Subject: There's a deeper root you're missing here.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-11-01 18:49:00 UTC

First off, hS didn't just magically "disappear," you flipped out and swore at him for giving you constructive criticism - then, with that thread not even halfway down the page, you went looking for a beta. Second, you seem to have gone after him specifically in your requests because, and I quote, "...you seem to have graded hundreds of characters in the last decade, but everyone that grades my other characters are inexperienced."

I don't know if you're referring to the thee PGs (in which case you're wrong - all of us, or at least the ones you've dealt with, have been doing this for years, some of us professionally on occasion), people outside the PPC, or just the people who have commented on your repeated beta request threads. I obviously can't speak to the people outside the PPC, but I've seen several experienced writers and critics give you feedback.

Know what else I've seen? You have not treated any of them well. You have gotten defensive when people ask you for more information, you have snapped at people who point out flaws in your characters and writing, and I don't believe I have ever seen you thank anyone, regardless of the nature of their feedback, for taking the time to help you. This is, as you have repeatedly pointed out, immature. It's also a really great way to ensure that absolutely no one wants to beta for you. Beta-ing an idea requires trust on both parties: trust that the writer will be respected, and trust that the beta will be as well. Nobody wants to get involved with a writer who only takes praise, and rejects or gets angry so quickly... and who never acknowledges that the beta is doing a job for them.

So - yes, your response to hS was immature, uncalled for, and most of all verbally abusive, which goes against the Constitution (and standards of behavior in most communities). More than that, though, your behavior on the whole has been immature, and it is not okay. Saying "I'm just immature" is not an excuse, nor an apology. To move past this, you need to make a conscious effort to stop this behavior. Until you do, I predict that you are going to have the same problems over and over finding a beta, not just here, but anywhere.

Unbidden, I keep thinking about how I would've responded to one of my reporters doing this, when I was editing the campus newspaper. Or what my adviser would have done, if I had gotten hurt and angry when he pointed out the major flaws in my scholarship application. My priest has a saying about getting your ego out of your writing, which he has thrown at me several times, and which I think may be useful: make sure that your self-image is not reliant on the work that you do, because you will never be satisfied with it (and you will always have trouble taking criticism).

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