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Happy birthday!

I get first dibs!

I'm in. I also somehow managed to escape noticing that I made it into the boy band one a few years ago (*is slightly weirded out. but only slightly*)

Only problem as far as I'm concerned is that I've been lurking so long I don't know most of the newbies (by which definition I mean anyone within the last year or so!).

I remember a few years ago we had a PPC music orgy (the "Oboe Quartet of Luuurve", IIRC). There must be enough musical types to go for an encore, no?

Well, it's that time of the year again... which means two three things:
1. Valentine's day is over
2. It's my birthday
3. I've now been hanging around the board for FIVE years. Wow. That has gone fast. And I really should have gotten around to finishing all those missions I started by now.

Actually, I'm a little bit late in celebrating items 2 and 3, but I've been busy (specifically, working on this - pretty cool, huh?) and have not had huge amounts of sleep and/or free time lately.

Anyway, in celebration, I have both virtual cake and virtual chocolate-covered profiteroles. Enjoy

Elcalion, celebrative

Barid and Neshomeh were strolling through the halls of HQ, hand in hand, when Neshomeh suddenly spoke up about something that had been on her mind.

"You know," she said, "all of this casual sex is nice, but now that you've officially got Permission, and Huinesoron and Kaitlyn don't seem to be around, that makes us the Official PPC Board Couple. And I think that gives us the right to have really fantastic sex with just us if we want to."

"I'm down with that," Barid intoned. "You wanna?"

Neshomeh did wanna. So, they resolutely didn't detour from their original path, which brought them quickly to the Lounge. But upon opening the door and looking inside, they found that the best make-out spot was already occupied with Maudlin Hart and Ciri Anekath, who despite being quite young were making up for it with a strong showing of friendly cuddles.

"Aww," said the Official PPC Board Couple. They decided to look elsewhere and left the two younger Boarders to themselves.

"Where else can we go?" Barid asked.

"Well, there's a broom cupboard right here," Neshomeh pointed out. But this too was taken.

"All right, Jack!" Barid complimented. Jack waved indistinctly from somewhere between Bronwyn and Miah.

They closed the cupboard door and moved on to the PPC Archives, which seemed a likely prospect as it was quiet inside. However, they had not gotten two feet before Neshomeh tripped over a very familiar body. Her jaw dropped.

"Hey! You're agent!me! What are you doing?"

"Cataloging," Agent Neshomeh replied innocently.

"Also taking inventory," Agent Terri Ryan added from beneath her, far less innocently.

Boarder!Neshomeh turned around and left in a hurry, muttering something about awkward and not needing to see that. Barid did not help matters by commenting that they should go back there later and spend some time with just the three of them.

The pair continued down the corridor until they came to a likely-looking door. They walked through it and found themselves on the ceiling.

"Oh, great. An Escher room," said Neshomeh.

Barid did not respond immediately, as he was too busy gaping at the scene before them. Trojie, Cassie, Sara, Techno-Dann, and July were arranged in various states of undress and gravitational orientation more or less centered on Lux, who held a book open in her hand and was giving the others pointers.

"So you see," she was saying, "position 51 IS physically possible if you do it like this!"

There was a chorus of pleased "Ohhh!"s from her pupils.

"Where can we get a copy of that?" Barid wondered.

"Maybe we can borrow it when they're done," said Neshomeh. "But they're busy right now. Come on. There has to be SOME place that's free!"

They left the Escher room and headed for FicPsych, figuring it was probably the department with the most discreet rooms in it and nobody would mind if they borrowed one. By this time, they were both feeling rather inspired by the scenes they had witnessed, and they were eager to get on with it. They knocked on the doors until it was opened by Nurse Mirrad.

"Hello," said Neshomeh.

"Can we borrow a room?" Barid asked.

"I'm afraid that is not possible," the Minbari replied. "We are rather... busy... in here at the moment."

At this time, they noticed that he was not wearing his usual robes, and one sock was missing. For a Minbari, this is an advanced state of undress requiring at least three hours of ritual.

As if to confirm their suspicions, a green tendril worked its way elegantly around Mirrad's middle and pulled him inexorably back toward the department's interior.

Come, Mirrad, a husky, feminine voice intoned. We are all waiting for you.

"I didn't know he wore a bowler hat," Barid remarked as the doors shut firmly.

"He doesn't," said Neshomeh. "I can only think of one... oh, my." She broke off, blushing. "Well, we figured it had to happen sometime..."

They tried the pool next, but found that BattleHamster and Honu_Wahine were already using the water slide to great effect. The nearby locker room was occupied by the whole of the All-HQ Indoor Rules Quidditch League (though the pair was rather puzzled by how Lux could be in there, having been giving lessons in the Escher room less than ten minutes ago), so that was right out. In DoSAT they were confronted with the very odd sight of Piph enjoying herself thoroughly with robot!Piph.

"Day-um," said Barid. "I didn't know robot!Piph had those kinds of attachments."

In desperation, they tried the SO's office, but the Sunflower was unwilling to give up his desk, which was covered in yellow roses.

"Good grief!" Neshomeh exclaimed in frustration. "We should've known better than to try this in HQ. We want somewhere UNoccupied, so everywhere we go, someone is there!"

Barid nodded. "Okay. So. We have to think of someplace no one in their right mind--scratch that--where no one EVER would willingly have sex."

They looked at each other. "Kitchen." They nodded.

They took off at a run, pausing at the Fountain of Bleepka in the hopes that imbibing some of its contents would help them navigate HQ more easily, but Laburnum and doctorlit were in the way. Enthusiastically.

When they finally got as far as the cafeteria, they regretted the lack of Bleepka even more, as Gen and Makari were doing unspeakable things on the cafeteria buffet. But they had become so desperate by this time that they passed the two women without a word, and finally found themselves inside the kitchen.

They looked around cautiously.

"I THINK we're alone," Neshomeh opined.

"Yup," said Barid. "Nobody over here, either."

They shared a massive sigh of relief and fell into each other's arms.

"You know, we always said we should never do this in the kitchen," Neshomeh said with a teasing grin.

"Well of course, but we were talking about OUR kitchen. This isn't," said Barid.

"True."

"Why are you still wearing pants?"

"Dunno. We should fix that."

"We should."

And they did.

~*~

And THAT'S how it's done. *g*

~Neshomeh and Barid

I Boarder!Miah, do hereby officially request permission to hunt down and kill badfic, in as humorous a way as is possible as an agent of the PPC.

I solemnly swear that I am not crossing anything as I solemnly swear that I will do my best to uphold the traditions of Jay and Acacia, to continue to be funny during missions without causing major disruptions in the life of the PPC, to hold all that is canon, including the canon of the PPC and OFUM, as the highest authority in its own land, and that I do know what the acronym PPC means.

The link below goes to Boarder!Miah's Livejournal, which contains 5 writing samples, and 2 agent bios with pictures. The top 3 stories are all chapter length. The bottom 2 are shorter.


http://miah-arthur.livejournal.com/

All right, I don't mind being shipped but please, lets get some hetero going here.

And curse my keys for their ability to not register

Reading time!

I concur completely with Araeph, and offer congrats on a hilarious writing sample. Welcome to the PPC!

Techno-Dann sighed appreciatively. "You ladies are pretty good at this."

"Thank you," came a muffled voice.

"Mm, Miah, less talk, more fun!" said Bryn from somewhere left of Dann.

About then, the door opened, and BattleHamster walked into the sea of naked women.

"Um, I'll just be going," he stuttered, and turned to leave.

"Gen?"

"Yeah, Piph?"

"Grab him, will you? Makari is getting tired."

Gen reached out of the mass and pulled BattleHamster into the fray, giggling.

Makari sighed, moving out of the guy's way, only to be pulled over by Honu_Wahine.

Some undeterminable amount of time later, Doctorlit opened the door.

"Piph?"

"Yeah?"

"If he jumps in, do I still have to grab him?"

"Nah, just make sure he gets his clothes off."

15 minutes before Barid meets Jack

"Where are we going?" asked Neshomeh. "You still haven't told me. You also haven't explained why I need a blindfold or what you had in that bag that you had over your shoulder."

"Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise," explained Barid, with just a little too much mirth in his voice. "We'll be there soon."

Another two minutes of walking brought them to their destination. There was a brief pause as Barid opened a door. The sounds of giggling reached Neshomeh's ears.

"In you go," said Barid, steering Neshomeh into the room. "She's all yours, ladies."

There was a soft thud as Barid put the bag down. He then left the room.

As Neshomeh took off the blindfold, she found herself in a room that was covered in pillows and blankets. It was also filled with various female Boarders in various states of undress and compromising positions. Neshomeh looked at the bag on the floor and was shocked to see the collection of interesting items inside.

Piph walked over and grinned. She took Neshomeh's hand and led her to a corner that was less covered in Boarders than the rest. They were quickly joined by Gen, who had stopped to grab a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs from the bag.

-------

After about 30 minutes of fun, Neshomeh was pulled back to reality by a frantic scratching at the door.

"That's probably Lux," said Trojie from inside a very interesting game of Twister. "Barid said he sent her an invitation."

Laburnum pulled herself halfway out of a pile near the door and opened it. There was an excited squeal from the other side and then the party really started.

If I hadn't put those extra spaces in Yo, my humanoids! it would look like Yo, my humanoids!

I should be running off and doing work ... riiiight after this.

***

'You know, I really should be feeling tired,' said Cassie several hours later. 'How many chapters through that book are we?'

'Seventeen,' July said, trying to snatch the volume of knowledge out of Dann and Trojie's hands.

'How many chapters ARE there?' Sara asked. It was hard to tell if her voice was plaintive or eager.

'Sixty-nine,' Dann replied in a sing-song innocent voice.

There was a WHUMP as everyone else in the bed went to smack him for the terrible joke ...

It works. ^_^ Is that going to be there permanently? It might be nice to link to it from the Wiki page I'm going to make.

~Neshomeh

(I assume Jack gave you lot his permission to use him in these things...)

Jack had finally escaped from the Pad, his captors at last passing out in a state of bliss after the prolonged and sweaty session with their movie and then him. He staggered somewhat drunkenly through the halls, occasionally looking down at his stomach and then sighing mournfully when he saw that the shameful words were still inscribed there.

It was in one of these moments that he ran into something. It was like walking into a wall, only softer. He looked up and found himself face to chest with what might have been a bear. With glasses.

"Erp?" said Jack.

"Hi," said Barid. "Why so down?"

"They shaved my stomach hair!" Jack wailed. "And it will take WEEKS to grow in!" He stepped back to show off the damage.

"Hmm, I see," said Barid. "Well, cheer up! I think I can help. Come with me." He took Jack by the hand and led him into a side room. "You see," he went on, removing his shirt, "I have enough to share."

"Oh, wow!" said Jack, overcome with awe. "What can I do to repay you?"

"I can think of something," said Barid with his trademark huge grin.

A few minutes later, Jack paused in his activities. "Wait... aren't you engaged or something?"

"Yeah," Barid agreed. "But the last I checked, Neshomeh was busy elsewhere. I'm sure she won't mind."

"Oh. Cool!" said Jack. And they went back to giving the term "hairy lot" a whole new meaning.

~Neshomeh

Don't know if I'll have time to write anything, though. >.>

with early humans though. apparently we were too busy hunting, eating, and breeding to take care of our fur.

I'm glad to be here for this one, though! Mwahahaha...

***

There was a giggle as the small group flopped back to the unfeasibly large bed, most of them very noticeably out of breath. "Ooof, Trojie, you - sat on my hand!" giggled one young brunette, squirming to free said appendage.

"'S not my fault you had it somewhere it could be sat on," Trojie grumbled as she wriggled to the left a bit, giving Sara her hand back.

"On the plus side, it's a good thing you sneaked this book out of Lux's collection," Techno-Dann pointed out as he manouevred himself out of the heap with judicious use of his elbows and reached for the tome in question, currently lying on the floor beside the bed. "Look, we've managed numbers five through twelve, eighteen, twenty-three and thirty-seven."

"Oooh, can we try that one?" July asked, leaning over his shoulder and pointing to one of the highly detailed pictures.

"We can try, except... um." He held the book further away, then closer, trying to work out exactly where the intertwined figures' bits and pieces were. "I don't actually think this is physically possible."

"Rubbish." She pulled the book out of his hands and waved it at Trojie. "You're the anatomy know-how-y person, how do we do this one?"

There was silence for a few minutes as they awaited her verdict with bated breath. Finally, she put the book back on the floor, page carefully held open, and tugged the other three towards her with a grin.

"Well, it sort of goes like this..." she began, though the squeals and other assorted noises soon drowned her out completely.

i would take very good care of it and i would brush it all nice and occasionaly dye it purple.

You can slash me if you want, but it's probably illegal.