Subject: If Plort was written today, with this fresh in mind.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-02-07 09:33:00 UTC

Oy, newbie! Yeah, that’s right, come over here. You don’t need to be scared of a middlebie like me – it’s only a year ago I was standing right where you are, squeaky-clean boots and all.

Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t be scared at all, mind. You know those stories you heard about the Tsarina, how she secured her throne by cutting down every single other claimant, everyone else who knew the Great Ones before they ascended to glory?

Yeah, it’s true. Every word, and more that don’t even get said.

But most of us ain’t scary. Us middlebies, well, we’re just ordinary folks like you and the other newbies. Even the oldbies – yeah, they’re good at what they do, and you’ll learn a lot by watching them, but they’re basically just doing their jobs.

But the olderbies, they’re intimidating. People like Desdendelle and Sergio are so far beyond even the oldbies that they make… well, they make me feel like you. You listen to them, you do exactly what they tell you, and you thank your lucky stars they’re not telling you off.

And you are lucky, newbie – we all are. The really big names, the proper veterans, don’t show their faces too much around here these days. But if you see them – if you run into the likes of JulyFlame or VixenMage - you salute, and you mean it. They served the Tsarina when you were still playing catch with the kid next door, and they’re… I mean, they scare the pants off some of the oldbies. Just stay out of their line of fire, kid.

O’course, however hard you try, you won’t be able to keep away from the Council of Five – no, it’s Three now, ain’t it? The ancientbies - don’t let them hear you say that, word to the wise – are here all the freaking time, they’re impossible to get away from. Huinesoron, Neshomeh, Delta Juliette – remember their names, and remember that there used to be five of them until Araeph and Elcalion… disappeared.

You don’t wanna ellipsis disappear, do you? No. So watch your squeaky-clean tongue around ‘em, and keep your head so far down your nose scrapes the dirt.

Now look, I know I’ve made it sound pretty scary here, and honestly, it is. But it’s also the greatest job in the world. You’re in the service of Tsarina Kaitlyn the Magnificent, doing the work of the Great Ones, Jay and Acacia themselves. There’s no better place to be – and no better folks to be there with.

Welcome to the war, newbie. Welcome to the PPC.




:D Okay, obviously this is a spectacular misrepresentation of the PPC community and everyone in it. But it was so much fun to write. Quick, someone stop me before I start making campaign ribbons.

hS

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