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http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=redneck&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.fanfiction.net%2Fs%2F4615680%2F8%2FLightandDarkTheAdventuresofDark_Yagami
Here's that badfic WikiMaster reported in Redneck. "Fry mah hide!"?

...on second thought, I probably don't want to eat this.

Have you tried the alternative link yet? You really should see the earlier chapters!

Haven't watched Death Note either. All I know is that this fic is sidesplitting.

Does Near deserve all the bashing that he gets in the story? Also, how old is he? I'm sure he isn't a kid...

Of a thousand comic nerds.

I swore off 4chan about a month back, but this is worth diving back in to see a reaction or two from /co/.

"Dark reached round and grabbed the cock from the table. It was seven oclock."

"Few! I thought I was a boner there!"

Also, note how 'lady' frequently becomes 'laddie'. *laughs at the thought of random hermaphrodites popping up*

Now I know how the Bracket Fungus would sound like as a hillbilly. Or Snoop Dogg. XD

...Uh...pardon? That's not supposed to happen. I don't think that's supposed to happen.

*mourns*

You mean that they are having a teen marriage?

Oh... They made them grow up. Archie Comics I think will finally die a slow and painful death now.

Leto

http://archie-blogs.archiecomics.com/archie_news/2009/05/archie-andrews-is-getting-married.html

... To the brunette.


(prays to the Makers that this is one of those Chani-Paul-Irulan political dealies)

I'd nearly forgotten about Bionicle, actually. And congrats to the Penguin family!

and my agents are bored; Party Time!

*****

"Drat! Where is that party supposed to be again?" Eesa struggled to hold on to about five bags of party supplies and a generous jug of bleepka as she trotted beside her partner down a hallway. Sive, who held nothing except a bag of popcorn, merely rolled her eyes.

"Response Center 20736. It says it here on the paper."

"Well, where is that? Our Response Center is nowhere near, surely."

One of the bags slipped from Eesa's grasp and spilled its contents all over the floor. Sive sighed and bent down to gather up the dumped items, mainly Silly String and confetti.

“We’ll find it eventually.”

*****

Eventually, as it turned out, happened to be two hours later. After lugging around the party stuff for this amount of time, Eesa felt like her arms were going to drop off. Luckily, this room couldn’t be mistaken for any others. The sign on it clearly read: “RC #20736”.

“Uh… Could you knock on the door, Sive? My arms are kinda full.”

Her partner took one look at the overburdened teenager and rapped on the door twice.

“Why did you bring so much stuff? I just brought popcorn.” Sive asked, rattling the bag she held slightly.

“’Cause I wanted to and that’s why.” Eesa retorted.

*hands out petrified bagels to all* Here you go. Don't try to eat those though, they're rock hard. Petrified bagels are good for throwing at Sues though.

The PPC isn't the organization for dealing with the vileness that is a canon 'Sue. Head on over to canon_sues on LJ or Google it and see what comes up. I could not agree more with you about Bella, and you'll find yourself in good company at TwilightSucks.com (http://twilightsucks.com/board/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?action=im).

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

Best one is the Redneck version: "legolas by Mary Jane".

But we've still got to spork it, though (he didn't label it as a parody, and there are several canon violations*). Any mission or MST through this work would surely cause me to giggle myself to bits!

*Yes, I know I don't watch or read Death Note, but i'm sure Light doesn't have a twin brother who engages in sixsomes with his mom, his sister, his girlfriend, and a girl from the bus.

I died of laughter, got ressurected, then died again.

... actually mostly humanity is a bunch of nice people too shy to say anything - you just run across the morons more often cos they're louder :P

The first scene in Celebrian (cut off where the smut starts; I ran that through it, too, but figured I probably shouldn't post it here):

Celebrian standed befoar teh goblin kin, hedz boweded. Her lawng silvah locks hided her faec. Silent tearz streameded down durtee checks.

Teh orcz haded nawt mistreateded her—woe ta n e orc hoo spoileded teh kin’s pleasuer-toy. But teh hem uv her travelin dress wuz wet adn muddied by teh lawng walk thru watah loggeded tunnelz. Her hehr wuz matteded adn her affecshun-appendixez werz muddied, bruiseded adn kut frum menny a tumble in teh dark. Noen uv dat mattered compared ta teh faet dat awayteded her at teh handz uv dis sow-cawleded kin.

"Whut iz dis?" sayed teh goblin kin. Teh lift uv him loin cloth cauzd by teh stiffenin uv him cock demonstrateded full well dat teh kweschun wuz moot.

"A elf-bitch, yur highness, bringed frum teh caev at teh top uv teh pass. We snatcheded her whiel her sleeped."

"wuz her alonze?" askeded teh Kin.

Him yellow, watery eyup gazeded at him captiev. Dowz eyup displayeded a hint uv fear uv elf-warriorz but faar moar dey gloweded wif lust. Elvez wud stawp at nofin ta reclaim a losed woman ta teh orcz. Az well dey shoodz, thot, teh kin contemplatin whut lied in stoar foar dis fien specimen uv elven womanhood. Breakin her ta him needz wud b exquisiet.

"noes, yur highness. But dey haz nawt pursueded awr yet. gardz iz posteded. We will nows if dey com."

Celebrian kud follow deir werdz, foar teh orcz werz a mixeded lot uv big Uruks adn liddill woodz-goblinz adn uzd teh Westron tun ta communicaet. Her hart kud nawt halp leap wif teh remindah dat her husband Elrond wud com in search uv her. adn noes foarce uv orcz kud stay her rescue. Her haded ownlee ta owtlass her captorz foar a liddill whiel.

Teh goblin strokeded teh stubble awn him chin wif a graet claweded hand. Him idly pikkeded teh nostril uv him large pig-noes adn twicheded him pig-earz sow dat teh tuftz uv hehr in teh earz twicheded. Tusk-teef protrueded upward frum him undah-slun jaw.

Him smileded. Him knowed whut her wuz finkin. adn him knowed dat valor or nawt, eet wud taek graet effort foar Elvez ta track dem thru teh maez uv tunnelz. Dey haded nawt idly bringed her thru watah-filleded tunnelz: trackin wuz near impussible.

Teh Elvez wud com, but nawt foar a lawng tyme. adn him wud likely b goen lawng befoar dey arriveded. But if nawt, well, sum pleasurez werz worth teh risk.

"Strip her," him sayed at lass.

Celebrian’s hedz jerkeded up. Her hehr falled awai frum her faec revealin violet eyup undah slivah eyebrowz, a fien small noes adn a tiniez, delicaet mouf.

Changed my mind.

“WE MUST GET THE WANK OUT OF THIS SODDING CONTRACEPTION!”

*Now* I will die of laughter.

...

*dies*

"The world of the shinigami was very cold except for the hot bits and also some bits that were alright and that was where Dark was because he was the new king of the shinigami."

"All the other sinigami bowed there heads off because they loved him so much in a nonsexy way except the women."

You don't get that kind of Lemony Narrator unless it's on purpose.

"Du’ark gotted up and made some toast."

*dies of laughter*