Subject: da ferret fins LUV
Author:
Posted on: 2010-07-14 22:47:00 UTC

Title: "da ferret fins LUV"
Summary: hmelock is SOO K00T an needs LUV! so ah wrote dis ficcie bout him! NOFLAMESPLZ!
Category: PPC
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance

AN: Hiiiiiii guyzs dis is da new story! we gots a bata reeder now so its so muych betta! NO FLAMEZ! dis iz Ro writin cos ma dumb sister dont like hEMlock an sez hes reely a GURL! HE IS NOT! i thot id' do somfin not slash cos my frends sez Daisy an me gotta try writin difrent tings an i dont like slash s much as she do. i fink hmelock is gay forreels in cnon but is MY FIC an i can do WAT I WANT GEDDIT!!!!!1q111 nd if u say i kant u's a meen gay FAG an not in da good cy00te way!

Hemlck is a ferett but not likea pet ferert (I WANNA FRERET IZ NO FAIR DADDY Wont GIMME 1!) hes big as a persn an he cn ta;lk. he is SOOOOOOOOO KY0000T! es' big ad mussely an gots big grene eyues so is HAWT ad hesd kute an fuzzy 2.

So newayz Hemlok was reel sad cos drake didnt like him no more an brok up wiv him cos he was wiv Redd now. so Hemloc wore blak an cut hiz rists and did lots o f drugs and lizend to depresxing musix liek 9inc nails nd Evanescence (I copid dat name off tier site cos its hard to spel but I LOOOOOOOVE em).

an one day he went up onh da roof of hq to jiump of cos he was depresed (HQ DOSE SO HAV AN OUSTIDE MA SISTRE SEZ SO). an he saw is freid laburnum wos goin to fall ONOEZ!

"ONOEZ! Ur goin to fall!" he shooted n ran ad got er b4 she fell.

L (im not goin to tyep all her name agan cos its hasrd) useda be fat an ugly (cos er writers meeen) but shed got anarecksiik an waz real skiny now cept for her boobs wioch was liek a gcup (dats real big). shne diedd her hair blakl now cos brown is borin.; she woz on LOTS of drugs cos she was deprexed 2 .

So dey sat on da wroof an tok dsome pillls (of drugvs) asn cut deir writss an drank da blud cos hemolcks a feret an dey like blud an he kried cos drak didn like im no moer.

"aw dats xo meen1" L said. "no fair cos i liek u an i wudent b meen t u bujt ur GAY and dats no fair! so i am goikn 2 kil miself now!!!1111"

2NOOOO!" sed HEmlokcx. "I lke gurlz to!" (cos by guys are soooooooo sexeh!) an ur SOOOOOOOOO prety! Ur eeys r icy bleu lyke limpid teers (just lik Amy Lee!), yr hari is blacker than the black ravens black wings @ black midnigvht (thats from edgr alan po he iz AWSOM! but dere wasnt enough black in dere so i changd it) n u has relly big bobs."

l gosped "U meen it/ YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" n she huged him. so dey got off da rof an wnet indors an dey stoped kuttin emsleves an L didn need hr drugs no more cos tey as happy cos dere in LUV. DA END.

~~
(OOC A/N from Laburnum: For those unfamiliar, the joke here is that Hemlock and Laburnum are the same person. Hemlock is the name Agent Laburnum gave to her male persona, whom she becomes occasionally with a little help from the PPC's transformation tech. I'm sorely tempted to do a dream sequence or something shipping them - is that incest or narcissism? - as part of the real PPC canon. Once the headache from writing like this goes away. Ow, my brain.

Sorry I can't let people use S&S, but by the time we'd contacted Snowspine to ask and she'd got back to us the Fanfic Land week would be over. Maybe next year. Do something even more horrifying to my other agents in revenge, I dare you all! (I do ask that you don't write anything squicky with Molly and/or Moses without aging them up past puberty, not that I think anyone actually would, but I thought I'd better say so to make sure. Other than that, anything goes.)

"Blacker than the raven wings of midnight" is in fact a quote from Poe's "Ligeia". I'm so sorry for mutilating it. I also got in several references to the infamous badfic "My Immortal" and I'm not sorry at all for using that. The "pills (of drugs)" is from "Forbiden Fruit", an equally impressive badfic.

So tempted to add a horrifying sex scene. Is that allowed under Fanfic Land rules, and would anyone's brain stand up to that? I think I'd have to use a different fake account or give this "writer" a beta-reader who actually can spell because typing like that through a sex scene would give me nightmares ...)

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