The PPC Posting Board - Latest posts

"But how are you surviving under wasser?" I frasked "Cuz I half dragon," Drago said, "Ich liebe dich." "U speek DeGrenan?" "He's." I flacpalmed. "Okay, cool" I sage, moving ovee to him. We then did the duty. The water around mich was very warm due to my ring Dragon gave me (yes, he is dragon now, shut up preps!) and I huged him and gave him...

(I was going to edit this, but text blocks are in badfic more often than I'd like. And half of those errors were from my phone's keyboard giving me trouble.)

"Doctor Cornelius! Doctor Cornelius!"

The head librarian looked up from his ledgers and smiled. "What is it, mm, Lorelei?"

The harried young woman pulled up in front of the lectern. "It's the busts," she panted. "The statues, over in the Lost Philosophy wing? They're talking!"

Doctor Cornelius chuckled. "You never can get a philosopher to be quiet," he said. "Did they have anything interesting to say?"

Lorelei looked nonplussed. "Er. Mostly they just complained about us calling it Lost Philosophy when all the books are clearly still there."

"Sounds about right for them." The librarian clambered down from his stool and collected his walking stick. "Don't you worry, I'll go and have a chat with them, get them sorted out." He hobbled a few steps, then paused and looked back at his assistant. "But just in case they're feeling unreasonable… can you fetch me a hammer? The bigger the better."

(Library of Plantin-Moretus Museum, Antwerp, Belgium)

(Because how could I not pay a visit to the Musée des Univers Perdus?)

hS

"...my seekrit powerz? Our love is never to be cuz I am a spooky SHADOWBORN andz fiar iz scary. So haow can I marry a dragon?" I pleaded.

"Oh dont worry about it" my father said "you are has TRUE SOULMATE GOLDEN BONDING LOVE so you are not needz be fear fire anymoar. Yew will unite water and fire, shadow and light."

"Okay." I said.

And then darco mlafoy gave me a ring!!! It was super shiny with emeraldz becuz he is slythern pureblood snake and jet and obsidian to symolize my shaodow powerz and the band was made out of coral to symolbize me beng the mermad pricess and then it was all wreathed in fire because drake is a dergon and has powers.

"Pretty" I exclaimed

'OHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNO!' i stated. 'he's the wrong sort of emo _ his skull tatu is'nt even cute!' i fell to my tail knees in front of my fat her. 'WHHHHHY must i marry darco malfoy?'

'bcus his family also has a secret (that dumbledoor kept sekrit from them (like he did urs' said my father. 'draco malfoy is half....................................... dragon! thats' why hes called draco.'

'oh oky that makes sense' i said. 'BUT WAIT' i said 'what about...'

Sadly, I'm out of dead mice or the like, so I'll have to go for something appropriate ... all of the nonexistent cheese in my fridge, perhaps.

Granted, agents have some unique tools and gadgets at their disposal, but their actual weapons are supposed to be canonical for whatever universe they're in, so what I get from that line is "oh, yes, [Character's] super-special godly aura can even nullify a pointed stick!" {X D

It's also amusing because he seems to be making a classic Evil Overlord error, assuming his opponents will come at him with sheer power because that's what he would do. But the PPC, having gotten its start in the LotR fandom, knows well that if the bad guy expects you to confront him with power, you have to do what he doesn't expect and beat him with cleverness instead. Never has there been a god-like Sue or Stu that couldn't be comedically hoisted on their own petard.

Personally, I'd go after this guy with a nice, ripe banana. No one ever bothers to learn self-defense against fresh fruit these days. {; P

On a less silly note, the presence of a single real person as a character in a fic doesn't automatically make it ineligible to spork. It sounds like this person is a public figure, and it also sounds like the character doesn't even resemble the real person for the entire fic. I'd have to see the thing to say for sure, but from what you describe, it doesn't seem to be on the same level of skeevyness as a story entirely devoted to the alleged love life of actors/musicians.

~Neshomeh

(Worship the Python, for it is very Monty.)

A kawaii amulet on my desk! With rhinmestones in it! This is it! I put it on inmediately!

Then I fell thru a portal and into a pool. I looked down and saw that i had a mermaid tail. there was a merman with a crown. 'dumbledoor has hidden it from u all ur life, but u r da lost princess of the mermaids. ur also my daughter.'

i got mad. 'why is dumbledoor so evil?'

my father said, 'because he does not like the school lake. anyway since you are princess now you must marry... draco malfoy.'

More specifically, let's write a badfic together in a round-robin story type of way.

The premise is simple: One person writes a bit of a story, then the next person follows it up with a bit of story of their own, and so on until there's something that roughly resembles a narrative.

A few things first, though, for clarity:

• You can write as much or as little in one go as you want, so long as you do your best to not write the next person into a corner.

• Don't worry about having multiple branches of writing (like if two people respond to one thing). Having just one barely-cohesive story is for losers, anyway.

• There's no need to stick to a single POV, and good SPaG is optional.

• Badfic-sonas are welcome but not strictly necessary.

• I'm using Potterverse as a base because I'm fairly certain it's well known here, but feel free to include elements/characters/etc. from other canons as long as its obvious where they're from (either in the story or clarified through a note). This is purely for the convenience, so that others know what they're destroying working with.

• Knowledge of the Potterverse beyond the basic concept is not required.

• Your imagination is your only limit.

-

I'll start (This is written somewhat vaguely to let people apply whatever traits they think are funniest):

Hi! My name is Czar-Czar Blanche Debonair Zinnia Maureen Nancy the Third, but everybody just kind of picks one when they want to talk to me. I love long, beautiful hair that NEVER tangles and eyes that sparkleshine like diamons. I like kawaii things so when im not wearing my cute emo skull crop-top and my leather spike boots I'm wearing mt bejewlled school robes! (Everything is better with rhinestones)

Oh yeah, I'm a student andt HOGAWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY. I alsmost forgot to mention that! Oopse!

Twoday is the first day of classes as HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDaRY. weverybody was really mean to me last yar, but that's okay im usedto it. They were probably just jeluos of my rhimestones so I'm still excited!

Anyway, I walked into my first class of the day, only to see...

There's this one person on Deviantart who makes a more... WTF-fic then anything, and when someone asked a "Who would win?" question to them about the cast of their fic vs. one of the fics I believe is on the waiting list to spork, the person said "My fic, by a landslide".

(If it makes things clearer, the other fic is a Loud House one)

And it's interesting, because said person also brought up the PPC, and said something along the lines of "Oh, this one character's aura (note: A version of Joe Kido from Digimon) has a nullification aura that could even nullify PPC weapons due to the powers of his crest and getting possessed by the bad guy of my story!"

When the person asked them why that was, their answer to that was: "The bad guy in question is connected to the meta of all fiction, official and fanfictional."

An extra note is that said bad guy was once a real live person at one point in the story, so it doesn't make it eligible to spork. (Not naming names on the person except that they're a comedy musician IRL).

What do you make of this (kind of messy) fanfiction-verse I saw briefly on Deviantart?

(I personally think they've drank too much "Vs. Battles Wiki" juice, but you do you, DA writer :P)

"I used to sing here, once."

I float down the book-lined aisles, my white dress trailing behind me. I do not know who I'm talking to; perhaps it doesn't matter.

"Oh, it was marvellous," I sigh, looking up at the ornate roof high above. "All the people would lean forward when I sang, stretching from the galleries and boxes as if they could catch my words and keep them forever."

I spin, a lazy circle, the books whirling around me. I remember the lights, the music, the applause - and then it all fades away. I am between the shelves once more, the only sound the gentle rustling of pages.

"This is better," I conclude, and let go.

(El Ateneo, Buenos Aires, Argentina)

hS

I'm not going to make a call here because I know you're more present in the Discord server, and I think it would be better if someone who knows you makes the determination.

For my part, I'm afraid I was not very interested in the agents. Cornelius reads like your basic Lawful Good stick-in-the-mud, which can definitely work as the "straight man" in a comedic duo, but I don't see him acting to foil his partner. In the second story, he just rolls over after a token protest about Hex wanting to lie in his letter. Not much of a crusader for justice there. He doesn't foil the weirdness of the PPC, either, since he doesn't exhibit much of a reaction to new things beyond mild confusion. There's something that could work there, but I'm just not seeing it in the writing samples.

As for Hex, I'm immediately irritated by his self-identification as a troll, and I don't like how he casually uses the often-derogatory term "furry" to apply to any anthropomorphic being. This would be fine if I thought he had other things going for him and was destined to gain some maturity, but I don't see much difference in him between the first story and the second. Perhaps because his partner just gives up on correcting him and lets him do whatever he wants all the time?

The second story feels unfinished to me, as well. I don't think you've said what Hex was intending to lie about, and we don't get a resolution to the attempt at getting a pay raise. So, does that mean the point of the story was Cornelius attempting (very passively) to talk Hex out of doing something, but ultimately giving up and going along with it even though he thinks it's a bad idea?

I'unno. I think it's entirely possible there's more to this that I'm not seeing, which is why I'm not making the final call, but it just didn't grab me. Sorry. {= (

~Neshomeh

In the comments on that Simpsons mission's posting thread, Meta chose three-eyed fish as the mini for that universe.

—doctorlit adopted one, incidentally

I have one of those: Findulias the mini-Balrog wound up being a protagonist.

"Like I say," Mortic said, smiling pleasantly, "ignore him. Oh, yes – you also have technical issues, such as paragraphing and, notably, misspelling one character's name consistently – Findulias, didn't you notice you were on fire?"

Luthien squinted at her companion, as if trying to see through a thick mist. "You know, you do look rather… fiery," she admitted.

I saw it as basically the same as when an agent or a crash-test dummy gets drafted as a character in the fic: the badfic makes them say what it wants to. So what if it's not logical? It's a badfic!

But where it's just one instance of a misspelled name, you could just have the expected character speak, while the mini just appears. Minis are manifestations of typography, not of story logic; they don't have to link up perfectly.

hS

A bad library is a mess. Children's fiction mixed in with the cookbooks, art history stacked on top of engineering manuals. No books seem to leave the building, because nobody can find what they're looking for.

A good library is a haven of organisation. Every book has its place, and if one is moved, the librarian will make sure it gets home again. It is a hub for readers, who walk in and out with stacks of books, taking them home to enjoy.

But the best libraries are inherently unordered, because there is no filing system that can impart structure on the wonders they contain. Books of mystery and magic, alchemy and sigaldry, a million million worlds waiting to be explored. And it is vanishingly rare for any to be taken away - because how could you waste time leaving, when you have a book like that in your hands?

(Göttweig Abbey library, Austria

hS

1. What if a mini talks in the story? I'm asking because one Enterprise badfic had "Jonathon" Archer say something, even though mini-Tribbles aren't supposed to be able to talk.

2. What sort of mini does The Simpsons make? I'm asking because the "How Will I Clean My Fur?" mission (which I didn't write but is set in the Simpsons universe) has two mini's.

I’m really not into the current set of DC movies, but I’ll watch pretty much anything if it means spending time with friends. So I sat down to watch with some real life friends, and also two French bulldogs, although the latter weren’t real invested in it.

Spoiler warnings for Joker (unavoidably talking about the ending, here). Content warnings for some discussion of mental health, suicide, stalking and . . . oh yeah, murder.

I haven’t really enjoyed the DC film universe movies I’ve seen so far, because of the writing being dull and unfun. Joker was also unfun, but definitely not dull. The writing is fantastic, but it’s not a film that was designed to be enjoyed. It’s basically a horror film, but without any of the typical marks of horror. There are no jump-scares, and the story is told from the perspective of the dangerous element, rather than from the victims. The entire film has a constant, increasing mood of suspense and foreboding. There’s a lot of red herring foreshadowing that wants to make the viewer think Arthur is going to kill himself at the end, but the real foreshadowing is all of the murders he commits, because of course it just ends with more murder.

Joker tackles the idea of health care provision failing, and people who need them getting left behind and hurt because of it. The more traditional portrayal of the Joker would have been a terrible option for tackling that topic, but this film made the wise choice of giving us a pre-Joker, a broken and hurting man who hadn’t committed any crimes yet at the film’s start. This, combined with the incredible emotional performance of a man who is just uncontrollably awkward at all times, made it easier to sympathize with and pity Arthur, and the situation he was in. Even then, though, it was impossible to forget the title of this movie; it was impossible to forget what this man was going to become, that he was going to take lives. That aura of suspense really never leaves the screen, even during the mundane scenes; there’s just always a sense of watching things go wrong before my eyes, with no power to stop them. And I’m still rather messed up about the fact that we don’t know for certain whether he hurt that one neighbor lady. I wish she had just locker her dang apartment . . .

During the watch, I was a bit bothered by the film’s portrayal of Thomas Wayne, even though some of what we think we know about him turns out to be delusion later on. I’m used to Bruce’s parents being held up as such paragons, champions of the poor and supporting civil services . . . But one of my friends pointed out that the Thomas in this film is a lot more realistic. There are no paragons in real life, and neither Thomas nor Bruce in any incarnation of this universe seem capable of spending enough of their obscene fortune to prevent Gotham’s slide into cesspooldom. A Thomas Wayne who derides protestors as clowns, punches a man that he knows to have been manipulated into a misunderstanding, and wanting to gain political power feels a lot more like the billionaires we know. And that’s maybe the real takeaway of this movie? I’ve always though in terms of the over-the-top crime activity in Gotham as being a necessary writing choice to justify the in-universe need for Batman. But when you take Gotham City, set it pre-Batman, don’t include any superpowers, and present us with a Joker who is formed not from a vat of mysterious chemicals, but from lacking the medication needed to remain a functioning individual . . . what you’re left with is just . . . the real world United States. Protestors demanding fair wages and an equal voice, and an upper class that just doesn’t care, because they already have the world.

The instant I saw the Zorro title on the theater marquee, I realized what was about to happen to the Waynes. Except . . . did it? That same friend pointed out that because the film features scenes that are later shown overtly to be imagined by Arthur, it begs us to consider if any given scene really happened the way it’s presented, or whether that’s Arthur’s viewpoint of it. The most obvious example is when Arthur’s coworker gives him the gun. Their boss later says that same coworker told him that Arthur had attempted to buy a gun from him, and seemed unsure of Arthur’s memory of events when they confront each other towards the end. Additionally, Arthur being freed from the police by the protestors, and dancing on the hood of the police car while they cheer, contradicts him being in a prison or asylum at the end. So how much of the film is factual to this universe? And how much is Joker making up after-the-fact? Specifically, did his murder of a talk show host really inspire the murder of one of his failed father figures? And did that father figure’s son really go on to dress as a bat and exact unending fruitless war against the Joker, with the Joker constantly escaping from prison? Or does Arthur stay in that asylum for the rest of his life, concocting this self-aggrandizing fiction in his head, with Gotham’s favorite son being the rather bland CEO of a rather bland company?

A few last minor points I liked. I loved the small nod to Batman Beyond with the rioters taking on the clown aesthetic to rage against society, just like the Joker gangs in the animated universe’s future Gotham. I also think the soundtrack intentionally used instrumentation similar to the Dark Knight Trilogy, since they both have similar motifs of societal class warfare. Joker’s music uses much fewer notes, perhaps representing the fact that said class warfare is still developing towards the point we saw it in The Dark Knight Rises. (I’m not saying they’re in the same universe/timeline, just that they feature similar motifs.)

—doctorlit gets tired of smiling sometimes, too

“I worked for Thomas Wayne for thirty spoilers.” “I worked for Thomas Wayne for thirty spoilers.” “I worked for Thomas Wayne for thirty spoilers.”