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[Specifically, uses the Force to fling streams of pancakes at Twistey] I am a servant of the Secret Kitchen, wielder of the Flame of Lucas. The Dark Side will not avail you, Flame of Disney! You cannot pass!

((You may find pictures of me scattered through the Gathering reports. And since I'm stealing Legolas' Lord of the Pancakes shtick again, I guess I must be back in my 'white tunic and black cloak' outfit. Since you asked. ^_~))

hS

If we are...

*Suddenly, ten-year-old me appears next to present-day me*
Twistey: Oh Gott, not this kid. Hi Twizzy.
Twizzy: Hi there! Are we having a lightsaber duel!
Twistey:Yes.
Twizzy: Okay then! *begins zapping everyone with OOC force lightning*
Twistey: *GROOOOOOOAN* I guess this means I have a combat ally here. Okay.

-Twistey

Oh yeah?! You want to go?!

*Since your lightsaber is real and not made of plastic, grabs an actual Kylo Ren lightsaber and slices the pancake off my face with it. It falls to the floor. Then we begin the actual lightsaber duel.*

-Twistey (who is soooooo going to draw this. What do you look like, again?)

*adds chocolate chips to pancake batter, bakes, hurls with special pancake catapult; delicious chocolate smears everywhere*

MUAHAHAHAHA!

(Join the Dark Side: we have brownies! And access to all the chocolate in the world, really. Except the stuff the light siders bake into their chocolate chip cookies, but our chocolate is more decadent anyway, so it doesn't matter. Nyah.)

~Z, who almost definitely signed her name ~DF back in the days when she was a young teenager babbling about brownies and writing mini comment-scriptfics for Harry Potter fans' amusement. And who should probably have added more exclamation points to the evil laugh for historical accuracy...ah well. Next time. Muaha.

Since tomorrow's Aidil Adha. Here, have a replica of Buras pretending it's a Lembas. Be warned, it's made of glutinous rice and wrapped in banana leaves though.

*Throws EBDIC at hS*

[continues to eat delicious pancake]

Since you have already chocolates, please have some black-hole coffee.

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hS

[Pulls out a CD player and cues up Duel of the Fates; draws topaz lightsaber] Have at ye, scoundrel!

[Thwummm; ktschsss; tschaaa; wrrrrmmmthwumm; sudden backflip and pancake to the face ha!]

hS

I never objected to the fact that you play the Wolfenstein games, or that they feature Hitler (heck, Iron Sky was one of my favourite films of the year it came out); I objected to the part where you made Hitler a literal god in the Plort setting. There is a huge, huge difference between those two.

hS

Have a pile of multi-coloured pens.

Here, have some chocolate-on-chocolate cupcakes!

'Allo, fellow newbie! I am the Mighty Sorcerer Thoth. And by mighty I mean... not mighty. At all. But there's an 85% chance I don't worship the Dark Gods. So that's good. Here, take a Bolter and a flask of Fenrisian Ale.

I too enjoy The Dresden Files, although I haven't read any good fanfic in that universe (got any recommendations?). Anyways, go read goodfic (For PPC stuff, I suggest starting with TOS and Tales From DOGA), and be sure to stop by the Discord. Don't worry: We don't bite. Unless you poke us.

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I won't apologize. But I do feel really bad about it.

[Eats pancake. Feels better]

Welcome aBoard! Have this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

If you haven't yet read them, may I point you towards the Original Series and the Constitution? They're pretty much the only required reading around these parts. Another useful resource you might use is

*applies the traditional bumper-sticker of newbie greeting*

Welcome to the Board!

Welcome, welcome! You get a history of my dog's past lives. Treasure it, use it wisely, use it as part of a stepladder, whatever. Just don't let it come into contact with badgers. You've been warned.

What exactly am I here? I mean, everyone seems to be assuming I'm human, but... well, we have a fox and a psandwich. Am I an, an Ohgodwhat?

At any rate, a wandering Calliope appears! She offers you a set of roleplaying dice for your Newbie Gift. She also extends a invitation to a party at some point in the future and... that is an interesting color of ink. Oh, gods, what is it even called? You're pretty sure it's either bled or rue. Or some other unholy cousin of urple.

((The dice are whatever color and pattern you want the to be. What are they?))

Hi, I'm Blackwing (obviously!), and I think this whole fanfiction thing is pretty cool! I haven't ever written any, but I really enjoy reading them. So far my favorite fandoms for stories are Steven Universe, Dresden Files, Dragon Age, and Mass Effect.

I was honestly just gonna lurk for another week or two until I got a feeling for you guys, but a friend linked me to something I thought you guys would enjoy. So, I'm sure people here have heard of the whole fiasco with the Handbook for Mortals YA novel (which among other things, has no YA protagonists), and the theory that it was written by the infamous author of My Immortal? Well, she revived her old fictionpress account just to debunk that myth! Also to say thanks for keeping her story alive this long, etc. You can see that here: https://www.fictionpress.com/u/518933/XXXblodyblaktearz666XXX

*puts on a Kylo Ren costume and chases after hS and Nesh with my plastic lightsaber, but mostly hS because he is easily driven nuts and I love driving people nuts hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*

-Twistey

[Scowls] Why are you not fearing? How am I supposed to bring in the ruin and red might fall if the wrath doesn't work?

...this is pretty much peak Early Aughts for me. Pancakes, overwrought villain dialogue, descriptions instead of emoticons, random Tolkien references... All that's missing is the ridiculously long strung-together series of actions.

[Looks around; shrugs; cooks a fresh batch of pancakes; nibbles on one; starts laying the others as the tastiest landmines you ever did see, complete with spring-loaded frying pans]

hS

*baffs Nesh and hS*

YES! THE PYTHON INQUISITION! Our chief weapons are surprise and fear, fear and surprise... I'm sorry, can I try this again?

*baffs hS, runs away* Mweeheehee!

~N