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Suefic. Dreadful. Found on marysues LJ.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3077547/1/

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3499037/1/

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3215786/1/

Lulz. Mary Sues going to be sporked. Hard.

Guess where I'm going to be assigning my Agents to.

Incidentally, this is the charge list for just ONE of those above fics:

Interim Charge List:
Both:
-Setting the story in the future for no reason (2030? Wha?)
-Writing incredibly clichéd romance and Twu Luv and 'magic vows'
-Writing Mary Sues
-Having an incredibly stupid title too: “Freedom Love, Till Death Never Do Us Part”... wha?
-Using the term 'zombie' - L4D's not using the Z-word here! It's the Infected all the way...
-Using Author's Notes to explain the plot
-Keeping up to date with events in an Infected town using the NEWSPAPERS. Zombie apocalypse, and they're still delivering NEWSPAPERS?
-Explaining things the reader will already know (Yes, we about the Infected types. We do not need your input. And how exactly would the advice of a sword-swinging Marty Stu actually help or apply anyone normal, anyway?)
-Claiming the Infected only come out at night (contradicts Canon)
-Missed capitalisations ('mercy hospital')
-Contradicting the Canon plotline (L4D does NOT take place in 2030, thank you)
-Contradicting it's own plotline (notably about where the Infection starts and spreads from).
-Trying to describe characters using their clothing.
-Witch howls attract Tanks. Um, no they don't. Hell, the Director specifically avoids sticking Tanks and Witches together!
-Tanks can NOT throw planes, thank you.
-The Smoker's tongue is not 'wet, slippery rope'.
-Accumulating a ...ing huge charge list from just under 6000 words (Annoys the Agents)
-Addendum the above: having enough charges on it's own to generate a charge list to use for charging other L4D fics. That's quite the achievement there, mate
-Having by and large good grammar and spelling... and still writing crap

Ms. Brenda Lightstar:
-Having a name that sounds like it's from the Star Wars continuum
-Addendum to the above: Having a very stupid name
-Surviving on your own for a month without getting Hunter'd
-”the horde doesn't give me too much of a problem” - she is so going to regret saying that.
-Surviving with just two pistols against the horde without a problem (ahem!)
-Addendum to the above: And then proving completely useless and having to be regularly rescued once her Twu Luv shows up
-Describing her boyfriend as 'her angel'
-Being physically incapable of living without said boyfriend
-Lying to said boyfriend about the origins of the Infected (only explanation that makes sense)
-Having 'pure black' eyes (what the crap? Is she infected too?)
-Makes Mr. Stoic Awesomeness smile only at her
-Being able to kill infected before her Supah Spechul Twu Luv can spot them
-Using the actual goddamn phrase 'one true love'
-Being unaware that Freedom is equipped to fight when he carries around a GIANT ...ING SWORD.
-Annoying the Agents (at least Freedom has some justification for being able to survive on his own)
-Being a Mary Sue

Mr Melodian Freedom:
-Being an Infected without becoming... y'know, a freakin' zombie
-Being a 'Spechul Infected'
-Combining all the Infected abilities with none of the drawbacks
-And in spite of the above, using a goddamn sword
-Killing a TANK with aforementioned goddamn sword in ONE swipe
-In addendum to the above, doing the same thing to a Witch
-In addendum to the above, doing the same thing to an AIRPLANE
-Being able to decapitate 10 infected a second (Yes, it actually says that)
-Being able to insta-kill Infected with his goddamn EYES.
-Claiming not to be an Infected to gain Twu Luv's trust. He is, and has stated as such
-Having the stupidest name ever
-Having the stupidest nickname ever
-Trying to create some sort of mysterious backstory with a mysterious government conspiracy and mysterious amnesia.
-Being a super-strong, angelic, 'aloof and lonely' fantasy boyfriend
-Trying to make himself a lust object (I'm getting some SERIOUS Twilight vibes here)
-Wearing white leather with a big sword like some sort of Final Fantasy character
-Being so awesome he emits white light
-Having multi-coloured eyes
-Having colour-changing eyes
-Being so awesome everyone is afwaid of him and he is all awwone. Aww, poor thing, NOT.
-Becoming as weak a sick puppy around his Twu Luv
-And then completely annihilating a Horde (complete with Tank and Witch) in spite of the above
-Being so awesome because of some freakin' vow.
-Giving advice on teamwork when he works alone
-Being willing to give his life for his Twu Luv despite 'not feeling the love I had yet though'
-Claiming 'by gut instinct' that the Poles will have less infected. This should be freakin' obvious what with it being really cold and uninhabited and that...
-Being able to withstand a Tank punch
-Being able to dodge multiple Tank punches
-Annoying the Agents
-Being a Marty Stu

I am going to enjoy PPC-ing this one.

Welcome. Here's a tall ship.

Thanks. I'll keep some for my Agents for when they spork this fic. They'll need it.

>> Might learn my lesson one day.

What I meant to say was:
I know, but I still find it a bit daft. Doesn't stop me from playing along though.

While I haven't read the Immortals series for a very long time, the Tortall-verse fic is just terrible. Rainbow eyes, SUPER-SPESHUL sparkly green hair, and more power than just about anyone Canon? I'd be willing to bet twenty diamonds that the main character's a Sue. *reads past Chapter 1* ...Wait, what? Antlers? 'Dark cream' skin? And she's resurrected at least once? Definitely a Sue. She should be killed. Repeatedly, until that damned resurrection stops.

The HP-verse fics look pretty bad. The second one has terrible grammar, a bad plot, and bad biology on top of it. Nobody enters puberty at 10, barring an extreme biological fluke. *facepalm*

The author's note at the end was worth a cheap laugh though - "want others to Wright good stories" made me imagine a very confused Phoenix Wright suddenly popping up in the fic.

Oh, and... *hands over a few bottles of Bleepto-Dismal*

*amends to 'several dozen sharp objects'*

Only one?

Does anyone know what story the Jarre Jarre Hastursen incident took place in? It sounds really interesting.

She would have access to portals and [BEEP]s. It *might* be safe, but not for your Agents' sanity.

What I want to know is what you can actually *do* with these fics. The Marty Stu one is a fairly obvious straight-forwards assassination, but take the first one:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4706726/1/Unfamiliar_dream

What would you actually *do* with that one? Try and break the Author Influence on the continuum and let the usual L4D horde rip things up? This looks like Department of WTF territory...

Where's the L4D Minigun when you need it?

Welcome aboard!

Here's a really big trout and a recording of the World's Funniest Joke. Should come in useful.

Oh, and a spare bottle of Bleepka. You'll probably need it.

*Rises from stupor*

*hands some of the Bleepka get*

Incidentally, Fangirls are coming!

Happy belated birthday! Or should I say happy unbirthday? Does it matter, as long as there's cake and friends?

And they're from some of my favorite fandoms, too! I'm not sure if these qualify, but I think they sure show signs of plenty of plot holes. And Sues. And more Sues. If you're an agent, kill the Mary Sues, please! ASAP! Ugh... I need an overdose of Bleepto-Dismal now.

I wanted to kill myself after reading three of the chapters of this one. Has she actually READ any of Tamora's Pierce's books to see how they're set up? Really... And the main character is most definitely Sue-ish. I'm willing to bet over five dozen stale Twinkies that she is. And how in the world did the author get 58 chapters?!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2149293/1/TheGuardian

Aw, I couldn't resist looking at the Harry Potter fanfiction section, crazy as it is. And I found something horrible. At least, to me it's horrible. Kill it. Please. Just kill it.
<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4992052/1/Mybeautifulblessing">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4992052/1/Mybeautiful_blessing

And if you thought THAT one was bad, this one is worse. MUCH worse. Shoot it. Kill it. Give it anthrax. Give it the Avada Kedavra. *shudders*
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4894233/1/Elena

And I found a new name for one of the mini-Aragogs, if it hasn't been named this before. A lot of fans think that the killing curse is called the "Aveda Kedavra", apparently.

~ Cinnia Aine ~

He'd have something sharp sticking out of him quite fast.

*hands over large stuffed bunny* Wow, I've been missing a lot of events on the Board recently. Including more newbies arriving.

*puts oversized red panda plush on the table, steals some food, and disappears*

Yes, I like ABBA. Not all their songs, but many. I grew up hearing them every few months when my parents got nostalgic. :)

Eh, I think the fandoms are more of a mix these days. Haven't exactly been keeping track, though- has anyone else got a tally?

*offers a towel as welcome gift*

Had to reword it slightly to fit it in the subject line.