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No need to worry at all - us janitors can be shocking in both how fast we are all able to flee from perceived dangers, and also in how quick we all are able to turn to nearly total cowardly treason when our lives are on the line.

Indeed, each janitorial shift that has existed for more than about a month or so individually possesses at least one unique method of instantaneous escape from HQ, usually to some form of forest or alleyway somewhere, where a new life, undetected, can be hastily made.
I even knew a shift that physically tunneled a hole from their own closet right into a grotto somewhere in Switzerland, where they had already prepared a small barebones cabin, in deep preparation for exactly this kind of circumstance!

So there is no need, no need at all, to be concerned for the safety of the Janitorial Division!
Except against the burning vicissitudes of guilt, one supposes, but, well, dark pasts always do end up turning out well for us sorts, anyway, don't they?

You get to actually enjoy those comfortable chairs you're so enthusiastic for? Because the DMS doesn't strike me as the kind of work environment you'd get to really enjoy many things, let alone sitting comfortably down!

Also my current chair, which is a real old boy, is making really kooky creaking sounds. Got any recommendations for a replacement when this thing eventually collapses beneath me and breaks my pelvis?

But I wanted to thank you for your role in the "Brown Dragonrider of Pern" mission! It was a delightful read. ^^

I mean, Thoth and Derik I can see. Those two are two stops shy of jumping into a bed together or something. Okay, not really, but the blatant and unintended homoeroticism is fun to mock.

But... I mean, I don't even go to Rudi's once a week, much less with Talia. Although she did buy me a beer once. It was after I finally beat her at Quake.

I won at Instagib. And as it turns out, Corona tastes terrible.

Questions are open for two new agents, and one maybe.

• Alexander Hawke, DTE(g): Italian mage from the Fate Universe, Alchemist, Flirt, and 'annoyingly secretive.'
• Ce'rana of Borune, DTE(g): Imperial Scribe during the reign of Ran Borune XXIII, Dryad, 'unsolicited entry specialist', and semi-professional fussypants.
• Septimus Vespacianus, DAVD; Inquisitor of the Most Holy Inquisition (Dark Heresy Character, former assassin), nobleborn, keeper of the annoying Daemonette.

Is it true that you've been taking one Agent Talia out to Rudi's weekly for private dates, sometimes joined by Agents Thoth and Derik?

If programmed properly, it could eat the oil faster than it could replicate.

Wrong Legion, but oh well. I am not at all surprised that this exists. {X D

~Neshomeh

...Who claimed this, and what did they say?

Apologies, I merely need to know whom to... reward for their behavior.

In answer to your question, no. I presently have no romantic interests. I respect Derik, and we share a kinship, forged of a mutual respect and understanding. It seems some people are incapable of distinguishing this from romance. This is neither my fault nor my responsibility.

What do you have to say about the rumors that you're desperately in love with Agent Derik?

((I was going to do art of Thoth holding a kitten. Sadly, I cannot draw. Or paint. Or do pixel art.))

Excuse me while I laugh uproariously for a while.

Right, yes. 'Really Good' is not how I would describe my colleagues. The Weeds, absolutely - I can proudly say we keep out 99.9% of the external threats to HQ. But the ones that get through? The Flowers are useless, the whole greenhoused lot of them. It's always you lot, you agents, who sort things out. The macrovirus? Agents. The last invasion? Agents. That thing with the Guild of Corrective Archaeologists last year? Agents. Not the Sunflower, not the Sub Rosa, not even the Tiger Lily. It's you lot.

As for this stuff... someone said fire? I can't say I'm a fan myself, but we have a fair few... shall we say,specialists in the subject? I'm sure they'd be able to sort something out.

Have you ever seen another cook in the kitchen? Do you worry about eventually vanishing like all those that came before you? Or, I mean, they might still be there. Who would know?

FicPsych has therapy animals. We can get you in a room full of adorable kittens. Covered with kittens. Dripping with adorable!

The flowers are Really Good. But they aren't magic.

I have no such picture. Nor any kittens.

That's great. Can I get a picture of you kissing an adorable kitten? The readers will love it.

I would advocate a total purge of HQ using self-replicating nanobots which consume the oil to make more of themselves, then set of an EMP.

I have much better things with which to waste my time. Like watching 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians', for instance.

See, Phyrexian Oil is not messing around. It's like the Borg and the 40K Warp had an unholy lovechild. It will assimilate you and turn you into a plague-vector.

If it is detected immediately (and I mean damn-near instantaneously), then fire could potentially work, but whoever brought it in is going to burn, too. They're contaminated, you see, and there's only one cure that I'm aware of: A single Elf named Malira who is somewhere on New Phyrexia. I wouldn't take the time to find her.

If it is not caught immediately, it could spread like wildfire. Janitorial would probably be compleated first, while cleaning it up. Now we've got Phyrexian Flowers. Probably no way to contain it at that point. Shifting hallways makes containment a major problem.

Gods help us if it ever compleats a Sue. Glistening Oil is bad enough. Sparkling Oil? Terrifying.


I guess the point I am trying to make is that Phyrexian Oil only leads to one place: Character Deaths. If that's what you're going for, then by all means have at it.

-Phobos, advocating against this.

First, to answer Tomash’s question: I just finished The Valley of Horses, which I’ll go into below. I’m nearing the end of the second season of Daredevil, and might be finishing that tomorrow, depending on how the timing goes. And in a few hours, I’m heading to pick up my brother se we can go see Ant-Man and the Wasp. Then the two of us are going to bring Mom to see Solo, which she hasn’t seen yet.

The Valley of Horses is the second novel of the six-part Earth’s Children series. Cassie5squared actually wrote a PPC mission to this series, although I haven’t read it yet, because I can’t tell which novel it’s set during. Anyway, the series takes place during the Ice Age period in real world history, when both our subspecies of human and the Neanderthal subspecies were surviving together in what would later be named Europe.

Spoilers for books one and two of this series follow. Also, warning for some discussion of sexual behavior later on.

I read the first Earth’s Children novel, Clan of the Cave Bear, before I started this “review all the things” policy I do, so I’ll touch on it, too. For me, the world-building is absolutely the most top-notch aspect of this story (insofar as “world-building” can be applied to to a setting based on research into real world history, and can essentially be said to take place in reality). I really liked how Auel presented the culture and lifestyle of the Neanderthal—or Clan, as they call themselves. The idea that they had evolved a collective memory, and could literally call on the experiences of their ancestors to guide them, is of course fantastical and impossible to prove or disprove, but it’s an interesting way to contrast them with Ayla in this novel, and others of her people in the second, who are characterized more by imagination and ingenuity. It also serves as an explanation for why our subspecies flourished (albeit with some Neanderthal DNA that we carry in our species to this day) while the Clan eventually perished: they became so reliant on their built-in memories to function, that they were unable to forge new strategies for survival as the world continued to change over the centuries. I also like the detail that while Ayla’s people communicate in languages like we do, the Clan communicate mostly through a combination of body posture, facial expression, sign language and a few grunted words, accounting for their different mouth shape.

Auel’s narration style does something that’s normally “bad”: adding information that the characters the narration follows don’t and can’t know. Sometimes comparing the animals in the story to their modern-day counterparts, sometimes explaining aspects of evolutionary theory that are far beyond the understanding of either human culture present at the time. But in this case, I feel these “in-text author’s notes” are a true benefit to the story, as they help us modern readers put a greater context on the events and setting.

I’ll discuss Ayla here as well, since she’s in both novels. As our wiki page for the series says, she has a lot of traits that our community especially would associate with Mary Sues. While I can see that reading, I find it fairly easy to overlook. The only aspect that gets kind of awkward to me is the fact that she’s blonde and blue-eyed, which calls up uncomfortable thoughts of designated Aryan protagonists among a more “primitive” culture, although I’m confident that wasn’t the author’s intent. Other than that, all of Ayla’s victories feel to me more like she is a stand-in for our early ancestors’ successes and developments, rather than being a specific, mythic individual. Ayla is sort of an avatar for our species, at least in my reading. Additionally, any special treatment or other success she receives are always hard-won and emotionally taxing to her, especially during her time in the clan. So I’m solidly in the not-a-Sue camp for Ayla.

Moving on to The Valley of Horses, we get more of that same excellent cultural world-building for the Earth’s Children, Ayla’s subspecies. We also get a better idea of the geography of this land, more visually recognizable as Europe now.

This is where Ayla meets up with her own people finally, which becomes obvious as the novel begins flipping between Ayla scenes, and scenes with Jondalar and Thonolan traveling, early on. This made it obvious they were going to meet up eventually, but I was pleasantly surprised at how long the narrative arcs were kept separate. The meeting wasn’t rushed to meet another check on the overall plot. Not only does this give us time to explore the culture of the Earth’s Children caves, but it also shows Ayla’s resourcefulness as she survives alone for three years in a valley. It made the final meeting more exciting. Even after Ayla and Jondalar meet, the language and cultural barriers between them isn’t rushed through, either. It’s a very thoughtfully done premise.

I am annoyed that the Earth’s Children culture is presented as being so focused on sex, especially since they have no idea that there’s any connection between intercourse and reproduction. I’m far more interested in the depictions of tool use and hunting and medicine in these early cultures, and the first novel was a lot more enjoyable than the second thanks to the lack of sex scenes. But I guess that’s a situation I just have to deal with as an asexual person consuming media.

—doctorlit, off to the movies next

“Only once did he initiate the spoiler prematurely and scatter a herd in advance of the pit.” “Only once did he initiate the spoiler prematurely and scatter a herd in advance of the pit.”
“Only once did he initiate the spoiler prematurely and scatter a herd in advance of the pit.”

Thanks for starting this, Tomash! Love this game, was very disappointed with myself when I missed the last one.