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I have read the Original Series and the Board Constitution, but not the others. Thank you for the links.

You think two pages is long, try slogging through fifteen! And I wrote them!

Don't worry, most likely it shall be used for discussing last night's Doctor Who with friends down the road or something equally geeky.

I could use some peer review on that. Its 15 pages and probably could be three separate essays if I wanted it to be.

I'm so riled up I wrote 15 pages worth of essay last night at work. Here:

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dc42qtdb_2c4rnmrc6

Answer to the first: It's not a trollfic, per se... It's just got to be a rather magnificent piece of canon mangling. I mean, the first part of everything about the elves in the series being invented by a spiteful little bastard named Julien (and whoever does a mission into that should recruit him), trying to get back at Legolas. Really, the entire thing, the premise included, is just ridiculous.
For the fic: there's a link in the post called "link".
For the second question: HTML tags. for italics and (remove the spaces before/after the 'i' to get the tag), and add letters like 'b' for bold, 'u' for underline, etc. And there's one for links, but I don't remember it.
-H_W

I feel the same way about most the fics we mock, but I am planning to give more concrits to those fics that are not bad enough to warrant a mission. Anyway, I wouldn't really want to have the person follow my name back here or to my LJ if it was someone we had mocked.

I know I have seen a lot of writers that have potential, but need work, and those are the ones that I want to focus on when it comes to concrit.

Note: Anyone can feel free to use Cali or the kids in their water fights. They are all on the wiki if you need to know what they look like.


Part II

"But the baby will get soaked," he protested.

She paused to consider this, and finally said, "We'll keep Helen, but you are taking the rest with you."

"You kids want to get wet?" Cali asked.

"Yeah!" All three of them shouted.

Cali looked around for Castor--this precipitated a five minute search for the kitten, while keeping a firm hold on Kyle's hand. There was so much technology in here that Cali was afraid to let the little mad scientist out of his sight for long. They finally found him in a supply closet surrounded by weapons that he had modified to fire water.

Kyle grabbed one and immediately turned it on the nurses around them. Cali scooped up Castor and as many of the weapons as he could carry, and made a break for the hall. The kids were just behind him. A blast of water helped them through the door.

"Why do they have a water hose that big in Medical?" he asked no one in particular. Kyle scrambled to his feet and ran off, giggling. Kevin followed his brother, but Hannah stopped to take a bedraggled and unhappy Castor, and give Cali a hand up.

"We better catch up to those two, this place is a maze." Cali said.

Hannah grinned and pumped up the pressure in her water gun. "Time to hunt?" she said.

Cali grinned and answered, "Yep."

Cali stuffed the extra weapons into Miah's magic backpack, and they set off after the brothers.

Mature, thoughtful, not a spur-of-the-moment response (or at least, it doesn't look like one) and it's in no way a rant. Has anyone put a link to this on Boosette's essay yet?

I would have to read it to be absolutely sure, but from your description this sounds like a trollfic. Look, the grammar and spelling are good, so the author(s) obviously know how to write, they've read the books so they know what the canon is, but they still get everything wrong about elves, mangle the canon in every way possible, and they admit that they're doing these things. All of these are classic trollfic characteristics. If you want to, link me to the story, and I can confirm my suspicions.

P.S. I don't think the Board is the type of forum to do get all suspicious about it, but before somebody says "Hmm, he knows a lot about trollfics, I wonder if he..." I would like to say, "Ayup." That settle anything?

P.P.S. How did you get this thing to format in italics? I can't figure it out, and it's driving me up the wall!

First of all, that was a great post you just made. It was gently nudging us in the right direction, I feel. I do have a slightly different opinion on concrit, though.

Is it a nice thing to do? Sure. Is it good if the PPC does it? Of course. Should it be mandatory--should we feel like we have to? Absolutely not.

PotCSues put it very well when she said:

I never review the people I report, mostly because in order to give constructive criticism, I have to feel as though the story in question has some merit and that the author will be receptive to my critique. As such, I don't want to waste my time honestly critiquing a story for someone who will not benefit from it and/or who did not put any effort into their story in the first place.

In other words, constructive criticism won't work if:

a) there's no solid foundation (canon knowledge and/or language knowledge) to construct something on. If the best we can say is, "You might want to read the books you say you're a fan or," or "Please find a third-grader to teach you why end punctuation is a good idea," then there's really no point in giving concrit. We can be betas, but we can't be Remedial Writing 101; there's only so much we can do.

b) the author doesn't actually care about the fanfic s/he is writing. More than once, I've caught blatant admissions that the Suethors wrote a fic down while on the phone, in class, or watching TV. If that's the case, we'll have put more effort into our critique than they'll have put into writing the fic in the first place. To mock such a fic will give us entertainment; critiquing it seems like a waste of our time.

c) the author is not receptive to criticism. This is often the case in Suefic. It’s one of the many problems with creating a Mary Sue: since the Suethor identifies with the character so strongly, s/he tends to treat even slightly negative comments about said character as a terrible personal insult.

I would argue that at least one of those holds true for a majority of the badfic we come across. That being the case, I will give concrit when I believe it will actually do some good, but I won't feel as if I am obligated to do so before every sporking or every mission.

~Araeph

It's clear, well thought out, and in no way 'propagandized.' Good work.

Fear us not, sibling-in-newbiness. Have a cardboard sword. It'll do jack squat against a 'Sue, but at least it rymes.

If you all have a few minutes to burn, I've posted my first MST at http://poorcynic.livejournal.com/750.html. The original story is the tremendously unfunny parody/troll/whatever fic "Life of a Terrorist: Counter-Strike."

Comments and criticisms are most welcome.

I agree. I'm not interested in the author backlash. One of my pet peeves is intimidating the weak. What is important is just having fun, and I know that if I get criticised, I'd feel bad too, but it's important to take it in your stride and try harder next time. There are a couple of things I can't just say yes to, but they're minor points and I'd shoot myself in the foot trying to explain them anyway.

So yeah. It's not bullying or misogyny. just having a lark at bad writing.

I was meaning overreacting about the fic. The author bit just slipped in (but take a look at the rest of their LOTR fic, just in case... I think I hurled during one or two of them.) I can tolerate the author... a little. Just a little. I'm going to find one of them and kill it thoroughly.
-Honu_Wahine

Please enjoy this genuine World War I British infantry helmet.

HIS bombs. (ok it's funnier the other way, but still)

Agent Whatever finds some water-based rifles and gives them to Krisp and South. While he makes water bombs for himself, the other two start shooting randomly at everyone.
"YAY! A WATER FIGHT!" says Krisprolls.
South tints his own water red and shoots. "Everything's better with blood! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"South, you might want to tone it down just a little," says What' while he starts shooting hos bombs all over the place.
"No way. Unless you want to have a taste?"
"No, thanks."
"What's not to love in you two," says Krisp.

Fair winds!

*splash*
Agent Iodin spluttered as a very large water balloon came sailing in a ballistic arc and burst over her head.

The Chiss agent's glowing red eyes narrowed in annoyance and rage and she brushed her sopping blue-black hair from her forehead.

"Logan!" she yelled, but the shaggy-haired human Agent had already run away across the cafeteria, followed by new recruit Riboflavin, whom Logan had recuited as part of his water balloon rampage through HQ.

The pair aimed a volley of water balloons at Agent Kern, but the Jedi deflected the oncoming projectiles with a wave of his hand.

"This one's resisting arrest! Get him!" called Riboflavin.

From across the cafeteria, several Agents who had been involved in water battles now converged on the unfortunate Jedi.

"Quick, get one of the special water balloons," prompted Logan.

Riboflavin complied, producing a large balloon from their stash - a Bag of Holding. The balloon was emblazoned with a large "U".

"That's the one!" said Logan, lobbing the balloon at Kern, whose control of the Force was not sufficient to block every balloon. Unfortunately for Kern, he blocked two normal water balloons and let the "special" balloon through.

Said "special" balloon turned out to be filled with urple paint, a deluge of which covered Kern's blond hair completely and was dripping on his robes.

Flabbergasted, the Jedi stood in the middle of the cafeteria, a picture of woe, with his jaw opening and closing as he struggled for words.

"Sithspawn!" he yelled, running after Logan and Riboflavin. "I'll get you for that!"

"Mwa-hah! Urple banditry foreveeeer!!" cackled Logan as he ran out of the cafeteria, cloesely followed by Riboflavin, with Kern in hot pursuit right behind them.

The Nurses had finally gotten Kyle to turn loose of the piping on the ceiling for the fourth time this morning, and Cali noticed that there was a third rip in Kyle's new jeans. Apparently the de-glittering process plus chocolate had reacted in Kyle to produce both incredible energy and the incredible desire to climb. Cali checked that Kevin was holding Caster, the winged mad scientist in the form of a kitten, and Hannah was holding, the baby, Helen. He took Kyle's hand and opened the door of Medical.

Swoosh!

Cali stood, spluttering, as water poured off him. Whomever had rigged the giant bucket of water over the door of Medical had apparently been monitoring their trap, because mad cackles of laughter drifted down the hall to his left.

At the sound of pounding feet and splashes of water coming closer from the opposite direction, Cali stepped back into Medical and pulled the door mostly closed. One Agent ran past him carrying a large water gun, which he was firing back over his shoulder at another Agent who seemed to have a bag of infinite water balloons.

He smiled when the cackling of the booby trapper changed to squawks of protest amid the sounds of water balloon splashes. The Agent with the water gun came stalking back around by Cali.

Cali risked another soaking to poke his head out the door, and ask, "What is going on here?"

"All HQ water gun fight," the Agent said just before he squirted Cali in the face and continued his stalk down the hall.

Cali turned to tell the Nurses what was going on, but found that they had been listening the whole time. Fortunately they had caught Kyle when Cali had let him go.

"Maybe we should wa-" Cali began.

The Nurse holding Kyle by the collar, interrupted him, "You are taking these children to the Nursery, and you will do it now.

Most certainly, this is an important part of the natural cycle of things. Deviation~correction~deviation~correction. That pattern is the way our world operates, and those that do not correct deviate away from what they originally were.

Of course, after Neshomeh spells it out so clearly it seems simple, but these things find a way of slipping in.

That is why giving the PPC a constitution is the wisest thing the Founders could have possibly done. It sets the standard and we need to remember to follow it, or the PPC will find itself astray from its course.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Believe it or not, the PPC does have a measure of power, especially when compared to the influence of one person. Its you who gets to decide how that power is used, so choose wisely.

*poke*

I don't know what you've already read, of course, but there are a few things you should definitely make time for. First, there is the Original PPC Series by Jay and Acacia. It is our canon and that which started it all.

Second, we require that everyone read and abide by the Board Constitution, because it's nicer that way.

After that, there are several helpful documents on the Wiki designed to help acquaint newcomers with us and our habits and behaviors and general weirdness. Sedri's Guide to the PPC is particularly informative, especially when combined with the FAQ for Newbies and the Mission Writing Guide. If you do want to write PPC missions, you should also see the article about how to get Official Permission.

And that's probably quite enough to start with. {= ) Welcome! Have a bumper-sticker! *sticks one on you* ^__^

~Neshomeh

Not to detract from Elcalion's fun thread, which is an excellent idea and in which I will be participating--but I feel like the thread down below, with the whole anti-sporking essay thing, has raised some serious issues that affect all of us. I have attempted to address them in a constructive manner, and I hope each and every one of you will grant me a little of your time for the sake of everyone. I've posted to the PPC's LJ community, because I suspect two-and-a-bit pages is too long for a post here. So:

http://community.livejournal.com/the_ppc/52871.html

Feel free to respond here or there.

~Neshomeh, speechifying.