Subject: Ooof. That one was a doozy.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-06-03 04:08:00 UTC

Thanks for defending Luigi's honor. I like him better than Mario anyway. Whitney and Backslash balance each other out pretty well, but I'm confused about a few aspects of all this.

For starters, what the heck is Backslash's species? I know he's a former Stu and therefore a bit canon-breaking by default, but having him as both a Honedge gijinka and a Shulk replacement strikes me as a little overpowered. And mostly confusing. (I assume you wrote the snippet of fic he came from?) He also strikes me as a little too violent for active duty, even with the Glitter removal and therapy sessions.

I feel like you brought up the possibility of a Wii Fit Trainer Agent in a thread some time ago; if you did, props for somehow making it work. (Still waiting for Brenda and/or Vampire!Robin to get more screentime...)

My usual list of things...
-"...I thought it was the Villager who was portrayed as a psychopathic mass-murderer by the fandom, and not [– OW!]"
This doesn't feel natural. Try something like "...Usually the Villager gets the psycho mass-murderer treatment in this fandom, not [– OW!]"

Nice trick with using the dummy to protect a threatened/Stufluenced canon. (Ike was under a little Stufluence, right?)

-"...rubbing his gloved hand over his nose and noting that it was a decal on skin as smooth as glass."
Also clunky. If the point is to show Backslash's surprise at the (ingenious!) Mii Fighter disguise, try something like "'What am I now?' he asked. He ran a gloved hand over his face, then pulled it back when he realized that his skin had the texture of plate glass. Furthermore, his features felt like decals of some kind."

-"...He may need a monster to clobber that there Kirby, but he wouldn’t act that cruel by any stretch of the imagination."
Why does a character ostensibly from Smash Bros. know a meme relating to the Kirby dub?

More tomorrow, when I'm not sleepy.

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