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Most of the Badfic Authors pages are very bash-y, and in need of rewriting, particularly the AJ Matthews page.

—Ls

((Warning: Self-Harm))

An: I know i said its de end but its not Willo U suck!!! Prep s stup flamingming!m11

CXXXXXXxX. xXXXXx

“Nightmare u know I luved Disco!” I scremed. Den I ran away 2 my bvlak rum. It had purple bloody pentergrams.

I tok of my cloves and got in da bath. I read a derprezzinbook while cryong bloody teerz goffikly. I slit my wrist an drank da bllody. I gut ot off da bath n used a towl to change into a gottik black low-smut dresss.

OMG” Iexplained.

Because...................................................Thalie an Jayacaiya were spying on me! They wer in my RX!11q1

“Get out u preps I yieled evilly.

“We no how 2 black mail yu!” Jaycaya sayed preppily.

“Cruitatuas!111” I yielded. (Ivony is frum da potterverse) But da spell didnt hit. Instead it hit..............Carlile!!111

“Get out off my RC u pevrs!” I yelled Violetly.

“No war!” Yeiled Thila. “Ur 2 hot!11q”

“No, Irocy, u dont undertsand!” Crialise yielded. “Crolloa is gonna tak overda skull(geddit?)?!”

But I was 2 upster. “I used a bloody steak to rub over my chest!111”

AN: Ivoy is nut a Maru Su! Ger name is Itody!!11

((Sorry, Scarlett. And Sergio. And...spelling.))

My Immortal rox!! Bland Praise!”

• lol

((Uh, wow. I’m honestly not sure who’s thrown poor Nikki more OOC. Perhaps you could include one of my characters wait no, definitely not Mina she should never see this

Erm, anyway, I do like a good My Immortal reference. I don’t quite get the current events stuff, but I suspect it’s ‘cause I’m American. BTW, I’ll probably use one of your characters in the next chapter of Helena.

—Ls))

Auhtors note! Like omg Ive gotten so far!!!!1 I love tis chaopter!! I aslo borowed nikki heheh cause like shes so sexy!!

((Actual Author’s Note: This chapter is also rather NSFW and has a tiny bit of current events salt in the beginning))

Ellie looked at teh gurl in the doorway. She was tall an thin like a willow…

Zara paused and took a deep breath before continuing to read—having to speak rather loudly over the strains of Scotland the Brave. (The song choice was for her ancestors, she’d explained to Diamond. And of course for her fellow blue collar Brummies.)

Her hair was like a luvicious waterfall of chenut an it fall ariund her small delicate face. Her emerald eyes blinked at tem as she pursed rosebud lips. She placed one thin but strong hand on her tots curvey hip and adjusted her tiny black top over her big bobs—ack!

Zara choked on the last line and chucked the papers at Diamond.

The vampire caught them with ease. “I must say, that was the most inaccurate description yet… and please stop banging your head against the wall. You’re already insane: I don’t need you getting worse.”

Her partner paused. “But if I’m already barmy, how can I get worse?”

“You’d knock more sense out of your head.” Diamond crossed her arms. “It makes perfect sense if you think about it.”

“No it doesn’t.”

Like seriously tho what are u doing? Zara said in her sexy posh Surrey accent

(This part has been redacted for bad language and questions about the author’s ancestors, their mothers, their education, and the state of their bowels. Diamond and Zara agreed it would detract from the story, although Zara would like to make it very clear she is neither posh nor a Southerner.)

We’r havin teh sexy times said Ellie. Wanna join? Maybe said Zara, pating teh head of her pet bear. The bear was fluffy an pink with sparkly sapphire eys and it was like super small for a bear. Ellie thought it was tots adorbs.

“Nooooo!” Bella howled, looking as insulted as a mutated bear can get.

There was a tiny wheezing sound and Diamond looked over at her partner, whose mouth was agape and who appeared to be mouthing the words “fluffy and pink.”

The bear poked her with a long claw, which successfully snapped her out of it.

Can Nikki join? Zara asked dragging teh girl behind her foward. Sure said Ellie looking at Nikki’s curvy but also skinny body an her long shiny magenta hair (Auothrs Note I know Nikki doesnt have magenta hair but like its a story!!! she died it ok?)

“Nikki?”

“Isn’t she retired? Which half-soaked bint is writing this trash?”

Nikki gigled shyly and waved at tem. Ellie pulled teh girls into teh room. Come on she said. lets have some fun. Ellie careesed Zara’s lether clad body while Dias delicate white hands ran all over nikki. Like omg this is awesome siad Nikki. Ur like so pretty. She ran her delicate yet strong hands trough dia’s ebony watefall. how are you so goergus an so powerful all at once?

“This story makes me sound like a sex-addled Mary Sue,” Diamond growled, twisting the fabric of her skirt in between her fingers.

“I mean… that last bit made some sense,” said Zara, scanning the paper from over Diamond’s shoulder. “It’s a pretty accurate description of a sparklepire… ow!”

Dia then put her her thing in (cause she has one haters) in nikkis u know what…

The real Diamond hurled the papers back at Zara and ran to the bathroom, gagging most impressively for someone who couldn’t throw up.

Zara skimmed the next paragraph and the hallway once again resounded with evil cackling.

Auothors Note! Do u like it so far? I like had to put in a my immortal refencd cause like tat’s the best fanfic ever written!!!1 i luv nikki and ellie and zara and dia so much! theyre so cool and sexy

((Actual Author’s Note: I’m sorry, Sergio. I really am. But EllieMae leaves no one untouched.))

Thanks for posting this. Also, hi. I'm not sure if I count as a newbie anymore because I've been here for over a year.

((But I had to borrow Nikki for this))

There probably will be a few more chapters (tim travel, anyone?) before I finish. I know it said “The end”, but....nah.

I did in fact know that Corolla was a Unison Device, and I can say that the rest is rather relieving.

BTW, I'm actually waiting until "ebony" runs out of steam (AKA you decide you had enough fun!) before doing the "mission snippet", so I'm actually counting anything that happens in any chapter.

Take it as Corolla needing time to convince Sergio and Nikki to help her with the takedown, and the latter two then needing some time to get someone to babysit Keiko (three years old as of 2022 HST) while they deal with the trainwreck, with that being enough time for "Ebony" to finish her story.

Oh, and about fake Corolla wearing only boots... well, luckily for the real one there wasn't really anything naughty to be seen. Corolla is a Unison Device - basically a sentient technomagical construct in humanoid shape. As they are artifically created, Unison Device are implied to have no reproductive ability (it wouldn't even fit with their purpose, which is boosting their master's combat strength by temporarily fusing with them), and with Corolla being actually asexual to her having naughty bits programmed in any of her forms is a "waste of data space for features I wouldn't even use".

((Minna is the informal word for "everyone" and "shiku shiku" an onomatopoeia for sobbing))

Im nut Lolkitykign33!!Stup glaming!!11 Wollo whars goingv on-- Crollo is a PREP!! Dis iz Muh Stury I SUCK!!?

---

Ivry ur so sxsey" saod NIGHTmare. Den.....we strayed frenchikng pasivelu.

I was wearingv a leather corset, leather undies, nd a blak tether top. Thry weted all black wif blody pintigrams.

Just den a gofik old man wif a lung black bread (he ws rly A poser) aparated. " O hi guys" he said. We gasped. It wad Du Sumflower Officially!!!11

"wut r u dong" he esked.

"go saway u posr we yeled.

"I bebef wanted 2 b goff anewae!!" he shooted.

Decomposition was rlly truned in by Nightmire an I kossinv so he joined in.

"Bey gues wat???" said Cprllora. "I m actualy a PREP I killed Minna abd Carlise (swho was was actualyh Sadnes). And Momoko!11$$$$ And I ressurtceted Niki!!"

Da Mysterios Sumbody ran in on a brum. "btw der my .minions. " he expostulated.

I grabbed my knife whixh Destruction had given me

"Avasde Kadaver!!!111$" I shooted, And da preps dyes frum da balets. "Noool!!!" screaamed Corola. She was da bigest prep.

I was so exaggerated ! All thed preps wete gone!!

THE END

((Dunno if you wanna inclue this, Sergio, but here it is.))

I love this report!

Yeah, there’s no way Carlisle’d be in a rock band, in his first appearance he specifically didn’t want to perform. I can see Mina doing it (badly), though. Technically, Corolla wasn’t in the band, she “there too.” And she was only specified as wearing boots...

I do feel bad for Sergio, Nikki, and Corolla.

Thanks for reading. ; )

Hmm...what’re the chances that lolkittyking33’ll see this and try to write a revenge fic? How would you feel about that?

—Ls))

I don't know how the external report got into DoSAT's inbox instead of Intel's, but maybe they just didn't want to deal with the atrocious spelling. Still better than that of the fic itself.

So... let's see. Clearly a copycat of My Immortal, that's alright, they're a dime in a dozen. Published under an alias that is actually the name of My Immortals protagonist, even! And on that it ticks all the boxes. "Goffs", "prepz", My Chemical Romance concerts happening where they shouldn't. In this case, HQ, I believe?

This is the main problem. It is about us. Well, an odd mix of us. There's Dafydd, who would really appreciate not being dragged out of his retirement in New Cal. Then, Mina and Carlisle. I'm really sure the Carlisle I know would never let himself be dragged into a rock cover band. And then the Mysterious Somebody, who has been dealt with so long ago that of my friends only Arumi was around back then. Except he's also Darth Vader? Boy, a mangled Mysterious Somebody in a Vader suit is stuff of nightmares.

By the way, "Ebony" or lolkittyking33 (keep the facade up if you want - I've tracked down the posts and they were typed on the very same device), I'm flattered you want me in your band but... er... lightning4evah is right. My singing is not really pleasant.

But the worst thing is, Ivory set her sights on my best friend. Boy how much she's getting wrong about him - listening to MCR? Performing magic? Girl, the day Sergio actually manages to cast a spell Hell will freeze over. And setting up Nikki as a "prep"... yeah, her. One of the nicest girls you can find out there, who has had second thoughts after killing the bounty hunters that were trying to bring her in dead or alive. And then you have Sergio kill her. Last straw, girl. Last straw. it's personal now. Playing the "bash, kill and steal" ploy to get rid of the canon love interest to steal the hottie is already bad enough, but you did that to my favourite couple and best friends. This utter trainwreck of a story may be yours, but the characters aren't - and now you're going to kiss them all goodbye. it's been a long time since I was on SpecOps, but I still have my kill list, and Ivory is the next name on it.

Corolla, DoSAT technician, absolutely not amused.

[Corolla is not supposed to directly address badfic writers as that is not PPC policy. Corolla is also very protective of her friends so in this case she doesn't care one bit about policies. She's going to get Ivory's scalp, and make sure her author knows it. There can be a surprisingly big amount of resentment in that small girl.

If you don't mind, Lindstar, I'd like the "part two" of this to be a "mission snippet" of sorts, a single scene with my classic trio commenting on the mess as they do the cleanup. Will likely involve Sergio and Nikki complaining about having to get rid of clones of them agan. Oh, BTW, I finally got around to reading your spinoff and it got me a few laughs. Good on you!]

Every so often, the PPC universe offends me so deeply that I just have to react by folding, spindling, and mutilating it.*

---

Pay appears!

“ we werent kidding,” you say.

“Oh yea?! ??,?” she says.

Then she grabs Orisn. He’s gone! Forever and ever, you shall never have him again.

---

THREE MONTHS LATER

You sneek in2 Orian!s Rc.

“I love you, “ he says.

“Oh yea?!” says Oaye. “I don’t think so!”

She grabs a sock and swings it at you.

You duck, and knock her down. You and Ori. runawat 2 git married. You kiss. On the lils this time!!!!

THE E;ND

*((Cookie to anyone who gets the Legendary Badfic reference.))

((Pretty sure this won’t convince Lemony that lol’s mature.))

The truth is, I have an habit of trying to type very quickly with just my indexes, which means that sometimes I end up overlapping keystrokes that pass from one finger to the other. I use my right index to hit the "I" and the "N", but the left to hit the "G". It's particularly bad with "going" as I start with a left index stroke, then three right, and last one left on the same key as the first, but it happens on other words as well - case in point, I had to go back and correct "stroke" as I actually wrote "storke", again at a "finger switch".

Years of writing stories and going through Windows Messenger, MSN Messenger, Skype and Discord led me to try to type as quickly as possible, but I never bothered to actually learn proper typing so that's the result XD If it wasn't for Doctorlit, many of those typos would also leak into my published stuff, as I'm not really a very attentive re-reader.

STU!!!!11 Preps STUP FLAMING!!! I dnot car wut u fink. So SHOT UP!111 btw fangz 2 willo 4 etidin gurl u roc lol

---

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Enony.......Irovy.....” he said evilly. He had Dark robs and high heels and everying (kinda like da Mysteryios Sumbody.)

It was......................Da mystryious Sumbody!!!

I scremed. “What is it Ivory?” saud Dafid n Srgieo all selective.

“Ivony,” the mysteruois somebony whiped. “Thou must Destroyested VamDafid!! If u do nout then I shal, kil Delegation!11”

“Nooooooooooo!!!” I screamed.

Darth Valer floo out the windo calking evillli.

“OmG what do I do!” I weept.

Just den.,.....................................Nikki appeated!

“ Guess waht I wasn’t ded!” she said preppily.

Then.........Devotion killed her with magic. “I want 2 join da bad” he said.

“Ok said Minnie n Calile n Dereliction n Dafyd( his name is Nightmare now).

An: See, dat waznt strupid!

‘Cause she’s a terrible person! Infact, nikki will come back 2 life so Sergio can kill him. Corolla is a signer! i don’tcare about cannon, this is MY StOry!!

BTW that was Ebony not me.

But anyway, I’m so preporting you! Admin, kick her of the site!!

—lol

But if you do read it, I’d be very flattered.

By the way, “usign”. D’you think the Italian “gn” makes you more likely to type that for the English “ng”?

—Ls))

[Bashing-and-killing is standard badfic M.O. when you want to get a love interest out of the way so your OC can take away the relevant hottie XD It wouldn't be a proper My Immortal pastiche if you didn't.]

if u were really writgn sergio he wud've killed dafydd befor he shooted because he will protect nikki against anything! you didnt even read wigns of cnon did u? u even added corolla to the band! she cannot sing it is canon.

u got right tht sergio wudn't join the bad i wil give u. but u still gettign reported. i know real corolla ill have ur story ppcd.

[I guess the "I'm preporting you" "No, I am reporting you" war has officially begun XD]

[You see, I'm yet to catch up with the more recent spinoffs, and I'm afraid I haven't started yours yet. Besides, I'm always quite uncomfortable using other people's characters unsupervised, and at the moment I'm not really in the mood of doing a collaboration/cowrite since I'm currently a bit busy.]