pretty picky about their guests, so he's got their seal of approval and rightly so. Dark beers are a great love of mine, and his one is flavoured with cardamom for a beautifully-crafted finish. One of the more sessionable ones on the list.

Canterbury Brewers are, somewhat unsurprisingly, brewers from Canterbury. They do something called Itzamna, which was originally an occasional beer but you can now get it all year round, and there's really no reason why you wouldn't. A lovely, glossy, rich stout, with biiiig chocolate and vanilla flavours, Itzamna's just a lovely thing to drink - though get a half, because it's a slow one and also 9%.

BrewDog Hardcore Maelk is a collaboration with noted Norwegian headcases To Ol (I don't know how to make the O have a line through it, sorry) that is *shuffles through notes* a black milk IPA. It should not work. It really, really shouldn't work. Like, not even a little bit. But it so does.

Kernel are nice chaps from under a viaduct somewhere in London. I can't tell you where despite having been round the place, or possibly because I've been round the place. Don't remember much of that particular excursion, if I'm honest. Anyway, they're one of the most consistently inventive and consistently excellent brewers in the UK, and they've never made a bad beer - which is laudable considering they've made about three hundred different ones.

Harviestoun are another bunch of odd Scots, but their Schiehallion is a perfect summer lager - a proper lager, not the semi-frozen can of dog urine popularly called lager by Americans and people who ought to know better. It's something you can drink all day and feel pleasant. Not that we condone that sort of behaviour at KURACS, goodness no. <.>.>

Weird Beard are weird. Presumably they also have beards. They are a craft brewery based out of somewhere in West London, so it's more than likely. Miss The Lights was an experiment of theirs, and I prefer it to the standard Hit The Lights - partly because the flavour profile meshes together a bit better in my opinion, but mostly because I am a non-conformist and probably also a filthy Commie.

Ah, Mikkeller, without whom no list of interesting and/or mental beers is complete. A Danish man who wanders around like some kind of mad brilliant ale hobo, Mikkeller tries very, very hard to make the kind of beers people are excited about. Their Beer Geek Brunch was an enormously potent coffee stout, and the Brunchweasel version uses that coffee what's been through an Indian weasel thingy. It is mad and brilliant and I love it.

Evil Twin was founded by the brother of the guy from Mikkeller, and takes a similar - if admittedly more restrained - approach to crafting both beer and hype. Christmas Eve... is one of those beautifully made beers that you only get to see rarely, but it's like drinking a Leonard Cohen song; smoky, soulful, and deeply affecting. Like the lower end of Laughing Len's quality spectrum, it also means you feel sleepy and have difficulty rising from your chair afterwards.

Last, but by no means least, the Moor Beer Company (they of the brilliant slogan "Drink Moor Beer") are a happy-go-lucky bunch from the Somerset Levels who sporadically have to shut down and rebuild their factory for various reasons, primarily because people want their beer too much. Old Freddie Walker is a wonderful winter ale, sweet as fruitcake and with a kind of prototypical Englishness about the whole thing. You drink it and you feel like you're sat in front of a log fire, the landlord knows you by name and you them, and there's a dog and some interesting books to read that you'll get round to one day but John from down the lane's dropped by and he's one for a chat, and before you know it it's a lock-in and the pints are getting cheaper and all your friends are here.

You'll forgive a little rambling, I trust. Real ale is something very close to my heart - indeed, the stuff takes up much of the space that, in normal people without cable-knit jumpers, is reserved for the liver - and I'm not hugely fond of the implication that I'd made up some of my personal favourites. I trust this is a suitably in-depth discussion of the drinks in question to satisfy you that they do, in fact, exist. =]

--Scapegrace,
Media and Merchandise Officer,
Kent University Real Ale and Cider Society.

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Nice Selection of Beer by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-03-17 04:43:00 UTC Reply

However, I don't always drink beer, but when I do it is not Dos Equis, because I am not the most interesting man in the world.

I am a bit more boring than that I believe. Guinness is never a bad choice. Abita AndyGator is also not bad. Though I personally prefer Whiskey as my drink of choice.

You continue to impress me. by eatpraylove on 2015-03-15 20:50:00 UTC Reply

~~And remind me that the DMO really, really needs more people.~~ It's cute how Zeb chose a partner Shinx in PMD Sky. You think he named it after himself or would that just be too weird?

Ooooh, do I see a future plot point in the conversation about Rina and mental hospitals? That'd be pretty cool. (But please, please do your research if you go ahead with that plotline. Please.)

Seriously, I'm impressed you didn't snap earlier. *gives king-sized Bleepolate Crunch bars*

Couple minor blips...
"Shame on her for not capitalizing Animagus," Rina muttered.
What happened to animagus the mini-Aragog? Is animagus a mini-Aragog?

"I know, but to be fair, Professor Bathsheda Babbling wasn't mentioned in the books as the Ancient Runes professor," Rina said, shrugging.
Isn't that name usually spelled Bathsheba? I could be wrong in this case, of course, disregard me if I am.

"Aha! She's you L.O.!"
Your.

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Well... by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 21:46:00 UTC Reply

The mental hospital thing... um, long story short, I have firsthand experience with that, unfortunately. It wasn't fun. The day before I was going to be discharged, I got sick, fainted, and threw up. They sent me to my room for making a scene and didn't notify my parents.

I think he named it after himself. :)

There was a discussion a while ago about capitalization minis and I kind of just stopped doing it. *shrug*

Thanks for pointing those out; I'll fix those first chance. :) (And it's actually Bathsheda. No idea why.)

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Adorable interactions yay! by Voyd on 2015-03-15 17:26:00 UTC Reply

You've already stated that Zeb is gay, but I actually had no idea that Rina was bi. Surprise, surprise!

Also, I noted a bit of an error: when the wolfsbane potion comes up, Rina switches to present tense for one word.

Yep. by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 17:35:00 UTC Reply

It never really came up before, so I never mentioned it.

Anyway, I'll check that out when I get home. Thanks for pointing it out!

Good, good... by Edhelistar on 2015-03-15 16:34:00 UTC Reply

Join the Dark Side, we have cookies!

Joking aside, fantastic work! Again! I'm worried about Miss Dives' sanity though...

The Dark Side thing... by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 17:33:00 UTC Reply

Is that addressed at Rose, or Rina? :P

Yeah, Sanity Slippage is not pretty...

Rose joining the Dark Side? by Edhelistar on 2015-03-15 19:41:00 UTC Reply

Pffft... Ha! She's already there! Why would I ask that Dark Side Acolyte to join? Lord Sidious is proud of her!

*kicks Evil!Edhelistar down a well*

Well now, I really think that Rina needs help from Master Yoda... She's going really fast down the Path of the Dark Side.

I'm Surprised More Agents Don't by sjosten on 2015-03-16 00:49:00 UTC Reply

The Sith are all about passion, and there are quite a few Agents that care enough for canon to make Padme and Anakin look like a minor fling by comparison.

Great work! by Darkotas on 2015-03-15 16:16:00 UTC Reply

Lots of interesting things in this one - compared to the last two, Rose Potter's version of PoA is a bit more "off-the-rails" in terms of blatant plagiarism. Fantastic work, and can't wait to see the next. Halfway done with the series!

It seems Zeb is really growing as an agent, too. Nice to see him take more responsibility.

Halfway done, sure... by Iximaz on 2015-03-15 16:25:00 UTC Reply

But RPGoF is 415 pages long and RPOotP is 477. This is going to be fun...