The time: HST 2022

The place: Some undefined location composed entirely of Generic Matter

The situation: Judge Claude Frollo's Post-Modern Nubian Goddess finds herself in an unknown place. Read on…

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That's weird… This ain't Paris… Where am I… Where's Claude?

The healthily plump and curvy New World lady of luscious dark caramel brown sugar wild honey molasses skin looked warily around, mind lost in an ellipsis-ridden internal monologue. If everything went according to plan, she would be in 14th-century Paris, shashaying through the streets in anachronistic skanky clothing, feeding modern American food to a medieval Frenchman, then embarking on a night of love and passion with a pious man whose religious code forbade him from having sex. Instead, she landed in this unknown place, surrounded by a crowd that put the wildest Festival of Fools to shame.

Whatever happened, she must get out of here and into the arms of her beloved Judge Claude Frollo.

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((And that's my attempt at recapping everything wrong with "Claude & Me" fics in one post. The whole "time & place" beginning bit shows up a lot in the oneshots, particularly the NSFW ones))

Hi Im Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way and Im nut a Maru Sue!111 One day while I was wearinf white foundation wif black lipstick and a red corset that said mcr on it (AN: If u dont kno hu dey r den [CENSORED] of!111) and a black leather miniskirt with pentagrams on it. I look just like Amy Lee (if u dnt kno hr denj ur a prep) and then I was in a fancy efface where this big red flower was.

"OMFS!!" I said. [That's "Orange Mints Fight Staleness."] "What the [BLEEP] am i doing here?"

"Ur here bcoz ur a Marie Sue!!" said a pnik flower. What a preppy color! N den...I atack the flower because it's a prep. But It doesn't have any blood!!!"

What will happed next?

((And...that's my imitation of My Immortal. Yes, "Mary Sue" itself is misspelled.))

Rick appeared in a flash of awesome light, flourishing his katana as he looked at the big flower in front of him. Where was his crowd of adoring women? It'd been ten seconds without affirmation, ten seconds far too long. He flourished his katana, sending lightning and fire shooting from it to be intimidating, and then pointed it at the flower.

"Where's the women!?"