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As in my, you know, people who give me internet. The ones with a monopoly and funny coloured phone boxes who give me an insane GB limit for a set fee per month. They're called Karoo. Dunno why.

I don't think that Tech has one of those, unfortunately.

And I doubt that it would take out his ACTUAL soul, but... *shrug*

But she's a Canon Sue. Not only that, she's OUR Canon Sue. And we love her, for the most part. Except when we don't...

And yes, done well, it might be awesome. But... extra rings, Daughter!Sues, and Legomance?

Had the author actually finished the story (or at least not abandoned it) I would have put it forward for potential Legendary status... I mean, there are some horrible stories out there, but this one was for me at least a whole new level of awful..

Watch as my Agent(s) go on a killing spree of all of that author's work that they have any knowledge of...

Ross is of the opinion that "Oh, you want to trivialize your relationship with your twin? Let's see how you like it when that relationship is severed wholesale!"

I just hope I got that part at least partially right. The one book I don't have in that series is, in fact, the first one, so I couldn't really check... But so far as I remember?

This is Badfic. *sigh*

It's in every edition that I've managed to come across in the past eight years. Including the ones that I first read, which were the same ones that my MOTHER first read... Yeah. That poem is in basically every edition ever, as it is the basis for the WHOLE DAMN STORY.

And you are right. Dark lord and Darklord are pronounced differently, and the second doesn't scan right...

Things poor Ross gets particularly bitchy about:
1) Stereotypical portrayals of DID/MPD (Guess why)
2) "Male twin of the pair" Stus (I think he's afraid that he himself is, in fact, one of them, but just doesn't realize it. His sister laughs at this...)
3) Inaccurate representation of a character's ethnicity.
4) Falsifying Twinning relationships.
5) Falsifying Twinning likelihood. (Seriously. Twinning is rare unless there is twinning in the family, and then it skips a generation. So one of a set of twins is likely not to have twins unless her husband's parent was a twin...)
6) Trivializing Twinning relationships.
To name his top six...

And this fic had... 2, 3, 4, and 6.

... I like having the "Sane, controlled" one go off his rocker every now and then. There are two types of Ross Anger you have to deal with. The yelling, stomping, facewalling kind is easy to get him to calm down from. It's the slow, cold, deliberate stuff that gets out of control. As can be seen by... well, WRITING a Stu to death.

It's great. I haven't been able to find the sequel anywhere, though.

... that they used in the soul guillotine thing? That would probably be easier than dragging them through a portal ... Or something like that. We don't want him to potentially lose his actual soul, we just want this dippy bint gone.

And if the Neuralysation doesn't work all the way... Well, a quick trip to Bolvangar should break THAT little connection...

But maybe that's just me being bloodthirsty.

Whhaaaaat? Interestin' internet people. Wait, what do you mean?

I'll contact your email address. Should do this now that I have the chance/time.

I tried to read it and got waaaay confused.

I just put her through The Universal Mary-Sue Litmus Test (Springhole version) and... She's about a 78. Test-point factor: 50+ - "Kill it dead. Or make sure you read the instructions properly (some people don't do this, which causes freakishly high scores) and take the test again."
Ah, poor Alanna. You know, it's really hard to make a first character in a place like Tortall, make them the first female knight in a century, and not make them Mary Sue-ish. Alanna had it coming to her, being the Goddess's Chosen and purple eyes and all. I still like her character, anyway. At least she isn't freakishly gorgeous or decides to always speak in this stupid condescending manner like this: "Duke Roger, you are a worthless, zombiefied maggot. You are not fit to even kiss the ground of Tortall. I shall kill you now!" Oh, wait...

Is unnecessary. I need occaisonal reminders for why I'm taking up the cause. ^__^ Something like that. Heh.

They weren't as bad as the really bad ones that all newbs try to read.

Great job in taking care of the Sues/Stus. That story was plain awful. Yay! You threw them in Mt. Doom! Here's some bleepka to make you feel better about taking that badfic.

I think souls in the continuum I'm talking about work the way you describe, though it doesn't come up much, and she behaves nothing like the guy in question. Previous PPC installments have established that canon characters can't die until the original creator says they have (see DAVD and The Cluny Fic - poor Thranduil and Redtooth) so killing her probably wouldn't irrevocably harm the guy she's supposed to be connected to. We should probably neuralyse him first, though, just to "break the connection" as it were.

The guy with the chick claiming to be his soul is Jay, as in "and Silent Bob".

Yeah. Lucky he's so drugged out most of the time that he probably wouldn't see anything abnormal about what's going on ... Did come up with a sequence where my agents chase the Sue into the Quick Stop after neuralysing Jay and Bob, but the Disguise Generator is broken so the canon characters can see them, but this being the View Askewniverse nobody finds them particularly weird until the knives come out ...

Well, you've got my email. Drop me a line if any of the notes are incomprehensible.

Everyone in the world fancies Captain Jack. It's just a law of the universe. I suspect Rose wrote it in there accidentally when she was making him immortal.

Seriously, that's twice now I've seen misquotes of it. That's a pretty impressive number, considering that it's in the front of every book in the most likely edition a fan writer would have access to, two other editions, and I highly suspect every edition ever. Furthermore, it appears in the fellowship of the ring.

Lastly, it's in poetry, the original purpose of which was to be easy to remember.

This may be a personal thing, but the forgetting of a space ticks me off because I pronounce dark lord and darklord a bit differently, and one doesn't seem to fit the pattern.

And it's a Twilight crossover *sigh*

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5073655/1/TwilightTomorrowWhenTheWarBegan

I'm not even sure I can call it badfic...most of it is just copied, or at best paraphrased, from one of the two books. With half the names changed, for some inexplicable reason. It's not so much brain-breaking, as just depressing.

In brighter news, I hear there's a movie planned for TWTWB *does little happy dance* (Does anyone besides me actually read this series?) Though I guess that's going to mean a lot more badfic in the future, sad to say Oo

compassion, friendliness, and similar: warm

Lack of emotion: cold

anger: seeing red. Note also that heat associations with anger tend to refer specifically to fire in most cases.

Unfortunately, my knowledge of Latin does not extend to metaphors, so I can't help with non-english metaphors.

Don't worry about the unimaginative penname, mine isn;t very creative either.

Welcome to the PPC. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

I especially liked the little reference to His Dark Materials :)

Darklord is not a registered mini on our database. Therefore he's a newly created one. You are perfectly free to either send him our way or adopt him, just do let us know which so we can put him on our records.

Seriously, though, I found the original, and I'm surprised you came through with your eyes and brain intact. It's no wonder your Agents were a little... annoyed toward the end. Nice job~