Not much to say.
Also, Half-Life is such a great and realistic combat simulator.
- Tomash
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I liked this by
on 2018-02-14 04:21:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-02-14 03:54:00 UTC
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My favorite part of this is that first paragraph. The run-on sentences, with the chains of commas, work well to show that we're seeing Tom's thought process in regards to the actions he's taking in the game, before the more proper sentences of the next paragraph take over again to express actual, physical action. Even though Tom isn't speaking that paragraph out loud, I feel it also works as a stylistic counterpoint to the way Thoth describes his training later, with much more detail and more formal sentence structure.
Nitpicks: Half-Life should be italicized. Also, "grendade."
—doctorlit, always with the nitpicks, though
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Your code. by
on 2018-02-13 21:07:00 UTC
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You're almost certainly the second person in the world to use that awk macro; very brave.
My only remark after glancing through the code is that: there is a casequal (case based on equal) operator so you can do (casequal expr ("foo" ...) ("bar" ...) (t ...)) instead of coding up a cond with explicit equal comparisons.
Cheers ...
P. S. For the record, periods during which I remain silent about TXR on HN can be easily measured in weeks and months.
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Which is an important difference... by
on 2018-02-13 15:56:00 UTC
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The man who was Kannan, in a real sense, doesn't exist anymore. There are fragments of him, but circumstances made Thoth a different man, if he is a man at all (I like to think that he is, even if he doesn't, but that's getting into understandings of what the Astartes are and I am already wandering pretty far afield, here...). Heck, Kannan would probably be horrified by Thoth as he is now.
This is, I think, where the big differences come in. Erik was always, fundamentally, on the side of good. 40k... doesn't really have good, not exactly. Even 30k's pretty iffy. And... well, to quote the Ahriman trilogy, "We are falling, and light is but a memory."
However, setting effects people. And the PPC is bringing to light aspects of Thoth that haven't been allowed to surface for millenia. Which is probably odd for him, and the fact that he's incredibly far outside his native context doesn't help. He may regain some semblance of what he lost.
What can I say? I like happy endings. And I also am not a fan of any setup that doesn't allow for the odd bit of straight-up Fun.
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Cheers. {= ) by
on 2018-02-13 14:27:00 UTC
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Your response to this prompt is what pushed me into really thinking about what Derik's honorable selection into his elite fighting force was like, but yeah, the basics were going to be the same no matter what. And it's still fun. ^_^ One similar detail that's just a straight-up coincidence is the "older than most" thing. Thoth had to be older because of his relationship with Erek; I always knew Derik was older because he had to be a journeyman harper first. Per his story of getting Threadscarred in the Halloween RP, I knew he was 19 then, which placed him at 18 when he was Searched.
The rest came from thinking about who he is at heart, under all the damage.
~Neshomeh
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His first-best instrument. by
on 2018-02-13 14:09:00 UTC
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That's his voice, of course. Who made it is debatable, but Master Shonagar certainly had a hand in fine-tuning it. {= )
I'm glad you got that emotional dissonance, because the contrast between how Ezerik was as a youth and how Derik is now is something I really wanted to show with this. Some things are more or less the same—he's always been a bit headstrong, always protected people, always been a natural-born leader—but all the luck did end up being all the worst luck.
Glad you liked it, and thanks!
~Neshomeh
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Re: Answering an older prompt. by
on 2018-02-13 09:49:00 UTC
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It took me a few minutes to catch up to the 'right, that's *Derik*' realization (it's been a while since I read anything Pern, so I very much needed the note at the end to get me thinking in the right direction about Dragonrider name changes), but...yeah, that was a fun read. :) Also kind of sad, in a way--I don't think we've *ever* seen him that happy or excited in his adult life. For good reason, of course, but the contrast makes for a bit of creeping sadness in this scene.
All in all, nicely done. The dialogue was good, and the characters have enough detail that they feel like people we just haven't seen much of yet, rather than cardboard cutouts differentiated mainly by name. It's also just pleasant writing to read, as is pretty much anything of yours I've ever read.
...I *am* wondering what Ezerik's *first*-best instrument is, though. And who made it...
~Z
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Ya know, you really don't have to report everything. by
on 2018-02-13 08:30:00 UTC
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There are... I'm gonna say literally millions of bad fanfics out there, and hundreds if not thousands more going up every day. It's a physical impossibility for us to do missions into them all. The PPC (organisation) can, of course, make an effort at it (though they fail miserably); for us it's completely meaningless.
We're here to have fun. If one of the myriad stories that is potential PPC fodder is inappropriate for some reason, just... don't report it. :) Remember, 'bad enough [for a mission]' doesn't actually require it to be the most brain-breakingly squicky thing you can find; TOS never delved into NSFW territory (at least not while Acacia was around), and a lot of the best missions out there are the ones into seemingly-bland stories that just have so many maddening twists away from sanity and logic that the missions come out hilarious. (Conversely, I think Clbr__n was one of my worst missions, because Dafydd and Connie basically devolved into yelling 'argh, that's so wrong!' at everything.)
hS
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Heh... by
on 2018-02-13 04:03:00 UTC
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Well, I enjoyed this a lot. I mean, I don't know Pern at all, so I don't think I fully understand it, but I did enjoy it.
Not really much else to say. Don't have any real criticism at the moment. Sorry...
Anyways, the one other funny thing is the entirely unintentional parallels between this response and my own response to it, something Nesh pointed out long before this response was published (heck, it might have been before MY response was published), which I forgot, and then rediscovered when I read this and realized that yeah, the parallels were there. I think it's partly that this prompt just generally pushes in the direction both Nesh and I went, and also that some parallels existed in the lives and histories of Thoth and Derik (honestly, these tropes are really common. I think the main reason I picked up in it here is that Derik is a character I know better than most of the others involved in prompt responses). I dunno. But I found it amusing nonetheless. Moreso for the kind of odd friendship that seems to be forming between the two.
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World of Warcraft (Written in WotLK) (nm) by
on 2018-02-12 23:16:00 UTC
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What fandom? (nm) by
on 2018-02-12 22:28:00 UTC
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Answering an older prompt. by
on 2018-02-12 21:57:00 UTC
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Because I'm slow and sometimes things have to cook in my head awhile before I can do anything with them.
Prompt: "When will I see you again?"
“It would be you.” Sebrin stood in the doorway to the journeymen’s barracks with his arms folded and his blue eyes narrowed with a disapproving frown. “Some people just have all the luck.”
Ezerik ignored him. He was busy gleefully throwing everything he owned into a haversack. It wasn’t much: a few respectable sets of clothing; a crude model of his father’s schooner, the Zephyr; and, most importantly, his harp, specially padded and wrapped in oilcloth. It was the second-best instrument he had, and the first of his make good enough to qualify for a stamp of approval from old Master Jerint. Maybe he wouldn’t get much use out of it, but he couldn’t bear to leave it behind.
Some of the other first-year journeymen clustered around him, joined by a couple of senior apprentices who were daring to risk a tardy arrival to their lessons just to see him off.
“And some people should keep their sour grapes to themselves,” said Hessrian, a blond, smooth-cheeked boy who had been devoted to Ezerik since he’d stopped Sebrin picking on him. At twelve, Hessie had been little and scared, but in three Turns he’d shot up in height and learned to hold his own against the older lads.
Ezerik was proud of him. “You tell him, Hessie.” He straightened up from his cot and looked around to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.
All he saw was the familiar faces of those around him. In all the excitement, it hadn’t really hit him yet that he was leaving them all behind, but the way they looked at him, with a mixture of pride and envy and sorrow, struck his heart. The Harper Hall had been his home, his family, for six Turns, fully one third of his life. When he had earned his journeyman’s knots and walked the tables to the cheers and applause of his fellows, just a few months ago, it had been the greatest moment of his life, and he had thought it could only be surpassed by gaining his mastery in time. Now that dream was over.
Another one had taken its place. He would miss his friends in the Hall, but it wasn’t the end of the world—it was a new beginning. He would make sure.
“Listen, Hessie,” he said, putting a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. “You’ll look after the little ones for me, won’t you? Don’t let bullies like Sebrin push them around.”
Sebrin snorted. He hadn’t bothered anyone in Turns. Since Ezerik had thumped him the second time, he’d saved his quarrels for his cocksure young rival.
Hessie nodded. “I won’t.”
“And I’ll be sure to tell Quinya you said goodbye, since you can’t,” Sebrin added with a smirk. “You horrible heartbreaker. She’ll be devastated. I’ll probably have to comfort her, all night.”
Ezerik chuckled, shaking his head. “Quinya has better sense than that. She’ll be happy for me. You all will... won’t you?”
The others nodded and gave him their assurances: they were thrilled, of course. One of them being chosen was an honor that reflected on them all, and the younger ones could still dream that one day, it might be them.
A loud, brassy bugle from the quadrangle made them all jump.
“That’s your ride,” said Sebrin, finally moving out of the doorway. “You’d better run.”
“Yeah.” Ezerik pulled on his coat, though the day was warm, and threw his haversack over one shoulder. “Well... good-bye, then.”
Hessie put a hand on his arm. “When will we see you again?”
“I don’t know.” Ezerik grinned, and his hazel eyes gleamed with excitement. “But if you do, you’ll have to look up, because I’ll be on the back of a bronze dragon!”
Ezerik is, of course, known by another name these days. He's been gaining some actual backstory lately. {= )
~Neshomeh
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Beta Request! by
on 2018-02-12 20:34:00 UTC
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The first draft of part 1 of my mission is done and the second one is going to be done tonight. Is there anyone willing to beta these? They're on the longer side.
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So, now that it's been a week... by
on 2018-02-12 19:17:00 UTC
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What do you think, can you and hS patch things up? Nobody likes a grudge.
~Neshomeh
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Staking a claim. by
on 2018-02-12 13:35:00 UTC
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His Good Girl > by Sweetheart lover
I noticed there was a lack of characterxreader fanfics on this website, so I decided to change that. Edmundxreader. EdmundxCaspian's sister. (Yes, you are Caspian's sister). Rated K plus because I'm paranoid.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,167 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 20h ago - Published: Dec 3, 2017 - Edmund Pevensie - Complete
My comment: The 1st Person Sue is called Y/N!
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Micro-review by
on 2018-02-12 02:58:00 UTC
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I liked this, generally. The Ix/Charlotte interaction was nice.
My one item of concrit is that I could've used a bit of Ix's thought process when she decided to take a break and watch the movie. The emotional switch felt rather sudden.
- Tomash
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Thanks! by
on 2018-02-11 23:59:00 UTC
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Yeah... Honestly, this was fun to write, even if the punchline (Tom wasn't actually training) wasn't that great.
And yeah, Tom poking there is a really bad idea. But he has no clue what he's doing. He can be a... bit of a child.
Anyways, I'm glad at least one other person likes it.
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Hee. by
on 2018-02-11 22:47:00 UTC
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I think Thoth is probably being generous with that "significant progress" comment. How sweet. ^_^
Tom should probably not keep poking that spot with that stick, though. Seems like the sort of thing where once too many, however many that may be, could get dangerous.
My particular interests aside, I like how this shows the relationship between your two agents. They are clearly very different people, and it results in friction, but it seems like a more or less healthy friction, with each giving as good as he gets and keeping the other honest.
I think the bit where Thoth challenges Tom to try his skills in "the real world" is particularly funny coming on the heels of that response you wrote to my musings on metafictional reality. Dunno if that was intentional, but it doesn't really matter. *g*
~Neshomeh
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Well, most people don't ask things about their newbie gifts. (nm by
on 2018-02-11 22:17:00 UTC
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Er, my guess is censor the word? Any other ideas? (nm) by
on 2018-02-10 21:56:00 UTC
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Two Approaches to Training by
on 2018-02-10 20:27:00 UTC
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Duck left. Shotgun, machinegun, grendade… Dead again. Restart. Okay, this time right, grenade first...
Thoth walked in. Tom closed the program. “Hey, Thoth! Where’ya been? I’ve just been… ahh… training. In a combat simulation.”
“In fact,” said Thoth, “I have been training as well. After my failure in our prior mission, I have been practicing my mental focus. And I have an initiate to train.”
“You mean Derik?” Tom laughed. “Seriously, what are you two, married?”
“It takes dedication to truly develop through training. I must keep my skills sharp, and Derik has made significant progress,” said Thoth coldly. He wasn’t even going to dignify Tom’s jab with a response.
“Yeah, yeah,” said Tom, grinning. “Anyways, what were you doing?”
“Aside from focusing the mind developing my psychic talents, as well as training my initiate in the same, I have a strict exercise regimen, and practice daily with both long-range and melee weapons. It is important to keep my skills in place.”
Tom shrugged. “Well, I did some experimental work on trying to get demons to do even more work for me, and then decided to do a bit of reflex and combat training in a simulator.”
Thoth walked behind Tom, to get a better angle on what he’d been doing. “Yes,” he said, his voice utterly serious. “I am certain that this ‘Half-Life’ is an excellent combat simulator.”
“It is!” replied Tom, indignantly.
“Well, then. Perhaps you should face me. Test your simulator-developed skills in the real world.”
Tom paused for a moment. “Thoth?”
“Yes.”
“Not another word.”
--
((PPC's not mine, Warhammer and Laundry Files aren't mine you know the drill, Thoth and Tom are mine, Derik belongs to Nesh, who said I could use him.))
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Quick question about badfic reports by
on 2018-02-10 17:31:00 UTC
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What should I do if a fic is bad enough to be reported, but the title is Not Safe For Work? Should I just put it up on the Unclaimed Badfic page? Put everything into a Google Doc and post the link to the doc with a warning?
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-02-10 12:43:00 UTC
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Heeeeeee! This is fun! The mix of characters both playing the game, and the players they've chosen to play. The idea of a reforming Sue who couldn't play without derailing the plot is great and realistic.
Good to see Gabrielle feeling more confident, too, and finding work to help others to boot!
—doctorlit, very briefly an elf bard
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-02-10 12:31:00 UTC
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A character study in laziness and irresponsibility. I think this Harris fellow may be my opposite! We'd best never touch, as it would be a reaction like dark matter touching solid material.
—remote controls are good enough for doctorlit