Subject: I like it.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-02-03 16:07:00 UTC

I think it's much more clear and progresses easily from one point to the next. The bases seem to be pretty well covered.

On your questions:

1. I think there's a difference between "I disagree with you and my opinion hasn't changed, but I'm sorry for offending you anyway [because I care about your feelings]" and "I'm sorry you were offended even though I'm totally still in the right [therefore you're stupid for feeling that way]." The former should be acceptable while the latter is not. But yeah, it is a fairly tricky matter of word order and tone, which has also given us no end of trouble. I think I said something at some point to the effect that a decent apology should be for the hurt/offense given, because the point is to show that you respect the other person and didn't actually want to hurt them. It also helps to say that you'll try to avoid doing/saying whatever it was in the future, 'cuz it shows you understand the problem and do want to get along. Maybe something like that could go in as a sub-clause of Proposed Article 11? Though I don't think it would be wise to dictate "All apologies must take this exact form or else," so... hrm. Maybe someone else can solve this one.

2. I don't think there's anything wrong with both parties apologizing for a misunderstanding. It takes two, after all, and if everybody cares enough about everybody else's feelings to say they're sorry for hurting them even if it was an accident, that's great. {= )

I think what we're looking for here is humility enough to accept that we can always be wrong and kindness enough to put the other person's feelings over our own. It's embarrassing to make a mistake, and being challenged or called on it can make us defensive and angry, but our feelings are not more important than everyone else's. We should help each other realize that making a mistake is not necessarily the end of the world, so we can let it go. This gets proportionally more difficult the more important the thing you're wrong about is to your identity, but there are only a few things that really ought to be that big a deal, I think, and they're pretty well covered in Proposed Articles 2 and 3.

I think I've strayed from the point of the question, though. My sense is that if someone has honestly done nothing wrong and someone else is jumping on them, that sort of thing usually gets nipped in the bud pretty quickly. It may not need clarification. But others may have other ideas.

~Neshomeh

Reply Return to messages