Subject: Thank you.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-05-11 03:27:00 UTC

I may try a rewrite to put more between the party and the ending - to be honest, the heart of the story was always what happened on the Boards, so I probably did neglect the ending a little. The other mental block I think I had is that Nita was the primary carrier of the story - not quite the viewpoint, but close. That was I think originally a stylistic decision (it meant we weren't privy to Peter's thought processes, so his breakdown was as surprising for us as it was for Nita) but after the edits that put the Peter-Justin asides in, I should have spotted and edited.

Basically the problem boils down to one paragraph - Nita's 'So the matter rested' - and as David Eddings would be quick to point out, it's that 'a couple of months passed' that does it all in.

I shall work on it (and on the emotion at the end - and maybe even Justin's fourth-wall-directed line for Phobos). Thankee.

hS

(PS: Were he not currently in a DIA holding cell, Peter would be the first to point out that of course he was right 'too often', he's always right. But then, he's in a DIA holding cell, so don't listen to him. ~hS)

Reply Return to messages