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... I guess I'll just have to do with cold water."

And it makes me not want to read the story it's in. If it's pretty much unintelligible and I'm just going to get mad at it because of that, it's probably not worth my time to read. So, I guess that's an abstain of sorts.

Rose eyed the pot of stracciatella ice cream set in front of her. She figured she couldn't exactly talk while eating. "We were just gonna try and invade HQ, take some hostages, force them to fix it, something like that. Obviously, that plan's canceled."

A few groans from the audience "I get the frustration, but apparently," Rose replied as she gestured to the PPC agents, "they don't know what's going on either, and they're suspecting some kinda Suvian plot. If we try an' invade, they'll just think it was us and react accordingly."

"So what do we do, then?" Alice's question was echoed by a few of the others.

"Here's my idea." Rose ate a spoonful of her ice cream before continuing. "We all go search for whoever did this. If you can get into PPC HQ without gettin' arrested or whatever, try an' see what the DIA's thinking so far. Everyone else, discuss whatever other ideas you might have, and form groups to investigate 'em. If anyone finds anything, report with everyone else before taking any action. How's that sound?"

Rose turned to the PPCers. "Oh, and if you're still into the Suvian theory, I'll go with y'all. I know a few places we can check."

She took a bite of her dubiously colored ice cream. “They have charcoal ice cream. Now, what are we supposed to be talkin’ about?”

IMO, (yay, abbreviation!) My Immortal is a funny badfic. If you just try to read some of the insanity, just...Hedwig. Look up Hedwig on the My Immortal wiki, and you’ll see what I mean.

But as for the AO3-breaking fic? No thank you. I might read a mission to it, but not the original. Yech. No thanks.

—Ls

((How long do you think it would take for the news of David and K's arrests to reach the group?))

Ah, I wish I could come up with creative birthday greetings.

As for my criteria: probably things that break BL10 & 11 in ways designed to titillate, see: certain fics involving pink Power Rangers, Chibiusa, My Little Ponies, etc. That's also why I maintain that Bleepfic and Legendaries don't always make for a good mission -- this sort of stuff is serious, and the PPC shouldn't be (that) serious. I'm plenty guilty of traumatising my agents, but it's not fun if all they do is get beat up by badfics.

(ETA that in terms of NSFW, that's mostly because of the source fic, and I've tried to cut and elide most of those sorts of scenes. But like I said, this fic also deals with BL10 & 11 in inappropriate ways and the agents call it out, so it needs a more mature rating.)

Side note: What would you say makes a fic Bleep-worthy?

I've missioned it; the thing's just in my beta backlog because it's about a hundred pages long and I have other interludes I need to get up before it goes up.

(And that Wngx*n fic does sound horrible.) ((Stupid formatting!))

I mean, when we were younger (I say, as if I'm about the same age as Nesh, which is emphatically untrue) everything seemed to be horrible and Bleepworthy, especially ones with eye-searing grammatical mistakes. It's how stuff like "legolas by laura" and the other classic Legendaries got such status back in the day, whereas today it's like "yeah, that's a troll, pass".

So that's about the same for me -- the fic's annoying, definitely, but it's also trollishly bad, which doesn't warrant Bleep status simply because then we'd have to categorise every other "My Immortal" knockoff as a Bleepfic. But then again, I'm the one who insists that "S*xy times With Wangxian" is a Legendary Badfic solely on account of it causing AO3 to change its tagging policy, so you may want to take my opinion with a grain of salt.

He pulled back and started plucking webs out of his hair. "That's the one," he said, a little apologetic. The smell of drain cleaner and old shampoo hit him like a wall of chemicals. "I... probably wouldn't use anything lying around in the stalls, on account of them probably having been there for about two decades. You got any of your own toiletries on ya?"

The insane typos are not the part I would consider the bleepiest. (If that’s a word.) Personally, the rabid hatred for all non-Southerners is what I’d say makes it so terrible.

One vote in favor of Bleepfic status from an Unjaded Young Person, and one vote against from a Jaded Old Person.

All right, thanks for your feedback!

—Ls

Lori sighed at the sight, and at the meeting getting temporarily derailed via offerings of ice cream to all and sundry. "You'll eat your vegetables after this, right?" she asked her son.

"Nope!" declared Liam. "I'm not six anymore."

"You're still growing," Lori pointed out. "In fact, you'll have plenty more growing to do in the coming years, once you turn thirteen..."

"Pizza's a vegetable, right?" wondered Liam.

Speaking very much as a Jaded Old Person here, but... it's another uber-typo trollfic. I've seen it before. I can't really get worked up about it anymore. Is it bad? I'm sure it is, because it was trying to be. Does it personally upset me? No, because I'm not gonna spend the energy to give a troll the satisfaction. It's a big Meh from me.

~Neshomeh

Not many have commented on whether or not it counts as one.

Have an unbirthday cake! And accompanying tiny unbirthday hat.

Happy day of birth to me! I'm gonna be busy all day (or mostly) until 6pm-ish my time.

But, anyways, hi!

-kA

I know, I know. I'm not abandoning Forge of Silver this early into its creation, but I had a plot bunny that refused to leave my head, so I began writing... and, well, a new story happened.

Ophelia Crawford is an art historian recovering from a recent nervous breakdown, and desperately trying to get away from her domineering mother. Looking for some peace and quiet, she reluctantly accepts the business proposal of her ex-girlfriend Safiya Farris, who wants Ophelia to oversee the restoration of an old family manor and appraise an extensive, recently-inherited fine art collection.

But when they make it to Droscombe Manor, it turns out that neither the collection nor the house are what one would call normal... or safe to be around for someone like Ophelia. And of course, there's the matter of the old hurts lying between her and Safiya, not helped at all by the presence of Liv, the manor's beautiful and mysterious caretaker.

Something has to fall apart. Will it be the wall guarding the Farris family's strange secrets, the delicate balance of relationships in Ophelia's life... or Ophelia herself?

This is the plot summary of With Cold Hands, a sapphic Gothic horror/paranormal mystery story featuring spooky artwork, dysfunctional families, bitter exes and lots of literary allusions. If that sounds up your alley, you can check it out on Wattpad here. I can't give individual content warnings to avoid spoilers, but since this is a horror story, violence and strong language are to be expected, and I'll probably hit on a few BL items as well, so read at your own discretion.

If you do decide to read... enjoy! ^_^

First: The D&D alignment system is actually kind of terrible at describing nuanced, three-dimensional characters. I have my own spin on it that makes it more useful.

I think the Good-Evil axis in D&D is best understood as Selfless-Selfish. Evil D&D characters generally aren't soulless and don't go around doing bad things for no reason, they just care more about themselves than others. Good characters may become adventures to make the world a better place; Neutral characters may become adventurers to achieve a goal; Evil characters may become adventurers to get something they want. Good characters are the most likely to go out of their way to help or avoid harming others; Evil characters are least likely to go out of their way for anything.

The Law-Chaos axis may be better understood to indicate a character's relationship to the status quo, including but not limited to government, society, and other external authorities. A Lawful character will actively avoid rocking the boat and will use the current system to achieve their goals; a Chaotic character isn't happy unless they're making waves.

With that in mind:

Jenni is Neutral Good. She wants to help people no matter what it takes, and chafes at the restrictions she's under in the PPC even though she understands why the rules exist and should be followed. Usually.

Supernumerary is Lawful Neutral. Doing what's Right is more important than being Good. He values facts, logic, and the Way Things Are Supposed To Be, possibly because it's hard enough living with his brain without people going and messing things up around him. People are messy, and he doesn't go out of his way to interact with others either to help or to harm, though when the chips are down, he does show up for the few people he values in his life.

Ilraen is Lawful Good, but more Good than Lawful. He believes in the virtue of rules and structure, but only insofar as they actually make the universe a better place. If the rules are hurting people, he'll work to change the rules if possible, but mostly he'll try to help the people. In the present day, he's an agent trainer, because he can't change Upstairs, let alone the Narrative Laws, but he can help new recruits be better prepared to handle things than he was.

Derik is... complicated. He believes he's Lawful Good, but he's actually Chaotic Good—and that's not because of his issues. He comes from a culture in the throes of a sea change, and he was totally on board with the change. Also, he has a history of taking justice into his own hands from a young age and doesn't really respect any particular authority that isn't his own. It's not that he disrespects authority or can't accept leadership from others, but if he thinks the people in charge are being stupid, he will ignore them and do things his own way. His willfulness has gotten him into pretty much every bit of trouble he's ever had in his life, up to and including his recruitment to the PPC.

Gall is Neutral Evil. Her guiding principle is "What's good for me," and she will do precisely whatever it takes to get what she wants regardless of who she has to step on to get there. She respects strength over any sort of moral or civil authority ("might makes right"). However, there ARE lines she won't cross. "Evil" does not mean "must always do the worst thing possible": she's not going to burn down the Nursery (except maybe by accident if a visit with Fellrazer gets out of hand some day); she's not going to murder someone if she can just punch them; she won't betray her friends; she would never force anyone into her bed. It's just... less that it would be wrong, more that it would be more trouble than it's worth to her. Developing feelings for Derik and having a kid is forcing her perspective to shift a bit, though. She could end up True Neutral, maybe even Lawful Neutral.

~Neshomeh

Before she came to HQ, Boadicea had spent a while in the caves on her homeworld. Some of that water was too cold to drink, let alone wash with. She'd steeled herself and jumped in though when she couldn't stand to smell herself anymore, but she had to get out in three seconds flat. And then she got down to the Underworld where it was quite literally as hot as hell and then -- No! We're not thinking about that! What if he sees? She walked faster. It wasn't my fault! I couldn't have done anything, but he's still dead... She bumped into a door, and yelped.

"Is this it?" she asked Neo.

"... Worked, I guess." Rose straightened up in her chair. "I'm not sure how to put this, but..."

"Basically, when you're talking about Suvians, there's really two big groups they'll fall into that are relevant here. First," Rose continued as she gestured over the table, "you've got your standard fic-bound characters. The tenth walkers, the Hogwarts kids, whatever. Those, at best, barely know there's anything outside their Words, and they obviously don't consider themselves Sues. If one of 'em made a wish like this, it'd have been to kill anyone more powerful, or more pretty, or whatever they cared about. I don't think that fits what we're seein', with the rescued children and so on."

"Then..." She cringed a little, trying once again not to let too much emotion show. "There's the ones that do think of themselves as Mary Sues." Like Edelweiss. It certainly felt like an exceptionally bad time to mention one's Suvian girlfriend to a PPC agent. "I've... Met a few, over the years, and they'll treat that as a point of pride. I don't really see any of 'em doing this, they think of other Sues as like..." She loved calling them comrades. "Allies, or potential allies, not really as competition. I could be wrong," she concluded, "and I'm certainly biased, but—"

Rose was interrupted by a cry of "We found the ice cream!" Alice had just come back, carrying a cooler and closely followed by Liam. "Sorry for the wait, we got a bit lost. I may or may not have become queen of the walk-in freezer?"