Subject: [[Erm... question?
Author:
Posted on: 2010-07-17 03:07:00 UTC
[[Has your badfic-writer persona changed their penname from "Burning Watier" to "Burning Visionary"? Because I'm not sure what name to file these under...]]
It's come to our attention that our poor little website has been sadly neglected by all our old friends from the Internet Culture section. No-one wants that, so we've come to invite you back!
Of course, we hope you want to come back to us, but in case you need a hand making up your mind, we're holding a very special event!
For the next seven days - that's one single week - we will be giving every Fanfic Land member who posts a story or chapter in our Protectors of the Plot Continuum section an exclusive, personalised banner on their user-page. Of course, we welcome stories for other sections too!!
So whether you're an old hand at Fanfic Land, or you've never written with us before, get your thinking caps on... and get writing!
[[Yes, for the fifth year running, Fanfic Land is opening its doors for the PPC Badfic Contest. This is the time to indulge your inner badficcer, troll or parodist. Do you secretly 'ship Marquis de Sod/Acacia? Write it! Do you think Architeuthis would be a lot cooler if she were an Elven Jedi? Write it! Do you wonder what would happen if Eragon and Bella Swan were partners in the PPC? Write it!
Unfortunately for my sense of style, I do need to discuss some practical matters. Fanfic Land is a non-interactive website - I'll be putting everything from the Contest up on it afterwards, but the actual game needs to be played entirely in this thread. Sorry.
Next up, so that I can actually put them onto FfL, every story needs to have the following:
-A title
-A story summary
-A category (probably 'PPC', but you can write for anything)
-A rating (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17, after the old Fanfic.net system)
-One or two genres (which can include 'general', and are one word each)
-A title for every chapter (this is optional; if you don't want your chapters titled, you can leave this out)
Of course, you don't want to use your usual, boring, Canon-loving screenname, so come up with a new one! You can review other stories with it (by commenting on the chapter you're reviewing), and even set up an account by posting here with an author bio. You'll need an account to write any stories, so if you post a chapter, give me a bio at the same time, please.
Remember - nothing on FfL is real. We've had people write hatefic in previous years - we've had flamers - we've had some truly awful badfic - but it's all just a game. So enjoy yourselves!
A few closing notes:
-You can take part in the game whoever you are. You don't have to have Permission or anything.
-You can write about anyone in the PPC (with the usual exception of Stormsong and Skyfire). That means you can use anyone's agents, any Flowers, anyone or -thing. Canon doesn't matter.
-If you're a returning player and want to change your bio from last year, feel free! Just stick the new one up here and I'll switch it.
-Have fun!
hS]]
JayBird:- thanks!!! i want to wriet more about Logen an d his new patrer i think that there arent enuff storys showing this side of teh ppc.
Lady Ciskia:- :-) here u go! bet u didnt guess who the new parhet was gonna be!>!>!?
Ellintyra Lloysinthayr (lol i had to copy ur name:- yeha Ageis sux logens new parten is gonna be totally awesomeer
Chapter 2: Recuitment
Logen walked inte the dorr of his new responce cenetr and he stopped in sochk when he saw his new paretnr.
she was tall and wilowey with dark black long hair the color of ravens wings that shimmers and cathches teh lihgt. her face was gorgus with alebastre skin waz white an d palle and was dusted b y a feew freackles on eithha side of her dellicat pointed nose. her eyes were deep greeen pools of liquid emereald fleked with lighter hazle flekcs like cyrstal fire.
she was wearing a bueatiful long slinkey dress that was the colour of sunlighy in the forest which perfectly matched her eye. the dress embrased her body that had curves in al the right palaces.
(A/N OMG I luve this rdess i totaly want one ofr me)
'you must be logen' said the elegent stranger 'i am agent veridianne Starsfire. you ar egoing to be my patner."
Logan bowed and then took one of her milkwhiet hands in his. he kissed it and looked solefuly into her eyers. "pleaseur e to meet you' he said.
"i didnt expect you to be such a gentelman" said veridienee.
Logehn smiled, his totally cuet face lighting up with happyness and he talked to Veeridianne
"taht's becasue your such a prefect lady" he said. "so this is our new rc. which side do you want?" he asked. "i want this rc to be just how you like it".
'oh, id love to put up my poster for evanesence theyre totally my favoruite band.' said vedirenene.
"omg there totally mind too" said logna. "were gonna be totally greta as partner s"
Logen and Veriduenne spends two or three hour s decoriating the reponse center so that it was just like Veridienne wanted it.
Verideiene said "wow this rc is totally awesome now. want to listenm to some music?"
"SUre' said Logan; "put ion a cd."
They sat down and lsitened to evanesceneses latest cd but after a few tracks teh console went BEeEP.
"Oh noes' said Logan. "I was really liking listening to music with you Verideinne."
"Me to" said Verideienne. "Oh well we should go on our first mission together. Come on logan lets go."
Logen and Veridienee walked through teh protal into the mission...
Chapter 3: Missien
There misison was in lord of the rings (OMG i loved that movie soooo much) where they had to stop a Suet who joined the fellowship and wanted to mak e Bromir marry her.
They portelled into Riven Dell. Logen wrote donw the carges for Veridienne. he didnt want her to have to miss out on seeing the totally awesome Elfin city cause it was her first time in middleerath. Veriddiene spent her time talking to the Elvs who complemented her on her beautty and grace.
Logean found Veridiene talking to Arwen. "I am sorry my lady' he said. "we must depart hither on our journey to lands distant adn unknown".
"Fear thy well, Princess Awren" said Veridienne. "I did so enjoy our coversing togethr but alas i must depart".
Veridianne and Logan folowed the fellow ship out of Rivendell, preteding to be travelers on the road in case the fellowship noticed them. Logan couldnt stop admireing how the dawns light was captyred in verideinnes ravendark hair to shimer.
They walked with the fellowship all morning, until they arrived at the gates of Moria after walking for a couple of hours from Rivindell.
The Sue fought the squid thing in the pool all by herseld and then new how that you neede dto say 'melon' to open the doors of morian before gandalf did.
"Mary sue,' said Veridiene. 'we are charging you with being a mary sue and with yousurping the place of cannon characters. you are sentenced to be killed."
The sue fought back. she used her sword to fight the agnets. Verydiane dodges the sword but it strucj Logan in the side. he cried out in pain.
Veridienne looked over at her partner with fear in her deep green eyes, changing to anger at the Sue who dared to hurt her new partner. She used her magic Star Elf powers to kill the sue and heal logan and then newralised the cannon characetrs and opened a portal and brought them back to rc 17263.
"thankyou for saving my life" said Logna after they returned to the rc. he was shaking with adrendaline after the fight. "i am glad i am your partner."
"i wish taht you weer more than jsut my partner" said veridinne. she had a scare when logna was hurt and suddently she realised that she didnt want to loose him. "i wish you'd..."
"no more talk" said logan. he realised that even though hed only known here for a few hours that she was the one for him. she was smart and beautful and a great assasin and shed saved his life...
"i love you Verridien and i want to be your partner in more ways then one"
their eyes met, the hidden fire of her eyes mingled with the cool ice of logans eyes. suddenly he drew her close and held her in his strong arms and then he ran one hand threw her hair and leaned in and kissed her.
(A/N OMG Logan and veriienne are soooo cut together huh? Ill write more if i get 3 more reviews so dont forgetr to R+R!!!!)
[[And again, my brain hurts. That, and I think I'm running out of variations on how I can (mis)spell 'Veridienne'. And boy did this turn Logan into a woobie... I think I'll have to write a reaction snippet about this.]]
hoiw neatt! koooooliseess!
EPC: Gehenna, Epilouge two.
AN: Hello there! Anyway, here is a chapter of what happened to Marissa Picard and the Tiger Lily.
Disclaimer: I do not own the EPC or Marissa Picard.
"So, do you like what has happened?"
You have destroyed everything we created! How could we like it?
The Author grinned, and then began to dab more esscence of Character Drailment on the Tiger Lily's petals.
"We will never be your servants!" said Marissa. "It should be us that rule Canon, and only in a policy of strict defilement!"
"Policies suck. What gains you more power should be what you pursue, and sometimes protecting Canon is what profits you the most."
Heresy!
"Sometimes, heresy is what profits you." The Author then went to Marissa and began to dab more esscence of Character Derailment on her face. Then, he got out a bottle marked: Love Potion. He force-fed it to-
The Hacker: This is sick! From now on, I will automatically delete any updates to this fic. And would anyone care to review this? Especially this bastard's enemies.
The Hacker: Here's one last update for this travesty.
The Sunflower Official woke up, and he would have sweated if he could. Libations to the Ironic Overpower... D&D Classes... Traitorous Hornbeam! No...Just...No. He rubbed his brow with a leaf, a gesture learned from the humans he had associated with. He read through the stack of new printouts, morbidly curious as to whether the author of the travesty had resumed his activities.
What he found was worse.
PPC: Time of Judgement, Epilouge, the final chapter to the fic about the fictious end of the PPC.
EPC: Gehenna.
Changes to the Author's profile showing his decline in sanity, as well as his belif that his stories were prophetic visions.
He screamed.
End.
[[Also, does anyone else find the Hacker to be a more intersting person than Burning Visionary? It can't be just me.]]
She's a no-nonsense PPC Pyro. She's a squeeing fangirl. Can they find love? Femslash, Madison and Nara. Don't like, don't read.
Category: OFUs - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance - Madison O'G. & Other Student
Chapter 1: Falling in Love
"I told rhem I was sorry about the false Eedrah," Nara complained to Dhozonesh after Love 101. It was a week after the incident with Tom Matúsalez, and Marrim had taught the class that day. She had really ripped into Nara, as though realizing what she'd done to the real Eedrah had not driven the point home.
"Maybe you should have given them a balloon and card, like Needa in the spoof," replied Dhozonesh. "Or maybe you should have just cut class."
"Here?" declaimed Nara with a good deal of incredulity. "With mini-Camoudiles and Piercing Squees and all? Did you just link in from Tangaroa (A/N: That's the name of a planet in a Heinlein novel)?"
"Maybe."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." About that time, they had reached the cafeteria. Agents Madison and Gilbert in deep discussion and Nara felt something weird, of a sudden. "Dhozonesh?" she whispered. "I don't think it's just her breath that's hot."
"What do you mean?"
"Everything about her," Nara quietly declared.
N&M N&M N&M N&M N&M
"So what is the new Detention Age?" queried Gilbert.
"He'darra," replied Madison (A/N: That's where the Terahnee trained their slaves to obey, never make a sound, and basically never have a thing to hope for. And if you flame this story, you're no better than them). "Rowan and Bentley decided that too-tough puzzles weren't enough." She glanced at the table. Cupid, a mischievous lad, chose that moment to draw his bowstring back and fire at Madison. She promptly fell in love with Nara.
(A/N: Short chapter, and I know this is unlikely for Madison, but this is my story. And I can't believe they pulled my Tawaki/Dustin mpreg fic off FFN, or that it got a parade of flames over its two years.)
Your spelling and grammar is mostly good. Will you join Honest Critic's internet petition to the Admins? We need every member we can get.
Category: PPC
Title: Love Thy Partner
Summary: What really happened during the lockdown in the RC #999? SS/IAF/JR Please Read and Review!!! Rated R for lemons. Romance. One-shot.
Story:
A/N I am a big fan of Neshomeh's Agents. They are fun and interesting and Agent Ilraen is awesome because he is an Andilite and they are from the best series ever written. Neshomeh is awesome. I would like to shake that guys hand.
The lockdown was happening. The Megaviruses were all over the hq. In the RC #999 Agent Simon Supernumbery and Agent Ilraen Airline Feathergold were working out. "98 99 100" said Agent Simon who was doing pushups. Agent Ilraen was lifting weights near the closet. "How much longer will the lockdown be happening? It has been going on for weeks and I am getting bored." said Agent Ilraen. Agent Simon walked to his chair where his shirt was. When he put on the shirt his muscles made it hard to button. He said "Who knows. It could go on forever with the flowers in charge of the hq." Agent Simons voice was emotionless and musical. (I read once that he is half elf half vulcan. I think he is the kid of Spock and the guy from Lord of the Rings that was played by Agent Smith from the Matrix because that is who he looks like.) Agent Ilraen stopped lifting weights and said "Well what should we do while we are stuck in here?" Agent Simon looked up and raised one of his eyebrows because he had an idea about what they could do. He said "We could do sex to each other." Agent Ilraen looked at him for a minute and said "ok but I have a really good idea. I have been secretly getting the dna of everyone in the ppc so you can have sex with anyone in the ppc that you want to have sex with". Agent Simon thought for a minute and whispered into Agent Ilraens ear. Agent Ilraen then morphed from his blue centaur form into the form of a woman. Agent Ilraen had morphed into a naked Agent Jenny Robinson. Agent Ilraen said "come here Agent Simon". Agent Simon took his shirt off showing off his rippling muscles and then he took off his pants and went over to Agent Ilraen. They started having sex. They changed positions a couple of times. While they were having sex they did not hear the announcement that the lockdown was over. The real Agent Jenny walked in and saw herself having sex with Agent Simon and thought it was a good idea so she joined in. They all had sex with each other until Agent Ilraen had to turn back into an Andilite. (Because it would be really confusing to have two Agent Jennys in the ppc.) Agent Simon and Agent Jenny saw that Agent Ilraen was hung like a horse (he is part horse you know) and they thought it might be fun to have sex with him in his Andilite form so they took turns letting him have sex with them and they thought it was great. They kept doing it for a couple of hours and then they all went to sleep and Jenny moved in the next day and they all have sex all the time.
A/N Hope you liked it. Please Review!!!
[[So, yeah...gonna call that good and not write anymore badfic for at least a day or two. It scares me how easy this is. ~Barid]]
One day in what might be considered July by some, Jenni Robinson knocked on the door to RC #999, smirking with uncommonly sadistic glee. The door swished open, revealing that Nume and Ilraen were at home.
<Hello, Jenni!> Ilraen said. <What brings you here?>
"What do you want?" Nume echoed from his desk chair. He raised an eyebrow at the printout in her hand. "What's that?"
"Seems you two have gained some notoriety," Jenni chirped. She handed Nume the printout. Ilraen peered at it over his shoulder. "I found it online. Fanfic Land."
"God damn it," Nume swore. "I'd like to give the idiot who thought that up a good smack. And the morons who take part..." Against his better judgement, he got past the author's note and on to the actual text. "Supernumbery? The hell?"
<They did not even attempt to spell my name right! That is not my name! Nor yours, either; look! ... Nume?>
Without warning, Nume had turned extremely pale. "That is my name," he muttered.
The other two exchanged glances. The temperature in the room had actually dropped several degrees.
"HOW THE HELL DID HE GET THAT INFORMATION?!" Nume exploded, throwing the paper to the floor and shooting to his feet. He rounded on Jenni. "Was it YOU, you goddamned meddler? Who told you?!"
"You mean that's actually your actual name?" Jenni spluttered. She burst out laughing. "Of all the crap in this fic... that's..." she was laughing too hard to enunciate.
Meanwhile, Ilraen picked up the sheet again out of curiosity, even though he probably should have known better, and read the rest of it.
<Uh, Nume? How does one "do sex" to another? Because in this fic, we-->
"WHAT?! Give me that!" He snatched it back and read it through, turning several interesting shades ranging from white to red to green. It was almost like Christmas.
"So what do you say, Simon?" Jenni asked, grinning wickedly. "You been secretly lusting after me all this time? You should have said something, you know, I'd be more than happy--"
"No! Jesus Christ, no! No! That's--I--not--you--GAH! And don't call me that!"
<I am not really half horse,> Ilraen complained quietly. However, one of his eyes wandered slowly backward and downward. This did not go unnoticed.
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! This does not bear thinking about! In fact, I'm neuralyzing all of us, right now. This NEVER HAPPENED."
"Well, that's my cue--bye!" Jenni beat a hasty retreat, printout in hand. Entertainment for the day, check.
"Jesus f****** Christ... All right, Ilraen, get over here."
<What? Really?>
"Yes, really! You thought I was kidding? Hold still."
FLASH!
And thus, the badfic horror was no more.
EPILOGUE:
Nume and Ilraen continued their existence, blissfully unaware that anything unusual had transpired. Ilraen is still a virgin. Nume is still a prude.
Jenni has the printout taped to the wall in her office, no doubt for the occasional laugh at the end of a hard day. Since nobody ever goes in there, Nume's secret is safe... for now.
Neshomeh is not a guy.
(( Funny story: Barid claims he actually did not know that little bit of trivia before he decided to use it in the story. I'm sure I must have told him at some point, but who knows? O.o ))
A/N:
IM BACK!!!1!!1 Sorry I should've been writing more, but I’m in college now and I’m really busy because my teachers making me go to this stupid writing tutor TWICE A WEEK, which is totally unfair because I’m a GREAT writer!
But I met this really cute guy who works in IT, and he fixed my spellcheck for me, yay! And spellcheck doesn’t think yay is a word, but spellcheck doesn’t think spellcheck is a word either, so it doesn’t no everything.
Chapter 3
“whose coming” Rebecca asked.
The Raven Rose laded one of her pale violet leaves on Rebecca’s arm. “my family” she said and she started to cry.. The so came over and held his love close ot him.
“don’t worry” he said. “ill fight them again if I have to.”
The Raven Rose singed. “last time you almost died. The black roses are the most evil flowers ever and we barely escaped with are lives. But I no we can fight them sunny, if we have a plan. We just need a little time to—“
But a plothole opened in the office of the so and two more roses that looked like the Raven Rose but with boring gray leaves instead of violent ones came out. One rose grabbed Rebecca and wrapped his thorns around her neck. “nobody move” he said.
“raven you have to come with us” the other one said. “or well kill everyone in her.”
A/N: OMG another cliffie! Don’t worry I wont make you wait to long…
[OOC: This is the third year I've been torturing myself with MoggetsGurl and her horrible story...I've even developed a backstory for my lovely little alter-ego.
Also, hi, everybody! My evil, evil internet has been down since early June, but it's BACK at last, and so am I! *evil laugh* - Tomato]
uv gt 2 kil de evil pokants NOWW! cliffies mk me soo scrd!
but yay 2 c u agin & oo dats so gr8 ur in colege & cute guy YUMMNM!!
speclhcks r stupid u dont need em nyway i mean look @ me its nt lik u dont nderstand me rite?????
[[Welcome back! It's time for fuuuun.... -Sedri]]
like, to redeem my inner suethor, like, if it even exists...
Hmm, haven't tried parody in a while. Need to get back into the swing- maybe some bad Shakespearan stuff? Messed-up syntax? Thanks for posting, didn't even know your 'poor little website' existed!
Profile: I'm D4rkm0k. I haven't been writing long but I am really good at it.
Category: PPC
Title: In the DIO
Summary: In a hidden part of the ppc hq, three agents get together to be near their own kind. EB/JA/JD Please Read and Review!!! Rated R for lemons. Romance/Friendship. One-shot.
Story
Agent Eamon Brightbeard walked along the corridors of the ppc hq. He was late for his monthly meeting. He led a lonely existance in the ppc. It is hard being away from everyone who understands you. His partner was a stupid troll and did not understand him at all. So he got together with the only people who would understand him even though they were not from the same place. As he was walking he came to a secret door. He opened the door and walked through the secret passage. When he came out the other side of the secret passage he was in DIO central. He looked around and saw his good friend Agent Justin Agent ssitting across the room. Agent Justin looked impatient that Agent Eamon was late. He said "Ye are late Eamon. Where hath thou been?" Agent Eamon said "I hast been walking through the hq. I didst trye to get here on tyme. My partner hath been a pain in my ass. I couldst verily useth a distraction." Agent Justin smiled at his friend. He said "Ye haveth my axe." Then he stood up and moved his beard out of the way so he could unbutton his shirt. When the dwarfs had their shirts off you couldn't tell where the beard ended and the chest hair started. (Dwarfs are really hairy but you can't tell because they wear all that armor all the time and it presses it down.) Then they took off their pants and were naked. There cocks were allready hard and they were each over 12 inches long and really wide. (They have to be really long to get through all the hair that they are covered in.) Agent Eamon turned around and Agent Justin started to have sex with him. After a few minutes they switched positions and Agent Brightbeard had sex with Agent Justin. While they were doing it the secret door opened and another Dwarf walked in and said "Wherefore art thou doing that guys?" (Wherefore means why. I learned that in my english class last year.) Agent Jane Doe was the Dwarf that walked in. She had a beard just like the guys did. The guys stopped having sex for a minute to look at Agent Jane. Agent Jane said "I thought thou wouldst wait for me." Then she took a gold strap-on out of her pocket and joined them. (It is made of gold because gold is like lube for dwarfs.) They all took turns having sex with each other for an hour and then they got dressed and said they would see each other next month.
A/N: I thought that all the dwarfs needed to get laid. They are so stuffy...that's why all Dwarfs talk in Olde English. So I had all the dwarfs in the hq get together. Hope you liked it. I am working on another story already and it should be even better.
[[Dear lord...who would write this stuff. Ah well, I have a requested badfic still to come. ~Barid]]
theyre usin OLDSPEK!!1!!! wom um i didnt knoww ny1 stil used dat
but ew um u culdve bin ls grafic i mean yea dwarfvs need 2 gt laid bt u dint hav 2 SHOW itTT!!!!
It is not Oldspek it is Olde Englishe. And alot of people don't use it only Dwarves. I figured it out when I was reading the mission where Agent Eamon saved an Orc from someone. Agent Eamon says "ye" when he means "you" and that is Olde Englishe and if one Dwarf uses it then they all must because that is how it works in fantasy worlds. And I bet you wouldnt mind it if there were Elves getting laid instead of Dwarves. Everyone is racism against Dwarves!
but elfs R HAWWWWT!!!
OMG I've wanted to get back into writing for soooo long! It's been hard, cause my boss is a pain in the butt. NEWAI, I'm Rae365 and I love PPC stories! I only wish there were more cute guys in the PPC. Well, you learn to make do!
I don't own any of the agents, I only wish I did! R&R, please and thank you!
Title: What Happens On Leave...
Story Summary: Three PPC agents try to piece together what happened after a wild party while on leave. Ian Nahinu/Danny Richardson/Drake
Category: PPC
Rating: R
Genre: Romance/Humor
Ian woke up with a headache. Not that he was surprised or anything. Not with the amount of drinking that had happened the previous night.
The Flowers had essentially declared a weekend off for the entire PPC. He vaguely remembered the horrified look on the barman's face as hundreds of Assassins and Bad Slashers had queued up to order something to drink.
He was lying on the floor back in his own RC. "Okay," he said. "Gotta collect my thoughts. I was at the bar, I was listening to Lee compain about something, then I went outside for some fresh air and somebody said--"
"Move over, would you?"
"No, that wasn't it."
Ian suddenly noticed that he was not alone. There was a tall blond male agent lying next to him. Ian couldn't help noticing he didn't appear to be wearing any clothes, but was instead covered only with a blanket that had apparently been stripped off of one of the bunks. There was a bundle of clothing next to him. "Morning," the other agent said.
Ian leapt upright like the floor was on fire. "What's going on!" he shouted. "Who are you and why are you naked!"
"Of course. No way you'd remember my name from last night, not with the amount you drank. Danny Richardson. As for the nakedness, I think that's pretty self-evident." He nodded at Ian, who looked down to discover that he was also somewhat lacking in the clothing department.
He went pale. "You mean we--"
"Oh come on," Danny said. "I know we were all a bit plastered but it couldn't have been that forgettable. What was that thing you did with your hips during the second run-through? THAT was amazing."
Ian's eyes glazed over as parts of the previous night began coming back to him. "We talked for a while, then went back inside for another drink, then I suggested we come back here..."
"You forgot the bit with the dancing in between the drinking and the leaving to come back here. You're very limber, which certainly came in handy."
"And then -- wait, wasn't there someone else?"
There was a groan from underneath the bundle of clothing, then it shuddered and gave birth to a Drake. He looked up at Ian and waved.
"Morning, sunshine," Danny said. "You certainly slept well."
"Well, large amounts of exercise does make me very sleepy," Drake said with a smile. "You two certainly helped in that regard."
Ian sunk to his knees, stunned. "I really did all those things last night?" he asked.
Drake gave the stupor-fied agent a confused look. "What's with Ian?"
"He's just coming to grips with an acoholic sex crisis."
"I know the cure for that!" The anthro fox leaned over and whispered in Danny's ear.
"You think that'll work?" Danny replied.
"It always cheers me up when I'm down!"
Ian looked up just time to see the two naked agents tackle him. "This is for your own good," Danny whispered before putting his mouth to other uses.
Ten sweaty and eventful minutes went by.
"I have to admit," Ian said. "That did cheer me up."
"I knew it would," Drake panted.
I got reviews, yay! Everyone gets internet cupcakes! They has chocolate sprinkles on them.
@Honest Critic: Sure! I love internet petitions! Who knows, this one might even work! My fingers are crossed. ^_^
NEWAI, new story! Yay! I don't own the agents. You know if I did, cuase there'd be more hawt agent secks. R&R!
Title: Sensation
Summary: Nobodys can't feel emotions. What about stimulation? Luxuricka
Category: PPC
Rating: R, shading to NC-17 later on.
Genre: Romance
Chapter I
"I do not see why you continue to persist in this matter," Xericka said to the other occupant of the RC. "My answer remains no."
"Your mouth says no," Luxury replied with a saucy grin, "but your body says take me now."
"My body language indicates nothing of the sort."
This had been going on for a while now. Ever since their first mission together, Luxury had become fascinated with Xericka. Gremlin had suggested during a mission together in the Half Life continuum that the lacivious Bad Slasher had a crush on her. Xericka scoffed at the idea.
"Aw come on, Xerry-berry." Lux hopped over the back of the sofa and sank onto the Nobody's lap. "It'll do you a world of good. You really do need to loosen up. Get a little crazy."
Xericka pushed Luxury off of her. The blonde Slasher settled for sitting on the couch as close as possible. "I do not get crazy. I do not get anything. Nobodies cannot feel emotions and do not have sex."
"Ah, but those are two different things!"
Xericka goggled at the other agent. "Sexual intercourse and emotional bonding are intrinsically connected," she said.
Luxury rolled her eyes. "Sex is all about physical stimulation, which I know Nobodies can feel. If you couldnt, there was no way you could have known that I pinched your butt the other day."
"Yes, but--"
"Can you feel this?" Luxury ran her hands up and down Xericka's thighs.
"Yes of course."
"Are you havbing an emotional response or a physical one?"
"A phsyical response."
Luxury moved her hands up to the Nobody's stomach. "And it's a pleasurable response, right?"
"...Yes."
The blonde agent's hands continued to migrate up Xericka's body. "You'd like to experience more, right."
"I suppose, but my point--"
She was interupted by Luxury's lips meeting hers. There was a faint metallic sound as the other woman unzipped her coat.
~~~
To be continued!
Compared to your peers (with a few exceptions, of course), your grammar and spelling are very good. You have several errors, of course, but overall it is clear that you have done your best with the skills you have - at least in your story. Your profile could still use some work.
Would you be interested in joining a new movement for the general improvement of grammar and spelling on this website? I am trying to recruit at least fifty supporters before bringing my petition to the FanficLand Admin.
You have my support, Honest Critic.
[[OOC: Heh, heh, heh.]]
I will put your name on the list immediately.
[[*snicker, snicker* Indeed, this is fun ;0 -Sedri]]
I luved it! Mor, plz!!1!
[[*snerk* Aw, poor drunk, confused Ian... Now I want to do a reaction snippet, much like Laburnum did. Aw, hell, why not?
--Pretzel
Ian was idly browsing the newest stories on Fanfic Land when he came across a summary with his name in it. Given that said name was being associated with two other male names, and in a romantic sense at that, he clicked the link out of morbid curiosity.
Five minutes later, fully dressed and in the middle of toweling her hair dry, Lee came out of the bathroom and found her partner staring in shock at his laptop screen.
'Something up, Ian?' she asked, pausing in her attempts to get her short bob dry.
'S-ss-'
'Use your words, Ian. You're not a snake, or at least, you weren't the last time I checked.'
'S-suh-slash,' he managed, turning the laptop so that Lee could see what he'd been reading. 'A three-way between--' he trailed off, and then shuddered. Lee took the laptop from Ian, scrolled up to the top of the page, and then began reading. As she went through the story, her expression switched from vague worry for her partner to a rather disconcerting blankness.
'I see what you mean,' she said finally, staring thoughtfully at the laptop. 'Want me to write a scathing review?'
Ian blinked and then shook his head. 'No,' he replied. 'Just never mention it to me again, and I'll be good. I'm just gonna drown myself in the Fountain of Bleepka. Be right back.'
'Well, at least it wasn't Bad Slash,' Lee volunteered, clearing the history on Ian's browser after switching the page to Cute Overload. 'Here, look at some kittens. It should help.'
'Guh.']]
I wonder - should I collect them, too? We could find a place to post them, somewhere. Or maybe those of you who've written them should post them on your own LJs (or wherever) and we can make a link list on the wiki or something...
Hi!!!1! My names NiGhT-fIrE-wOlF (srsly someday i want 2 chang it legaly but my stupid parents wont let me). Im american and i LUV star trek star wars lotr an of course the ppc!!!
TItle: waiting for love
Summary: 2 agnets, from 2 diferent worlds, both secretly love each ohter but niether can tel the other! will they ever confes?? R&R PlZ!! 1st fic!
Category: PPC
Rating: PG-13 i think
Genres: Romance
Chapter 1
a/N: this is a story i've been planing to rite for a rly long tyme; these agents r so ovbiously ment for each ohter but they're author must be stupid r somethin cause shes never done anythin abut it. this is mi 1st fanific evar so plz plz r&r!! ill luv u 4ever!!1
and soooo much thanks 2 Ellintyra Lloysinthayr (lol i had to copypast her namw cauzwe its awesom but rly hard 2 spel) for bein my bata!!1
Everyon thought Agent teek was angry and vilent. Ppc boys never talkled to her cause they thought she would stab them wiht her Klignon sword or cut there heads off with hre litesabere and stomp on them. (a/n she awlways wor combat boots so that wuld hurt!! lol) it seeme d like she never wanred to be loved.
but Teek ahd a secret, buryed deep in the most speical and secret place of her pasionatte heaert. she fought evreyone becuase she was waiting for her true love, and if she had to she would wait her whole lief if it menrt she culd fal into his arms as she dyed, and let one last crystal tear fall on his hand,
But even He coulkd not know her secret, because teek could never be the one to proclaym her love, girls didnt do that and she was to shy anyway,
so she pretended to hate him too, just lyk any other guy, and tryed to forget that it tore her pasionnate heart in pieces to deceive him.
all she could do was dream of happyiness until He recsued her.
Cahpter 2
He loved her wirth the passion of a billion burning stars, with a love so pur and baeutifull that it over flowed his heart like a sparkling waterfall of love.
but he couldn't tell her.
it wasnt that he didnt know if she loved him back. the obnly problem was himself. himself and his evil author wgho had mad him a monster. if he let himself love Teek, he might lose controll and hurt her.
evry night he dreamd that zhkrarek took over and made him hurt tEek, and the whol time the real him would scream in aogny insyde his head at wat he saw himself do but eh couldnt do anything and hed wake up crying and have to hide his face so teek wouldnt see him crying becaise shed think he was a sissy.
but crying was all he could do, because he had to let out his love somehow or it would burn him up from the inside like an ifnerno and his soul would drown forverr in its flames.
he couldnt live without her, but he knew if he even only kissed her he woudlnt be able to stop himself.
"I'm a monster, hed say, when teek was alseep. Im to dangeorous and shell never luv me and she porbably thinks all cardasains are evill anyway bcaeus most of us are.
but if i cant tell her my love ill surley die."
all he culd do was dream of the day shed love him too, and try to forget his horible nihgtmares.
oooooOOOOOOooooyyy i lik ur teek shs=es soo sad n londly & theyre story iz soo SADDS! writ more SOOOOOOOOONNNN!N!N!N!!!
i red ur profil 2 & i knoow wat u mean!! iwant 2 chnge my nme 2 bt my folkss wnt let m. cysika iz a mch btr name dan my reel 1!!!
i wish i owned these agents... oh well.
ill defintley try 2 get antoehr chappie up soon!
Cyskia is a rly prerty name, ur right! evil parents!
ur such a gud riter!!!!!! i hop they get 2gether do they get 2gether omg tell me they gget 2gether!!!!!!!!!! do more now!!!!!!!
...Um, er... Sorry for intruding on the fourth wall, I tend to do that without even trying...
Anyways. You may remember me from MAXinsanity's permission piece, which was a total failure for him. And I want a little bit of revenge, not only on you people, but him as well. After one too many tweaks to my backstory and several unfinished attempts at fixing it himself, I couldn't take it any longer and decided to pay him a visit.
...And so I locked him in the closet and wrote this on his computer. It's far more interesting, far more brilliant than what you humans could ever write. After all, who would possibly be able to know the words better than a fictional character, having been written themselves?
I know, I know... I've written this with utter seriousness, but because neither MAXinsanity or myself have permission, I'll just have to put it here and hope it gets seen...
Summary: A different look at the PPC, written in my perspective. Me and my partners kill three Pokemorph sues, and several other "entertaining" things.
Category: PPC (Protectors of the Plot Continuum)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Action, Angst
Story: http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AetC2dzCnJeiZGdjYmt0ZjdfMjFjbWZ0N2RkNw&authkey=CJyEu7wH&hl=en
The content of the link is the story, and not the link itself. It's just like that because the story is kind of big.
And remember, Weere in ur fictionz, watchin u rite. D:
Title: "da ferret fins LUV"
Summary: hmelock is SOO K00T an needs LUV! so ah wrote dis ficcie bout him! NOFLAMESPLZ!
Category: PPC
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
AN: Hiiiiiii guyzs dis is da new story! we gots a bata reeder now so its so muych betta! NO FLAMEZ! dis iz Ro writin cos ma dumb sister dont like hEMlock an sez hes reely a GURL! HE IS NOT! i thot id' do somfin not slash cos my frends sez Daisy an me gotta try writin difrent tings an i dont like slash s much as she do. i fink hmelock is gay forreels in cnon but is MY FIC an i can do WAT I WANT GEDDIT!!!!!1q111 nd if u say i kant u's a meen gay FAG an not in da good cy00te way!
Hemlck is a ferett but not likea pet ferert (I WANNA FRERET IZ NO FAIR DADDY Wont GIMME 1!) hes big as a persn an he cn ta;lk. he is SOOOOOOOOO KY0000T! es' big ad mussely an gots big grene eyues so is HAWT ad hesd kute an fuzzy 2.
So newayz Hemlok was reel sad cos drake didnt like him no more an brok up wiv him cos he was wiv Redd now. so Hemloc wore blak an cut hiz rists and did lots o f drugs and lizend to depresxing musix liek 9inc nails nd Evanescence (I copid dat name off tier site cos its hard to spel but I LOOOOOOOVE em).
an one day he went up onh da roof of hq to jiump of cos he was depresed (HQ DOSE SO HAV AN OUSTIDE MA SISTRE SEZ SO). an he saw is freid laburnum wos goin to fall ONOEZ!
"ONOEZ! Ur goin to fall!" he shooted n ran ad got er b4 she fell.
L (im not goin to tyep all her name agan cos its hasrd) useda be fat an ugly (cos er writers meeen) but shed got anarecksiik an waz real skiny now cept for her boobs wioch was liek a gcup (dats real big). shne diedd her hair blakl now cos brown is borin.; she woz on LOTS of drugs cos she was deprexed 2 .
So dey sat on da wroof an tok dsome pillls (of drugvs) asn cut deir writss an drank da blud cos hemolcks a feret an dey like blud an he kried cos drak didn like im no moer.
"aw dats xo meen1" L said. "no fair cos i liek u an i wudent b meen t u bujt ur GAY and dats no fair! so i am goikn 2 kil miself now!!!1111"
2NOOOO!" sed HEmlokcx. "I lke gurlz to!" (cos by guys are soooooooo sexeh!) an ur SOOOOOOOOO prety! Ur eeys r icy bleu lyke limpid teers (just lik Amy Lee!), yr hari is blacker than the black ravens black wings @ black midnigvht (thats from edgr alan po he iz AWSOM! but dere wasnt enough black in dere so i changd it) n u has relly big bobs."
l gosped "U meen it/ YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" n she huged him. so dey got off da rof an wnet indors an dey stoped kuttin emsleves an L didn need hr drugs no more cos tey as happy cos dere in LUV. DA END.
~~
(OOC A/N from Laburnum: For those unfamiliar, the joke here is that Hemlock and Laburnum are the same person. Hemlock is the name Agent Laburnum gave to her male persona, whom she becomes occasionally with a little help from the PPC's transformation tech. I'm sorely tempted to do a dream sequence or something shipping them - is that incest or narcissism? - as part of the real PPC canon. Once the headache from writing like this goes away. Ow, my brain.
Sorry I can't let people use S&S, but by the time we'd contacted Snowspine to ask and she'd got back to us the Fanfic Land week would be over. Maybe next year. Do something even more horrifying to my other agents in revenge, I dare you all! (I do ask that you don't write anything squicky with Molly and/or Moses without aging them up past puberty, not that I think anyone actually would, but I thought I'd better say so to make sure. Other than that, anything goes.)
"Blacker than the raven wings of midnight" is in fact a quote from Poe's "Ligeia". I'm so sorry for mutilating it. I also got in several references to the infamous badfic "My Immortal" and I'm not sorry at all for using that. The "pills (of drugs)" is from "Forbiden Fruit", an equally impressive badfic.
So tempted to add a horrifying sex scene. Is that allowed under Fanfic Land rules, and would anyone's brain stand up to that? I think I'd have to use a different fake account or give this "writer" a beta-reader who actually can spell because typing like that through a sex scene would give me nightmares ...)
"What are you laughing at?"
"Fanfic Land!" Foxglove held up her laptop, showing Skyfire what she was reading. "This is what it would look like if HQ didn't have screening processes."
"What screening processes? They let us join."
"Ha ha, Stormy. Seriously, it's pretty funny." Laburnum scrolled down. "Here we have something apparently written by a ten-year-old boy who failed biology, featuring Lux, Jay, Acacia, that lady Val from Veterinary even though she didn't join up until Jay and Acacia had left, and DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THAT ELEPHANT DOING THERE?!"
The exorcists peered over her shoulders.
"What's an elephant?" Skyfire asked. "I think I heard the word somewhere and forgot."
"I would presume 'tis a creature that would be physically incapable of doing what this one doth appear to be doing, aye?"
Laburnum nodded, still stunned.
"Y'know, guys, they don't seem to have done anything to you," said Foxglove, skimming through the fic list again. "They got us in there, but not you."
Laburnum looked up at the mustelids. "The fanbrats are more afraid of you than they are of us. I'm not sure whether you should be embarrassed or flattered."
(AN: No, I am not going to write the thing with the elephant.)
I shudder to think of what would happen if the more flamethrower-happy agents read about themselves on FanficLand...
Also, your totally right: bi guys are sexy! :-P
whose L & y dnt hemilcok lyk her @ 1st????
[[Interesting twist. As for said horrifying scene, I maybe the awful spelling would allow our brains to get through it intact? --Sedri]]
I think it'd be too hard to write in txtspk, and those aren't really the kind I find funniest anyway. The ones I always find funnier are the ones with horribly inappropriate descriptions or words ("mancarrot", to give one example) and physically impossible actions, and I don't know if that's too explicit for the Fanfic Land game.
L iz AWESUM!!!q!!!Q EVwn if iI cant spel hr name rite. n he idid not lyke her 1ss cos he thot he wuz gay an so did eevry1 else but hes not rilly.
HI im Nillig-Rot that means beautiful 1 in mi language what i made up for my fics and i rite ppc storees cos they are FUNEE!!! lololol and the ppc rulez so yeah. Okay heres mi storee!!!
Title - of Harry and ginny and aGENT Srah
summary - Sarah moonlight starshiner was recruted to the ppc cos she wanted to see her fav caracters. lets see what happen when she mets Harry pootr!
category - ppc of corse!!!
rating - pg
gener - general
A/N HAI GUYZ its me with my agent agent Sarah moonlight starshiner look at what happenz lol its funny and good O BY THE WAY SRAH IS NOT A SUE COWS YOU CAN ALL GO DIE.
agent Sarah mmoonlight starshiner looked up frm th miror in her rc she was brshin her hair it was long and golden lyk the sun her eyes were deep blue pools she was beutyfull. Sarah didnt hav a ppc partner coz she didn;t need 1 cos she was sooooo good at her job.
then the console went BEEEEEEEP and she looked at its screeen and gaspped drammaticcally (A/N YEH I NO BIG WORDS) cos it was a fic she hated so she worked out a clever way to srot it out an she smiled.
when she had puton her fav outfit which was a sexy (A/N NOT SLUTTY HOARS) cat suit that was red an lots an lotz of MAKEUP an stuff she went throo the portal rite to the worst bit of the fic.
it was Harry potter and ginny and they wre kissing and she gasped an said "whers the bleeprin" an Harry an ginny herd her an truned round.
Harry looked at her abnd gasped hed never seen any1 as bootyful as Srah so he pushed ginny on the floor an strted kissin Srah insted LOL!!!!!!!!
Bu ginny waz jelos and pushed Srah bu Sarah used her elf spells on her an kiled her (A/N O BTW SRAHS AN ELF) an then ginny was ded SERVES HER RITE 4 BEIN WIV MY HARRY LOL!
bu srah had to go bak to the ppc to sort out horribl canon stuff so she winked at him an sed "by" an Haryy fainted.
bak in her room she grind an put her makeup bak on adn grind agen it had ben another sucesful missionYAY!!!!!!
so Srah went to the canteen an all the other ppc agents congradulateed hre an she waz happy an she went bak to Hary later bu thats another storee LOL THE END
A/N i hope u liked it stay tuned 4 more LOL!!!! review or die in a hol I HAYT FLAMRS
...Honest Crtic, but her concerns are legitimate.
ITS OBVIUS YU DONT KNOW ANYTHIN ABOT GUD FICSHUN YOU HOAR!!!!!!!! GO DIE IN A HOLE!!!!!!! I HAV CONSERNS 4 U!!!!!!
And I have concerns for you.
AN I HAV CONSERNS 4 UR MOM!
[[Because I am apparently that childish =D ~ Silikat]]
Child, listen: Your agent is a Sue. Do not tell me to "go die" because I am right. She has a ridiculous name and is breaking the rules of PPC canon by working solo as 'because she was good at her job' is not a viable reason. The work agents do is dangerous and so they need at least two people working together in order to keep each other safe.
I commend you for attempting to use "big words", but as you seem to have no grasp on the proper spelling of smaller ones, it is strongly suggested that you aim to master them first before attempting to use what is clearly our of your league.
[[Because you're signed in with your 'real' Board name, so I don't know what false penname to save the review under. -Sedri]]
GO DSIE HOAR MI AGEENT IZ NOT A SUE FOR 1 SHE IZ CALED SRAH AN I BET YU CUDNT DO NE BETER YOR JUS JELUS OV MI REELY GR8 RITING HOAR.
SARAH IZ SPESHUL COZ SHES ANELF AN YU CANT TAKE THAT AWAY FRM HER IF YU DO YUD KILL HER AN THATS MURDER. AN DONBT SAY IM A MUREDER COZ GINY DESERVED IT COZ SHES A HOAR!
AN UR REVIEW SUX ASWELL ITS NOT A PROPER REVIEWW ICAN REVIEW YOUR REVIEW AN SAY IT REELY SUX YU SHUD GIVE UP LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!
GO DIE COW!!!!!!!!!!
(It's killing me, writing like this =D ~Silikat)
You are clearly unable to view your work objectively and therefore are beyond my help. I only hope that someday you realise how much help you actually need.
[[Me too, actually - both with the absurdly snobby "Honest Critic" and fanbrat "Lady Cyskia". On the other hand, it's scary how easily we can fall into bad typing habits. Killing, but easy. *shudder* -Sedri]]
YU NED HELP YOU HOAR!!!!!! UR JUST JELUS I BET YU CUDNT DO BETR!!!! HOAR!!!!
Your support is a boon in this troubled time. Also, let me take the moment to say that I am honoured by your gesture; you really didn't have to change your penname for me, though of course, this one is much better than before.
[[Anyone want to play "spot the quote"? ;p -Sedri]]
Hi I like to wite story and I like the PPPC. I luv PPC bishies so much they are hawt and can portal so then can come to me - PLZ DAFYDD COME VISIT ME UR HOT
I will try to write lots! ^_^
Title: chibi of doom
Summary: people ae chibis
Category: PPC
Rating: G
Genre: General/Humor
Ch1
(a/n becos ellintira was nice but dosnt know Japanese chibi is all shrunken and cute and you can look it up on google and stuff and its so cuuuute)
one day in HQ a agent caled Yvonne woke up and found she was a chibi. 'omg' she said and sweatdropped and waved her arms. 'Im a chibi.' And then she brushed ehr shiny brown hair anyway and loked ib the mirror and saw her blue eyes adh terned pruple. 'Kawaii' she said and she was happy cos thwt were prety.
And she went outside her rc and looked around and everyone was chibis. even the flowers. And they were all so cute!
and they had big eyes except the flowers didnt have and eyes of corse cos they dont have eyes, but all the agents had big huge snhiny eyes and were small and cute.
some of they really liked it she could tell but others didn't and theys were cryiug a lot cos they eanted to be normal angain but Yvonne went up to them and tod them they were cute and they asked 'really?' she said 'really.' and they didnt cry anymore.
but she knew they had 2 turn back soon even id they were all kawaii now so she decided they had to go look for a cure
(a/n thats all for now they look for a cure in the next chappie! =^-^=)
Title: bishi pool party
Summary: ppc bishies have a pool party and do stuff
Category: PPC
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General
Ch1:
there were lots of bishies in the ppc and one day one of them founf the ppc pool and he invited all the others to come and have a pool party.
Thee were tlots of them. There was hawt elfs like Dafydd and Ithalond and Kelvin and lots of others and they were all naked!!!
And one of them brought Drake and he was a kawaii but he didnt want to go in the water cos he'd get wet.
So he just sat in the side and the others went im and they poured bubbles in and then Dafydd was kissing Ithalond and Kelvin was kissing another elf and there were lots of others and they were all kissing and plagyhing in the bubles and havung lots og fun. and Cavan was there and he was all hawt and kawaii and the same time and he got all the others to do sex to each other in the pool and it was great.
and then they gots out o pool and they went and got food together and it was ramen (a/n like Naruot ^_^) and it was tasty.
And they promised to come back again really often and do more pols parties and have fun togetha.
THE END.
(a/n i hope u like it tell me wat u think the ppc elfs are so hawt arnt they)
That was so hot and cute and sweet and the pool was awesome because nobody ever finds the pool usualy!! And yay for Cavan and Kelvin because I wrote a ficc about them last year too did you see it?
I don't understand some of the words ou use though like kawaii and ramen so what do they mean?? are they Japaneese because they look like it.
Please write MORE! ::::D
ramen is noodles and kawaii is cute. =^-^=
Yhey're cute words and I think i'll save them for in the future! ^_^
Hi there, im Veridianne.... Im 15 and i love the PpC like so much.... ive read heap s of the other series as well as jay and acacya.... but my favorit agent is tottaly Logen
NEway, I wanted 2 c waaay moar of Logan, so I statred writing ficcs bout him... I looove twilite and recken we shuld start a ppc vershun of 'teem edward' adn 'team jaocb'... execept im totally starting 'team logen'!
PLz R+R aand thx for reding my priofile!
Luve, Veridiannne!
Summery: Agent Veridienne was recurited to the PPC just after the Marcovirus emergenyc. (Lol, how epic waz that!!!!) Wil she be abel to find love in Hq? This is my fist fanfic, plz leve hepss of reviewz! NO FLMAES!
Category: PPC
RatingL: PG13 for now maybe willl cahnge later!
Gener: Romance, Action
Prologe: Angush in HQ
(A/N: Thsi is in Logans pont of view)
A single tear spilled oit of Agent Scot Logams' iceblue eyes adn fell down his cheek. He looked down at the body of his parner Intropy that was lyinhg in the coridor just outside of RC 8.1353 (A/N: lol! cant remember the number... hope its rite!!)... his parter had dyed when hew as stuck in the corridro when the macrovriusses invayded hQ, and logen had only just found out that eNtropt was dead.
"grow up logan" said Agent Ageis (A/N; shes such s a bithc, i hate ehr!). "stop cyring liek a babey"
Ageis was angry at logan cuz he dumped her a whle bakc for being tyiotally syko causs eshe was totally jelous about how populr Loagn waz. she wanted to keep him all for her...
"i hate you" said Logan, his hott blue eyes narowing and he glared at her. "you're the reason entropy is dead1 i know you weer the one that locked the dorr t5o th RC so he couldnt get inside. i nevr want ti speak with you again"
Lonag turned and walekd away down the corridro of HQ. he wanted to get away rom Aegis and so he kept om walkijg. then he saw he was in the Marqus de Sodds office.
He walked into teh door to tall to the marqusi. He needed to get a new patenr, and was worreid that hed be put with Eagis.
"Pleas e can i get a new partner?' he aske the Fowlwer.
"Ofcourse you can" said the Dasy. The Daiys normelly didnt like Agenst but there was something about how handsem and how sadd Logna lookes tat made the Daisy decisde t obe nic.
"As a mater of fact a new recruet has just arrievd and needs a parter. u can be her partenr. shes in Rc 12372 (A/N: lol! is taht evena realr c. i gues sow!) wich will be ur new rc. youll now work fro dpeartemnt of mary sues, you dont haveto go back to the electric subviision of advanced spaces... yes i know about agent aegis" said the florwer wriggling his petals, "you can get away frpm her now"...
"thankyou, Amrquis" said logan, now similing showing his sparklt white teeth. "ill go to rc 12327 now and meet my new parter."
Logen walked sout of teh Maruqis's offcie and found himself standing ouytside rc 12723 which is his new RC.
He opened the doro and steppe inside...
9A/N: OMG! Whoz gonna be his new partne? Its totally sercet for nwo, but if you R+R ill riet anotehr chapert and yo can find out)
((Ugh, my brain hurts now. Since I've had to train myself to spell incorrectly, I initially typed that as my 'brian' hurts... I, too, blame hS for a Twilight plot bunny. I guess "Team Dafydd" or "Team Suicide" would be the logical choices for PPC badfic fangirl clubs, no? Elcalion))
I tihnk its' nice how you showd us the proess of an agnet getting a ne partner. i dont tihnk Iv'e seen taht befor.
((Team Dafydd, eh? Dafydd wants to know if he gets his own flag. Constance wants a complete list of subscribers, including addresses and weaknesses. You know what she's like.
((Also, I will go on the record and say that seeing 'shipping wars on FfL would be awesome, whether Dafydd was involved or not. ~hS))
[[If FfL had a forum, it would be insane. I can just hear the screams... Ah, so harmonious. ;p ]]
i wannna know i wana kow tellme tell me telllllm em emeee!!!!!!!! wosa da new partner?!?!?!?!?!?!??????????!!?
[[Quite possibly so, Elcalion. On the other hand, I imagine things like "Team Jay" and "Team Acacia" will spring up as well - as far as I know, the Twilight teams are about who they want Bella to end up with, right? Does that mean we're pairing Acacia and Dafydd and so on? Erp...
[[Also, That initial typo in the subject line was entirely unintentional, but it was so funny I couldn't resist leaving it. - Sedri]]
But logically that would result in Bella/Dafydd, wouldn't it?
I'd say Constance would be most likely to kill you for that one. ^_^
~Neshomeh, cheerful.
That sucks so much him haveing a mean partner like Aiegis and I'm glad the Marqis let him change parnters because yeah she was a BICTH locking Enrtopy out like that! Please please pleaswe write more I wanna see who Logans nrew partner is!1!!
[[I'm totally going to join Team Dafydd if the issue comes up. XD Cassie.]]
[[I'm preparing all the entries in word documents so he'll have an easier time uploading them to the FfL website. I can fix the italics if you want; just temm me if there's anything (besides the dialogue) that needs to be italicised. Or you can just leave it, like Cassie did. Up to you.]]
It adds a certain Suvian je-ne-sais-quoi to the whole proceedings.
It seems unfair not to, considering that you (and Cassie) put an extra post up about the html. I think it's funny to leave them. :)
(AN: Yaaaaaaaay fanficland is back! And me 2! Only 1 revieu from the las tchapter, but thats onkay!
Lady Cyskai: lol thankx! Ul love this chappie!)
Agent aurora aws lost in the hall sof HQ, and she hyst walked in2 the wrong ohall on her way to her new RC when she heard a voice in her head! It sai,d
/Thank goodness youre here, agent! Come in quick, we ned help!/ (AN: Idk how 2 do the slanty worxs, would some1 plx tell me how? lol)
So Aurora went in quick and looked aournd, she as in Fic Psych! Every1 was running around.
"Who said that?" said aruroa, looking aorund. There ws a potted plant on the floor, eating a donit.
/I did," said the plant. /I work here, but Im not the director, the Kudzu and Dr freedenberg are. But it's terrible! Some1 brought in the whole fellowwhip of the Rong, and Leoglas is a Sue, and he's making every1 OOC!/
Aurora said "Luckily Ia m inthe department of Mary Sues, but I cant kill legolas! Wat should I do?"
(WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? Find out next chappei, lol! Readnreview!
XOXOX)
[[ Bahahaha, this is what my typing really looks like if I don't go back and fix mistakes (except for the random numbers and chatspeak, of course). Remember, kids, watch what comes up on your screen while you type. {X D
~Neshomeh]]
The premise is so great. That was such a bad cliffhanger!
(AN: OMG thx 4 teh reviwues!
Ellintyra Lloysinthayr: I don't know, ul have 2 find out! and Idk, it was ina mission i read somewhere, it 8 some agents donit. and tnx 4 the tip, ill use that!
Lady Cyskia: LOL thnx!)
Aurora pulled out her slingshot and rand into FicPsyhc, where she found where Logolas-Sue ws making every1 OOC!
"Sorry abiyt this, but u need help legolas!" she said and hit hi with a slngstone in the head, and he fell over nconcius. Frodo cam eout fomr behind a bed and bowd, he's such a polite hobbit!
"U saved me, thank you!" he said.
"Aw, no problem," Arora said. "Now we can help him!" And they put Legola on the bed and went 2 get some1 from FicPsych 2 take care f him, since they weren't oof anymroe.
When they went out the fern saw them and said Usaved us! But there's still a problem. Go 2 the Kudzu's office right away!
"Ok" said Aurora. "Bye Frodo, it was nice 2 meet u!"
"Nice 2 meet u 2," frodo said, and they hugged (AN: Liek FRIENDS u pervs! Like a agnt would do that to a cnanon you sicko!)
So she went to the Kudzo's office, and it was green all over with purple flowers and smelled nice.
i>Thank you for helping us, Agent Aurora, the Kudzu said. FicPsych is n ur debt.
"Ur welcome," said Aurora. "I'd like 2 ask a favor in return. U c, the Marquis is my firend, but he's all sad bcuz the SO gets al the agents and nobody likes him, bcuz acts so mean bcuz he's sad. Do u think u could help him?"
The Kuzdu gasped! Agnet, I hav loved the marqui for so longand i didn't think he care about any1! I wold help him, but u c, Sue-Lecolas turned me into a male!
"O no!" gasped Aurora. "How can we fix u?"
There is a secret ewapon in theDen of the CAFS, the Kudzu said. U must go and find it and bring it back!
"Ok, I will!" said Aurora. "If bymy life or death I can help u, I will!"
(DUN dun DUUUUUNNNN! PLot twist, lool! Bet u iddn't c that coming! Its really getting exiting now! OMG, that was a long chappie! Keep reading 2 c what happens hext!
XOXOX)
dis chappie wuz gud 2!
This looks like a good story ith mystery and stuff and I hope you write more soon!
Why would a Flower be eating a doughnutt thogh? They can't eat can they? Anyway that's not really important but it just made me wonder.
You do the slanty stuf like THIS and but with no spaces okay? Hope that helps!
Title: twilit in the PPPC!
Author: Lady Cyskia
Category: PPC
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Summary: itz so unfair dat no1 ppcs 4 twilight!!! y duz evri1 h8 it so mch??? Dis fic iz about how REEL VAMPRISE liv&wrk in ppc hq & y FLWRS SHULD LIK IT MUR!!!
A/NN: TWilight iz grATE!
&GUESS WHAT? the title is abigulous - that mesns it haz 2 meanins. #1 is b/c twiliht chracters r in da PPC & 2) b.c 'tiwlight' meanz end uf daytime&strt of night & is metaforical of sumthin ENDING & TE PPC IZ ENDIN!!!!!!!1!111!! (oops did i just giv away the endin?? Heheeeeeheeee...)
1 day a lonly ppc agnt who wuz in trubl w/flowersz 4 killin a sue wit a flamethrowr (Suez r bad alllrite???? & i know every1 thinks beellas a sue bt she's NT!) got assined 2 a mizsion in teh twiligtvherse as punshmetn. er name wus jasiminie.
jasimine was a normal good lookin but nt perect lookin agent (SEEEE? NOT A SUEE!) 'n she kinda liked TWiglith but had 2 say nuthin b/c otherwiz the othr agents&flowers wood LAUGH @ her & sum mite even kill er so she had 2 b carful.
jasimine was asigned t2 kill a marysue whod snucked in & made emmet love her 4evar & made roseli go way (the B1#CH!). jasimine squshed the sue under a bolder & remembred 2 read out teh charges 1st so she culdnt get in truble w/flowers again but wen she had 2 kil the replcemnt emmet she culdnt b.c all vamipres R soooo atractiv & hot
so she strted cryin
"whats wrong" asked emmet givin her a big hug
"im spposed 2 kil u but i cant" asid jasimen
"then dont said emmet & laufed lika bear & made jasimen lauf 2
"y wood u half to kil me nyway?; asked emet
"b/cause its my job & thflowers wil kil me if i dnt"
"then lets kil the floers ourselfs hmm?" i alywas h8d grdening. any roses i always hat8d roses"
"youd relly help me? asked jasiminnne. "sure i wuld" said emmet
so tey went back thru de portl & used flmethrowrs 2 burn ALL the FLORWERS to CRISPIS & emet bit jasimine & she bcame a vamprei 2
& DEY LIVED HAPPLY EVR AFA!
(A//N see thats wut 'twilit' mens 4 the ppc but off corse i dont hat the ppc myselvf its jus wat emmet and jazimine wuld do b/c its in chreacter, u know? dont wurry theyll not hurt agnts only those who mke fun of twilight (whic u guyz wont RIIIIITE??????!?!?!?!?!?!))
[[Ow, ow, ow, OW. I want steel wool and three hours of scalding shower water. And maybe a new brain.
I blame this entirely on hS for mentioning Twilight's Bella as a PPC agent in his list of ideas. Now I want to go home and hide under my pillows... - Sedri]]
Twilight is STUPID and nobody would ever PPC for it ever because it sucks like your story! And it's so mean of you to have them burn ALL the FLowers up because there are some nice Flowers and they're just misnderstoood and you should be more understadning!
[[*pets* I know how you feel, Sedri hun. My inner Canon Lover cries every time this game rolls around... and my inner fanbrat squees dementedly. Have some chocolate.]]
its jus a stoyr so CHILLLLLLLL@~!!!!!!!
[[*munches* Same here. Usually, for the first few days, I have fun, and then as the game draws to a close I start longing for neat semi colons and spelling that doesn't make my eyes ache. Was it last year that we had a 'relief from the game' picnic thread, full of nothing but blue skies and good grammar? If this stops being stress relief and starts being stress-inducing, I may start another one... Anyway, cheers for the 'kind' review ;) -Sedri]]
[[I think the picnic was after the 2008 one, actually. But yes, that sounds like it'd be fun. Glod knows my fanbrat self is being super-bratty this year, all the flames she's throwing out. Maybe we could summon Agents into the picnic thread to entertain us by beating down on our fanbrats?]]
[[I think you're right. Perhaps tomorrow or the day after, we should start a thread? Or right now, if you feel like it.
[[And you're setting me off, you know; both my alter-egos are losing their tempers far more than they were last year - thank you :D -- Sedri]]
[[Wow, whatta hypocrite Ellie's being. XD But yeah, whenever you fancy I'll join. And that's how it works, isn't it? One fanbrat gets flamey and the others flare up in response. XD]]
[[Oh, hypocrisy is half the fun here ;) But yeah, I'd forgotten how intense the bratty flaming spats could get. This is quite fun.]]
teh peeple whu sayz taht this iz a bad storee r STUUPYD and meen and shuld go awayz! U rok!!1!
[[*hands over the bleepulan ale* And for something completely different, an awesome video of Patrick Stewart on Sesame Street: click! --Pretzel]]
wanna b my bfffEVA?
[[*gulps - then pauses, giggles, and snorts* I'd never seen that vid before! Very funny - "Make it SO, Number One!" :D Thank you - and for the drink. I needed it. Care to share? -Sedri]]
Ur Majesty teh Daisy!
Author: HotUkuleleLover
Ratged:G
Cat: PPC, acshun!
A/N summery: Teh Daisy (not taht snooby Markey, teh oter one, teh awesum Daysey!)is liek ttlly underappreshiated. He haven;t evin got a Deepartament!1! I fix that in tihs storry!!
tEH Daisy was walking through the Head 1/4’s and saw agents being lost. He help teh agents becuz he was a good Planrt. He help the agents to go wear tehy knead to go. Then he tink abut his own problum. He think how that SunFlower Offishul and Markey Day Sod was bad Plants! They was meen to teh agents. Thay wudn’t give him no Deportment, evin tho he was good Plant.
Teh Daysey had a cunning pan. This pan wood put that meen SunFower and Mareky in the place tey belonged in!!1. They belonged in teh worstest badfic evur! Teh Daysey had finded tis badfic (dunt werry, I won’t name tihs so no1 has to be a fr8d to C there storry named here!)
The Daysey had gr8 poewrs taht teh Sunflwoer nevur cared abut. He cud fly! and he cud not be burned! He cud make oter Fowers go unconshus! Hw wood make tings much beter gfor the agunts. He wood give them all TARDISs and let them all blow up the Sues!
He flew throw the halls anf came to Sunfolwers offuce. He used his speshul pawers on teh other Plent. The Sunfowler went unconshus. He was powerlees to stop the Daisy. The Daysey opened a portal to toe the worstest bad story evur! Then he defeated the Markey too and the Agent s was so happy that teh Daisy was made the king fo all the PPC!
I think the Marqis and the So are underappreciated really and that's what makes them so mean sometimes but this story's good because if they were really mean and stuff then they would deserve this!
AN: sense I got revues and stuff I decide to writ anoter storry.
Bodieguards
author: HotUkuleleLover
Summry: Ian and Lee deafet teh meen agunt and save teh Daisye!
Cat: PPC, akshun
Rate: PG-13 (cuz tehyr is bad ppl killed. If it wuz gud ppl tehn I wood rate it R)
Ian (woo is leik tttly hott!) was scart of spiders. He wood not tell his pardtner becuz she liek spiedrs and tehy got a mini-argog in tehy mishun. Ian staid on top of his bed all teh time becuz the mini-argof wus in tehy;re RC. 1 day Lee turned into a big cat and tehy went out into the PPC.
It wus a gud day and Ian was hapy to be out of teh RC and aweigh from teh spider and tehy walked and walkled andwalked. Tehy saw agent Suli and her unicorn and Lee said tehy was vury brave for fynding teh pool (Hi Satlie Bisqut! U R so gr8). Then tehy heared taht the evul Sunflwoer Offishul was gone! Tehy was so hapy!
Tehy knew taht the nice Daisey had got rid of taht meen Fowler 4evur! Tehy went and thewy celebrated, and they throwed parteys for teh Dasiey. He was the bestest Fowler of them all! Tehy voted for him to be king and toe make all thos oter fowlers mind him, cuz he waz the boss and stuff.
1 day a of teh meen agunts, key lock, came and tryed to burn the Daisey up! (Oh no!!11!) And Lee wazx a big cat agin and she jumped on taht meen ajent!. And then Ian jump on taht meen agunt and tehy knock him down, and they taked awuy his fire and they tyed him up and tehy bringed him to teh Daiesy and they Daisey said “This is a meen agent! Whut do u have to say for urself bad agent?”
And teh bad agent sayed “U waz wrogn to kill the Sunfwloer!!11! and I will stopp U.”
And the Daysey says, “U will not stopp me!”
And the bad agent strugles and tries to get free, but Ian beats him up and Lee scratches him and he dies. And Ian and Lee are heroes! The Daieys make Ian and Lee his bodieguards and tehy protects him 4 always, becuz he is the bestest Flower evur!
I would have been sooooo scared if an Agnet came at me with a flmaethrower but Ian and Lee were so brave to stop him! Please write more because it is soo cool to see other Flowers beign the Heroes.
grate job!!1! i lyked how u had ian and lee save teh day and stuffs. thnx 4 the shoutout! I luvs u so much!!!
[[Heh. Thanks for the awesomeness. *hands you a congratulatory cookie w/ bleepolate chips in it* -Pretzel]]
I honestly gave myself a headache writing this badly, and yet it is still fun. *shakes head*
de poor daisys got no deprtment of its(/his/her/what IZ it anyways?) ownn! ur so nice makin it king & not namin hte badfic soo 2 nt hut ny1s feelinss!!!!!
Title: The Respectful Tale of Canon Correction
Rating: G
Genre: General
Summary: Two agents, Honesty Jones and Charity Whipple, discuss their recent experiences in the PPC Cafeteria, and launch a brilliant plan to restore the agency to its original, pure form.
Author’s Note: Given the woeful lack of understanding and respect that has been shown towards this story, I have decided to continue regardless. Hopefully this time more readers will be able to digest the message I am trying to convey.
Chapter Two: A Meeting With The Sunflower Official
Agents Jones and Whipple – it is a pleasure to see you, greeted the Sunflower Official as said agents stepped into his office, having knocked very politely just moments before. What can I do for you today?
“Sir,” Honesty began in a clear, confident tone, “it has become clear to us – that is, Agent Whipple and myself – that the PPC is no longer functioning at optimum efficiency.”
The Flower nodded its large, yellow petals. Sadly true. I must confess, Agent Jones, that the other Flowers and myself are at a loss for how to deal with this crisis. I don’t suppose either of you have any suggestions?
“Yes, we do,” said Charity happily; “we think you should stop partnering agents who might exaberate each others’ mental instabilities and-”
“Charity!” hissed Honesty. “You’re being very rude!”
Charity shrank back and hung her head. “I’m very sorry.”
No need to apologise, said the Sunflower Official, gently patting her shoulder with its fronds. You obviously know more about this problem than I do. Please, go on.
And so, for the next half hour, Honesty and Charity outlined every problem they had noticed within the PPC and explained their ideas about how to remedy them. The Sunflower Official was impressed.
I am impressed, said the Flower. It is clear to me now that only agents truly understand how this agency should function. Therefore, the two of you must take over management of the PPC.
Honesty and Charity demurred. “Oh, that’s too kind!”
“Sir, we couldn’t possibly…”
Ah, ah – none of that, Agent Jones. You two are clearly qualified. I will speak to the other Flowers, but as of this moment, I surrender my office to you.
~ End of Chapter Two ~
I mean okay maybe not everything's perfect with the PPC and all but handign it over to the AGEnts? that's a bit much isn't it?
But in chapters three through twenty-five I intend to explore that very issue, in as much depth and detail as possible. I hope it satisfies.
Teh Sunfolwer is evul1 He is abad Plant and must be deafeted! U write bad becuz taht is not how teh Sunflwoer wood act!
Your spelling and grammar are also appalling. Someday you will learn that no one in this world will ever take you seriously unless you present your writing neatly, following the rules of grammar. For the record, I have never seen anyone mistake "wood" for "would" before - and I have seen a lot. You have the dubious honour of being the first to make such an awful mistake.
[[Oh, gods, HC has become a impossibly arrogant little snob. Worse than last year. I sincerely apologise for her behaviour. -Sedri]]
Ur jest a meen persun and liek beeing meen! I can;t halp it if i spel bad! I'm dyslecksik and I'm not a naituve speeker and my dog jest dyed! I wuz triing to bee nice & give U revues becuz ur storry is soo bad, I thout that know1 wood give u revues and u wood feal bad. don;t wurry I won;t bee nice two U nomore!
I am a very nice person; why else would I put so much time and effort into educating others?
Also, while I am sorry that your dog has died and extend my sympathies, if I were to accept such sentimentality as an excuse for inherently poor grammar and spelling (it's "died", by the way, not "dyed"), then all someone would have to do to avoid neat presentation and lie about such things as, say, their dog's recent demise - don't you agree?
(maturity in action ;)
I am trying to correct my grammar because of your work.
I am pleased to see that SOMEONE has learned from my example. I appreciate your review.
I'd absolutely love to see someone write something about Ian and/or Lee. If this doesn't follow the rules of the event, then please, by all means, disregard this post. I'm just kind of curious as to how someone might totally mess them up. *evil grin*
Well, you can ask, of course, but that doesn't mean anyone will take you up on it - I might, if I'd read enough of your missions to know about them. (Generally people just shake things out of their sleeves, and many of us just write about our own agents. Is there any reason you don't want to write Ian/Lee badfic yourself?)
Either way, it doesn't break any rules to ask :)
I don't know; maybe I'm just a bit chicken like that and don't want to "ruin" my characters, even though I know that it'll have no bearing on them. *shrugs* I'm weird like that.
Category: PPC - Fiction Rated: PG-13 - English - Adventure
Summary: Suli Marri Bella Featherson teh third is off on a epik adventurn 2 fynd teh lejnedari Pool in HQ. Will she evar find et? whu noes??!
Ajent Suli Marri Bella Feartherson teh third wnderd thru HQ, her sprakly unicorn myni Puffiekinz followng after her.
"what r we lookin 4, Suli" Puffiekinz askd as she wakled along.
"teh pool" Suli said fliping her perfect shiny blonde hair behind her shuolder. "we r gona 2 b teh first ajents to evar fynd it!!1!"
"relly? culz!!!!1' puffiekinz said her tail swishing perfectly. she and Suli were teh bestsest uv firendz, and she wuz glad tat she had been reskyued frum tat 1 bad storee. (AN: It wuz really bad guyz! U shuld not even luk 4 it!)
Anywayz, Suli and puffiekinz walked for HOURZ until tehy found a really dark hallway.
"i dont wanna go down there" puffiekinz sayd, she wuz skard.
"we hafta go doun there!!11 if we dont peeple will say "look @ them. tehy r skardy-kats and not ajents!" do u wnt taht"
"no"
"ten we go 4 it! Cum on11!!"
And so tehy went off on teh bezt adventrue EVARS!!!11!
PLZ REED AND REVEUW!!!1!
((Oh gods, the pain of writing this. I never wrote like this even during my fanbrat days. *headdesk* --Pretzel))
Ur surch a good ritter!!!1 cnat wait 2 here moar bout tehh poolz
u know wAt would be liek totally awesum is 4 there to b a pool parteh and all teh hott agnets and elfs waz there!!!! Omg dat would be gr8
VerIdieNn3!!
((Yeesh, writing badfic is even harder on my iPhone cause it auto-corrects my spelling- at least at first!))
You MUST be joking. Sparkly unicorns? That is beyond childish, particularly given the cliches involved. Were you TRYING to burn my eyes? "Ajent"? Good grief, you are an idiot. That, or a monkey pounding on a keyboard. No, I take it back - a monkey wouldn't produce such low-quality drivel. Get back to school, child, and listen to your English teacher. That is, if you haven't already been expelled.
[[Heh, don't worry, Pretzel - last year I spent three hours feeling like I ought to scrub with steel wool. We feel your pain. Here, have some Bleepuvian ale. - Sedri]]
Ur storry is teh gr8test evur! Don;t lissen to those meenies. Ur Suli is not a MAry SUe!!!11!
Keep wrighting. I can;t w8 to C whut hapens!!!
Promising premise. Apart from the spelling, I like it.
I hope they find the pool soon and I'm so glad Suli rescued Puffiekinz from that bad story! You might want to watch it with the sparkly perfect-ness though because tht is the sort of stuff that makes MarySues. I'm not saying your story's bad because it isn't and I really want to see more but just thought i'd give you a bit of helpful commentry.
Summary: Everyone knows the Marqis de Sod is mean and stuff to everyone but what happened to make him that way?
Category: PPC - Fiction
Rated: PG-13 - English - Romance
AN: So I know I got really upset after last year when my last story got FLAMED by a bunch of mean people trying to say I could'nt write and I thought I might give up on PPC storys if ppl were just goign to be nasty about them. But I read some of the old storys like the Origginal SEries and changed my mind so I decided to come back nd try again. Hopefully all the stupid flamers will have gone away this time and if they haven;t and they're reading this now GO AWAY FLAMERS! And if you flame me I'll just use your flames for toastimg marshmallows!
Chapter 1
Back in the early days of the PPc when everything was new and shiny and the AGents didnt have to work so much the Flowers used to work with them more closely than they do now with all the FLowers upstairs in ofices. anyway this story is from those faroff times when they worked side by side with the Agents and were close to them and some of them even grew close enough to their partners to.... love them. Because Flowers mihgt not have hearts in the same way that humans do but they still can feel and have feelings like them.
This is a tale of one flower who fell in love back then and how it changed him for ever...
FlOwErSfLoWeRsFlOwErSfLoWeRsFlOwErSfLoWeRsFlOwErSfLoWeRs
Agent Elli Lloysin rolled over in bed and smiled at her lover who lay beside her with his petals closed. (AN: Because flowers always close thir petals at night and my science teacher told me so it has to be true.) "Wake up Marqis love" she said. "We have to get back to work soon".
His petals opened and he turned to her and wrapped his leaves around her to hold her close. "I know but lets have just a few more minutes together like this first". "I don;t want to get up yet and leave you".
"That's all right dear". "it's not like theres' lots to do anyway". Elli snuggled down against him happily.
They had been parntered for a while now and although the Marqis was grumpy at firts because he was used to working with other FLowers he had grown to care about Elli and her gentle ways because she was always so understandign when he gor grumpy at her and never got grumpy back at him. But this made him even more grumpy sometimes because he didn't think he could tell her how he felt in case she laughed at him because Flowers and agents had never cared about each other that way before. (AN: This is befor Jaycacia was born so that's why I said that because we all know they can really and it jsut takes a specail person.)
One day the Marqis got so upset because of being grumpy that he YELLED at Elli and made her cry. He felt sorry straight away and said he was sorry for it. When she stoped crying she asked him why he was always so grumpy when she tryed so hard to be nice to him. He hung his bloom sadly and said "I don't think i can say because its a silly thing to think about". And she sighd and said "It can't be silly if it makes you so upset and I wish you'd tell me because then we can get it sorted". "i promise I'll never lauhg at you for it whatever it is because I care about you andI wouldn't be so mean".
When she said that he couldn't help but feel happy and he took a deep breath (AN: I know flowers can't really breathe but let's just say he did) and said "I think i'm in love with you". "I've cared about you for a long time now but i was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way so I tried to hide it but I can't any more".
Elli starred at him for a few moments and then her pale blue eyes filled with shining tears which she wiped away as they began to run down her cheeks. "Oh Marqis" she said. "I wsh you'd told me sooner even if you were afraid because you should know by now I'dn ever laugh at you for something like that". "We can't help our feelings".
"I'm sorry" the Flower said sadly. "You don't think it;s silly"?
"of course not". "I care about you too you know and I"..
"You what"? He reached out wth one leaf and wiped away her tears because he felt so sad at seeing her cry.
"I.... think i love you too".
He gasped. "Really"?! She smiled up at him and reached out to him. "Yes really". "I'm glad you told me because now we can be together forever and I;m sure none of the others will mind becaus ethey'll be so glad to see you happy again".
"yes of course" he whispered as he held her close. "I love you Elli".
"I love you too Marqis dear" she murmred as she leaned against him. And she was right and everyone else was soo happy for them that they always tryed to make sure Elli and the Marqis were close to each other.
FlOwErSfLoWeRsFlOwErSfLoWeRsFlOwErSfLoWeRsFlOwErSfLoWeRs
Elli finally sat up and got out of bed slowly. "Come on love" she said kindly. "We shouldn't lie in bed when there are missions to do".
"Oh very well" he sighed and got up and dressed with her. Just as they finished getting dressed there was a BIP! from their console and they went to look.
It was a message from the SUnfloewr Official!
[Hello Marquis and Agent Lloysin. Please come upto my offcie at once as I have something very important to say to you.]
They looked at each other and then hurried out of the door. "I guess we're not goign on misisions today" Elli said happily as they went to the office.
"No I guess not" the Marqis replied as he knokced at the door and they waited together to find out what the SO wanted...
Hehe I bet you all can;t wait to find out what happened! Well hopefully I'll be able to write the next chappie soon and I hope I get nice reviews because they make me want to write MORE! (Hint hint)!
PLEASE R&r!
AN: I decided to go ahead and write this chappie anyway because the stupid FLAMERS can't stop me writing my story however I want to!
NiGhT-fIrE-wOlF thatnks for the lovely review this chappie is for you!
CHapter Two
Elli and the Marqis heard a voice saying "Come in" so they did and the SO was sitting there in front of them behind his desk and he greeted them very politely and said "Hello Agent Lloysinand my friend the Marqis". "i'm glad you came so quickly because this is important".
"What is it sir"? Elli asked inquisitively. "We're not in trouble are we"?
"No no of course not" he reassurred her. "this is good news for you both". "I've talked to the other Flowers and we decide that you two are in too much danger on misions and your love might be in danger".
"We don't mind sir" Elli said bravely. "It's our duty".
"Well I mind" he said sternly but kindly. "We've decided to make a new position for the Marqis and you are going to help him with it".
"What position is that dir"? said the Marqis humbly. "I never thought I'd be any good at anything important".
"You are going to be the Head of the Adminitsration Deppartment and Elli will be your personal asistant" the SO declared. "We know you'll be good at it because you two are good at working together and youre so good with paprwork and stuff".
"Oh thank you thank you sir" said Elli and sje jumped for joy and hugged the Marqis. "Isn't that wonderful love"? "Now we never have to risk losing each other again"! And the Marqis was happy too and he held her close and thanksed the SO who watched them and was happy ebcause they were so happy.
"We'd better get to to work" the Marqis said finally and they left the So's office and went to his new office and settled down and started to work and they were happy to work together.
Then one day an emergency message came through for them and it said [There a re MarySues inHQ and evryone needs to help fight them or hide so they don't get hurt!] And Elli said "Oh no we mut go and help"1 and she ran to the door and grabed her old wepaons that she used to use when she was fighting mary Sues in ehr old department.
And the marqis said "No Elli wait we should go and hide so we don't get hurt because I would never want you to get hurt"!
She turned to him bravely and said "I am a PPC Agent and I must go and fight to help the other Agentsbecause I can't abandon them". "I love you and I'll becareful I promise but I must do this".
And he said "All right I will go with you because I can't let you go alone to face evil mary Sues alone" and he grabbed his weapons too and went out to fight with her.
They fought ver bravely and saved lotsof Agents but soon they found themselves in a corridor with Sues coming after them and they were trapped in a dead end. Elli got a bit afraid but tryed to be brave for her lover and said "What shall we do because we can't die here"?
One of the Sues who had trapped them who was all sparkly and perfect and evil laughed evilly. "You WILL die here"! she laughed and all the others laughed too. "We will kill all the Flowers and then the Agents too"!
Elli shoulted "NEVER"! and hurled herself in fromnt of the Marqis to save him as the Sues approached...
Hehehe a CLIFFIE!!1 if I get NICE reviews I'll post the next chappie very soon okay! Flamers can go kiss a rat!
Im so glad that the So acepts them, but i feel like im gonna faint!1 How could u leacve us on a cliffie lyk that? evil! hahah jk jk.
elli is SO BRave that sue had better wathc her sparkly butt. i ryly hop she saves the maruqis! i dont want 2 think of whatt she might do if he dyed.
Is this nice enugh??? plz say yes! update update update!
of course Elli is brave because she's in LOVE. And don't worry the Marqis won't die... but I won't say any more there bcause thatd be giving away the ending hehehe! And of course the SO acepts them because he's gonna find Jaycacia later on (because this is set before she came along of course).
And yes yes yes this is such a nice review and you're so nice that I promise I'll update soon!Cliffies are just sooo much fun! :D
THIS IS COMPLETE AND UTTER RUBBISH! I THINK YOU SHOULD BURN YOU -ING COMPUTER IN AN INDUSTRIAL INCINERATOR AND THEN THROW YOURSELF IN AFTER IT, YOU THIRTEEN YEAR OLD MORON!
I can't believe you actually made the Marquis even more OOC than he already was! And you made the Sunflower Official OOC as well? You clearly don't know what the hell you're writing about!
LOL! You really, honestly think that a brand new Department was made just so your Mary Sue Agent and her lobotomised Marquis de Sod didn't have to risk their lives any more? ROFLMAO! You really, really, really don't have a clue, do you? Did you somehow miss the fact that the Flowers really don't actually care about the lives of the Agents?
And the Flowers wouldn't tell Agents to hide in the event of an invasion! That's just -ing stupid, you retard! The whole purpose of the PPC is to fight Sues! You don't -ing do that by -ing hiding.
Just go die in a fire and stop inflicting your dreck on the world.
Throw YOURSELF in an incinerattor you stupid BICTH so nobody else has to listen to you being HORRIBLE about their storys! I'[m writing about the Marqis and the SO from MY POV because I believe they're just misunderstood and stuff so learn to think about other peoples ideas you stupid cow!
And obviously YOU haven't been reading the old storys bcause it even says in the Reorganisattion stuff and on the wikie that the Marqis was head of the ADMIN Deppartment so SUCKS TO BE YOU! I[m just saying that maybbe this is one of the reasons WHY! And not every Agent can fight so it DOES make sense to have people who can't fight hideing or there'd be no Aggents left!
WHY don't YOU get your facts straight before you come down here calling me names and being mean about my story you stupid retarted cow! **** off and die in a fire yourself so nobody ever has to hear about you aain! AND STOP FLAMING MY STORY!
Canon Queen has several excellent points and if you would simply follow her instructions rather than throwing a tantrum worthy of a five-year-old, your writing may, someday, actually become worth the time it takes to read.
Canon Queen, I thank you for your honesty and applaud you for taking on such childish opponents as this.
Youre just trying to make it look like youre ganging up on me to make me not want to write any more well SCREW YOU and your stupid sockpuppets because I'm going to keep writing ANYWAY!!1! ANd I'm NOT CHILDISH just because I get upset that people are BULLYING me! Go AWAY before I report you for FLAMING!
If you would take a mere five minutes to compare my stories with those of Canon Queen you would see that our writing styles are very different; therefore, we cannot possibly be the same person.
Also, this is not bullying. This is an attempt to save your story. I, at least, thought you might appreciate that. Clearly, I was wrong.
EW!!!! u made a GRL sleep w/aFLOWERT? EEWEwwwwwEWEWEW
i mean its kinda cute &all w/dem being ssoooo romantic but relly leafs&petals R just EWW. cant u jus make hium jhUman???!?!
He wouldnt be the Marqis if he was HUMAN would he stupid? It's not like I'm goign to write smut or anything (because okay even I think that would be wierd and its only JayBird who can do that well with her Jaycacia storys and all) so its okay if they're just in love!
I pronise I won't show them sleeping together okay?
& im not stoopid so ther
But whatever just stop arguing with me and I'll forget you were moody.
this is so so sweet!! it was cool that you added wat ur scienece teacher told u i bet he'd be happy ur using wat u learned, cause flamers act lyk we dont use our braines.
i think its almost like romeo n juliet if romoe was a flower, which woud be awesum rite?
i rly hop this is a nice enugh review that u'll rite more, cuz it seems lyk teh sO might furbid Elli n the mArquis love! :(
i mite rite a sotory abut furbidden luv 2, there r 2 agwents ttly ment for eahc other but there author hasnt even notyced!!! its lyk she wants 2 make them sad!!
plz plz plz rite more!!!1!
Of course I tryed to make things scientificlly acurrate because even if they're TALKING Flowers they're still flowers you know? And yeah Romeo and Julliet was an awesome movie! This fic's not gonna be liek that though but it was a nice guess anyway.
The SO won't forbid them I promise but there will be.... other problems and I promise I'll write more now because you asked so nicely (even if one of my other reviews was a stupid FLAMER and I'm going to toast marshmallows with her stupid flame. You wanna come and I'll bring plenty? Hehehe)
Oooh i rly rly hope you write your story because I'd love to see it! I LOVE seeing new storys and writers!
Those people last year were right to flame you! You honestly, truly can't write. You're absolutely awful at this. I don't know why you even bother. Please take your terrible, retarded crap elsewhere, and stop inflicting it on innocent people who've never done anything to deserve it!
You even have a spelling mistake in your title, you stupid person! What sort of writer can you possibly be if you can't even spell your -ing title properly?
Stop using chatspeak. It makes you look like an illiterate, 13-year-old American retard girl. (Although that's a bit redundant, because all Americans are retards.)
It's spelled 'Original Series', you dumb airhead. God, how braindead do you have to be to get that wrong? Learn how to read and write and use spellchecker before you even think about opening a Word document again, you spaz.
Oh, and you should get a thesaurus as well. Your fic reads like it was written by someone with the reading age of a -ing five year old.
I'm not even going to touch how OOC the Marquis de Sod is in this. It hurts my brain to even think about it.
--
[[I am so, so sorry. I'm using this game to vent all the stuff that I don't even say over on ffr, never mind in the few reviews I leave on fics. I don't mean what I said about Americans. - Ansela]]
You're the RETARD here! I got good reveiws for my other storys and you're just JEALOUS because YOU never wrote anything! I have some problems with my spelling and grammar and I KNOW that but I'm trying to improve and i don't USE Wor d documments so I havent GOT spellchecker you braindead MORON!
Adn you leave Americans out of this because I have American friends and they can write way better than I can so you just don't have a CLUE!
And the Marqis is in LOVE dumbass and that's why he's acting weird and I'll explain it in my next chappie if I even write one now because of you being so godawful MEEEEANNN!
Big surprise, you got good reviews from your gaggle of similarly brain-dead fanbrat friends. How many of them did you have to pay to give those good reviews? Or were all of them your sockpuppets?
You don't have to write things to know what good writing is, you retard. I have no reason to be jealous of this pile of complete and utter shite.
Not using Word is no -ing excuse, dumbass. You just go to Google and type in 'online spellcheck'. It's so easy even a five year old can do it, although I recognise that even that might be beyond your capabilities.
He's in love? Had a lobotomy is more like it. You may as well have paired your silly little Mary Sue with a cardboard cut-out, because that's all the resemblance your 'Marquis' bears to the real one.
You're taking all this way too SRIOUSLY you stupid COW! My friends like my storys no matter waht you say and like I said before they're SMARTER than you so I wouldn't have to pay then anyway!
You just don;t like seeing anyone having fun writing because you can;t write anything yourself and you probably live in your mum's loft or something and have no friends so you just pick on other people you BICTH!
And anyway the Marqis CAN'TR have a lobottomy because he hasn't got a normal human BRAIN and a lobotomy is BRAIN surgery so HA! Suck on that you stupid MORON! And Elli isn't a MarySue she's a self insert and they aren't automativally Mary Sues so SHUT UP before you say they are!
And if not, are there any italicised sections other than the SO's dialogue in the last section?
Disclaimer: Everything that can be attributed to another author belongs to another author.
It had been several days since the death of everyone in the Multiverse, and Makes-Things and Lyta were still in a state of disbelief and depression. They had taken to ‘doing it’ with one another,knowing that as the last biologically compatible pair of sentients in the Multiverse, it was now their duty to repopulate it.
One day, as Makes-Things was tired out from Lyta's "ministrations", she said:
"So. what was the 'thing' that killed my prospective partner?"
"Agent Tara-Something was killed... was killed..."
"By what? Makes-Things, please tell me."
"It was the DIO. They suspected that the Leauge of Mary Sue Factories may attempt one last infilitration of HQ in order to ensure their survival in the face of the NMG threat."
"And we were the prime suspects?"
"Yes. It was the names that alerted us. Tara's, because of it's similarity to the name of My Immortal's author, and your's, because of it's attempt to mark you as a relative of Linda Holling, one of OFUM's first students."
"But now... I don't care anymore. The Multiverse is dead, killed by... someone or something we have not anticipated. I would rather... have it ressurected half-sue than have it not ressurected at all."
"You know what?" said Lyta. "I think the same way."
She openly revealed the beautiful rainbow colored orbs that served her as eyes, and drew Makes-Things into her once again.
Truly, she was the luckiest Mary Sue on this reborn Multiverse.
Hello there, my name is Burning Visionary. I used to be called Burning Watier, before I saw the light of Honest Critic (any rumors that I am only sucking up to her for something called 'lulz' is Slander, and all who spread those will be reported to Admin) and her words. However, I have another loyalty that is totally compatible with hers and cannot be used to withdraw my strength from her cause (and those who say so are commiting Slander!).
My Prophetic dreams.
You see, PPC: Time of Judgement and EPC: Gehenna are not just stories, they are visions of things that will really happen to the PPC and EPC in the future. Fire will engulf the Word Worlds, and characters we saw as fixtures of both organizations will die. The Multiverse has a finite lifespan, and it will-
Hacked profile: As you can see, this author has gone insane. Honest Critic is a poser canon warrior who cannot even write any genre right, leading to fics whose only redeeming quality are their general coherence, which is only a vehicle for more subtle defilement. May the true PPC spork their fics both. I will wait for that day...
By reading this profile you have given me temporary control of your mind.
Your support is much appreciated.
[[Do you want the hacked profile to appear on FfL, or just the main part? I'd suggest the latter. Also, I love your summary of Honest Critic; so very, very accurate ;) -Sedri]]
But have HC overlook it in her excitement at another show of support.
Hapy endins R SOOOO gr8!
Even though the rest of the Multiverse is dead from fallen rocks and the PPC is gone, it's all okay as they're together.
EPC: Ghehenna
Summary:,/br> You’ve all heard how the PPC ended. Now is the EPC’s turn.
Disclaimer: Everything that belongs to another author isn’t mine.
Author’s Note: This is a sequel to my fic PPC: Time of Judgement.
Hacked Author’s Note: Beware! This abomination contains a lot of Ass Pulls, OOCness, Dethroning Moments of Suck and overt Canon Defilement of a variety never before seen. You have been warned.
Prologue: The Emperor’s final hour.
The EPC HQ was in a state of revelry. The SE was going forth to war himself for the first time in so many centuries, prodded by his new allies, the New Multiverse Government. The greatest smiths from the reaches of his suefied Multiverse had been called to his side to produce arms and armour for what could be his greatest battle. So far, they have created a green mask made of sueified steel, four great wings made from the same material, and mithril armour studded with emeralds. He held four Masamunes in his four hands, for he had decided long ago that more limbs meant an extra edge in a fight.
Thousands upon thousands of Sues and Stus danced in revelry, wearing scanty but colourful costumes. The NMG plenipotentiary wearing dour corporate clothes seemed like an eyesore to them, but they knew that even with his plain drabness, he was still high in the favour of their lord. After what seemed several hours, a portal opened, and the final components of the Sunflower Emperor’s regalia were revealed: leggings made from Balrog Leather that were set with rubies and orange topaz to complement the flames.
Perfect, the Sunflower Emperor said. Thanks to the arms and armour you made me, I now have enough power to squash the last remnants of my opposition in that bothersome parallel universe. You will be well rewarded, along with the emissary from the NMG that roused me to this action. The great plant stood up, and walked over to the unfazed plenipotentiary, who was fiddling with a suitcase that he held. He then brought out one of his Masamunes from its sheath, and touched the diplomat’s shoulder lightly.
I dub you...second-in-command in the Mysterious Somebody’s place! The assembled Suvians cheered in applause, while the aforementioned Mysterious Somebody fumed quietly in a corner. The NMG operative just bowed, while another portal, this time to the crystal Star Destroyer and Nebulon-B frigates which he would use for the attack, opened. The SE and about half of the assorted Sues and Stus on the floor then went towards it in perfect military order. Once they were gone, the mood quickly darkened.
“Tsk tsk tsk...” said the Mysterious Somebody. “You’ve really overstretched your hand this time, plenipotentiary. An increase of recklessness in the SE was something I can tolerate, a decrease of intelligence even more so, but having he replace me with you even though you have no support in this Multiverse other than what he’s given? Just before it was cut off from you? What are you planning?”
“Death. You will die here today, along with the organization that you craved control of. We have imposed our own version of your origins upon this Multiverse, and we have adorned it with traps that your hubris-tainted brain cannot perceive. From my suitcase...I unleash the Withering!” Said suitcase then opened, unleashing a storm of gray moths upon the throng. The Mysterious Somebody’s extremities began to turn grey, falling apart into fine dust.
A few moments later, the same thing happened to the other Sues and Stus. The NMG operative just smiled as the Mysterious Somebody, unable to use his Force Powers, died. Everyone else in the room except him did so as well. The malady spread through the EPC HQ, and its panicking inhabitants fled to the wider Multiverse, infecting every Suvian they came across. With every death from the Withering, energy reverberated. And the energy awoke beings that, in the EPC’s retconned history, were buried in hidden tombs to increase the Sunflower Emperor’s power.
The Suetelluvians’ time has come.
Chapter One: A New World Rises
Disclaimer: Anything that can be attributed to another author belongs to another author.
Captain Bigs Darkligther (AN: Totally not stolen I swear!) paced along his Magitek ship, the New Momergil, in agitation. The New Multiverse Government’s counterpart in this Multiverse, the New Multiverse Patriots, had managed to combine the resources of several worlds in an act of defiance against the EPC, attempting to rally opposition to it. In response, the NMG had sent his ship and a great fleet accompanied with several superweapons, most of them with the ability to depopulate galaxies several times over or worse. He had substantial ground forces with him as well, billions upon billions of Zerg and Tyraninds enclosed in a pocket dimension.
His mission was to help the EPC subdue the rebels, then betray them once the Withering had started, taking the worlds for the NMG and extracting as much money, pleasure, and energy from them. He had other ideas, however. There were many ‘closet idealists’ in the NMG forces, people who believed that the purpose of the organization should be to unite the resources, technology, skills, and energies of the various worlds of the Multiverse in an attempt to increase the sum of happiness for all sentient beings. He was one of them.
“Have the failsafes been disabled, Alvin?”
“Yes, Captain. How goes the secret transmissions?”
“They’re going well. Diplomatic officers Thor and Anja have managed to get them to agree to a joint attack on the EPC Fleet we’re supposed to reinforce just as soon as we get to their location. Which should be about-“
They emerged into realspace, where the EPC Fleet was hovering above a beautiful green world. The explosions began almost immediately. The New Momergil began shooting machine incapacitation beams at the best ships, in order to secure as much war material for their future rebellion.
After the quick victory, he met with his counterparts from the NMP, Admirals Lorena and Sylvester.
“That went too well”, said Lorena, brushing aside her brown hair to get it out of the way. “Is it that Withering thing?”
“I think so”, said Sylvester, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “The Boarding Parties we sent to the ships found only mounds of dust inside, explaining the lack of opposition and corroborating what Captain Bigs said about the retconned history.”
“I still don’t like it. Maybe our good defector has something to say?”
“Merely this: I share your suspicions about this battle. My former superiors shouldn’t be this easy to dupe. They’re genre savvy enough to place a trap when we least expect it and-“
Suddenly, a light shone out from the planet’s surface. A brown beam of light that brought a feeling of disgust to all that looked upon it, bringing memories of the most disgusting things they ever saw into the forefront.
A light that in the retconned history imposed upon the Mirror Multiverse, represented the first of the Suetelluvians: Celebrian.
“AND SHE WILL LAST FOR MILLENIA!”
“LAA-ST FOR MILLE-NIA!”
Ground cameras focused on the planet would have recorded a gigantic tomb opening up in the northern hemisphere, where a shape that looked like the infamous Character Replacement can be seen in the cloud of mist-at least they thought it was mist- that emanated from the doors. Giant black sticks with legs began swarming out of the structure, transforming the region into a disgusting hellscape that would have done Slaneesh proud.
The oceans and rivers turned into bodily fluids unmentionable in polite conversation, the forests assumed shapes that the mind instantly blocked out, the animals received unrealistically large body parts while the sentients were turned into orcs to join the Suetelluvian’s existing retinue. Worst of all, however, was that the largest of all the black sticks were able to fly up into the air, with every indication that they intended to reach the ships orbiting above them.
Captain Bigs hesitated for a moment, then said: “Fire!”
Chapter Two: Another Character, Another Hogwarts.
Disclaimer: The EPC, My Immortal, and the World of Darkness do not belong to me.
As the New Multiverse Patriots fought Celebrian, the Chamber of Secrets opened in Hogwarts, unleashing the second Suetelluvian imprisoned to increase the Sunflower Emperor's power: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Over the years of the retconned history, her glittery blood has been used to create Goff!Sues that spread the Theme Park version of Gothicness and Satanism (frequently misspelled into Stanism or Santanism) throughout the Multiverse.
The EPC Agent B'loody Mary, who had betrayed her mistress out of love (some would say lust) for the Sunflower Emperor; led an army of Preps against the awakened entity. They unleashed a storm of Fan-made spells at it, formed from years of research into the powers offered by Glitter. The Methsuleah called upon spells from outside her own universe, creating walls of sunlight and fire against her former master.
Not once did she think of using steak and crosses.
The Suetelluvian lifted up her "Blak" Wand, and said: "Avcara Kedabra!"
A green beam of light came from the wand, and all of the Prep!Sues died.
"How could U bertay mi B'loody Mary!"
"I'm sorry! I was in love and-"
"Luv with a PREP!!!!!" she roared sexily.
The Suetelluvian lifted up her slit wrist, and did a spell.
Snape and Lupin, once hot Lust Objects embraced by the fandom, became the preppy pedos that they were intended to be. They apperated into the Chamber, drooling.
"POt Her in Bondage1!" she said, just as she began to remove her former servant's power.
B'loody Mary screamed, just as the Snap and Loopin drew close to her, evil looks in their faces.
Ebony laughed sadistically. "Haha. Now if u wilt exceuse me, I will asemillate all the Poser Maru Sues and Stus cre8ted with mine glitter."
Then she left just as Snap and Loopin got out the camera and began Masticating.
Chapter Three: Battle for Arda.
Disclaimer: You all know that I don't own LOTR, Celebrian, and Laura.
Celebrian sat on top of an immense 'Black Stick', feeling something other than lust in her heart, hate. The ancient Sunflower Emperor and her treacherous Methsuleahs had placed her on another planet, exiling her from the Misty Mountains that she so loved. It was not only an act of spite, but also a way to strengthen her rival, one of the few Sues in her world to match her power.
Laura. She must have awakened by now, as the Withering reverbrated through the EPC's ranks. The hate between them was strong, enough to force the other Sues and Stus to call upon the Sunflower Emperor to entomb them. Even their loyal Methsuleahs had abandoned them, telling them to "f*** off", and not literally.
But now, the Loli had Arda all to herself, and had gotten rid of the remnants of the NMG for her. How lucky. Her 'Black Stick' then impacted the planet's atmosphere, the sturdy warts attached to it withstanding the heat. After several hours of what seemed like hell, she finally landed near the Misty Mountains, where Laura and the Suvian!Fellowship were besieging the last of the orcs.
"You will not be live you eleven whore" said Laura without respect for spelling and grammar.
"I love being a whore!" Celebrian said. Her 'Black Stick' launched a stream of unsanitary fluids at the girl, but Suvian!Gandalf made a magic shield and kept Laura's group safe.
"U shoudnt have let those orcs live along with Sauron." Laura said. "Dey are raposts and should die." She used her 'power to distoy the bad guys' to blast Celebrian with orange fires, which failed to burn the Sue's naked body.
Celebrian laughed. More 'Black Sticks' landed around her enemies.
"I have always been smarter than you," she said.
Then she called forth her armies of OOC orcs, and the Laws of Badfic instantly incapacitated Laura in anticipation of an angsty capture and torment.
Celebrian did not plan to disappoint.
((Ooc: I haven't read My Inner Life and don't plan to, but the sue there at least deserved a mention.))
Chapter Four: Remnants of the EPC.
Disclaimer: Anything that can be attributed to another author, belongs to another author.
Jenna Silverblade finally had her man, Link. She had to wait several centuries trapped by her traitourous Methsuleahs and the SE, but she finally had him. Now they would be together forever,and no traitourous Methsuleah or Overpowered Flower would stop it. She-
A phaser beam ran through her, killing her instantly.
Marissa Picard, a Suetelluvian, but one loyal to the EPC and the Sunflower Emperor, smiled. The Tiger Lily stood beside her, along with several Suevian Agents.
"See, I still have it. Years of comfortable living have not dampened my skills."
None doubts that, but we need to be on our best
((OOC: Have to go out for a while. I'll finish the chapter later.))
None doubts that, but we need to be on our best figthing state in order to survive this.
"You worry too much. Let's move the supplies to her dreamworld, shall we?"
A portal opened, and several loaded trucks began to roll in. The Sues with the Tiger Lily began to unload a selection of building materials, foodstuffs, and weapons from them.
They began to erect a palace-like tent covered with (A/N: my computer does not have enough memory to contain the description) and the Tiger Lily made a throne appear using magic.
There, they began disscussing what moves to make against the Suetelluvians and the NMG, who were clearly the culprits.
"Firstly, we need to rebuild our strength. The Suetelluvians have little order to their rampage, so we must expect the NMG to be the prime source of organized opposition."
Yes. Those people have clearly made a habit of obsessively studying their enemies before attacking or negotiating with them. That said, it's not as if we don't know anything either. In fact, we can actually infer a few things about them.
"Like their corporate structure?"
Yes, Marissa. Exactly that. There is also a streak of pragmatism in their actions that we lack. It's like their Author-
"-Their Author! Of Course!"
If we can kill him, the NMG will at least lose a source of enhanced luck, and may have their sources of information diminished as a result.
"Indeed. Our plans to start a kingdom in secret pale before the rewards offered by that plan. After all, we're experienced warriors, and the Author's just a nerdy kid who spends his time hunched over on his computer."
Indeed. Let us open a portal to World One, and take all the Sues with us. If we have the element of surprise...
"Let's do it!" Marissa opened a portal, while the Tiger Lily called in her troops.
They may yet win the war.
Chapter Five: Another Hope Crushed.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Marissa and the Tiger Lily jumped out of the portal, their troops following behind them. The author's house was no fortress, being merely a standard suburban establishment, but it was better to be cautious. They marched in double rows across the front yard, guns at the ready. Then, they kicked the door down.
CR-ACK!
They found no one inside, even the author's parents, who would have made good hostages for them. They slowly walked up the stairs, guns still at the ready. They went up to the author's room, where they kicked the door again.
CR-ACK!
There, they found the author on his chair, facing them with a smile on his face.
"I knew you would come", he said. Then he held up a...Flamethrower!
Marissa opened fire with her phaser, only to have the beams collide with an energy shield that suddenly appeared around the author's chair. The Tiger Lily let loose with a barrage of Sueish lightning, but that also proved ineffective. The Author lifted up his flamethrower and let the energy shield fall.
Woosh! went the flames as they surged towards the Suetelluvian and the Flower. However, they did not reach the EPC's champions, as the Tiger Lily formed a wall of water in order to ward off the Author's attack. Marissa created a sword of pure glitter, and rushed her enemy, breaking the shield and cutting through the boy like a knife through butter.
That was too easy! screamed the Tiger Lily. He may have-
BOOM!
An explosion from behind them told of an attack on their legions, and they rushed down to find that-
-The author had several Exalted with him, just like in Keychain of Creation.
"Do you really think that you can defeat a being of my Genre Saviness? That you can just walk up to a writer who knows of your existance? Are you that stupid? Or could it be that I was more effective in writing you that you did not consider that I could suborn you?"
The Suetelluvian and the flower stared up in surprise.
"I tought so."
The Exalted that were with the author siezed Marissa and the Tiger Lily and held their arms in a vise-like grip.
"I think I'll make you watch the end of everything you once knew, just for the lulz." The the author walked to the center of what was once of the living room, and raised his arms in a gesture intended to be sorcerous.
"Herald the Beginning of the End, Penultimate Sutelluvian! Emerge from your tomb to avenge your consort, and destroy the ones that failed to protect him! Emerge in your awesomeness, Jayacacia Thornbyrd!"
Chapter Six: The Penultimate Suetelluvian.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
In the center of the EPC HQ, Captain Dandy and the Sub Rosa were holding together the last remnants of their once great Departments, repelling attacks from Rouge Agents, NMG Space Marines, and forces from the risen Suetelluvians. The remnants of Legal had been withdrawn to what was once the SO's office, and were attempting to find a way to reverse their adverse fortunes. But time was running short, and nothing had been found yet.
We're going to die here, said the DES leader.
Have some hope. We can't be the only survivors of this organization.
Even so, we have no one but ourselves to aid in our endeavor.
Another NMG Space Marine rushed their defensive cordon, killing more Sues and Weeds. Captain Dandy began firing his Glitter rifle, his rounds causing the intruder's ceramite armour to be encrusted with pink crystals. Said pink crystals then exploded, fatally wounding the Space Marine.
But just as the NMG Marine let out his last breath, more of his kind came into view, bolters drawn.
Damn it! At this rate, we will never-
Suddenly, bright light shone from the former SE's office. The doors opened, and a replesendent woman in a bikini of Jade Leaves shaped like that of Maples and Oaks walked out. She wore a crown of laurels and hollies, transmuted into gold long ago by a wandering Alchemist.
She then drew a whip of (AN: My computer does not have enough memory for the description), and charged towards the NMG Marines.
Emboldened by her example, Captain Dandy and the Sub Rosa charged against their enemies, leading their remaining Suvians in a final sortie. With the Suetelluvian's help, they began to clear the former HQ, room by room and corridor by corridor. When the NMG and the rival Suetelluvians' forces had been driven out, Jayacacia stood in front of the two EPC officers, and said:
"Long ago, when the other Suetelluvians were jealous of me, my husband and my Methsuleahs chose to seal me away in the land of Avalon, where I would be kept safe until the Eternal Suvian Paradise was established."
"But I look around me and what do I see? My Husband dead, the EPC scattered, and my rivals in a greater state of power than ever before. Why have you let all of this fall into ruin? Why?"
Captain Dandy and Sub Rosa pointed their leaves at each other in postures of accusation.
"So I see. You continue to shift the blame for this even now. That cannot be allowed."
Jayacacia raised up her arms, and the two Flowers were deleted from the story, along with all of their followers.
"Farewell, place that I once knew. I will now retreat into Avalon once again, not to wait until another battle comes, but to grieve forever until the end of time." And so with a single tear trailing down her beautiful place, Jayacacia left the Mirror Multiverse, never to return.
A/N: I'm sorry JayBird!
Chapter Seven: Overview of the Apocalypse.
Disclaimer: I do not own what belongs to other authors.
The Suetelluvian Celebrian's victory over her hated rival Laura was only a prelude to a new period of strife between the ancient beings of Glitter. Now that the EPC had been defeated and the NMG was still amassing their forces in preparation for an attack on their Multiverse (as for the NMP, there was yet no word of them after the battle near Celebrian's tomb), they were now free to contest the rule of the Mirror Multiverse between them. New Sueish servants,created with the smallest fraction of their glitter, were sent as proxies to fight graphic battles for their ancient masters and mistresses.
It was Celebrian and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way who fought the hardest battle, however. Ebony's bad spelling and the fact that her source fic had more reviews than hers were utterly unforgivable offences for the elf, while the goff considered everything with pointy ears 'preppy'.
The portals between what was once the LOTR and HP worlds were strained to the limit, as armies of Orcs and other animals with absurdly big parts were sent in bulk, only to be killed by powerful fan-made spells that surged through the openings between the dimensions and impacted their staging grounds, including the palace of the Suetelluvian Elleth.
Depraved Imagination against Depraved Imagination. Canon Defilement versus Canon Defilment. The two Primal Sues were evenly matched, each unable to break the Impasse.
Then the Hacker who had sabotaged Ebony's source fic long ago secided to ally herself with Celebrian just to spite Ebony.
All the Fan-made spells ceased to function, and the Orcish armies surged through the portals. While the Goff!Sues and Stus who served Ebony still had guns, none of them had the firing rate needed to stem a Zerg Rush, even a non-literal one. The preps that were still in Suevian!Hogwarts debated on whether to rejoice in the downfall of their foes, until the orcs grabbed them and put them in bondage.
The Chamber of Secrets was the last to fall, with the Suetelluvian using the entrance as a chokepoint in a rare display of intelligence. But fall the place did,and Ebony, the Queen of Goffikness, was taken captive, screaming and swearing.
"... u u fukken prep!1 U will die!" But she was unable to do anything to free herself, and she was taken to her enemy's lair in the Misty Mountains.
There were three altars there. Two of them held the Suetelluvian Laura and the Hacker, who was double-crossed by Celebrian shortly after she turned off the Goffik fan-made spells. The third one was empty.
"Om y fudking Satan! Are you going to rad me?" said Ebony.
"Of course not. Such a thing is too good for you. No, I am going to sacrifice you, that girl, and the person I just double-crossed to awaken the greatest of the Suetelluvians, and be rewarded with stewardship of the Eternal Suvian Paradise!"
"NOOO11!!!!" Said Ebony with no regard for spelling and grammar.
Celebrian laughed...and took out some daggers!
Chapter Eight: The Final Hour.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Celebrian gutted out Laura first, then the Hacker and Ebony. She held up their hearts, and set them on fire with a nearby torch. The smoke then went up to the skies, and a portal began to open.
"I call you, Ensign Mary Sue. Creation of Paula Smith, come to this world, and bring the Eternal Suvian Paradise that is our destiny!"
From the portal, a girl which (AN: My computer does not have enough memory for the description)- flew down to Celebrian and said:
"You don't have any luck. I am a parody, just like my counterpart in the Prime Multiverse."
Celebrian rushed towards the entity she had summoned, rage instead of lust lining her face. But the now-revealed Parody!Suetelluvian flicked her away with one snap of a finger. Raising her head up to the sky, she spoke:
"There is only one rule for figthing the original Mary Sue. You Lose."
Then with another flick of a finger, she ended the Multiverse.
Makes-Things and Lyta repopulated their Multiverse and the Mirror one with their spawn. Some of them followed Canon, some of them followed Suedom. The NMG and the NMP turned out not to be dead after all, and began a battle of manipulations that spanned the next few generations. Fanfics still entered the two Multiverses, binding themselves to the bones of Canon and creating new life and opportunities. The fics that were closest to the Original Universes were valued,and kept sarcosanct as they may prove to be the seeds of a new, better Multiverse.
But underneath it all was still the Author, and he was now more powerful than any of his kind.
He may yet emerge again, as opportunities for power and pleasure blossom in the two Multiverses.
And on that ominous note, he leaves you.
Next year will be the debut of his next fic, PPC: Rebirth.
[[Has your badfic-writer persona changed their penname from "Burning Watier" to "Burning Visionary"? Because I'm not sure what name to file these under...]]
Missed it. Ignore this.
I actually have the second chapter of a story that the reviews on FfL were updated for, but the chapter itself was never posted. If someone would be kind enough to add it when the site's updated next, the chapter is here.
Chapter two
Hehehe I left you all on a cliffie last time!
Thanks for the nice reviews XxLuminescent-TearsxX and MystikalLuvrrRr because at least its nice to know that some people lke my work unlike some people like that honest critic person who doesn’t know what theyre talking about.
A/n; I decided that even though Kelvins from lOTr hed know about Star Wars because of working in the PpC so that’s why he knows about Sith and Jedi just in case anybody wonders why.
Rilwen lunged at Kelvin to kill him because she thought it was all his fault that Cavan was being gay and she didn;t care that he was Kelvins true Love. But Cavan was a Sith like Rilwen and he jumped in front of Kelvin to save him and drew his own lightsaber and he began fighting with Rilwen to make her stop trying to kill them and eventually he beat her and her lightsaber stopped working and Cavan was gong to kill her but he didn;t because Kelvin was there and Kelvins goodness made Cavan feel ashamed of being evil because that’s what Sith are so he put his lightsaber down and told Rilwen “Go away”. “I will let you live but you must never try to harm Kelvin again”. “He is a good person and I love him and you must accept that because you are homosexual yourself”.
And Rilwen didnt answer but she knew he was right and she ran away crying to find her lover and left them alone. Kelvin sighed in relief and turned to Cavan and gave him a pasionate embrace and whispered “Thank you for saving me”.
Cavan looked up at him sadly and replied “Your goodness is what made me do it because Im not a good person myself”. “Im a Sith and we are evil but youre so good that I cant be with you because youre too good to love somebody evil”.
Kelvin was heartbroken bcause he knew Cavan was his one True Love and he didnt want to lose him but he knew Cavan was right so he thought for a while and then he said “I dont want to lose you Cavan but if youre evil then we cant be together but thre is a way for us to be together”. “You can turn to the Light Side of the Force and be a Jedi like Luke Skywalker because he was able to love even though he was a Jedi”.
And Cavan smiled and said “Yes Ill do that for you and then we can always be together” and he stopped being Sith and came to the Light Side and was a Jedi and then Kelvin was happy because he could finally be together with his True love and they made love together and they were both happy.
And all the girls who wanted to be with kelvin were sad at first because they knew he could never get with them now but they were happy because he was happy and Kelvin and Cavan were so hot together. And in the end they went up to the Flowers and got transferred so that Kelvin and Cavan were partners and could be together and because they were good they made sure that Rilwen and Lyra were together as well so that they could love each other even though theyd been so mean to them.
The End‼!11!1‼!
Please R/r!
I promised hS I'd keep track of everything so he can update FfL more easily later. I'm sending him everything in word documents organised by badfic penname and story title, and since I don't recall either the fic or what handle you went by last time, mind giving them to me?
Damnit, why do I never have any time on my hands? When does this finish, anyway?
~Silikat the rubbish-at-dates-and-maths-so-there
I'll put in the second chapter of EPC: Gehenna, then.
A/N: Ima back! SOrry it took so long! NEway, heres the next chapter of Jaycacacia''s latest advemture - after the reviewr replys!
Ellintyra Lloysinthayr: OMG i now! Ihave tryd and tryd to get the fanficland to do somthing, but tehy WONT. umm but tahnks for teh comments and i hop you liike this chapterr!
Burning Watier: hehehe, not in tihs chappie, but mabee teh neckst!
*-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-*
Chapter Three - Dark
Jaycacia sat up in the darkness without knowing what had awoken her. She felt like she had heard something, but there was no sound in the glade. It's probably nothing, she thought, and rolled over to put her arm around the SO.
He wasn't there.
Neither was Jay.
Jaycacia wasn't worried, of course. She was Jaycacia Thornbyrd, and they were Jay Thorntree and the Sunflower Official. With the power of love, they could overcome any danger. Still, it was best to be sure. She got up and looked around.
The darkness was deep in this place, lit only by a thin crescent moon. Jaycacia could just make out the tree on which – she smiled at the memory – Jay had carved a picture of her a few hours earlier. She wandered over and brushed her fingers over the wood.
There was something sticky on the tree. Jaycacia gasped softly and snapped her fingers, using the secret powers given to her at birth by a wandering Daffodil (A/N: Remember that? They were in the first story!) to flood the grove with light.
There was blood on the tree. Someone had been writing on it. In blood. Jaycacia stared in horror. There was blood on the picture. In thin, spidery letters, it read, All things will end when the Weaver rises. Jaycacia fainted.
She awoke a moment later, spurred on by her fear for her loved ones. Jaycacia wasn't used to being afraid – she was strong enough to defeat most dangers – but she overcame it and gathered her thoughts. On the ground were the faint marks of Jay's and the SO's feet (A/N: Or should that be roots?), leading off into the forest. There was something else around the footprints... a ring of disturbed earth. Whatever had made the marks must have left the message. That meant it had taken Jaycacia's lovers captive, and that could not be borne. The young Assassin ran into the forest after them, trusting her sense of the SO's location to guide her.
When at last she felt her husband drawing near, Jaycacia stopped, leaning against a tree. Whatever had intruded on their holiday was just around the next corner – she could hear something now, a low humming noise. Carefully she crept to the cliff that formed one side of the road, edged along it, and peered round...
~
The single sheet of closely-printed paper floated down through the air and landed on Jay Thorntree's face. She woke with a start, grabbed it, and peered at the first lines. "Oh... bother," she mumbled. "Where are you, Acy?"
"If you didn't have such ridiculously tiny windows, you wouldn't need to ask," Acacia's voice said from across the room. "You know what your problem is? You don't consider your friends when you make these decisions."
"Says the woman who moved to Ancient Rome," Jay pointed out. She shuffled her feet out of bed and walked to the window.
"Aquae Sulis now," Acacia corrected. "My jewellery is a big hit."
"The Suethors would be very glad to hear it, except not." Jay read a few more lines of the sheet of paper Acacia had thrown at her. "Was this really necessary?"
"I just thought you'd like to see it," Acacia said, sounding as innocent as she could. "Would you mind opening your door and letting me in? It's cold out here."
"... I'll think about it," Jay replied. "Let me read this first..."
"On the ground were the faint marks of Jay's and the SO's feet (A/N: Or should that be roots?), leading off into the forest."
Honestly, of COURSE it should be "roots". The Sunflower Official doesn't have feet. What do you think - that just because the Flowers wear suits and work in offices they suddenly become mammalian? Actually, forget that - it's too ridiculous a concept to apply logic to in the first place.
Nononoinononeo you CNT TO DTHAT! ickyicky blood &ew &jaycacias gonnaD IE cuz shes gona fall of da CLIFFI!
Is the Weaver from Werewolf the Apoclipse? I can't afford that game, but the idea rocks! Maybe Jayacacia is Gaia.
Whats going to happen to Jaycacia and Jay and the SO?! They cant get HURT! Pleeeeeeaaaaase post teh next chaptr soon I cant wait to see what hapenns! And whats the Weaver? It had better not hurt them or Ill send ppl to GET it!
The opportunity to rape the PPC style of things intentionally sounds really, really tempting for me because I can do it with minimal effort. Just imagine what I could do if I tried.
Too bad I can't write poorly, either. The only thing I can consider putting in this is too well written to be badfic in my opinion, yet it's so against the PPC's spirit that it could be used...
Curse me and my tendency to take everything seriously.
It is a little-known fact that even stories with perfect spelling, grammar, and punctuation can be badfic. For example: The Respectful Tale of Canon Correction by Honest Critic.
So go for it! Get it out of your system!
~Neshomeh, taking brandywine_baby89 out of storage once again. Muahaha...
I think I'll do a second chapter for this year. And yeah, Max, it's badfic - it's too polished and there's no depth to the characters, and it's entirely OOC. Honest Critic is a snob. Go ahead and write something like that :)
Summary: Dustin O'Grady and Verra Rose. OMGTheirloveissodraconic! 5 and Alec bashing, character death. Soon after LoR.
Category: PPC - Fiction Rated: PG-13 - English - Romance
Chapter 1: Just Gotta Get Right Out of Here!
Alec threw a plate at Verra. "YOU MISSED A ...ING GREASE SPOT!" he exclaimed as the plate crashed at her feet. Dreading the beatings that were to come, she fled the Response Center.
D&V D&V D&V D&V D&V
Tawaki was away visiting Tadkeeta and the twins in Medical. Five of Six and Dustin were quarreling over Five's behavior on their last mission.
"Five of Six," said Dustin. "Don't think I didn't see you drooling over Harry Sullivan AND the Fourth Doctor AND some of those sciantists."
"You're seeing things," said Five of Six.
"Young master is correct," said K-9.
"You can just bugger off, you sagging old rustbucket. No, I don't mean literally bugger. I think he's rewired you to reinforce his paranoia. Maybe he should check in to FicPsych. Or maybe I should assimilate him."
Dustin gulped.
"Ill-advised," said K-9 "Young master? Recommend your departure for a few hours."
Dustin did just that.
D&V D&V D&V D&V D&V D&V
Verra was in the Lounge when she saw a young man with hair like rubies, eyes like sappires, and wings like carnelian. She was quickly in love.
Oh, and Characters: Verra R. and Dustin O'G.
Chapter 2: So You Think You Can Stone Me and Spit in my Eye
A/N: This fic borrows a line from Ow, Ow, and Ow Again.
"Does Five have a clue about us?" asked Verra. It was three weeks later, and she and Dustin were in a diner on the Rue Fait-des-Choses.
"I doubt it," said Dustin. "K-9 is keeping the secret. What about Alec?"
"Oh, he hasn't a clue, either. Shall we pay the bill and go flying?"
"Absolutely."
V&D V&D V&D V&D V&D
The number one rule in the PPC is that you don't tempt the Ironic Overpower. Alec and Five happened to bump into each other just as Dustin and Verra came out the door. "Browsing the works of Thespis of Icaria at the Musée my ASS!" screamed Five.
"I'd say Ovid," said Alec. "VERRA! TOUCH HIM AGAIN AND YOU'RE DRAGON STEAK, GOT IT?"
"... off, maned ape," replied Verra. "I know now I was meant for another dragon. In fact, I think I'll eat you right now." She demorphed. Five and Alec bolted. Not fast enough, though. Verra caught up with Alec and ate him.
V&D V&D V&D V&D V&D
Five of Six got back to the Time And Relative Dimensions In Space machine, currently a telephone pole, and shut the door.
Will Five of Six recive a Karmic Death soon? That would be cool.
PS: Will you join Honest Critic's petition for better Grammar and Spelling? You seem like a coherent writer.
Vera iz soooooo liucke! eysz lik roubies & saffires & ooohohh plz let dem gt 2getr!
alkEC IS EEEEEVIL8SHOUD DIE FGREASE SPT AHAH HE SHLD HVE 2 CLN DA GREESE HMSLEF!
This is a game where we write PPC Badfic? And we don't need permission(Well, according to the wiki, Permission is one of the strategies employed to avoid PPC badfic so, it would be a contradiction if it was required)?
So I could create a Sue!Agent? That's awesome... I'm definitely writing something there...
This is a game we play every year - partly for laughs, partly for stress relief, and partially to drive ourselves crazy. It's great fun. :)
We. Are. Doomed.
Although it could lead to some exceptionally amusing opportunities in missions... when the Word World is mucking around with HQ itself, fun things happen.
Methinks that the department which definitely does not exist will not be very busy at all, since it doesn't exist, but if it did it certainly would be.
If that department existed (which is obviously not the case, I guess) it wouldn't be busy because of the creativity shield around FanFictionLand...
Why on earth don't we use it on the Pit, then? I mean, if we only took care of the HP and LotR sections (and maybe some of the worse anime continua), we'd be ten times better off.
...we have no control over the Pit.
I should have realized that. >.> Excuse my oversight.
If we could, life wouldn't be the same. Most PPC missions come from FF.net fics...
It's something of an Eagle situation, I guess. We'd have nothing to do if we did, therefore we don't.