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I AM A SUCKER FOR CHOCOLATE (THE DARKER THE BETTER IMO) AND THIS IS AMAZING AND I WANT WHEELBARROWS FULL OF IT

((That...might actually fit with my vague plan? Hmm. Something to think about, anyway. ~Z))

((I've got the next chapter--just need to get a moment to sit down and write it. That'll hopefully happen tomorrow. Stay tuned...

~Z))

Oh wow, that sounds AMAZING! Wonder what brought this around? Eh, no matter, can't wait to see what people do with this bold new discovery!

Please have some black-hole chocolates.

Any allegations about the existence of the heresy named 'white chocolate' will be, as usual, handled with fatal prejudice.

Pros:

- A PPC OFU is a great idea!
- Lampooning these ridiculous characters is also a great idea!
- This looks well-written and has an entertaining sense of humor.

Cons:

- Don't OFUs usually feature the authors, not their characters?
- Is this just a snarky retelling of JayBird's obvious nonsense? Can this stand on its own now that that has (thankfully) ended?

I will withhold judgement for now. Impress me, people.

-- Lemony

(( I want this to be a real thing. Feel free to use Aurora, or Brandy, or both! Heck, use Lem if you want. Xie'll resent it, and may or may not deserve it depending on how you feel about M-rated AUs that would never happen ever, but too bad. *g* ~Neshomeh ))

Oh that sounds so amazing. I wonder what-all has to happen to make this?

So... Barry Callebaut, a Swiss company, has recently unveiled that they've discovered a new natural colour of chocolate - pink...



About 80 years after Nestle introduced white chocolate as third kind, after dark and milk, and since then the cocoa manufacturers were silent.

Now, we can give a warm welcome to Ruby chocolate, created from a specific cocoa tree giving it the unique pink hue and the unique fruity taste.

is that, long long ago, we reanalyzed the "bie" in "newbie" as a suffix on "new", and then started applying it to other stuff that made sense, getting us "oldbie", "returnbie", and so on.

And now Ix has shown up with neat-sounding etymologies that might not be super true (that is to say, first I've heard of this).

((This spurious JayBirding exists solely to give me an opportunity to say that I think this is hilarious and I will be very sad if it doesn't go any further this year. Very sad. With a sad face. :( ~hS))

neway yuo havto stop wrightin now b/c MorONa and Calamity are DED. i Killd them in my fic 'Tofu Hop so iknow ist tru!!!

~JayBird~

((Of course we're being silly. This is the Badfic Games, silly is what we do. ~hS))

A/n: kk so ppl keep sayign taht I hav two meny atuhors notes??! iThink tehyr usefull, but if ppl REELLLY DOnt' lick tehm, igeuss Il'l tack tehm out? escept this one loll

brandy_baby: :;:;::::))00))))0)))))) gald your'e ejnoying it!!!

xXth0th999Xx: itso'kay! as tihs chappie will releav (SPOLIERS) its' okay your'e carries are in an offu!!!

#####~

"Hello, hello," Jaycacia said, smiling warmly as she waved at the fangirls. "I'm so glad to see you all, but at the same time - I am NOT glad to see you all!"

Tallulah gasped, clutching at Jessaminthe's arm (but not in a lesbian way because she knew Jessaminthe liked Supernumberary (though they weren't married yet because this was before that happened)). "How can Jaycacia not be glad to see us?" she hissed. "Do you think it's because we're bad people?"

"I have never met someone who's less a bad person than you," Jessaminthe said, smiling at her. "I think maybe it's because of... HER."

Tallulah followed Jessaminthe's finger until it pointed at... "Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King!" Tallulah gasped. "What do you think she did?"

"I think we are about to find out," Jessaminthe said. "Look - Jaycacia is talking again!"

Indeed she was. "The reason I am not glad to see you all," said the PPC's most famous (and best) agent, "is because... you're not supposed to be here!"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Everyone turned round to look as someone new stormed into the classroom. She had blonde hair, dip-dyed red, bound up in a high ponytail. She stormed down the stairs and stormed up to Jaycacia. "I am Calamity Megaera Skadi Roxelana Hellfire," she announced, "and I say you ARE supposed to be here - everyone one of you!"

"That's very nice," said Jaycacia, "but I'm pretty sure I'm the teacher here, and also the person who suggested the idea of Tofu Hop to my husband, so I think I know better."

"Or do you?" Calamity pointed into the audience, and her finger went the same way as Jessaminthe's had. "Morana!" she called. "Everything is working perfectly!"

"Of course!" Morana cackled evilly. "You ridiculous fangirls don't have the first idea what's happening here! It was MY portal that brought you here - mine and my lover Calamity's!" Calamity blew her a kiss across the room. "We're the only evil fangirls who are SUPPOSED to be at this university - but now all of you are here as well! And unless you can stop me now, you will ALL have to suffer through the worst punishments an OFU has to offer!"

There was a gasp from everyone in the crowd. Then four people moved at once. Captain Deadly in his army uniform jumped up onto the chairs to run towards Morana, but was knocked back by her black magickckck (which was more evil than Luxury's black magickckck). Jessaminthe turned into a wolf and called a storm to attack Morana, which she could do because of the Windflower Legacy, but Morana jumped out of the way of her and ducked. Jaycacia tried to use her powers to make Morana go away, but Calamity got in the way and vanished instead (and good riddance!!!).

And Tallulah Greensleeves used her mermaid speed to duck UNDER the chairs, grab Morana by the legs, and pull her down to the floor!

"No!" screamed Morana as she fell. "This cannot be! I am invincible!"

"No you're not," quipped Tallulah, and killed her.

"Well done," said a voice, and Tallulah looked up to see Jaycacia standing above her. "You have saved Tofu Hop - but at the same time you have made Tofu Hop unnecessary, because you have just killed the only evil fangirl (except for Calamity but I killed her). So now we can disband the university and you can go home."

"Oh," said Tallulah, happy but also sad. "But I like it in PPC HQ."

Jaycacia bubbled with laughter. "Then you can stay!" she stated. "And all your friends can stay too!"

"Yaaaaaaay!" said Tallulah, giving Jessaminthe a hug. "Now we will never have to be apart again!"

THEEND

~#~#~#~#~

A/N: i jsut wat to mack it clear taht evn tohug MorONa and Calamity are lebsians, tahs not becase lebsins are evl! tehyr' atcually verr nise!!!1

aslo i was gonig to wright moar but ijus MOVD HOUSE soI was bussy. hopp you enjyod the sotry!!!!1

~JayBird@

---

"Hells. She's recruiting an army."

"Yeah." Jay sipped her latest mug of coffee, staring down at the page. "Though... odds that she'll remember they exist by the time of her next story?"

Acacia smirked. "Slim to none," she agreed. "And... we weren't in this one, were we?"

"No." Jay glanced up at her friend. "... you think she might be growing out of picking on us?"

"She does seem to be maturing, perhaps developing in her wri... nah, I can't do it." Acacia's serious expression cracked. "I'm sure she'll be back next year with another parcel of sheer nonsense."

"Naturally." Jay pushed the papers to the side and leant back in her chair. "After all - what else are Septembers for?"

((The A/Ns have been excised because JayBird's hallmark has always been legible-but-awful, and they were pushing it too far towards illegible-nonsense. Perhaps she can have them back if she learns to spell a bit better. ~hS))

taht was defnitiely verr secy adn swonds exaxtly liek how i kno sesx works!!! sahme we ddin't get to se the weeding tohug!

~JayBird~

((In contrast to brandy, JayBird is very clear that sex is a thing. She, uh... isn't actually all that clear on what it is, but she's not going to admit that to anyone.

((Of course, she's also been writing these stories for a good thirteen years now, so "Repeat to yourself 'it's just the show/I should really just relax!'" I guess. ~hS))

Um I think uy should put a warning on this storyu now, cuz this is liek rater R or X or sumthing.

XOXOX

(( I think poor Brandy is a little traumatized. Her soul is made of romance and fluff and not much else. *pats Suethor* ~Neshomeh ))

Have a pile of multi-coloured pens.

My absolute favorite King novel (of the ones I've read so far) is From a Buick 8. It's a bit more sci fi/cosmic horror rather than Gothic horror, but the horror elements aren't really the focus of the story anyway. It's a very character-driven, dialogue-heavy story about a group of good people who suddenly find themselves interecting with, and trying to keep control over, an inexplicable object that doesn't seem to follow the laws of space or logic, and shows how they come together to cope with it.

Also, while King's novels are all very well known names, I have to recommend trying some of his short story collections. I actually think he's much better at writing short stories than novels, as he has a major talent for setting up scenes and characters in very few paragraphs and leading all the action up to a big punch in the end.

—doctorlit, a Kingly fanboy

Apparently the people who actually have the Voynich don't think his translation is worth the pixels it's written on either.

hS

I haven't read any Steven King novels, though I'm curious to know if the Dark Tower books are any good.

Anyway, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay!

With various prefixes added on to distinguish between new, middle, old, and return Boarders.

Hope this helps! :P

My personal favorite novel was Under The Dome. I really liked it.

Author's Note:

*exhales*. Okay, there are two ways I could write this note. I could rant at the people who flamed me and twisted my self-defense into supposedly me "flaming" them, and I could bring myself down to their level by doing so. Or I could thank the person who used genuinely logical arguments to help keep them at bay and reduce their horrible attempts at making sense into pure knee-jerk responses as are often seen on the Internet.

Who this person is may surprise you. Did I not just denounce the "stupid fanfic written in a German accent" in my last chapter's author's note? Well, it turns out that the person was none other than Ronion, who wrote that... interesting fic. Thanks, Ronion, for all that you did.

And JayBird and brandywine_baby09 can go to hell.

----

(That's hS and Nesh, by the way. Silly oldbies being silly.

-Twistey)

---Chapter 3---

It didn't take me long to get to my RC. Despite what I'd heard about HQ, navigation was pretty easy. I just started counting black tiles on the floors, and soon enough, I was at the door of room 411. The numbers were in pink and red glitter cursive, like the words carved into the stone. I opened the door.

Inside the room, sitting on a red bed next to a pink one, was the agent who had given me the tablet with the prophecy on it. She waved and motioned for me to come in. I sat down on the pink bed and she introduced herself.

"Hi!" she said, "I'm Calamity Megaera Skadi Roxelana Hellfire, your partner!"

"Sweet, I have a partner!" Since she'd introduced herself using her full name, I felt like I should do the same. "My name is Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King."

"You have a cool name."

"Thanks, you too."

We talked for a while, about what being an agent was like and what I should generally expect, and who everyone was and what they were like, and in the process we each shared personal stories until it felt like we'd known each other for years! That's when a thought came to my mind.

"Hey Calamity, I'd like you to promise me something."

"Yes?"

"Promise me that every time I save you on our missions, you'll let me do your makeup when we get back here."

Calamity rolled her eyes, but laughed a couple seconds later. "Fine."

Then she yawned. "It's getting a bit late. Why don't we settle in for the night? We need some good rest for tomorrow's mission!" She handed me some standard-issue pajamas and we both changed under the covers of our beds. Then we turned out the lights and fell asleep.

----

Okay, I was too lazy to come up with a backstory for either of them, so that's why there isn't much dialogue in this chapter. Feel free to give me some suggestions! No joke suggestions or other things meant to be rude to me! Looking at you, JayBird and her right-hand goon! As for the rest of you, have a Foxytastic day!

-Nightmare Twistey the Demon Fox Animatronic

----

(I had something to say here but I forgot. Anyway... you're letting people give you suggestions for your characters' backstories? Well, I guess it'll be for the better, if you're willing to actually accept something sane.

-Twistey)

What is a "sane" backstory, exactly? I mean, aside from Morana being a demigod or the last of a fantastical race or something like that. That'd be stupid.

(You're getting there. A good backstory would happen in real life. Morana's has some potential to be good - maybe her dad was part of a gang so she got to do whatever she wants and lived in Las Vegas? That sounds interesting.)

A gang?! Morana is a good person!

(I didn't say she wasn't. She could have learned a better morality system from her mom or from other kids and thus been better than her dad. Oh I love this idea!)

You aren't making any sense. Besides, don't vampires and magical powers happen in real life too, so her backstory should involve some of those?

(... No use trying to reply to that. See ya later!)

Hmph.