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((This spurious JayBirding exists solely to give me an opportunity to say that I think this is hilarious and I will be very sad if it doesn't go any further this year. Very sad. With a sad face. :( ~hS))

neway yuo havto stop wrightin now b/c MorONa and Calamity are DED. i Killd them in my fic 'Tofu Hop so iknow ist tru!!!

~JayBird~

((Of course we're being silly. This is the Badfic Games, silly is what we do. ~hS))

A/n: kk so ppl keep sayign taht I hav two meny atuhors notes??! iThink tehyr usefull, but if ppl REELLLY DOnt' lick tehm, igeuss Il'l tack tehm out? escept this one loll

brandy_baby: :;:;::::))00))))0)))))) gald your'e ejnoying it!!!

xXth0th999Xx: itso'kay! as tihs chappie will releav (SPOLIERS) its' okay your'e carries are in an offu!!!

#####~

"Hello, hello," Jaycacia said, smiling warmly as she waved at the fangirls. "I'm so glad to see you all, but at the same time - I am NOT glad to see you all!"

Tallulah gasped, clutching at Jessaminthe's arm (but not in a lesbian way because she knew Jessaminthe liked Supernumberary (though they weren't married yet because this was before that happened)). "How can Jaycacia not be glad to see us?" she hissed. "Do you think it's because we're bad people?"

"I have never met someone who's less a bad person than you," Jessaminthe said, smiling at her. "I think maybe it's because of... HER."

Tallulah followed Jessaminthe's finger until it pointed at... "Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King!" Tallulah gasped. "What do you think she did?"

"I think we are about to find out," Jessaminthe said. "Look - Jaycacia is talking again!"

Indeed she was. "The reason I am not glad to see you all," said the PPC's most famous (and best) agent, "is because... you're not supposed to be here!"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Everyone turned round to look as someone new stormed into the classroom. She had blonde hair, dip-dyed red, bound up in a high ponytail. She stormed down the stairs and stormed up to Jaycacia. "I am Calamity Megaera Skadi Roxelana Hellfire," she announced, "and I say you ARE supposed to be here - everyone one of you!"

"That's very nice," said Jaycacia, "but I'm pretty sure I'm the teacher here, and also the person who suggested the idea of Tofu Hop to my husband, so I think I know better."

"Or do you?" Calamity pointed into the audience, and her finger went the same way as Jessaminthe's had. "Morana!" she called. "Everything is working perfectly!"

"Of course!" Morana cackled evilly. "You ridiculous fangirls don't have the first idea what's happening here! It was MY portal that brought you here - mine and my lover Calamity's!" Calamity blew her a kiss across the room. "We're the only evil fangirls who are SUPPOSED to be at this university - but now all of you are here as well! And unless you can stop me now, you will ALL have to suffer through the worst punishments an OFU has to offer!"

There was a gasp from everyone in the crowd. Then four people moved at once. Captain Deadly in his army uniform jumped up onto the chairs to run towards Morana, but was knocked back by her black magickckck (which was more evil than Luxury's black magickckck). Jessaminthe turned into a wolf and called a storm to attack Morana, which she could do because of the Windflower Legacy, but Morana jumped out of the way of her and ducked. Jaycacia tried to use her powers to make Morana go away, but Calamity got in the way and vanished instead (and good riddance!!!).

And Tallulah Greensleeves used her mermaid speed to duck UNDER the chairs, grab Morana by the legs, and pull her down to the floor!

"No!" screamed Morana as she fell. "This cannot be! I am invincible!"

"No you're not," quipped Tallulah, and killed her.

"Well done," said a voice, and Tallulah looked up to see Jaycacia standing above her. "You have saved Tofu Hop - but at the same time you have made Tofu Hop unnecessary, because you have just killed the only evil fangirl (except for Calamity but I killed her). So now we can disband the university and you can go home."

"Oh," said Tallulah, happy but also sad. "But I like it in PPC HQ."

Jaycacia bubbled with laughter. "Then you can stay!" she stated. "And all your friends can stay too!"

"Yaaaaaaay!" said Tallulah, giving Jessaminthe a hug. "Now we will never have to be apart again!"

THEEND

~#~#~#~#~

A/N: i jsut wat to mack it clear taht evn tohug MorONa and Calamity are lebsians, tahs not becase lebsins are evl! tehyr' atcually verr nise!!!1

aslo i was gonig to wright moar but ijus MOVD HOUSE soI was bussy. hopp you enjyod the sotry!!!!1

~JayBird@

---

"Hells. She's recruiting an army."

"Yeah." Jay sipped her latest mug of coffee, staring down at the page. "Though... odds that she'll remember they exist by the time of her next story?"

Acacia smirked. "Slim to none," she agreed. "And... we weren't in this one, were we?"

"No." Jay glanced up at her friend. "... you think she might be growing out of picking on us?"

"She does seem to be maturing, perhaps developing in her wri... nah, I can't do it." Acacia's serious expression cracked. "I'm sure she'll be back next year with another parcel of sheer nonsense."

"Naturally." Jay pushed the papers to the side and leant back in her chair. "After all - what else are Septembers for?"

((The A/Ns have been excised because JayBird's hallmark has always been legible-but-awful, and they were pushing it too far towards illegible-nonsense. Perhaps she can have them back if she learns to spell a bit better. ~hS))

taht was defnitiely verr secy adn swonds exaxtly liek how i kno sesx works!!! sahme we ddin't get to se the weeding tohug!

~JayBird~

((In contrast to brandy, JayBird is very clear that sex is a thing. She, uh... isn't actually all that clear on what it is, but she's not going to admit that to anyone.

((Of course, she's also been writing these stories for a good thirteen years now, so "Repeat to yourself 'it's just the show/I should really just relax!'" I guess. ~hS))

Um I think uy should put a warning on this storyu now, cuz this is liek rater R or X or sumthing.

XOXOX

(( I think poor Brandy is a little traumatized. Her soul is made of romance and fluff and not much else. *pats Suethor* ~Neshomeh ))

Have a pile of multi-coloured pens.

My absolute favorite King novel (of the ones I've read so far) is From a Buick 8. It's a bit more sci fi/cosmic horror rather than Gothic horror, but the horror elements aren't really the focus of the story anyway. It's a very character-driven, dialogue-heavy story about a group of good people who suddenly find themselves interecting with, and trying to keep control over, an inexplicable object that doesn't seem to follow the laws of space or logic, and shows how they come together to cope with it.

Also, while King's novels are all very well known names, I have to recommend trying some of his short story collections. I actually think he's much better at writing short stories than novels, as he has a major talent for setting up scenes and characters in very few paragraphs and leading all the action up to a big punch in the end.

—doctorlit, a Kingly fanboy

Apparently the people who actually have the Voynich don't think his translation is worth the pixels it's written on either.

hS

I haven't read any Steven King novels, though I'm curious to know if the Dark Tower books are any good.

Anyway, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay!

With various prefixes added on to distinguish between new, middle, old, and return Boarders.

Hope this helps! :P

My personal favorite novel was Under The Dome. I really liked it.

Author's Note:

*exhales*. Okay, there are two ways I could write this note. I could rant at the people who flamed me and twisted my self-defense into supposedly me "flaming" them, and I could bring myself down to their level by doing so. Or I could thank the person who used genuinely logical arguments to help keep them at bay and reduce their horrible attempts at making sense into pure knee-jerk responses as are often seen on the Internet.

Who this person is may surprise you. Did I not just denounce the "stupid fanfic written in a German accent" in my last chapter's author's note? Well, it turns out that the person was none other than Ronion, who wrote that... interesting fic. Thanks, Ronion, for all that you did.

And JayBird and brandywine_baby09 can go to hell.

----

(That's hS and Nesh, by the way. Silly oldbies being silly.

-Twistey)

---Chapter 3---

It didn't take me long to get to my RC. Despite what I'd heard about HQ, navigation was pretty easy. I just started counting black tiles on the floors, and soon enough, I was at the door of room 411. The numbers were in pink and red glitter cursive, like the words carved into the stone. I opened the door.

Inside the room, sitting on a red bed next to a pink one, was the agent who had given me the tablet with the prophecy on it. She waved and motioned for me to come in. I sat down on the pink bed and she introduced herself.

"Hi!" she said, "I'm Calamity Megaera Skadi Roxelana Hellfire, your partner!"

"Sweet, I have a partner!" Since she'd introduced herself using her full name, I felt like I should do the same. "My name is Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King."

"You have a cool name."

"Thanks, you too."

We talked for a while, about what being an agent was like and what I should generally expect, and who everyone was and what they were like, and in the process we each shared personal stories until it felt like we'd known each other for years! That's when a thought came to my mind.

"Hey Calamity, I'd like you to promise me something."

"Yes?"

"Promise me that every time I save you on our missions, you'll let me do your makeup when we get back here."

Calamity rolled her eyes, but laughed a couple seconds later. "Fine."

Then she yawned. "It's getting a bit late. Why don't we settle in for the night? We need some good rest for tomorrow's mission!" She handed me some standard-issue pajamas and we both changed under the covers of our beds. Then we turned out the lights and fell asleep.

----

Okay, I was too lazy to come up with a backstory for either of them, so that's why there isn't much dialogue in this chapter. Feel free to give me some suggestions! No joke suggestions or other things meant to be rude to me! Looking at you, JayBird and her right-hand goon! As for the rest of you, have a Foxytastic day!

-Nightmare Twistey the Demon Fox Animatronic

----

(I had something to say here but I forgot. Anyway... you're letting people give you suggestions for your characters' backstories? Well, I guess it'll be for the better, if you're willing to actually accept something sane.

-Twistey)

What is a "sane" backstory, exactly? I mean, aside from Morana being a demigod or the last of a fantastical race or something like that. That'd be stupid.

(You're getting there. A good backstory would happen in real life. Morana's has some potential to be good - maybe her dad was part of a gang so she got to do whatever she wants and lived in Las Vegas? That sounds interesting.)

A gang?! Morana is a good person!

(I didn't say she wasn't. She could have learned a better morality system from her mom or from other kids and thus been better than her dad. Oh I love this idea!)

You aren't making any sense. Besides, don't vampires and magical powers happen in real life too, so her backstory should involve some of those?

(... No use trying to reply to that. See ya later!)

Hmph.

What the heck is a bie?

For the book question, it's without a doubt "Needful Things". What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good 'Deal with the Devil' story.

I've never read Stephen King, so I can't help you there, sorry.

My general advice would be to try and keep the dialog for your characters as realistic/natural as possible without making it too weird or obvious. Other than that, research always helps. Research of the canon, obviously, is a must, but also, it helps to research the conventions of the fandom you're writing for. This can help you come up with material that hasn't been used before (or is rarely seen), and it can help you toy with the usual fanfic tropes, which is fun.

Cool that you're coming back stronger and whatnot! I'm Twistey, a lightly-used-bie with really weird interests (need I say more?) and it's great to meet you. Do you have any ideas or tips for fanfic, considering I myself might want to try for Permission soon?

As for the Stephen King question, I've only read The Eyes of the Dragon and his memoir/writing advice book, since I'm too chicken to read any of his other stuff. Obviously, those two would be my favorites as a result. ;P

As a returnbie gift for you, here, have several large chunks of blueish metal. No, that's not paint, they came that way. Whether or not they can get oxidized and if so, what color that is have yet to be found out. Do whatever you wish with them! Nice to meet you!

-Twistey

Have a plate of welcome-back SPaGhetti!

I've only read Cujo and Carrie, so I don't think I'm of much use to you there, sorry to say. The TV Tropes page of Pet Semetary was enough to give me nightmares, though, so maybe try that one if you haven't already?

I haven't read any King.

Anyways, welcome! Take this Bolter and a bottle of Fenrisian Ale.

Hello, everyone! My name's Wasted Moth, and I am returning to the Board after I-don't-know-how-long. Finally!

Yes, that's returning, because I used to go under the pen name of Dark Brother 16. Here's an explanation (which I probably don't need to provide, but which I will give anyway, because I feel like it).

Back when I was Dark Brother 16, I hung around the Board a while, and every now and then, I tried to get Permission, but could never really manage it. I then took a break to focus on going to college. I am currently in my Senior Year, but I will now occasionally be able to post here.

As for my previous attempts at getting Permission, I've learned a few things from them, most notably what NOT to do. For the time being, I'll continue learning what NOT to do by reading random badfics, as well as expanding my literary horizons. And in the meantime, I'll only seek permission when I have good ideas.

As an aside, a little "survey" is in order. For those who have read them, what are your favorite books written by Stephen King? I've been looking to expand my reading into horror.

Even the second or third offense. But Bram has done ban worthy things at least four times.

1) zdimensia is warned several times and then temporarily banned for harassment and inexplicable racism (during a permission thread?).

2) zdimensia breaks the ban just to harass us some more and tell us how terrible we are. Is permanently banned.

3) Bramandin, who is zdimensia shows up, thus breaking the ban in secret.

4) Bramandin breaks cover to harass us and tell us how terrible we are, is temporarily banned. (I honestly will never understand this one being temporary.)

5) Despite their thoughts and feelings being relayed to the board by several people, TooPurple (who is both Bramandin and zdimensia) breaks the temporary ban again, this time to tell us that they will be setting their own ban terms and when they return they demand that we give them permission with no conditions. They are permanently banned.


Turns out it was 5 times. I don't see any point in letting them address the community again, since the pattern says it will just be to tell us we are terrible people.

I'm sorry that you don't feel good about the process, but we've been hearing zdimensia's side of things for a very long time and I am sick of the abuse.

-Phobos

The only reason I changed my vote was because of a) her ban-evading post to the Board and its contents, and b) her email to me.

Since there is disagreement, the Nameless Admin will not be acting unless there is a clear consensus to do so.

hS

I understand your concern, but unless you think there's a significant difference between Bram hitting "Post" herself and having Tomash and others do it for her (e.g., if you find the relayers untrustworthy), I don't think it's necessary to reopen this now that it's closed. I believe we have heard what Bram had to say for herself. That input is how we arrived at our decision. I reckon it would have gone better for her if she hadn't said anything at all.

~Neshomeh