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I'll look out for that in the future. And reading back the bit you quoted, it did make me cringe a bit. *grin*
Thank you! *runs off to start writing missions*

As the others have said, it's awesome to see someone brave enough to admit this sort of stuff, so kudos and hugs to you for doing so. And not to worry, if you want help improving, there are plenty of people here who'll be more than happy to help (myself included).

As a welcome gift, I present you with a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. Use them well. XD

I think it's pronounced differently, though.

And I have learned something from this thread. The wiki article on Muphry's Law references a meaning of "pasties" that is, um. Well, considering my sister's mother in law makes them for my niece... It's a tad surprising. And now I'm left wondering where the hell in the world "pasties" means "nipple covering" instead of "pastry-based luncheon with dubious meat and onions and un-mentionable pig parts inside".

And what a wonderful way of saying I'm a horribly aggressive and argumentative bitch of a beta. :P

But like you say, it works.

I just read Ficbitches' Chocobo Nights review. *shudders* I feel unclean...

It's lovely to meet you. Others have already said everything I would say here - we've all started out writing terribly, always enjoy what you're doing, and beware sea tutles - so I'll just present you with your very own Newbie Gift - a horseradish - and repeat myself:

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

She's vicious with her beta reads, and can leave us slightly traumatised, but nothing she's betaed doesn't feel squeaky clean in the end. ;)

... as Muphry's Law.

No, really, it is, according to Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry's_law

XD

I guess I set myself up for that one. Go you for being pedantic!

She's in a military academy, so I guess being fifteen is okay. Technically she's going through high school-esque training right now, then she graduates from that at eighteen to full military training in the specialization of her choice (she's thinking medic).

As for "Rory", I can have some of the people call her "Lorelei" (technically her full name), but Rory Mustang kind of stuck as it was going to be part of a planned humorfic one-shot when Roy and Riza are taken to be her parents. Could probably change her backstory so that she's the daughter of a dead sister instead of a dead brother, which would make her Rory Mustang-Fox instead of Fox-Mustang.

Will probably start rewrites at the end of the month. This month I've got my hands full with work. :(
Thanks for all your help! :D

... that you watch your dialogue tags and put line breaks between paragraphs and lines of dialogue from now on. For example, this:

The S.O. was sitting behind a desk, staring at them. Well, Silikat assumed it was staring at them, as it had no eyes and therefore no expressions. Apparently, it came with being a Flower. The sight of a Sunflower in a business suit made the Sue behind her gasp, but just made Silikat think about how bizarre her job was.
Silikat, what do you want? And is that a Sue? The Sunflower demanded, pointing a leaf at the pair.
“Brought this into HQ. Don’t really know what she is. She fell through a plothole.” The Jellicle explained, still aware that the Sue was staring at them slack jawed. Irate as she was, Silikat just wanted to get rid of her, sadistic as she was.
Did you think of asking it? The Flower sounded sarcastic, and Sili gulped. No, she hadn’t thought of that, but since when was an Agent capable of logical thought?

Should look like this:

The S.O. was sitting behind a desk, staring at them. Well, Silikat assumed it was staring at them, as it had no eyes and therefore no expressions. Apparently, it came with being a Flower. The sight of a Sunflower in a business suit made the Sue behind her gasp, but just made Silikat think about how bizarre her job was.

Silikat, what do you want? And is that a Sue? [t]he Sunflower demanded, pointing a leaf at the pair.

“Brought this into HQ. Don’t really know what she is. She fell through a plothole[,]” [t]he Jellicle explained, still aware that the Sue was staring at them slack[-]jawed. Irate as she was, Silikat just wanted to get rid of her, sadistic as she was.

Did you think of asking it? The Flower sounded sarcastic, and Sili gulped. No, she hadn’t thought of that, but since when was an Agent capable of logical thought?

I used square brackets to highlight changes, and the red bit is repetitive language, which you also want to watch out for. {= )

Otherwise, I like the agents, I like the story (is it based on one you wrote?), and I'm interested to see what you do now. Go! Be free! {X D

~Neshomeh

It was fun to read a mission written in first person; I don't think I've ever seen one done that way before. I'm curious to see whether they'll all be like that, and also if Leila ends up narrating some.

Man oh man, I cannot believe the level of grammar in that fic! Most of it should have been auto-corrected by a spell check, which makes me wonder if it really was a trollfic or parody. There were enough mini-Aragogs coming out of that thing to take down one of those giant insects from a 50's horror movie!

I have absolutely nothing new to say, but I'm going to say it anyway. {= )

First of all, it's so awesome that you came to us asking for help. As you can see, that makes us very happy, and we're willing to do anything we can. We know criticism sucks, but the fact that you were able get over it and make the decision to improve puts you head and shoulders above most other amateur writers out there. I salute you.

Unfortunately, I don't know anything about Beka Cooper, either. It's still a good idea to post a link to the story so someone who does know something can have a look at it.

I agree with Barid that it might not have been one of us saying they were going to spork your story, though. We don't generally tell fanwriters if we write missions to their stories.

Finally, I guess this is new: is English not your first language? I'm just curious. Either way, I know a couple of really good online resources for improving your mechanics, and these are them:

A Writer's Reference by Diana Hacker. Contains instructional and interactive material. Play around with it and see what you find. {= ) She also has a book by the same title, if you care to find it. I had it as a textbook in college.

Common Errors in English by Paul Brians. Also comes in book form, which is how I know about the website. Entries are alphabetical. What's really nice is that he includes differences in American and British usage when they appear.

One important thing to remember is: if you're not sure about something, double-check it. {= )

Again, welcome to the Board.

~Neshomeh

Now I feel dumb for not seeing that. Ah, well. :) My grammar has been on the fritz recently, I hope you don't mind.

"you're main problems are with ... grammar"

'Nuff said.

:P

Others on the board may tell you differently

Oh, I will. :P

I read a lot of the mission things and they were funny but it kind of hurt to realize that you guys thought my story was that bad but I got over it and now I'm hoping you guys can help me write better because I dont want that to happen again.

"I read a lot of them and they were funny" - one wossname (where is my grammar brain?), idea, thingy. No comma needed. It's after the "but" that the sentence changes. I'd go for "I read a lot of the missions and they were funny, but." Or even "but...". Probably the latter, actually.

Between "bad" and the following "but" I'd probably have a new sentence detailing the whys.

I'd still put a comma after "got over it" though.


~Pads, just here to stick a spanner in the works, really.

This is the sort of post we like, because it means we're not just scary monsters who eat amateur writers; we're actually trusted to help.

Commas need to be a bit more frequent, but grammatically, in this post at least, you're doing fine.

Sounds like your best bet in this case would be to find someone who's willing to work with you closely on this particular story you've written, and go over all the issues and help you iron them out. I'd offer to help myself, but my Writing Brain is Dead. But best of luck finding someone for it, and gratz on having the balls to come here and ask about it. :)

Like what has been said before, everyone starts out poorly at the start.


That said, there's two very important things about writing.

1) Enjoy it. If you enjoy writing, everyone else can just stuff it. Even us.

2) Accept constructive criticism. When you're able to do that, you're able to improve loads more than you would be able to otherwise, and if you actually get anything out of the concrit to improve yourself, it leads to enjoying your work even more.

I started out with blatant mary-sues myself, and I still have problems with dialogue and characterization. We are all here to become better writers--well, that, and to have as much fun as possible!

Welcome.

Oh, and, regarding grammar, spelling, and writing in general, I have two tips:

1. Read. A lot. The more you read, the more you get to know the patterns of language, and the better you can follow them.

2. Before you publish, get a beta reader. Track down the local grammar nazi, and get them to pick over your work for grammar and general readability. (Spelling you can leave to spell-check, except for homonyms.)

Pardon my messy links...I don't know how to do those nice links that only show the titles on this site. Any advice?

1. "Department of Archives" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4432749/1/DepartmentofArchives

A really good Nolanverse Batman fic, which is, unfortunately, updated slowly. It involves an OFC who eventually falls in love with Batman, but the romance is very well done and un-contrived.

2. "The Greymarch" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4566461/1/TheGreymarch

Excellent story from the Redwall universe. Set in a land far north of Mossflower, this harrowing tale details the struggle of two young creatures trying to defend their home against the onslaught of a terrible enemy. I thought that a dragon could never be put in a Redwall fic without jumping the shark. I was bloody frickin' wrong.

3. "Spare Me These Unending Trials" <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3856634/1/SpareMeTheseUnendingTrials">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3856634/1/SpareMeTheseUnending_Trials

A Pirates of the Caribbean/Phantom of the Opera crossover...that *works.* The most angsty characters of both series...Erik and Davy Jones...switch places in a hilarious turn of events. Jones turns up in the Opera Populaire, where he is cast in the lead role of an opera about the Flying Dutchman, and he falls in love with a certain ballet mistress. Erik ends up captain of the Dutchman, and annoys his crew by making them sing. Snarky hilarity ensues.

4. Any of the Cat-Tales by Chris Dee, seen here: http://catwoman-cattales.com/

This is a realistic take on the Batman/Catwoman relationship, which not only corrects many of the teenage fanbrats, but also a great many of the idiot canon writers who have managed to mangle Catwoman's character over the years. Smart, sassy, and sarcastic, these stories are a great read that will suck you in until the very end (alliteration: ah doez et).

Everybody writes badfic when they're starting out*. That you wrote something spork-worthy just means that you have stuff to learn if you want to get better. We, as you can probably tell, have nothing against you as a person. We've written badfic too, and sometimes we spork fic that we wrote when we were younger.

That said, welcome!

*Speaking of the Tortall fandom, I used to roleplay what would've been the most ridiculously blatant mage/wildmage/Queen's Rider Mary Sue if the board I RP'd on would've allowed it. As it was, she was still pretty horrible.

Congratulations on taking the first step towards improved writing! Most authors never get this far, so give yourself a pat on the back for doing so.

And welcome to the PPC Board!