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Has anybody done investigation into the turning-completeness of Rithmatics? I reckon Demon-infested chalk is easier to deal with than Demon-infested computers...

Did you enjoy providing "nose jobs"? Has Derik been on the receiving end?

((...I am a child. ~Thoth))

In my experience, it pays to look at what people do, not only what they say. Farilan is... difficult, that is true. She is very intelligent and very prideful, which is not always a harmonious combination. However, this masks a charming curiosity and even innocence, I would say. She seeks to learn more about this strange multiverse and the strange beings in it, but to one raised in a culture such as ours, with very rigid expectations and rules for every occasion, they can be surprising, alarming, even disturbing. I am her guide through this bewildering array of strangeness. Although I am strange myself, I hope that she feels she can always rely on me, for anything.

I have been assigned a department? Which one? I have just been trying to find the exit, but if this is some sort of scholastic institution and you are offering me a job I would be happy to accept.

Unless... Is this that... PEE was it? I did get hired by a place with a name like that recently.

I think that's as far as I got, myself. This was back in high school, so my memory of it isn't great, but my sense is that the tone continues to change from what it was in the first book, and for me, that was a turn-off.

~Neshomeh often reads these things, though she doesn't often feel like a discussion when there are so many other things to be done.

And there are plenty of rumors flying around that the SO wanted you in his Department; can you comment on the secret feud between him and the Floating Hyacinth, please?

Firstly, it is Sir Cornell. Secondly, for what purpose would I do that? I can barely find the blasted office, much less give instructions to chalklings so that they get there. The way this place works, I have to sleep in the corridors most of the time. The indignity of it. Me, a scholar of rithmatics forced to sleep in the hallways like some vagabond. Humph.

Can you comment on the nature of your relationship with Farilan? What is it about her that attracts you to her? Because we here at the Monitor are at a loss. Inquiring minds want to know!

Is it true that you've been unleashing three-headed chalk golems in the Sunflower Official's office for the past month?

Questions open for one new agent. (That I have very little for.)

Adair Lauryn Cornell - Floater - Graduate of the Maineford Academy of Rithmatics

Ix and I are back from our honeymoon (well, I say honeymoon—it got upstaged by a mission to Middle-earth) and I did promise I'd hit you up after we got back. Still interested?

(Ix here. Just so you know, she does mean just cuddling and watching a movie for now.)

Do you do anything fun that doesn't involve sitting in one place and staring at flashing lights in a box for more hours than I can personally count?

(( To clarify, this is for Tom, though I suppose Talia and/or Dagger could take it, too. ))

"If one of them were to make advances towards me, that would be considered harassment. I would be well within my rights to use them as pincushions and/or target practice.

And for reference, so that you may cease this foul line of questioning, no, I am not capable of having children with a tree. If Dryads could do so, we would have no need to abduct those foolish enough to wander into the Wood when they have anything hanging between their legs."

... that you would sleep with them and make weird hybrid babies if they came on to you first? Who are you more attracted to, the Ironwood or the Sequoia?

Do you have any idea how long I've been trying to make that a thing? And like, I've razzed him about him and Jötun, because that whole thing is weird as hell and it's funny, but that ain't the problem. I think I could deal with it if it were, but nah. For someone with a bod that hot, the man is just weirdly cold. Jerk.

Also, that pic? Totally happened, but it didn't happen happen. And now you're gonna give it to me and tell me how you got it before I give you a nose job with my fist.

They were more focused on guerrilla tactics and survival.

—doctorlit, annoyed the story can't be found

"Are you accusing me of seduction to claim and keep my job? Because both of these individuals, viewed in the proper light, could be considered my bosses. Honestly - of all the probable rudenesses I could have possibly considered being asked to answer to during this whole affair - by which I mean the mailbox affair, thank you very much - this was certainly nowhere on the list! I expect nothing less than a full apology for this slight to my honor, sir, madam, or whichever alternative form of address you may personally prefer. Hmph!"

What do you say to rumors that you are in the middle of an extremely blatant and very obvious love affair with your partner? How do you respond to this incriminating picture of the two of you sleeping together?

I'm in! Taking questions for...everyone you've seen, really:

RC Pie (2.1459), DIC

Agen____t

Edgar Sullivan

RC 18, DMS

Dawn McKenna I really need to update that page oh man. It's on the list. It's not the only one, either.

RC 29, DMS

Brenda Loringham

Charlotte "Charlie" Shoe

RC 1500, SIELU

Gurnirel (First Age Noldorin elleth, recruited in 2013)

Naergondir (First Age Noldorin ellon, recruited in 2013)

RC 5242, ESAS

Jacques Bonnefoy

RC 7221, DOGA

Abaddon

T'Zar

RC 41123, DIC

Allison Brown (from, uh, beyond the grave. Don't expect questions about how she died to get you much--understandably, it's a touchy subject)

Kozar

The Reader

Nursery

Owain Sato

Ruby Sato

Seren Sato

RC Unknown, DMS Harry Potter Division

Salok (I guess? It could be good to get more of a sense of him. He, ah, died in the Assimilation Crisis in December 2006--Vulcan, T'Zar's husband. If you'd like to ask questions of a ghost, go for it!)

Miss Of Borune, is it true that your love of trees has led you into a literally sappy affair with Hornbeam the Ironwood? Is the Hippie Sequoia jealous? Can we expect the pitter-patter of little taproots sometime in the near future?

And PPC HQ is definitely not the place to start protesting about low wages, dangerous working conditions, underappreciative superiors (not me, obviously), or anything short of outright war between Upstairs and the agents. Where would you start?

Where would you stop?

But I do know they exist in their own parallel kitchens. We sometimes leave each other notes, whenever our planes of reality overlap. My favorite pen buddy cook is Zurek the Tuskarr.

As for the other part, of COURSE I'm freaking out about it, why did you bring it up!? But.. for now one thing that's keeping me grounded to the kitchen is my desire to break the Cafeteria's Curse of Comedically Catastrophic Cuisine.

Imagine the mess you'd make, scattering live nanotech all over HQ! Oh, you talk about EMPs, but all you'd need is one batch in a Faraday cage or something and you'd never get rid of it.

Besides, if you tell the janitorial staff you're replacing them with tiny robots, you'll have a mutiny on your hands. They might even form a union. Can you imagine, a union in HQ? Absolute nightmare.

Bingle, don't get any ideas.