The PPC Posting Board - Latest posts

Dear diary,
I must write once again in your cold, unfeeling pages. Write of my pain, and my sorrow. Of the eternal, icy torment within my heart. Of the unyielding, unended torment and pain that will haunt me to the end of my days. Nevermore…

“Umm… excuse me?”

Nevermore will I be free of my dark, secret shame. Of my incredible uberguilt.

“Hello?”

Nevermore will I be able to hide in the dark black hollows of my soul from my inescapable megatorment.

Iximaz tapped on the giant’s shoulder. “Is… anyone in there? Can I talk to them?”

The enormous man looked up, revealing a shock of dark hair contrasted by a face of pallid complexion, bearing an expression of intense concentration. “Yes? What is it, mortal girl? Why do you disrupt my contemplation of my horrifying eternal torment and other things that are equally super-ill?”

“Uh.. sorry to disturb you,” muttered Ix quietly, blushing furiously. “But… uh… you’ve kind of… um… you’re sitting in my angsting corner.”

The man blinked, and then sighed. “Oh... yet another error to add to my ever-expanding list of folly, its black ink of inky blackness like an ever-expanding river of dark lamentations, struck by the moonlight of my eyes…”

“N-n-no… it’s fine,” stammered Ix. “We can just… share it, or something. I’m sure there’s enough room, maybe if I…” But it seemed the man was, in fact, taking up all the space available. Thinking quickly, Ix sat on his enormous knee. “There we go, see? We can both angst!”

“Yes…” The man nodded slowly. “Yes, mortal. Sit upon me, and contemplate your failings, as I contemplate mine. Together, we shall set forth upon the eternal path of atonement, never to succeed, ever to fail.”

Ix frowned. “Um. Okay… Sure, why not. But… um… what’s your name?”

“I am Corvus Corax. Once, the primarch of the Raven Guard, but… nevermore.”

“Oh…” Ix suppressed the urge to chuckle. “Well… I’m Iximaz. Sorry, no fancy title or anything.”

Corax nodded. “No matter. While you may not experience the depths of my eternal hyper-sorrow, we may join together, united… in angst.”

Ix nodded. “Yes… united in angst.”

For a long moment, they paused, together, angsting in silent contemplation.

“...Corax?” said Ix, quietly. “I have a confession.”

“What is it, dear girl?”

“I was trying to angst, but then I started noticing… I started looking at you. And how your hair contrasts with your skin, making you look wonderfully grim and brooding, as if you were about to become one with your angst. I am sorry.”

Corax looked down. “I must confess that I, too, have once again failed. I tried to angst, but I couldn’t stop paying attention to your beautiful face, how easily it fell into an expression of grim despair and hopelessness… truly, you are the first mortal I have seen to angst so effortlessly.”

Ix turned a bright crimson. “It’s just… you’re so angstily handsome. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, sweet girl. Our fates are doomed, but I will allow you a kiss on this night. A kiss cementing matched desires born out of souls made twin in their incredible mega-sadness.”

Ix crept closer, pulling herself towards Corax. Angstily. Their lips touched in the most angsty way humanly possible, as she wrapped her arms around the angstiest man she had ever met.

Corax rose, carrying her. “We shall now return to my castle of sadness. So that we may express our angst to one another more fully, sweet Iximaz.”

“Yes, Corax…” said Ix. “Together, we shall be united to form one being. And that being will be angsty.”

"Partially Kissed Hero", by Perfect Lionheart.

The first five pages on Google search turn up stuff about this fic, it's been (partially) ripped apart by Das Sporking, and it has been around since 2008.

It starts off with Harry being 'partially kissed' by a dementor, absorbing Voldemort's soul, and escalates over a hundred and three chapters from, to quote TV Tropes, "casual murder to mass brainwashing to people-are-property to very Hitlerian takes on racial types to nuking the Middle East because of Islam and not caring it initiates the collapse of human civilization."

And that's not getting into all the Disney princesses who get dragged into this mess. Harry has four wives and a bunch of dryad sex slaves, Trelawney wants to colonize the other planets in our solar system with her dryad trees, and, of course, Dumbledore is a much worse villain than Voldemort could ever have dreamed of.

So Aegis got a four-way with... three of me?

In all honesty, it probably devolved into me, myself, and I fighting over who has the best knowledge of Harry Potter... And knowing him, he probably watched.

I mean, it's one Primarch I don't have to do. So I'm not complaining. XD

Besides, other people tend to come up with more interesting ideas than I do.

And this is coming from someone who actually did enjoy the book, at least to some extent.

In my defence, however, seeing something as nakedly sexist (Parzival's creepy stalking of Artemis, his jrrx-ybat oraqre ybpxrq va uvf ebbz qbvat abguvat ohg obvax n frk ebobg (rot13ed for reasons of decency), the list, it doth go on) as RP1 being excused as "dumb fun" winds me up, especially when it comes bundled with a "forget all the haters" directed at people who call it out for those things.

On the other hand, that's a reason, not an excuse; I shouldn't be so strident and will endeavour not to be in future.

He came up with the idea of the Ixcubus, which inspired this:



„Matt, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Aegis looked at his friend slouching over a heavy-looking book bound in leather and metal. Inside, on worn-out yellow pages were scribblings presenting images of complicated circles, diagrams of human body, and various drawings of plants and demonic-looking faces.

“Positive, mate.” Matt turned the page, before tracing his finger along the longest line of text written in green ink. “We’re getting rid of this pest this instant. No offense, Ixi.”

“None taken,” replied Iximaz, dressed in loose tank top and tracksuit pants. She was sitting in the center of a chalk-drawn pentagram, surrounded by five lit red candles. She scratched her head, and the left side of her face twitched in a nervous spasm. “The sooner we get this… thing out the better. Seriously, why today of all days it had to ap-pear… Ugh!”

She suddenly jerked her head back, and when she looked back at the two men before her, something has changed. Her left eye turned black, with a thin golden rim of the iris. Her lips twisted into unnaturally sultry grin. Her left hand moved slowly along the length of her hip.

“Unless, of course, this is the perfect day to get… freaky.” The Ixcubus licked his lips, before winking at Aegis. He then lazily turned towards Matt. “Do whatever you want, conjurer. I’m staying.”

“Yeah, yeah… Exorcizamus te…” Matt waved towards the pentagram circle, which caused the Ixcubus to yelp in pain, making the body to twist uncontrollably before falling flat motionlessly.

“Don’t.” Matt snapped towards Aegis, who was about to enter the circle to help his beloved. Time passed. When Iximaz regained control over her mind, she slowly got up, shook her head, and looked back at Matt.

“See? Doesn’t work,” she panted, wiping some sweat off her forehead. Her left eye returned to normal, and mouth didn’t feel like smiling.

“Seems to be keeping it away for fifteen minutes,” added Aegis. He scratched his chin and stepped away from the circle. “So it is working.”

“Great.” Iximaz rolled her eyes, hugging her knees and putting her chin on top of them. “So now all we have to do is make me listen to Sam and Dean performing excorcisms 24/7… which would not be a bad thing, if only I was myself while listening to them.”

“What now? Come on, Matt, what else besides exorcisms would work?” Aegis walked over to the sorcerer’s work table, where all the books and old papers piled up.

Matt didn’t respond. He kept on turning the pages, looking from the book, to Iximaz, then at his vials filled with suspicious ingredients, then back at the book.

“We could cast it into something else… or someone.”

Iximaz was the first one to pick up the meaning. She stood up and glared at Matt, anger building up with each word. “Don’t you even dare, dude. Not a chance!”

“Who exactly do you have in mind?”

“Aegis, no!” Iximaz clenched her fists. “We’re not doing that! Next solution!”

“We could make a deal with him. He gets what he wants and hopefully agrees to let you go?”

Iximaz squinted. “No, thanks,” she said dryly. “Next?”

“At this point I’m honestly out of ideas… I mean, nothing here looks like it might have any effect on our pesky intru—“ Matt paused, before adjusting his glasses and leaning closer towards the book. “Huh… hello there.”

“What?” Aegis and Iximaz asked simultaneously.

“This might work.” Matt mumbled to himself, closing the book. He grabbed a water bottle from under the desk and walked towards Iximaz.

“Sorry about that, dude.” He quickly dumped the contents of the bottle onto Iximaz, causing her to yelp quickly.

“What the hell!?” she squealed, wiping the water from her eyes.

“We’re about to cool this bastard’s lust.” Matt smiled.

“Cool his lust?” Aegis repeated. His eyes then widened and he smiled. “I see… You want to lower the lust levels and basically starve the Ixcubus! Ha!”

“Cute idea, sweetie, but my flame will never go out from such a silly spell.” The Ixcubus purred, coming dangerously close to the edge of the pentagram and looking Matt straight into the eyes. “You’re a little too… round for my taste, but… eh, I work with I get, babe~”

Matt rolled his eyes. He took a few steps back, rubbed his hands, took a deep breath, and held them above Iximaz’s head.

“O, wielka Lilith, matko wszelkich demonów! Na mocy kontraktu Salomona, wzywam Cię do nas. Przez Tetragramaton, i na wszelkie imiona Pana, wzywam Twojego syna i Twoją córkę!”

„Um… I heard ‘Lilith’ in that chant, man. Are you sure it will work?” Aegis asked, but Matt remained deaf to his words. He wasn’t saying anything for a few minutes, before suddenly speaking up again:

“Zgadzam się na warunki umowy. Biorę na siebie wszelką odpowiedzialność, i wymagam abyście i wy przestrzegali zasad kontraktu.”

He walked over to the working table, where a small, long dagger bound in dark leather was placed. Matt quickly did a shallow cut on both his hands and returned to his previous spot. He let some blood drop onto the circle, right next to Iximaz’s feet. The candles went out, leaving a small desk lamp the only light source. Iximaz opened her eyes. It was her natural color.

“Did it work?” Aegis asked.

“I… think so,” Iximaz said, examining her arms, and legs. “I don’t feel any different, though.”

She stepped out of the pentagram circle slowly, before quickly approaching Aegis and kissing him with all her passion. When she finally ended (out of need for air), both of them had very goofy grins.

“Yeah…” Aegis whispered. “I think everything’s fine.”

“I’m not sure, mate.” Matt flicked the light switch. They weren’t alone.

Two figures stood where Iximaz previously was. Both the same height as her, and dangerously similar in appearance, but some minor details were off. The one of the left had the Ixcubus’s golden eyes. He was definitely more masculine in his figure, with muscles visible under a thin t-shirt. Disheveled hair and light stubble only made him more appealing. He winked at Aegis, waving his finger in a beckoning manner.

The figure on the right had-similarly to the Ixcubus-black eyes with only thin rims of irises visible, although hers were deep red. This one was definitely a she; slender, with long legs and curves so perfectly outlined, it was almost unnatural. The shirt was nearly incapable of containing the pure abundance of her chest, and she was biting down on her finger, looking at the two before her in a seductive manner.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Aegis looked at Matt, before being dragged into another kiss by Iximaz.

“I made a deal.” Matt smiled, slowly backing himself towards the door. “See, I thought both of you may enjoy a little more… spicy time together, so I asked Lilith to send you some of her children to keep you company. And that sudden blast of lust? Well, that’s their doing. They’re gonna leave you alone, after rocking your world.”

“Mmmfmgff!” Aegis mumbled, before finally breaking the kiss. “You did what!?”

“We’re gonna… mhh~… kick your ass later, Matt.” Iximaz growled, before tracing her finger on Aegis’s chest.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, you two.” The warlock laughed, before locking the door after himself.

I see someone's already suggested All The Sanderson. I will second that. Because Sanderson. Especially Mistborn, which is excellent.

Also, Ciaphas Cain is a good time. So if you like 40k (or want a good way in), check those out.

Since we're talking what I've been reading recently, I'd be remiss not to mention webcomics. Because I have been reading/watching/playing/listening to the insane multimedia phenomenon that is Homestuck. Sadly... I really can't recommend Homestuck. Yes, it's FANTASTIC, but it has outrageous pacing problems. If your are not a patient person, Homestuck isn't for you. If you are a moderately patient person, Homestuck may still not be for you. And don't get me started on the problems with Hivebent that make me want to ask Andrew why he thought it was a good idea and if I could somehow travel back in time convince him to do something that doesn't break all the rules of good narrative pacing. As if the rest of the story wasn't already doing that.

For something more solidly recommendable, I go to Order of the Stick, which is funny and heartwarming and cathartic and amazing and way easier to get into than the mess that is Homestuck.

Oh, and I will once again suggest that you familiarize yourself with 1/0, AKA quite possibly the greatest piece of metafiction ever written. It is cleverly-written, with some of the best actual exploration of metafictional concepts that I've ever really seen. It also has better narrative chops than you have any right to expect from a daily four-panel gag strip, with a genuinely smart ending and a set of well-developed characters who all have their own arcs over the course of the story. And by the end, you'll be able to identify with all of them. Yes, even the eyeball.

And over this entire thing, it still manages to be a fairly consistantly funny daily 4-panel gag strip. I cannot recommend it enough. In what other story can you ebbg sbe gur ybir orgjrra n yvgreny fgenjzna naq na rnegujbez jub pnzr bhg nf fgenvtug va qrsvnapr bs gur nhgube? (rot13ed spoilers for 1/0)

Or at least for now (I may change my mind). And remember, you can blame Scape for this.

Main team: Pelliper, Swampert, Volcanion, Tapu Fini, Araquanid, Milotic.
Spare: Greninja

Scape, whether you intended it or not, that came off as rather harsh. I am all for criticism (I mean, I enjoyed RP1, but it's flawed as all hell, and I enjoy hearing differing opinions), but in absence of explanation your comment might be taken to imply that OA is sexist and/or transphobic.

Do you see how it could be taken that way?

In fact it makes my decision harder, do I go for an adapted version of my top 500 team, or do I go for a slightly different team...

Thanks very much for catching that. I'm a derp.

Because the Doubles List is here: https://www.smogon.com/dex/sm/formats/doubles/

If you can get your hands on a copy of Rolfe Humphries' translation of the Aeneid, it's a very good epic poem.

Also, a new translation of the Odyssey by a woman (which is the first thus published) just came out and it's lovely and a little more critical of Odysseus than usual.

In terms of contemporary poets, I love Nikki Finney, who is a queer Black woman and writes about this. You can find a few of her poems on the internet but she's also published a few collections.

And if you like comic books, I've always had a special place in my heart for Batman The Long Halloween and Batman and Robin -- both of them are pretty quick reads and very good.

It's always nice to see new faces!

All I know about 40k, I learned from the Board. Which might make being dragged in even more awesome.

(Approximate image)

HG

Hi there. Have a pile of multi coloured pens.

I just remembered that Chinese robot combat show King Of Bots is entirely available on YouTube courtesy of its Chinese broadcasters - if you need a fix for robot combat, it's got some damned good fights in it. The guys who built the House Robots for the RW reboot rocked up with an attempt at making a competitively viable heavyweight crusher and the results have to be seen to be believed, and the Chinese competitors have some seriously good robots among their number.

The YouTube playlist is available here and it's well worth a watch. =]

Yeah so if you have anything for the Cards Against Boarders deck, I'll take those suggestions.

With profuse and profound apologies to Marty Robbins.

---

To a village on Barbarus came a stranger one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't have too much to say
For they all knew his business, and no-one would make a slip
For the tall and handsome stranger wore a big scythe on his hip,
Big scythe on his hip

It was early in the morning when he strode into the town
He came walking from the south and everybody here around
Had heard about this stranger on whom poison had no grip
And was here to do some business with the big scythe on his hip,
Big scythe on his hip

In this town there lived a soldier, and Alleb was her name
And to this grizzled vet'ran every warlord was the same
She was fair and just and kept Barbarus raiders from her door
And the warlords that she'd slain they numbered one and nineteen more,
One and nineteen more

Now the stranger started talking and made plain to folks around
That a great warlord was comin' and they'd have to stand their ground
And though that warlord's army was a vicious one, he said
Mortarion had come and he would see that warlord dead,
See that warlord dead

The news got back to Alleb that Mortarion was here
And was trainin' up the townsfolk for to rid them of their fear
She marched down and she tole him twenty warlords made a slip
And another notch she'd carve upon the pistol at her hip,
Pistol at her hip

The flow of time just slowed down on the day they were to meet
When Mortarion and Alleb they first met eyes in the street
Folks watching from the ramparts, they let out a gasp of breath,
As the two kissed and to warlords soon would be the kiss of death,
Be the kiss of death

There were fifty thousand zombies when the Primarch made his stand
With his Alleb by his side and a new ring upon his hand
The warlord's undead masses felt the hew and tear and rip
From the laspistol of Alleb and the new scythe at her hip,
New scythe at her hip

It was over in a day and all the townsfolk gathered round
Before them was the warlord lying dead upon the ground
Oh, he might have kept on living, but he made the fateful slips
Of challenging the couple with the big scythes at their hips,
Big scythes at their hips

Of challenging the couple with the big scythes at their hips