Er, the mission, not the badfic. It's also fantastic but in a non-happy way.

I can't think of any critique that's not already been said in this thread so I'll just post a gif of EVA 00 going Berserk.




Also: yay, a reference to Victoria! Since Zeb doesn't seem to recognize her, I'm assuming that the Rudi's RP was noncanon, right? I just want to make sure that events line up if ever I want to mention Zeb & co. again...

"The thing about Magic - any so-and-so can do it." He didn't actually SAY So-and-so, his word usage was much spicier and more obscene, but upon reading this fanfiction unsporked, I think he may have had a point. Because this holier-than-thou-look-how-awesome-I-am-cause-I-don't-wear-clothes-and-know-stuff-Only-cause-my-author-read-the-books is one of the biggest so-and-sos in the history of the written word.

You have my pity, Iximaz. Try to stay sane and eat as many cookies, ice cream, and ginger beer as possible. And then hug a puppeh or other pet of your choice.

*Gives hugs and beer*.

Wow. I'm getting a slight headache, and this is only the sporked version! I'd shudder to imagine how I'd react to the badfic in all its "glory".

How much does this leave behind? Three more to go? Good luck. How Rina is holding on without Bleep, I do not know. Perhaps Zeb will have to Thunder Wave her and carry her into FicPsych by the end of this "septology."

Speaking of the mission, a few errors are still floating around:
1) Rina and Zeb appeared in Ardgarten Forest...
I do not recall any forest by that name in the Harry Potter books, and a Google search reveals a forest in Scotland by the name of Ardgartan. Perhaps this is a misspelling on your part?

2) Cerelian asked Rose to “[K]eep a strong lid on your instincts, it would not do for you to maul Mr Black.”
Given the way you introduce the quote, the structure is a bit off. Consider this instead: Cerelian asked Rose to “keep a strong lid on [her] instincts," as "it would not do for [her] to maul Mr Black.”

3) “Woah, when did you get so snarky?”
This is a very common misspelling. The word is spelled "whoa."

4) “Sorry, do humans not eat this part” he asked.
Missing question mark.

5) Maybe a visit to PicPsych wouldn’t be a bad idea after this was all over.
I believe that you mean "FicPsych." Though I would wonder what a "PicPsych" would be like. Perhaps a place where the doctors only use Rorschach tests? Or maybe it's a ward for those living pictures from the Harry Potter universe...

6) “Oh, Gred and Forge, the looks on your faces,” I said, and took a bow. “My name is Prongs Jnr a pleasure to meet you.”
Unless Gred and Forge were caught in earlier parts of the "septology," I believe that you missed two obvious mini-Aragogs. And unless "Jnr" is an acceptable abbreviation somewhere, wouldn't this make a mini-Sue?

7) chapter seventeen, “The Golden Patronus”. The title alone was enough for both agents to give massive charges.
I don't get it. Could you please explain how the title is so charge-worhty?


And that's it for the grammar and comprehension errors. However, there's one thing more that I would like to bring up. Given what I'm about to say, I'll first ask that everyone not give a knee-jerk reaction to my holding a contrary opinion, though correction is welcome if I speak amiss. That said:

“Rina, please, stop trying to play matchmaker! Besides, I…” He swallowed. “I’m not attracted to females.”
I know that you mentioned on the Board earlier that Zeb was going to be gay. However, I think that its introduction here was somewhat out of the blue.

Please allow me to explain.

The way that you've been portraying Zeb thus far, it seemed like he was more of an innocent character, somewhat akin to Neshomeh's Agent Ilraen. That said, it would seem implausible that Zeb would be that knowledgeable about sexuality, much less be able to identify himself as homosexual.

This is not to say that it's impossible to have a character be revealed as gay over the course of one mission. For example, with Herr Wozzeck's DIC team (Florestan and Eusebius), there was nothing in previous missions to imply that either character was gay. Then, in the midst of the mission "Blow All Your Canons Away", there came hint after hint showing the beginnings of something between Eusabius and the DoSAT Agent Zerenze.

In short, what I'm saying is that IMHO, Zeb being gay looks like something just tacked on, given what we know about his character. I personally would suggest maturing him a bit more before going that route (if not just leaving him innocent--I love how you managed to play off his awkwardness at times!)

God, the things you put yourself through.

Couple of things that stuck in my brain:-

When Rose shoves an elbow into Malfoy's guts, that in itself is another foul. Cobbing, or the excessive use of elbows, was originally legal, and when the ban was introduced there were mass protests. Also, I don't care if it was intentional, Quidditch with a Snitch is the single most pointless bloody game in human history. USE. A. CLOCK.

Talking about James Potter's journals has another, related charge as well. Rose is ostensibly British - and over here, we tend to use diaries. Britpicking badfic's like trying to clean your teeth with raw sewage, though, so I understand why people avoid doing it. =]

Maybe it's my love of subjecting my agents to horrifying Cronenburgian visuals, but I am choosing to imagine Rose's stomach bursting out of her chest like a, er... like a chestburster, I suppose, and promptly make a bid for freedom with a circular saw. I'd then have Wobbles insist on keeping it as a pet because she's just sort of, y'know, like that. I love the stuff you put in in that segment, though, especially with Rina's ever-growing Tally Of Voldemortification.

Quintaped

Maybe it's my Bogleech fangirlness showing, but I've always loved the really 'orrible stuff in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

I love what you're doing with this series, and I hope you keep going. Have a T-shirt along the lines of the one PTerry wore to conventions:

Tolkien's spinning
J.K. Rowling screamed wordlessly
Philip Pullman couldn't stop vomiting
Hi, I'm Rina Dives

I actually intended to take on Rose Potter myself at one point, but then I re-read them and my motivation failed in the face of such horror.

Your guys are doing amazingly well. On behalf of my wizard Agent, I send you stashes of anything you might need.

I don't think she needs somatic components to cast her spells, so incarcerous wouldn't hold her. She'd just *shudder* Teleport.
And she's so much better than Harry, of course. Because she can use her speshul Druid powers to do exactly what he did without being stupid-OP.
At least the author never got to Hallows. Can you imagine how awful that book would be if you took out the themes of love and sacrifice and replaced them with the speshul Sue doing everything that idiot Harry couldn't think of? Plus she'd probably use the Killing Curse on Voldemort and take his place...
(Yes, yes it can get worse. Oh, so much worse...)

Iunno how you have the stomach for this. Just reading the mission made me slightly queasy - though it might just be me being drunk.
There are some mechanical errors but a) I'm drunk and b) Hieronymus Graubart will probably catch them once he reads this.

And remind me that the DMO really, really needs more people. It's cute how Zeb chose a partner Shinx in PMD Sky. You think he named it after himself or would that just be too weird?

Ooooh, do I see a future plot point in the conversation about Rina and mental hospitals? That'd be pretty cool. (But please, please do your research if you go ahead with that plotline. Please.)

Seriously, I'm impressed you didn't snap earlier. *gives king-sized Bleepolate Crunch bars*

Couple minor blips...
"Shame on her for not capitalizing Animagus," Rina muttered.
What happened to animagus the mini-Aragog? Is animagus a mini-Aragog?

"I know, but to be fair, Professor Bathsheda Babbling wasn't mentioned in the books as the Ancient Runes professor," Rina said, shrugging.
Isn't that name usually spelled Bathsheba? I could be wrong in this case, of course, disregard me if I am.

"Aha! She's you L.O.!"
Your.

You've already stated that Zeb is gay, but I actually had no idea that Rina was bi. Surprise, surprise!

Also, I noted a bit of an error: when the wolfsbane potion comes up, Rina switches to present tense for one word.

Join the Dark Side, we have cookies!

Joking aside, fantastic work! Again! I'm worried about Miss Dives' sanity though...

Lots of interesting things in this one - compared to the last two, Rose Potter's version of PoA is a bit more "off-the-rails" in terms of blatant plagiarism. Fantastic work, and can't wait to see the next. Halfway done with the series!

It seems Zeb is really growing as an agent, too. Nice to see him take more responsibility.