Subject: That was a good mission!
Author:
Posted on: 2023-09-23 02:47:27 UTC
It's nice to see Moria, Summer, and Blank and to see everyone get some character development.
Also, the kill method was neat.
(I don't have more comments right this second, but I wanted to at least note that I had read and liked.)
I kinda want to know who Zit is, but that's probably next mission.
I am just as excited as anyone to present a new mission, with two sisters of Legolas' directly from the claimed badfics page!
Trial By Fire (AO3)
In which 'shipping occurs, a Suvian shows off an awful lot, and it all goes up in flames.
This one was great fun. You gotta enjoy a Tenth (and Eleventh) Walker who unashamedly steals lines, credit and thunder at every possible turn. XD
Thanks to Nesh for beta'ing.
/Ekwy, who thinks Falathiel is so cool actually but still can't figure out if the 'by' in the title should be capitalised or not
I really enjoyed your ability to make drama, and that closing line... well done! I liked Summer's line about her name, and her calling out Moira was quote cathartic. I especially liked Falafel's nickname, and the canon scene. The payoff with Summer's powers was glorious. I love it.
At one point, the line "But usually she sticks to the plan, she thought. She’s not on a hairline trigger." occurs. Personally, I would italicize Moira's thoughts here.
-Ls, looking forward to the next installment.
I'm divided on the italics for thoughts myself... I do have it for thought-speak of course, so if Moira'd had any thoughts in that scene there would have been confusion as to whether or not it was a Flower speaking, and I want character's private thoughts to be consistent. Moira's thoughts are usually inferred more than written out, so they have never been italicised before, and I don't know... It's a matter of personal preference of course. I find an abundance of italics clutter the page, and prefer to have them for emphasis or thought-speak.
Thank you for reading!
/Ekwy
I don't really have a head for useful comments right now, other than I enjoyed it, so I will limit myself to linguistics:
"Adenessa calls her sister ‘Thie’." - chopping the elements of her name up like that makes me twitch. ^_^
"Glortál and Celebtál" - the T should mutate to a D for the second element of compounds, and I think the accent gets dropped too, so *Glordal and *Celebdal. There is actually a canonical Silverfoot (it's Idril's nickname); that version is Celebrindal, from Celeb + ren, an adjective suffix. The adjective form glórin is also attested (in Glórindol, "goldenhead"), so Celebrindal and Glórindal would probably be the Tolkien forms. Alternately Glordail and Celebdail might work (with "feet" rather than "foot"); the example of Celebdil shows that the -bd- is allowable.
hS
I prefer *Glorthal over *Glordal (assuming my source is correct that T -> TH is also allowed). But given the canon precedents, clearly Celebrindal and Glórindal would've been best. I think Moira's point is just that the concepts were sound, though.
Another thing that made me twitch: The fic's author had a habit of sticking acute accents in places they don't belong, hence the mispronunciation of Eru: it was written Erú in the fic. Eh-ROOOO. {X D
~Neshomeh
Oh my gosh, I am so glad you recruited Summer last mission! She is an absolute joy to read here. Her knee jerk reaction to ship anyone she finds “nice” is a hilarious behavior to hold over from her narrative (and dare I say, an excellent commentary on how “western culture” exalts romance to be greater than other forms of love?), and I love that it swung back around as an advantage in tricking Falathiel at the end. The Falathiel/Balrog moment was so funny to picture happening, and it makes sense that a Suvian can be easily swayed by another Suvian’s brand of illogic! And you’ve done a great job of making Summer feel like she really did step out of Sunnydale; her dialogue sounds very “Buffyspeak,” as they say, and the love-at-first-sight moment between Summer and Buddy has a similar vibe to the canon relationship writing from the show. But I especially loved how Summer really deconstructed Moira’s behavior, and her relationship with Blank. As I mentioned in my comment on your last mission (which I think you missed because I couldn’t get to reading it for a long time, sorry!), I’ve been bothered by how prejudiced Blank is, and how she’s been treating Moira, so it was nice hearing Summer point out the toxicity there and encourage Moira.
Oh, man. I read Blank’s reaction to Falathiel holding her siblings at swordpoint, and I figured it had to have something to do with Zit. And while I wasn’t wanting Blank to get hurt, I appreciated the scene where Blank tried to confront Falathiel alone and got snapped out of her fugue by the injury, I . . . Man, I just wasn’t expecting that last line of the mission. I’m sure there’s context I’m missing right now, but at the moment, I’m just sad that Zit went down due to one of his friends. : ( Poor Zit, poor Blank, poor Autumn!
I also want to say, that “She forgot the ‘y’ in ‘canyon’” scene was a masterpiece. It’s such a funny typo to have to interpret, but you made it such an artistic and beautiful moment to read! Even though I guess I should feel bad for Middle-earth there instead!
—doctorlit wonders how long you’ve been waiting to drop that “Blank’s surname is ‘Slate’” bomb on us
Thank you so much for reading! =) (And for linking your old comment, I definitely missed that one! Yes, that was Blessie with the reddened nose. XD) Yes, I have definitely wanted it to be clear that Blank is prejudiced. Her opinions should be framed as wrong and harsh and yes, bloodthirsty, since people around her (that are not Moira) comment on it and disapprove. Moira was in dire need of someone like Summer to voice it more directly. Autumn would be more subtle, Buddy would not have the right words, and neither are the kick in the pants Moira needs.
Summer is great fun to write, so I'm glad you like her! (And that the Buffyspeak is coming through. XD) Technically Buddy has probably been around her before, but I doubt he was very interested when she was all Sued up. She's more of a character now. We'll see where that romance goes, but I definitely think there'll be a lot more awkward interruptions by a Moira who Will Not Have It.
I know 100% what happened to Zit, and I'm going to be getting into detail in my next installment, whenever that is. It'll be an Interlude. More answers will be coming!
I'm so glad someone spotted Blank's last name. XD I've known it for a few months now. It was never a part of her original character, she's never had a last name before now, but I can confirm it was the one she had in Sparklee. I just found it absolutely irresistable, so I'm thrilled you noticed!
Thank you again for reading, and for your very thoughtful reviews!
/Ekwy
I'm a sucker for spinoffs that feel like they're telling a story (something I hope to do one day lol) and this definitely delivers! I like the characters, I like the banter, and I'm interested to see where it's all leading up to - especially that bit at the end. Fun stuff!
That's so nice to hear! Nothing against the episodic mission, but I definitely like an overarching storyline. Glad you're interested in where this is going!
It's nice to see Moria, Summer, and Blank and to see everyone get some character development.
Also, the kill method was neat.
(I don't have more comments right this second, but I wanted to at least note that I had read and liked.)
I kinda want to know who Zit is, but that's probably next mission.
And who Zit is is not a mystery, it's Blank's partner that she had before Moira. =) He's mentioned briefly in her profile and has been talked about in previous installments too, though I realise now I might have needed to bring him up in this one as well... It is what it is.
Thank you very much for reading!
/Ekwy