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"Strip trivia!"

Ix and the Ixcubus both glared at the Succubix. She seemed unashamed.

"Winner gets to cuddle Aegis first?"

"And by winner," the Ixcubus said, "you mean 'first person to get their clothes off', right?"

Ix themself had a mean arm and an eye to win- their pants took the Ixcubus in the head, followed closely by a well-thrown boot to the Succubix's face. "Mine."

I know it was nominated in the previous Legendary discussion, and everything said there still applies. But I also want to toss in another fic by the same author. This one was a Naruto Legendary.

Chunin Exam Day seems like a pretty good candidate. Published between 2007 and 2010 and still heavily referenced on various sites within the last year, it fits all the qualifications for a Legendary.

As for the fic itself: Naruto gets stuck in a Groundhog Day loop and quickly uses it to start winning over (romantically) all the ladies with massages and simple gifts. This includes adult women. He also uses it to make himself incredibly overpowered. All good characterization is tossed out the window immediately so Author tracts can begin, and the fic is just awful.

The Tropes page, with a link to the fic:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/ChuninExamDay

PKH is one of the few badfics I read waaaay before joining the PPC. It's... it is a riiiiide, folks.

...one of the angsty lovers (most likely me) dies, leaving the other to angst further over the death of their beloved.

SPaG is generally very good, actually. Formatting isn't bad either, though it suffers when it comes to exposition tangents. Or just regular tangents. However, he has a very distinctive (and, eventually, extremely annoying) writing style, exposition *everywhere*, thesaurus abuse, barely shows anything...

As for plot...while he has a surprisingly good grasp on his million and one details (though there are definitely continuity slips in a bunch of places to go along with the times when he put something in twenty chapters earlier only to bring it back), his villains look incompetent and stupid when he claims they're not. What else...He does have some plot points that go nowhere, he--ah. That's the one.

He very, very much plays favorites. His main characters don't have anything bad stick to them. They get miraculous escapes. They get magical improvement upon magical improvement, not to mention stuff upon stuff upon stuff. There's protagonist centered morality, the mains end up looking a good deal more awful than he seems to have intended, and while this is very firmly an AU, his reading comprehension of Rowling's books...doesn't seem to have been the best. This last ranges from small details (apparently forgetting Ted Tonks is not a pureblood) to larger ones (...not even going to start with that).

He also drops in crossovers everywhere, there's a ton of author tract, and he has no sense of moderation. At all. This is apparent in Wonderland scenes, in Harry and company getting more and more and more stuff, in tricking Dumbledore into stupid ideas, in...look, in just about everything. Subtlety, knowing where to stop before something just gets unbelievable or annoying or ridiculous--there's very little sign of it.

This all makes, of course, for a frequently hilarious or just plain *weird* fic, but it's not good writing.

~Z

I've seen this thing mentioned around a few places, and... wow. Just wow. It definitely qualifies as bad enough.

...that it's not just the Middle East, there's also a ton of sexism, Alice (from Wonderland) is in it and awful, Luna is one of the worst people in it, Voldemort takes over at one point and puts in laws to breed purebloods (yup, you read that right), and all those dryads are generally too old for Harry and also brainwashed in multiple ways. And so, so, so much more. It's extremely loud and incredibly detailed.

Oh, and the kicker?

This takes place over third year.

Harry is thirteen.

So are his closest companions.

Yeah.

I claimed it a bit ago and have been reading through it since. And, uh, hard though it is to believe--he actually wrote all of these details and more. 103 chapters of it, between 2008 and 2012.

It's a wild, frequently hilarious, equally frequently off the rails or horrifying ride. Apart from chapter 99 (the nuclear fallout), I've rather enjoyed the process because such big chunks of it are so weird or out there.

Missioning it is going to be interesting.

~Z

Dear diary,
I must write once again in your cold, unfeeling pages. Write of my pain, and my sorrow. Of the eternal, icy torment within my heart. Of the unyielding, unended torment and pain that will haunt me to the end of my days. Nevermore…

“Umm… excuse me?”

Nevermore will I be free of my dark, secret shame. Of my incredible uberguilt.

“Hello?”

Nevermore will I be able to hide in the dark black hollows of my soul from my inescapable megatorment.

Iximaz tapped on the giant’s shoulder. “Is… anyone in there? Can I talk to them?”

The enormous man looked up, revealing a shock of dark hair contrasted by a face of pallid complexion, bearing an expression of intense concentration. “Yes? What is it, mortal girl? Why do you disrupt my contemplation of my horrifying eternal torment and other things that are equally super-ill?”

“Uh.. sorry to disturb you,” muttered Ix quietly, blushing furiously. “But… uh… you’ve kind of… um… you’re sitting in my angsting corner.”

The man blinked, and then sighed. “Oh... yet another error to add to my ever-expanding list of folly, its black ink of inky blackness like an ever-expanding river of dark lamentations, struck by the moonlight of my eyes…”

“N-n-no… it’s fine,” stammered Ix. “We can just… share it, or something. I’m sure there’s enough room, maybe if I…” But it seemed the man was, in fact, taking up all the space available. Thinking quickly, Ix sat on his enormous knee. “There we go, see? We can both angst!”

“Yes…” The man nodded slowly. “Yes, mortal. Sit upon me, and contemplate your failings, as I contemplate mine. Together, we shall set forth upon the eternal path of atonement, never to succeed, ever to fail.”

Ix frowned. “Um. Okay… Sure, why not. But… um… what’s your name?”

“I am Corvus Corax. Once, the primarch of the Raven Guard, but… nevermore.”

“Oh…” Ix suppressed the urge to chuckle. “Well… I’m Iximaz. Sorry, no fancy title or anything.”

Corax nodded. “No matter. While you may not experience the depths of my eternal hyper-sorrow, we may join together, united… in angst.”

Ix nodded. “Yes… united in angst.”

For a long moment, they paused, together, angsting in silent contemplation.

“...Corax?” said Ix, quietly. “I have a confession.”

“What is it, dear girl?”

“I was trying to angst, but then I started noticing… I started looking at you. And how your hair contrasts with your skin, making you look wonderfully grim and brooding, as if you were about to become one with your angst. I am sorry.”

Corax looked down. “I must confess that I, too, have once again failed. I tried to angst, but I couldn’t stop paying attention to your beautiful face, how easily it fell into an expression of grim despair and hopelessness… truly, you are the first mortal I have seen to angst so effortlessly.”

Ix turned a bright crimson. “It’s just… you’re so angstily handsome. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, sweet girl. Our fates are doomed, but I will allow you a kiss on this night. A kiss cementing matched desires born out of souls made twin in their incredible mega-sadness.”

Ix crept closer, pulling herself towards Corax. Angstily. Their lips touched in the most angsty way humanly possible, as she wrapped her arms around the angstiest man she had ever met.

Corax rose, carrying her. “We shall now return to my castle of sadness. So that we may express our angst to one another more fully, sweet Iximaz.”

“Yes, Corax…” said Ix. “Together, we shall be united to form one being. And that being will be angsty.”

"Partially Kissed Hero", by Perfect Lionheart.

The first five pages on Google search turn up stuff about this fic, it's been (partially) ripped apart by Das Sporking, and it has been around since 2008.

It starts off with Harry being 'partially kissed' by a dementor, absorbing Voldemort's soul, and escalates over a hundred and three chapters from, to quote TV Tropes, "casual murder to mass brainwashing to people-are-property to very Hitlerian takes on racial types to nuking the Middle East because of Islam and not caring it initiates the collapse of human civilization."

And that's not getting into all the Disney princesses who get dragged into this mess. Harry has four wives and a bunch of dryad sex slaves, Trelawney wants to colonize the other planets in our solar system with her dryad trees, and, of course, Dumbledore is a much worse villain than Voldemort could ever have dreamed of.

So Aegis got a four-way with... three of me?

In all honesty, it probably devolved into me, myself, and I fighting over who has the best knowledge of Harry Potter... And knowing him, he probably watched.

I mean, it's one Primarch I don't have to do. So I'm not complaining. XD

Besides, other people tend to come up with more interesting ideas than I do.

And this is coming from someone who actually did enjoy the book, at least to some extent.

In my defence, however, seeing something as nakedly sexist (Parzival's creepy stalking of Artemis, his jrrx-ybat oraqre ybpxrq va uvf ebbz qbvat abguvat ohg obvax n frk ebobg (rot13ed for reasons of decency), the list, it doth go on) as RP1 being excused as "dumb fun" winds me up, especially when it comes bundled with a "forget all the haters" directed at people who call it out for those things.

On the other hand, that's a reason, not an excuse; I shouldn't be so strident and will endeavour not to be in future.

He came up with the idea of the Ixcubus, which inspired this:



„Matt, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Aegis looked at his friend slouching over a heavy-looking book bound in leather and metal. Inside, on worn-out yellow pages were scribblings presenting images of complicated circles, diagrams of human body, and various drawings of plants and demonic-looking faces.

“Positive, mate.” Matt turned the page, before tracing his finger along the longest line of text written in green ink. “We’re getting rid of this pest this instant. No offense, Ixi.”

“None taken,” replied Iximaz, dressed in loose tank top and tracksuit pants. She was sitting in the center of a chalk-drawn pentagram, surrounded by five lit red candles. She scratched her head, and the left side of her face twitched in a nervous spasm. “The sooner we get this… thing out the better. Seriously, why today of all days it had to ap-pear… Ugh!”

She suddenly jerked her head back, and when she looked back at the two men before her, something has changed. Her left eye turned black, with a thin golden rim of the iris. Her lips twisted into unnaturally sultry grin. Her left hand moved slowly along the length of her hip.

“Unless, of course, this is the perfect day to get… freaky.” The Ixcubus licked his lips, before winking at Aegis. He then lazily turned towards Matt. “Do whatever you want, conjurer. I’m staying.”

“Yeah, yeah… Exorcizamus te…” Matt waved towards the pentagram circle, which caused the Ixcubus to yelp in pain, making the body to twist uncontrollably before falling flat motionlessly.

“Don’t.” Matt snapped towards Aegis, who was about to enter the circle to help his beloved. Time passed. When Iximaz regained control over her mind, she slowly got up, shook her head, and looked back at Matt.

“See? Doesn’t work,” she panted, wiping some sweat off her forehead. Her left eye returned to normal, and mouth didn’t feel like smiling.

“Seems to be keeping it away for fifteen minutes,” added Aegis. He scratched his chin and stepped away from the circle. “So it is working.”

“Great.” Iximaz rolled her eyes, hugging her knees and putting her chin on top of them. “So now all we have to do is make me listen to Sam and Dean performing excorcisms 24/7… which would not be a bad thing, if only I was myself while listening to them.”

“What now? Come on, Matt, what else besides exorcisms would work?” Aegis walked over to the sorcerer’s work table, where all the books and old papers piled up.

Matt didn’t respond. He kept on turning the pages, looking from the book, to Iximaz, then at his vials filled with suspicious ingredients, then back at the book.

“We could cast it into something else… or someone.”

Iximaz was the first one to pick up the meaning. She stood up and glared at Matt, anger building up with each word. “Don’t you even dare, dude. Not a chance!”

“Who exactly do you have in mind?”

“Aegis, no!” Iximaz clenched her fists. “We’re not doing that! Next solution!”

“We could make a deal with him. He gets what he wants and hopefully agrees to let you go?”

Iximaz squinted. “No, thanks,” she said dryly. “Next?”

“At this point I’m honestly out of ideas… I mean, nothing here looks like it might have any effect on our pesky intru—“ Matt paused, before adjusting his glasses and leaning closer towards the book. “Huh… hello there.”

“What?” Aegis and Iximaz asked simultaneously.

“This might work.” Matt mumbled to himself, closing the book. He grabbed a water bottle from under the desk and walked towards Iximaz.

“Sorry about that, dude.” He quickly dumped the contents of the bottle onto Iximaz, causing her to yelp quickly.

“What the hell!?” she squealed, wiping the water from her eyes.

“We’re about to cool this bastard’s lust.” Matt smiled.

“Cool his lust?” Aegis repeated. His eyes then widened and he smiled. “I see… You want to lower the lust levels and basically starve the Ixcubus! Ha!”

“Cute idea, sweetie, but my flame will never go out from such a silly spell.” The Ixcubus purred, coming dangerously close to the edge of the pentagram and looking Matt straight into the eyes. “You’re a little too… round for my taste, but… eh, I work with I get, babe~”

Matt rolled his eyes. He took a few steps back, rubbed his hands, took a deep breath, and held them above Iximaz’s head.

“O, wielka Lilith, matko wszelkich demonów! Na mocy kontraktu Salomona, wzywam Cię do nas. Przez Tetragramaton, i na wszelkie imiona Pana, wzywam Twojego syna i Twoją córkę!”

„Um… I heard ‘Lilith’ in that chant, man. Are you sure it will work?” Aegis asked, but Matt remained deaf to his words. He wasn’t saying anything for a few minutes, before suddenly speaking up again:

“Zgadzam się na warunki umowy. Biorę na siebie wszelką odpowiedzialność, i wymagam abyście i wy przestrzegali zasad kontraktu.”

He walked over to the working table, where a small, long dagger bound in dark leather was placed. Matt quickly did a shallow cut on both his hands and returned to his previous spot. He let some blood drop onto the circle, right next to Iximaz’s feet. The candles went out, leaving a small desk lamp the only light source. Iximaz opened her eyes. It was her natural color.

“Did it work?” Aegis asked.

“I… think so,” Iximaz said, examining her arms, and legs. “I don’t feel any different, though.”

She stepped out of the pentagram circle slowly, before quickly approaching Aegis and kissing him with all her passion. When she finally ended (out of need for air), both of them had very goofy grins.

“Yeah…” Aegis whispered. “I think everything’s fine.”

“I’m not sure, mate.” Matt flicked the light switch. They weren’t alone.

Two figures stood where Iximaz previously was. Both the same height as her, and dangerously similar in appearance, but some minor details were off. The one of the left had the Ixcubus’s golden eyes. He was definitely more masculine in his figure, with muscles visible under a thin t-shirt. Disheveled hair and light stubble only made him more appealing. He winked at Aegis, waving his finger in a beckoning manner.

The figure on the right had-similarly to the Ixcubus-black eyes with only thin rims of irises visible, although hers were deep red. This one was definitely a she; slender, with long legs and curves so perfectly outlined, it was almost unnatural. The shirt was nearly incapable of containing the pure abundance of her chest, and she was biting down on her finger, looking at the two before her in a seductive manner.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Aegis looked at Matt, before being dragged into another kiss by Iximaz.

“I made a deal.” Matt smiled, slowly backing himself towards the door. “See, I thought both of you may enjoy a little more… spicy time together, so I asked Lilith to send you some of her children to keep you company. And that sudden blast of lust? Well, that’s their doing. They’re gonna leave you alone, after rocking your world.”

“Mmmfmgff!” Aegis mumbled, before finally breaking the kiss. “You did what!?”

“We’re gonna… mhh~… kick your ass later, Matt.” Iximaz growled, before tracing her finger on Aegis’s chest.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, you two.” The warlock laughed, before locking the door after himself.

I see someone's already suggested All The Sanderson. I will second that. Because Sanderson. Especially Mistborn, which is excellent.

Also, Ciaphas Cain is a good time. So if you like 40k (or want a good way in), check those out.

Since we're talking what I've been reading recently, I'd be remiss not to mention webcomics. Because I have been reading/watching/playing/listening to the insane multimedia phenomenon that is Homestuck. Sadly... I really can't recommend Homestuck. Yes, it's FANTASTIC, but it has outrageous pacing problems. If your are not a patient person, Homestuck isn't for you. If you are a moderately patient person, Homestuck may still not be for you. And don't get me started on the problems with Hivebent that make me want to ask Andrew why he thought it was a good idea and if I could somehow travel back in time convince him to do something that doesn't break all the rules of good narrative pacing. As if the rest of the story wasn't already doing that.

For something more solidly recommendable, I go to Order of the Stick, which is funny and heartwarming and cathartic and amazing and way easier to get into than the mess that is Homestuck.

Oh, and I will once again suggest that you familiarize yourself with 1/0, AKA quite possibly the greatest piece of metafiction ever written. It is cleverly-written, with some of the best actual exploration of metafictional concepts that I've ever really seen. It also has better narrative chops than you have any right to expect from a daily four-panel gag strip, with a genuinely smart ending and a set of well-developed characters who all have their own arcs over the course of the story. And by the end, you'll be able to identify with all of them. Yes, even the eyeball.

And over this entire thing, it still manages to be a fairly consistantly funny daily 4-panel gag strip. I cannot recommend it enough. In what other story can you ebbg sbe gur ybir orgjrra n yvgreny fgenjzna naq na rnegujbez jub pnzr bhg nf fgenvtug va qrsvnapr bs gur nhgube? (rot13ed spoilers for 1/0)

Or at least for now (I may change my mind). And remember, you can blame Scape for this.

Main team: Pelliper, Swampert, Volcanion, Tapu Fini, Araquanid, Milotic.
Spare: Greninja

Scape, whether you intended it or not, that came off as rather harsh. I am all for criticism (I mean, I enjoyed RP1, but it's flawed as all hell, and I enjoy hearing differing opinions), but in absence of explanation your comment might be taken to imply that OA is sexist and/or transphobic.

Do you see how it could be taken that way?

In fact it makes my decision harder, do I go for an adapted version of my top 500 team, or do I go for a slightly different team...

Thanks very much for catching that. I'm a derp.

Because the Doubles List is here: https://www.smogon.com/dex/sm/formats/doubles/

If you can get your hands on a copy of Rolfe Humphries' translation of the Aeneid, it's a very good epic poem.

Also, a new translation of the Odyssey by a woman (which is the first thus published) just came out and it's lovely and a little more critical of Odysseus than usual.

In terms of contemporary poets, I love Nikki Finney, who is a queer Black woman and writes about this. You can find a few of her poems on the internet but she's also published a few collections.

And if you like comic books, I've always had a special place in my heart for Batman The Long Halloween and Batman and Robin -- both of them are pretty quick reads and very good.