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Jumping off infinate buildings means that I never hit the ground.

So it's all cool, really!

Nation isn't a Discworld book. Neither are the Bromeliad trilogy (although it's my pet theory that the Nac Mac Feegle are nomes affecting Scottish accents).

I think Small Gods was the first I read, followed by The Fifth Elephant, and I got around to reading Colour of Magic three or four in.

Small Gods took place a significant time before the other books, seeing as how Oats in Carpe Jugulum seems to act as if it was long(ish) ago- I got the impression (without, admittedly, any hard evidence) that Brutha was long-dead by the time Oats trained.

That said, Small Gods doesn't really affect any of the other books (excepting Carpe Jugulum) so I guess it's timeline could be pretty fluid. Unless any of the Ephebans are also in Pyramids? It's been many years since I read it, and I no longer have a copy.

As an aside, Night Watch is by far my favourite, but I also have a soft spot for the Fifth Elephant, mainly cause of the Dwarf opera.

... if there are any inconsistancies in the timeline (for example, the question of when Small Gods takes place), you can always blame it on the first Glass Clock disaster. :P

hS

Do we just put them up as featured the next time they post a fic? It wouldn't make too much sense to feature inactive agents that haven't been around the board in five years.

So... Put up a new one once a month, and auto-nominate anyone who posts their fifth (or more than fifth) mission and hasn't been featured before?

Well, my one cardinal rule for romance is that the characters should exist outside the relationship. I find it's a good exercise (in my admittedly limited experience) to write short scenes, totally separate from the romance itself, focusing on the hero and heroine each alone. Just hero or heroine, no other half, maybe not even any of the supporting cast. It helps to develop their characters. They need to be individuals who fall in love. Two halves of one soul sounds romantic, and it may work in a fantasy context, but it can get really creepy really quickly if the writer doesn't know exactly what they're doing.

And this may be a stylistic choice, but I think first-time writers should probably avoid first-person POV. It just makes it way too easy to turn the romance into a whiny monologue. Third-person singular gives you all the strength of a viewpoint, including the emotional connection, but prevents chronic Twilitis. (Inflammation of the thesaurus. :D)

Someone get a Belmont in here, I've had enough of silly vampire romances. Especially badfic vampire romances.

Very well done! Funny as hell, and a rather nice kill, too.

Category: PPC
Title: Love Thy Partner
Summary: What really happened during the lockdown in the RC #999? SS/IAF/JR Please Read and Review!!! Rated R for lemons. Romance. One-shot.

Story:
A/N I am a big fan of Neshomeh's Agents. They are fun and interesting and Agent Ilraen is awesome because he is an Andilite and they are from the best series ever written. Neshomeh is awesome. I would like to shake that guys hand.

The lockdown was happening. The Megaviruses were all over the hq. In the RC #999 Agent Simon Supernumbery and Agent Ilraen Airline Feathergold were working out. "98 99 100" said Agent Simon who was doing pushups. Agent Ilraen was lifting weights near the closet. "How much longer will the lockdown be happening? It has been going on for weeks and I am getting bored." said Agent Ilraen. Agent Simon walked to his chair where his shirt was. When he put on the shirt his muscles made it hard to button. He said "Who knows. It could go on forever with the flowers in charge of the hq." Agent Simons voice was emotionless and musical. (I read once that he is half elf half vulcan. I think he is the kid of Spock and the guy from Lord of the Rings that was played by Agent Smith from the Matrix because that is who he looks like.) Agent Ilraen stopped lifting weights and said "Well what should we do while we are stuck in here?" Agent Simon looked up and raised one of his eyebrows because he had an idea about what they could do. He said "We could do sex to each other." Agent Ilraen looked at him for a minute and said "ok but I have a really good idea. I have been secretly getting the dna of everyone in the ppc so you can have sex with anyone in the ppc that you want to have sex with". Agent Simon thought for a minute and whispered into Agent Ilraens ear. Agent Ilraen then morphed from his blue centaur form into the form of a woman. Agent Ilraen had morphed into a naked Agent Jenny Robinson. Agent Ilraen said "come here Agent Simon". Agent Simon took his shirt off showing off his rippling muscles and then he took off his pants and went over to Agent Ilraen. They started having sex. They changed positions a couple of times. While they were having sex they did not hear the announcement that the lockdown was over. The real Agent Jenny walked in and saw herself having sex with Agent Simon and thought it was a good idea so she joined in. They all had sex with each other until Agent Ilraen had to turn back into an Andilite. (Because it would be really confusing to have two Agent Jennys in the ppc.) Agent Simon and Agent Jenny saw that Agent Ilraen was hung like a horse (he is part horse you know) and they thought it might be fun to have sex with him in his Andilite form so they took turns letting him have sex with them and they thought it was great. They kept doing it for a couple of hours and then they all went to sleep and Jenny moved in the next day and they all have sex all the time.

A/N Hope you liked it. Please Review!!!

[[So, yeah...gonna call that good and not write anymore badfic for at least a day or two. It scares me how easy this is. ~Barid]]

1) Nation, to my knowledge, isn't a Discworld book. So that would explain a lot.

2) I did the EXACT same thing - first Tiffany, then CoM, and I was just as confused as you. Having read more, in The Color of Magic the whole idea of Discworld is still sort of... gestating; it hasn't really taken the form that it's famous for. As you get further along, they start to seem more in-sync, and even before it all reaches its most famous form (if you read in the order of publication), characters you'll recognize starts showing up. Granny Weatherwax shows up as early as Equal Rites , which is only the third one. A couple books after that it starts to seem more like the Discworld Tiffany lives in.

3) I'm reading them in pretty much publishing order, which I'd recommend. I read Monstrous Regiment immediately after Guards! Guards! , and since a lot of characters and innovations are added in between books, it was quite surreal.

So, anyway, sorry to boss your ear off. I hope you got something useful out of it.

And I have concerns for you.

But have HC overlook it in her excitement at another show of support.

As long as it's not going to leave me scared to close my eyes in case something teleports into the corner while I'm not looking, I'm interested. Gore is easy.

As for the essay, it's basically a list of rules I think all the Twilight knockoffs should follow in the hope that they would then suck less. I was wondering if you could think of anything that should go on the list. I've got stuff like no changelings, tell us how the protagonist lived before Mr. Supernatural Hottie came into her life, diversify the mythology, extract Mr. Supernatural Hottie's head from his ass don't make the male protagonist a haughty, cold, handsome man who is defrosted by the heroine... stuff like that.

uv gt 2 kil de evil pokants NOWW! cliffies mk me soo scrd!

but yay 2 c u agin & oo dats so gr8 ur in colege & cute guy YUMMNM!!

speclhcks r stupid u dont need em nyway i mean look @ me its nt lik u dont nderstand me rite?????


[[Welcome back! It's time for fuuuun.... -Sedri]]

It's okay. I understand where you're coming from, because that is how the word started out, but it's turned into such a blanket term that most people will twitch. However, I get that you didn't mean it like that.

but elfs R HAWWWWT!!!

Your support is a boon in this troubled time. Also, let me take the moment to say that I am honoured by your gesture; you really didn't have to change your penname for me, though of course, this one is much better than before.


[[Anyone want to play "spot the quote"? ;p -Sedri]]

[[If FfL had a forum, it would be insane. I can just hear the screams... Ah, so harmonious. ;p ]]

Your support is much appreciated.

[[Do you want the hacked profile to appear on FfL, or just the main part? I'd suggest the latter. Also, I love your summary of Honest Critic; so very, very accurate ;) -Sedri]]

Missed it. Ignore this.

[[Has your badfic-writer persona changed their penname from "Burning Watier" to "Burning Visionary"? Because I'm not sure what name to file these under...]]

certainly, there are the History Monks in both, in multiple times, but what's-his-face, the protagonist of Thief of Time isn't in Night Watch, and so I got the impression that these monks, who live a long time (albeit not necessarily linearly) were simply at a different point in their own timeline. And if you don't read Thief of Time before Night Watch, it lessens the cohesion and comprehensibility of Night Watch. And there are little in-series hints -- such as who is Archchancellor of the Unseen University -- which help with chronology.

I'm trying to remember others might overlap, but my brain seems fuzzy. In any case, it's certainly *safe* to read them in order of publication.

Not that I ever do. But whatever. I trust you have some in mind. :)

If you want to read them by main character, there's a link for character arcs over at,

http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum/10529-reading-order-for-discworld-novels.html

which you might find helpful.