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Somebody turn this fic into something I can read without feeling ill.

We've been hit by a spambot, and the Board's been temporarily shut down. We've retreated here for the time being. Nothing's wrong with your computer, its the PPC and we're fixing it. We're staying here until T-D gives us the word that we can go back. We cool?

The Main Board, might not be the best of ideas.

I know that it isn't the Board, because there's a post which has replies taking up the greater part of the webpage, and I would have noticed if something like that was on the board. On the other hand, exept for that (and all the other people asking 'where are we') it looks exactly like the board, and I'm getting this uncanny valley vibe. I got here from the Wiki, but it's being so vauge I have no idea what's going on.

So...help with this, please?

I need bleeprin, stat. Did not want that mental image.
What kind of sick author would dream that up?

I was like :c throughout the entire 'fic. I found it through an LJ Comm that specifically goes after bad!pr0n. It's actually really funny, especially the way the people there just tear the various Glodawful descriptions apart.

I mean, I don't know if anyone likes that kind of stuff, but I find it quite disgusting.
I'm going to pour bleach through my ears now.

So, your life has been ruined as well, huh?
Here, have another one to make for it...

I wasn't waiting for you to do it. It was the best way of adding that info to the wiki without drastically altring its format. You are far more ambitious than me, really.
Tell me if you need any help, you definitely need to chill out a bit.

I am seriously hoping this one's a troll, 'cause honestly, it's just that bad. Perhaps someone can take it on for the non-Sue challenge?

Hagrid and Hedwig

Yes, you read that right. I'll let that sink in for a few moments.

...

To help combat the images of :c, here's a picture of what an owl would probably do if asked to do what Hedwig did:






*wanders off to finish her next mission*

I knew buying all of those Frying Pans of Doom^tm in bulk was a good idea!

*Joins in the whack-iness

I do adore Matt Smith. Tennant grew on me eventually, but it took a full season; I liked Matt Smith within the first couple episodes.

Martha kind of bored me, sad to say.

Oh, I can get ahold of old!Who anytime - my roommates are obsessed with Doctor Who and have every episode ever available on the household server. I just need to finish new!Who and maybe the rest of Torchwood first. Is plan. *nodnod*

Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

*whacks troll with a frying pan* Get! Lost! Get! Lost!

Hey, Miw is a cool name. =D

Ah, I see. I would recommend old!Who as soon as you can get hold of some - most older episodes are great!

My favourite new Doctor is Matt Smith - fave companion's Martha. Rose gets on my nerves too.

And as with most things, we've made a joke out of it. Instead of M&Ms, we get the lovely chocolaty indulgence of nm&nms ;)

I will beat you with my Holy Frying Pan of DOOOOOOM!

*THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!*

I keep them all in a little text document on my dektop so I can just copy-paste them in for any newbies that might need them. Here you are, in relative order of sensible-reading-ness:

* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read.
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* Our PPC Wiki
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC


You've probably seen a lot of these already, but nonetheless, I hope they're helpful :)

Don't feed it Sues. Zebra and Antelopes will do.

The board should still work as usual, mostly, for most of the time. There are a few very specific things that I'm doing to combat the ypur stampede. Please forgive the occasional interruptions in service, there's only so many things that can be done to allow the right people to post and prohibit the wrong ones.

Because I'm slightly neurotic, I'll ask for the shiny specially-arranged-for-newbies Links. That is providing it isn't too much trouble.

Last "oh crap, we're getting hit again" thread was almost precisely a year ago.

WTF is up with that?