Subject: Alright, this has been building up for a while...
Author:
Posted on: 2008-07-30 12:19:00 UTC

But, for anyone who cares, this is my reason why I haven't asked for Permission yet, nor will I any time in the near future.

Basically, I'm terrified someone will one day call me out and say 'Hey! This writing's crap!' (only far more eloquently here). It's all to do with a couple of writing experiences I had when I was younger, plus terrible insecurity that is also a relic from my primary school days.

One other thing before I start, please don't think I'm a wangsty little brat. Rereading this post, while it's the best I can get it, I'm still worried I'll paint a picture of myself as a typical emo teenager - someone who thinks their life sucks, even when it doesn't. Thank you.

In year 7 (age 11-12), I aspired to be a writer. I had a 'Sue from when I was far younger, and I idolised her. She was everything I wanted to be - i.e. Speshul. Primary school, and year seven, were both a rough time for me, so I was feeling pretty hard-done-by. So I wrote this 'Sue in private, just in notebooks or whatever, until I found out about Mary-Sues.

When I first heard of them, I laughed off the fact that my character might be one. 'She's not that special,' I'd say to convince myself. 'She hasn't got "milk-like skin", or wings, or chocolate eyes. I'm fine.' But this was all denial. Eventually, I saw sense, and dumped the 'Sue, promising myself I wouldn't write anything like that again. Unfortunately, however, I did.

When I started writing my second 'Sue, I checked litmus tests over and over again. I wanted to make her as believable as possible, and that meant no 'speshulness'. It didn't work. The 'Sue turned out a travesty - she was Voldemort's daughter, with bright red eyes, Luna Lovegood was her BFF, etc. And again, I stopped denying ehat I'd written, and woke up.

I think at that point, I stopped trusting my writing abilities. Whenever I think, 'Oh, such-and-such character might be interesting to try and write', I imagine bad reviews, being despised as a Suethor, any story of mine being featured on Pottersues. And when it's originalfic, I keep thinking, 'What if I run out of inspiration part-way through? What if no-one wants to publish it? What if I become another Christopher Paolini?'

So, in short, I'm not going to ask for Permission because I think I suck, and because I'm stupidly insecure. The end.

I'm sorry for the TL;DR post, and if anyone takes this as aimed at them, because it's not. You people are some of the nicest I've met on the internet, and I have nothing but respect for you - apologies if I come across as bitter and angry. Thank you for your time.

-Lynxihez, who is now wondering whether this is even the right place to post her bucketload of BAWWWWW.

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