Subject: "I don't have any steak, and besides, why would I want to kill you?
Author:
Posted on: 2022-05-09 23:20:14 UTC
You haven't done too much besides holler at me, which is not enough reason to kill anyone."
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Sue-Off RP by
on 2022-05-07 16:29:21 UTC
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Writing
RP
Plug
Game
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Welcome, one and all, to the Sue-Off RP! You will have one Sue (or Stu) each, and be able to play a selection of other Suvians as well.
Nienor—TheBefuddledBookworm
Danisha Wood—K.n.Shirayuki
Rick Evans—Sierpinksi
And I, Linstar, will take Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way
Free Sues: * Saibankannokami Takara Kishimoto * Reicheru
Rules:
*Don’t kill off someone else’s Suvian.
*Feel free to include any of your agents or free Suvian.
*If someone wants to join mid-game, they may. Just say so in the sign-up post.
*Don't insult the authors of these characters.
*Be kind in your parodies.
*Have fun!
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Looks like this is coming to a close... by
on 2022-05-12 17:27:30 UTC
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The Bloodflower grabbed his Dues ex Flowera devise and used it 2 sennd the Sues bacj.
“Whew” said Makesthings, “ that was—“
He was interrupted by a pair of Agents, who had arrived to slay the PPC badfic....
The End!
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((PS: the "Bakara" thing by
on 2022-05-08 15:56:00 UTC
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is an out-of-universe nickname for her, if you see what I mean. Plays on the word baka which means a range of things from "idiot" to "asshole"))
- ((Here's the Sign-Up post for easy access.)) by on 2022-05-08 13:20:16 UTC Reply
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The Bloodflower Official by
on 2022-05-07 16:35:47 UTC
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((This is the framing for the whole story))
The Bloodflower Official sighed. Ever since he’d taken over his twin brother’s organization and become King if the PPC and made the Sub Rosa fall in love with him, he was bored.
But then.......he had an idea! He would take all the Sues and force them to fight to the death! That way, he could satisfy his thirst for Sue blood.
“Makesthings!” he said. “Make all the Sues fight to the death!”
Ok said Makesthings. Then....he did!
AN: is it good?
((Actual author’s note: Is it good?))
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That's weird… This ain't Paris… Where am I… Where's Claude? by
on 2022-05-08 02:09:27 UTC
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The time: HST 2022
The place: Some undefined location composed entirely of Generic Matter
The situation: Judge Claude Frollo's Post-Modern Nubian Goddess finds herself in an unknown place. Read on…
That's weird… This ain't Paris… Where am I… Where's Claude?The healthily plump and curvy New World lady of luscious dark caramel brown sugar wild honey molasses skin looked warily around, mind lost in an ellipsis-ridden internal monologue. If everything went according to plan, she would be in 14th-century Paris, shashaying through the streets in anachronistic skanky clothing, feeding modern American food to a medieval Frenchman, then embarking on a night of love and passion with a pious man whose religious code forbade him from having sex. Instead, she landed in this unknown place, surrounded by a crowd that put the wildest Festival of Fools to shame.
Whatever happened, she must get out of here and into the arms of her beloved Judge Claude Frollo.
((And that's my attempt at recapping everything wrong with "Claude & Me" fics in one post. The whole "time & place" beginning bit shows up a lot in the oneshots, particularly the NSFW ones)) -
"luscious dark caramel brown sugar wild honey molasses" by
on 2022-05-08 07:10:33 UTC
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((That description is urpletastic!))
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((All of those descriptors by
on 2022-05-08 09:00:07 UTC
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are actually used in the fics to describe the Sues at regular intervals, though not all of them in one sentence))
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Ebondy saw Danisha by
on 2022-05-08 02:27:14 UTC
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She lept of the flower and esked her. "Were are we? Hu r u?"
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Danisha eyed her from head to toe by
on 2022-05-08 15:40:42 UTC
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with obvious disdain. This garishly dressed female with multicolored hair screams "airhead"; clearly not Claude's type. Good thing he wasn't there, or Danisha might have to witness yet another bimbo drooling over Her Man. It only makes perfect sense, considering she was aware and accepting of her being the 14th in a harem of about thirty of his Secret Mistresses, and she brutalized Esmeralda for refusing to get together with him.
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Ebony is da best, ok!1111 by
on 2022-05-08 01:53:27 UTC
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Hi Im Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way and Im nut a Maru Sue!111 One day while I was wearinf white foundation wif black lipstick and a red corset that said mcr on it (AN: If u dont kno hu dey r den [CENSORED] of!111) and a black leather miniskirt with pentagrams on it. I look just like Amy Lee (if u dnt kno hr denj ur a prep) and then I was in a fancy efface where this big red flower was.
"OMFS!!" I said. [That's "Orange Mints Fight Staleness."] "What the [BLEEP] am i doing here?"
"Ur here bcoz ur a Marie Sue!!" said a pnik flower. What a preppy color! N den...I atack the flower because it's a prep. But It doesn't have any blood!!!"
What will happed next?
((And...that's my imitation of My Immortal. Yes, "Mary Sue" itself is misspelled.))
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((I think you may have just invented a new Sue color... by
on 2022-05-08 15:09:25 UTC
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Since you invented pnik, I believe that you have the right to make up a hideous description for how it looks.
- Bw, beginning to be horrified by the awfulness of the SPaG.))
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I think pnik is a disturbingly dark shade of pink. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 01:26:12 UTC
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((I am using (mostly) real misspellings from My Immortal. by
on 2022-05-08 18:12:29 UTC
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And yeah, My Immortal spelling is so bad, this page exists.
And pnik, in fact, has its own wiki page! [Created by me.]))
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((The page with every single misspelling also has several Sue colors in it, I noticed.)) (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 00:25:21 UTC
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Albastard, Bark/Barke, and Blak/bvlak come to mind. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 01:25:18 UTC
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OMG YOU GUYS STOP FLAMING ME HE'S NOT A GARY STU I SWEAR by
on 2022-05-07 23:58:57 UTC
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Rick appeared in a flash of awesome light, flourishing his katana as he looked at the big flower in front of him. Where was his crowd of adoring women? It'd been ten seconds without affirmation, ten seconds far too long. He flourished his katana, sending lightning and fire shooting from it to be intimidating, and then pointed it at the flower.
"Where's the women!?"
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The Bloodflower was shooked. by
on 2022-05-08 01:40:21 UTC
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"MAKESTHINGS WHAT DID YOU DO!!! he said. "The Seus are supposed to be in the arena not my office now there running around headquarters! " THen he ran into the Dosat room.
Makesthings the mini-agent sighed. He wasn't even the real Makes-Things. How was he supposed to know what the bloodflower wanted?
And hten....the Bloodflower used his majic Flower Powers to become invincible!!!
((I'd like to get rid of Bloodflower myself, but feel free to do whatever you want with Makesthings or any other characters.))
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Man it's so lucky you escaped. by
on 2022-05-08 13:49:59 UTC
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Rick looked around, and noticed two women. After taking time to describe their exact breast sizes to himself and remark that they were blandly cute, he approached them, absolutely certain that he was going to engage in the horizontal waltz soon enough. Sure, they sparkled, but didn't he do that here too?
After folding Paper Mario and somehow making every character more cardboard than canon, Rick knew he was going to have his desires fulfilled here - he was the chosen one, after all.
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Ebony looed at Rick. by
on 2022-05-08 18:42:23 UTC
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"What the [DELETED] is wrong wif u [REMOVED] prep!11" she said.
Then she ran of to go sadly bloody tears of joy with all her gottik friends.
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Danisha used "Sistah with a 'Tude", it's super effective by
on 2022-05-08 15:53:07 UTC
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How dare this brazen specimen try to hit on Minister Frollo's Post-Modern New World Brown-Sugared Aphrodite Diva Lady? With her trademark annoying sass, she told Rick, NOTICE FROM THE FORMLESS NARRATOR: Danisha's vocal chastisement of Rick can't be printed, because it's UNPRINTABLE! The rest is cool, though. :-)
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Shirayuki, please, this is way too much. by
on 2022-05-08 23:32:58 UTC
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Even being based on a fic character, that outdated level of racial stereotype doesn't belong in this community.
—doctorlit
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((I stand corrected, by
on 2022-05-09 01:12:18 UTC
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I'll try showing more of Nisha's ridiculousness without directly quoting the more unsavory bits))
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Error 404: Reaction not found. by
on 2022-05-08 21:15:53 UTC
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Hang on a minute. This wasn't right. This didn't make any sense at all. Women not instantly falling for Rick? What impossibility, travesty was this? Rick stormed up to Makesthings, the only other man in the room.
"I'M NOT A KID!!" He yelled, the spare exclamation mark flying at hypersonic speeds into Sierpinski's breakfast tomorrow, ruining it, "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"
Before giving Makesthings any time to respond, Rick proceeded to grab him with hand by the throat, lifting him up "WHERE IS MINISTER FROLLO!?"
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"Why you grabbing him? And who is minister Frollo? Let him go, or you'll squish him," said Nienor. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 00:01:57 UTC
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"Let me go!" by
on 2022-05-09 01:28:51 UTC
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Makesthings squeaked. As he was a mini, he was in serious danger from Rick. "I don't know! Please, I didn't do anything!"
((Poor Makesthings. He's the only sane character.))
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Suddenly, another person appeared. by
on 2022-05-08 15:21:21 UTC
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She was tall and thin, with straight white hair and red eyes. She was wearing black, somewhat tattered clothes, and a long black cloak.
"Where am I? Who are you?" she asked, looking suspiciously at these people.
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Ebony ran into her. by
on 2022-05-09 01:30:45 UTC
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"WTF???" [That's "Why The Flamingos?", by the way.] Ebony shooted. "Get out off my way u strupid prep!111"
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The Why the Flamingos narrowly missed hitting Nienor. by
on 2022-05-09 15:42:31 UTC
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"I'm not a prep," she replied. "And I'm not stupid, either, if that's what you meant." Nienor had no idea where she was, but since there were no other Nazgul to bash her up for rebelling against them and Sauron, she saw no reason to get out of the way of this hollering, scantily-dressed person who couldn't even spell stupid right.
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Eboby stopped running. by
on 2022-05-09 17:05:26 UTC
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“If u dont know hu mcr are then ur a prep.” She paused. “Do yu lime Hot Topic?”
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A mini-Sue appeared next to Ebony. It squeaked. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 17:17:34 UTC
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Eboby ran over to where Ebondy already was. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 17:32:04 UTC
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Nienor tried and failed to figure out what all the misspellings meant. "Do I what what?" (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 17:16:59 UTC
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Enopby laughed statistically. by
on 2022-05-09 17:28:56 UTC
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She polled out her wound. "Crookshanks!111" she shooted.
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Nienor looked confused and slightly grossed out. by
on 2022-05-09 18:03:16 UTC
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There was blood all over Ebony. Nienor wondered if she noticed this.
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Due to excessive misspelling, the canonical cat, by
on 2022-05-09 18:09:26 UTC
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Crookshanks somehow lept out of one of Ebony's wounds. It jumped onto Nienor's head and started scratching her.
Badfic voice
Enoby loafed meanly. Den she saw...Morty McFli! And his Blak tim machine!11
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Danisha tried to climb into the "tim machine" to get to where she wanted by
on 2022-05-10 01:54:18 UTC
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It didn't work.
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A mini-DeLorean with "Morty McFli" on it drove itself out of a large box with wires and tubes on it. by
on 2022-05-09 18:36:52 UTC
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The box had "tim" written on it in large letters.
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The mini-Sue "Enoby" was driving it. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 18:38:12 UTC
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"Ow! Gerroff!" Nienor knocked Crookshanks off her head. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 18:29:43 UTC
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Morty gave ebony the tim machine. by
on 2022-05-09 18:34:10 UTC
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"This will help u go frowad in tim," he said. Then he dusappeared.
Egogy frowned. The tim macnine looked just like an ipod. Then...it disappeared too!
"U did dis!" she said 2v Niemoh.
((Ow. My eyes. What did I just type?))
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Nisha was especially disappointed by
on 2022-05-10 03:09:27 UTC
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Now that the "tim machine" was gone, there was no way she could get out of there and go see Her Man Claude Frollo.
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((I don't know, but ow, the SPaG is horrendous and horrible and makes me want to holler.)) (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 18:40:43 UTC
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((Yup, it's pretty brain-breaking.)) (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 18:42:23 UTC
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((If you'd like for Nienor to do something more than react to Ebony's insanity, by
on 2022-05-09 18:40:25 UTC
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please make her do so. If she can make Ebony act out of character, all the better.))
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"How the heck should I know? I didn't do that!" said Nienor, looking if possible, more confused. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 18:38:41 UTC
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She decided to try a different tactic. "If you can do something besides holler at me, by
on 2022-05-09 18:44:04 UTC
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maybe we could get somewhere. I have no idea where we are, but at least there aren't any more Nazgul coming to beat the heck out of me for escaping again." Nienor didn't know what a tim machine was, but she didn't see why it should be scared of her.
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Now it was Ebony's turn to look confused. by
on 2022-05-09 18:51:04 UTC
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"Why would I want to work wif a prep? You probably r in league with Voldermort anyway.!!!11 Enony didn't know what a Nazgull was, but she knew it was preppy.
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"Who is Voldemort? I think that we have different homeworlds. Also, what's a prep?" by
on 2022-05-09 19:16:35 UTC
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((The silly thing is, I think that Nazgul could be considered gothic, couldn't they?))
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"Voldemont is a [BLEEP]ing prep u tryed 2 kill my boyfriend." by
on 2022-05-09 19:22:32 UTC
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said Evony. "If u don't know what a prep is, then ur a poser! [Hug. She meant hug.] u!111"
((If Nienor explains what the Nazgul are, Ebony might decide she's goff after all.))
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"Nazgul are people of dubious aliveness who tend to be very much sword happy. I'm not exactly one, by
on 2022-05-09 19:25:53 UTC
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but kind of. The rest of them like to use me for practicing on, on account of me running away and refusing to help them find the Baggins."
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"So ur a vompire 2?" esked Ebony. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 19:27:06 UTC
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Nienor shrugged. "Not exactly. I'm not a vampire like Thuringwethil, if that's what you mean. by
on 2022-05-09 19:33:12 UTC
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To put it simply, I'm the victim of a botched execution involving poisonous knives, fire, and generally disgusting details which i won't go into now.. Or something. Maybe it wasn't an execution and I was supposed to end up like this. But I'm not really a human anymore either."
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"Well," said Ebony. by
on 2022-05-09 19:34:35 UTC
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"Do u like 2 drink blood?" She giggled.
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"If I have to, I will, but it's better if you put it in some kind of sausage or something." (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 19:47:52 UTC
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"Well," said Ebony. by
on 2022-05-09 19:54:16 UTC
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"The best thing 2 hav blood with is Count Cholcula. Blud better than milk in it."
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Nienor didn't know what that was, so she didn't reply. (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 20:04:02 UTC
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"Ebondy singed. by
on 2022-05-09 20:21:46 UTC
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"I nu u were really a prep." sh said. Den ahe statred to cry tears of blood.
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"What are you crying for? Cause you think I'm a prep? by
on 2022-05-09 20:30:49 UTC
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Why would hating being forced to drink blood make me a prep? You try having my shpxing mess of an unlife!" Nienor was getting annoyed.
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"No," sha sai. by
on 2022-05-09 20:55:31 UTC
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((Warning: Bl:1)) "its bcoz u try 2 act goff but really ur just a poser!111" She then started "Every1 is in luv wif me y is my life so hard? Why the [deleted] am I so beautiful?"
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((Could you specify that it is BL1 in the spoiler text, please? /not mad)) (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 22:58:55 UTC
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I honestly don’t remember the exact specific order the blacklist is in.... by
on 2022-05-09 23:12:10 UTC
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....But I’ll do so anyway.
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"That is disgusting, and you're not blaming me if it kills you." (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 21:12:19 UTC
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“No,” said Ebony “da onoy thing that can kill me is a steak or a C-R-O-S-S.” (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 21:33:47 UTC
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"Steak? Meaning that i could kill you by cooking up a nice big steak, seasoning it, by
on 2022-05-09 22:00:29 UTC
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and throwing it at you? That would be a strange death to die."
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"I don't have any steak, and besides, why would I want to kill you? by
on 2022-05-09 23:20:14 UTC
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You haven't done too much besides holler at me, which is not enough reason to kill anyone."
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"I'm not in league with him, unless that's your name for Sauron, by
on 2022-05-10 01:44:30 UTC
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in which case I'm still not in league with him. Do I look like a Death Eater?" she said, rolling up the sleeves of her long black shirt. On her right arm was writing in some language which definitely wasn't English.
((Never mind how she knows what those are now.))
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"Or Death Deeler, or whatever they're called? Sauron is a very nasty sadistic person who is trying by
on 2022-05-10 16:52:01 UTC
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to conquer the world I used to live in, Middle Earth. It's not actually my homeworld though. I was brought there by some sort of magic."
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"Lol"said Enoby. by
on 2022-05-10 19:00:20 UTC
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"Im statistic 2. Dat Saurn guy ounds rlly goffik."
((Ow, SPaG bad. No verb.))
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"You try living with that guy," Nienor said. by
on 2022-05-10 21:41:21 UTC
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She wondered why Ebony thought that Sauron being a nffhole was a good thing. She wasn't sure what Ebony meant by being statistic either.
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Ebony sat in a corner, crying tearz off blood. by
on 2022-05-11 17:25:37 UTC
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She drank sum blood n listend 2 sum Mcr on her ipod.
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Nienor started to walk away down the hall in the direction of Rick. (nm) by
on 2022-05-11 16:51:35 UTC
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"Whats a Death Eater?" asked Ebondy. by
on 2022-05-10 02:09:20 UTC
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"And huz Soron?"
((In My Immortal, they're called "Death Deelers".))
She glanced over at Danisha.
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"Bcuz ur in leg with Volxemort!" by
on 2022-05-10 01:31:40 UTC
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Ebony said. "Dats y!"
((Ugh. SPaG is HORRIBLE here.))
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“If you did den ur a prep!” (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 23:10:13 UTC
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"What the hell..." Nienor's expression was a mix of horrified, esasperated, and worried. by
on 2022-05-09 21:11:35 UTC
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What kind of world had she fallen into? Was everyone this insane?
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I have to say—your Sue seems positively well-written. Perhaps even recruitable. by
on 2022-05-09 21:35:04 UTC
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(Well, compared to Ebony)
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((Well... I *may* be writing her somewhat OOC, but she's nowhere near as bad as Ebony.)) (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 22:02:15 UTC
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There’s a reason Ebony’s Legendary.... by
on 2022-05-09 23:14:31 UTC
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(Which makes me think of Sues as Pokémon. Gotta charge ‘em all!)
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((Well, Ebony likes weapons, and she's a vampire...)) (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 19:26:28 UTC
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"He was goffic 2 n now the tim machine is scarred of u so now its gone!11" by
on 2022-05-09 18:43:59 UTC
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said Ebony sadly with bloody tears of goffic sadness.
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Danisha was in complete and utter despair by
on 2022-05-10 08:27:32 UTC
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She couldn't go see Frollo and feed him turkey and pecan pie waah[insert a whole parade of exclamation marks here]
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"Its ok" sid the Subrose. by
on 2022-05-10 15:06:20 UTC
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"I'll help you fnnid your frien."
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((*grabs mini-Boarder* What shall I do with you? I suppose you can stay here and watch... by
on 2022-05-08 15:21:52 UTC
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What is the usual thing to do with mini-Boarders?))
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Add them to your wiki page? That's what I'd do. (nm) by
on 2022-05-08 18:08:33 UTC
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((What will we do with a mini-boarder? by
on 2022-05-08 15:57:47 UTC
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Earlay in the mornin'!))
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Um...what? (nm) by
on 2022-05-09 18:11:07 UTC
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((Referencing the sea shanty Drunken Sailor by
on 2022-05-10 06:39:15 UTC
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Weigh-hey and up she rises!))