Subject: Another.
Author:
Posted on: 2008-11-11 15:46:00 UTC
If I am meta, I will not attempt to use my lack of a fourth wall to cause harm to others. If I accidentally break my fourth wall, I will live with it or neuralyze* myself, without attempting to use this to break other people's brains.
*Er... Is that how it's spelled?
I am not allowed to use PPC technology in order to win bets on horse races in the Real World.
I am not allowed to swap Rose from Doctor Who for 'Belle de Jour' from 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl'. It would leave both of them VERY confused.
- Incidentally, even if I am a French-speaking Agent, I am not allowed to kidnap Belle and bitch at her about the fact that she spells her assumed last name 'de Jour' rather than 'du Jour'.
I am not allowed to send the misprinted Kama Sutra edition from the xkcd comic 'Mistranslations' (http://www.xkcd.com/414/) to the Department of Bad Slash.
- They've already seen it.
- They'd rather badficcers didn't get hold of it.
- And it would probably be best to keep it away from Agent Luxury, too.
Putting Faithful from the Song of the Lioness Quartet and Gaspode the Wonder Dog from the Discworld in the same room is a bad idea. Either they'll try and kill each other or they'll end up plotting.
No matter what he says, Mr. Wednesday of 'American Gods' is NOT an ally of the PPC, or an old friend of the Great Goddess Bast.
- It would be well to remember that Bast of 'American Gods' is not the same person as the PPC's Bast, either.
I am not allowed to use PPC technology in order to go back in time and insert 'write canon slash!' subliminal messages into J.K. Rowling's mind.
-Or Tolkien's mind.
-Or .. in fact, no slashy subliminal messages for ANY authors.
-Or non-slashy ones. No subliminal messages at all.
the Bast of Sandman, for that matter? Is Mr. Wednesday the same as or different from that Odin? I will not attempt to introduce them.)
... are to be kept away from ALL other incarnations of themselves.
... necessarily mutally contradictory... are they? Might be even dumber, then, to try to introduce gods who may or may not be the same people~
So I think that would qualify as a Very Bad Idea, yes?
-This does not apply to Agent Stormsong, or any other agents who were professional bards before joining. I will not be counted among that number without written proof, so I should stop trying.
806.) You will not take Mini-Sandworms to the Amazon.
-Or the Nile
-Or the Elemental Plane of water
-Or any place with even a pond of water.
807.) Lelouch Lamperouge, Kitty Jones, and Yomiko Readman have nothing in common except that they fight an AU version of the British Empire. So don't try putting them together.
808.) You will not put Luxury and Maeluwien together in a room to see what happens.
809.) If you come from the Warhammer 40k universe and are a Space Marine, you will not go "Die Xenos!" and kill anyone who looks vaugely like an Eldar.
-Or anything else that isn't a Sue.
810.) I will not, under any circumstances, asking Professors Oak, Elm, Birch or Rowan about their Pokeballs.
...Likewise, I will not ask Ash Ketchum or Gary Oak.
...In fact, no Pokeball jokes are to be made in front of
any character from the Pokemon Continua.
811.) I will not mention the fact that all Pokemon come from eggs in front of Trojie.
...If I do, I get to reason just how a sheep can hatch from an egg fully grown.
812.) High School Musical is about just that, a high school musical. I am not to attempt to turn it into the PPC Musical.
...Nor will spontaneous fits of song and dance be accepted.
813.)Just because male Sims can get impregnated by aliens isn't reason enough to encourage male agents to use a telescope at every chance.
...And if they DO get kidnapped and impregnated, I will be held liable for mental trauma for both father and child.
814.)The Keyblade is NOT one of the Keys to the Kingdom.
...And if I do have a Keyblade, I will not insist on being named after a day of the week.
815.)Using the fact that the timestream of HQ is quirky isn't reason to hand in reports late.
...In fact, using that reasoning, the reports were actually due in two days before the mission started.
Just a few I thought of off the top of my head. I'll probably expand on it later, too.
822. I will not bring Solid Snake into HQ.
-Not even to win a bet that the Security Dandelions are smarter than Genome Soldiers.
-In fact, under no circumstances should any MGS canon be informed about the PPC or allowed into HQ, especially Solid Snake or Ocelot. They're too dangerous and it'd ... up the canon anyway.
823. Hiding grasshoppers in the Marquis de Sod's desk to ambush him when he sits down was only funny the first time. DIA will arrest me if I repeat the stunt on him or any other Flower.
824. I will refrain from rigging a new recruit's console to play No-Drool videos when they try to see their mission.
825. Likewise, I won't rig a new recruit's disguise generator to only disguise them from the waist down. Pranks like that can get people killed.
826. I will not steal Jabba the Hutt's Rancor for the purpose of feeding Sues to it.
-Or, for that matter, any other crime lord's pet monster.
-Not even if I give it back.
827. I will not try to trick agents into destroying their own TARDIS by rigging it's chameleonic circuit to always make said TARDIS look like the fic's Sue.
828. Switching the Australian Indoor-Rules Quidditch League's bats with swords just as the lights go out is never allowed.
829. I understand that stealing Agent Murtagh's fedora and hiding it under Luxury's bed will get me shot.
830. I am not to spike Bruce Wayne's coffee with antidepressants and/or LSD to see if that makes him stop dressing like a bat and beating up criminals.
...How did you think to specify that?
A) I'm just awesome that way.
B) I had a whole list of Very Bad Ideas already, and I thought it was a pretty good one.
C) One of my friends can never leave scissors lying around after watching "The Hand". Apparently there's a scene where the title character (or rather, disembodied body part) takes a pair of scissors lying around on the countertop and kills someone with it. x]
The English language, it flails~
Pretty good in the thinking, Very Bad when you carry it out.
"It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time..."
*watches it flailing with amusement* I see.