Subject: Your only weakness?
Author:
Posted on: 2015-03-15 23:16:00 UTC

Becoming a bit bigheaded you are. Picking your bubble I must to make you improve.

The technical errors were already spotted by Voyd and Eatpraylove, and when I refreshed the document, they were gone. So there’s nothing to do for me.

But I have to say that this story occasionally felt a bit disconnected. That’s probably because these fics become longer and you try to keep the missions at a reasonable length. I understand this and can still enjoy the mission, but please try to pay more attention to what you leave out and how this affects the flow of your story. What really stuck out to me was this one incident:

"Coming from Rose, it takes on a different tone," Rina finished. "Let’s see how the bit with Snape and the Marauder’s Map plays out, shall we?"

Zeb portaled them to the Potions classroom, where Rose was still trying to brew the Wolfsbane potion.


So what happened with Snape and the Marauder's Map? Zeb skipped it after Rina had said that she wanted to see it, and Rina just accepted this behavior?

HG, showing the ropes again

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