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I have much better things with which to waste my time. Like watching 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians', for instance.

See, Phyrexian Oil is not messing around. It's like the Borg and the 40K Warp had an unholy lovechild. It will assimilate you and turn you into a plague-vector.

If it is detected immediately (and I mean damn-near instantaneously), then fire could potentially work, but whoever brought it in is going to burn, too. They're contaminated, you see, and there's only one cure that I'm aware of: A single Elf named Malira who is somewhere on New Phyrexia. I wouldn't take the time to find her.

If it is not caught immediately, it could spread like wildfire. Janitorial would probably be compleated first, while cleaning it up. Now we've got Phyrexian Flowers. Probably no way to contain it at that point. Shifting hallways makes containment a major problem.

Gods help us if it ever compleats a Sue. Glistening Oil is bad enough. Sparkling Oil? Terrifying.


I guess the point I am trying to make is that Phyrexian Oil only leads to one place: Character Deaths. If that's what you're going for, then by all means have at it.

-Phobos, advocating against this.

First, to answer Tomash’s question: I just finished The Valley of Horses, which I’ll go into below. I’m nearing the end of the second season of Daredevil, and might be finishing that tomorrow, depending on how the timing goes. And in a few hours, I’m heading to pick up my brother se we can go see Ant-Man and the Wasp. Then the two of us are going to bring Mom to see Solo, which she hasn’t seen yet.

The Valley of Horses is the second novel of the six-part Earth’s Children series. Cassie5squared actually wrote a PPC mission to this series, although I haven’t read it yet, because I can’t tell which novel it’s set during. Anyway, the series takes place during the Ice Age period in real world history, when both our subspecies of human and the Neanderthal subspecies were surviving together in what would later be named Europe.

Spoilers for books one and two of this series follow. Also, warning for some discussion of sexual behavior later on.

I read the first Earth’s Children novel, Clan of the Cave Bear, before I started this “review all the things” policy I do, so I’ll touch on it, too. For me, the world-building is absolutely the most top-notch aspect of this story (insofar as “world-building” can be applied to to a setting based on research into real world history, and can essentially be said to take place in reality). I really liked how Auel presented the culture and lifestyle of the Neanderthal—or Clan, as they call themselves. The idea that they had evolved a collective memory, and could literally call on the experiences of their ancestors to guide them, is of course fantastical and impossible to prove or disprove, but it’s an interesting way to contrast them with Ayla in this novel, and others of her people in the second, who are characterized more by imagination and ingenuity. It also serves as an explanation for why our subspecies flourished (albeit with some Neanderthal DNA that we carry in our species to this day) while the Clan eventually perished: they became so reliant on their built-in memories to function, that they were unable to forge new strategies for survival as the world continued to change over the centuries. I also like the detail that while Ayla’s people communicate in languages like we do, the Clan communicate mostly through a combination of body posture, facial expression, sign language and a few grunted words, accounting for their different mouth shape.

Auel’s narration style does something that’s normally “bad”: adding information that the characters the narration follows don’t and can’t know. Sometimes comparing the animals in the story to their modern-day counterparts, sometimes explaining aspects of evolutionary theory that are far beyond the understanding of either human culture present at the time. But in this case, I feel these “in-text author’s notes” are a true benefit to the story, as they help us modern readers put a greater context on the events and setting.

I’ll discuss Ayla here as well, since she’s in both novels. As our wiki page for the series says, she has a lot of traits that our community especially would associate with Mary Sues. While I can see that reading, I find it fairly easy to overlook. The only aspect that gets kind of awkward to me is the fact that she’s blonde and blue-eyed, which calls up uncomfortable thoughts of designated Aryan protagonists among a more “primitive” culture, although I’m confident that wasn’t the author’s intent. Other than that, all of Ayla’s victories feel to me more like she is a stand-in for our early ancestors’ successes and developments, rather than being a specific, mythic individual. Ayla is sort of an avatar for our species, at least in my reading. Additionally, any special treatment or other success she receives are always hard-won and emotionally taxing to her, especially during her time in the clan. So I’m solidly in the not-a-Sue camp for Ayla.

Moving on to The Valley of Horses, we get more of that same excellent cultural world-building for the Earth’s Children, Ayla’s subspecies. We also get a better idea of the geography of this land, more visually recognizable as Europe now.

This is where Ayla meets up with her own people finally, which becomes obvious as the novel begins flipping between Ayla scenes, and scenes with Jondalar and Thonolan traveling, early on. This made it obvious they were going to meet up eventually, but I was pleasantly surprised at how long the narrative arcs were kept separate. The meeting wasn’t rushed to meet another check on the overall plot. Not only does this give us time to explore the culture of the Earth’s Children caves, but it also shows Ayla’s resourcefulness as she survives alone for three years in a valley. It made the final meeting more exciting. Even after Ayla and Jondalar meet, the language and cultural barriers between them isn’t rushed through, either. It’s a very thoughtfully done premise.

I am annoyed that the Earth’s Children culture is presented as being so focused on sex, especially since they have no idea that there’s any connection between intercourse and reproduction. I’m far more interested in the depictions of tool use and hunting and medicine in these early cultures, and the first novel was a lot more enjoyable than the second thanks to the lack of sex scenes. But I guess that’s a situation I just have to deal with as an asexual person consuming media.

—doctorlit, off to the movies next

“Only once did he initiate the spoiler prematurely and scatter a herd in advance of the pit.” “Only once did he initiate the spoiler prematurely and scatter a herd in advance of the pit.”
“Only once did he initiate the spoiler prematurely and scatter a herd in advance of the pit.”

Thanks for starting this, Tomash! Love this game, was very disappointed with myself when I missed the last one.

While it is true that the PPC is an easier place to live than... my prior accommodations, I do my best to maintain my strength and ability.

I do, however, doubt that Derik is a bleeding heart of any sort. And in my time with him, I haven't noticed any actively dripping physical wounds, either. I do not know any large and dangerous monsters who tend to throw fire on a regular basis, however. If I encounter a Pyrae, I shall have to ask them.

Tai-chi.

I might go away... if you give me a remote activator for a day. I promise to bring it back when I'm done.

Is it true that you've hung up your armor for good? Have you gone soft? Does it have anything to do with the amount of time you're spending with one Agent Derik, noted bleeding-heart for large, dangerous, fire-throwing monsters? Do you prefer yoga, or tai chi?

(( {; P ))

Tell me, human child, what will it take to make you go away? I don't have any sweets to give you, and Technician Dives tells me it's considered rude to threaten bodily harm to small, annoying creatures, even if I have no intention of following up on said threats.

Definitely the S'cream-of-Spinach Soup. Some rookies plundered a whole bunch of food from the "Kids Next Door" continuum. And Grandma Stuffum's food tends to be even more risky than ours. But the spinach looked surprisingly nice... That was my mistake.

On a plus side, on that day I learned to appreciate Glopsnerch.

The Soft Cushion has been quite devastating, but he's a determined one. I will have to step it up and bring out... the Comfy Chair.

...

... Oh, hang it all, what good are the Narrative Laws if I can't get a dramatic music cue when I want one? Look, just push off before this stops being entertaining, or I really might hurt you.

Well, that rules out lots of places. Is that a cultural thing, or a personal thing? I gotta know this stuff. For my report. ∗grin∗

∗to Tom, with Snape-esque skepticism∗ Who are you?

(( Jenni has clearly taught her son the art of taking snark literally for fun and profit. ))

Because I'm not telling things of that caliber about my personal life.

And the nice award goes to participating to these Hunger Games things. Leading to being drafted for another session after of that thing, and if the DIA hadn't given me a warning about it, I'd still be searching the guys behind this to give them 'proper thanks'.

And as a runner up for the 'man up, that's part of the job' category... Missionning that Madoka trollfic. I didn't need pictures of middle schoolers doing this sort of things, I already have enough 'nice pictures' in my brain as it is. At least I can try to forget that one.

No, but if you asked my sister, she'd probably say otherwise!

Unfortunately, it seems like the CADs exploding is a direct result of Rule of Funny. Us techs have tried everything we can think of: fireproofing, redundant systems, you name it. You can take a flamethrower to a CAD and it'll be fine after, but put it near someone too OOC and... kaboom. You just learn to accept you'll be repairing the damn things for the rest of your career.

Is it true that CADs are stuffed with dynamite?

Questions are open to my perpetually potential agents, Larkus and Curff, who will totally eventually exist once I can be bothered to stop procrastinating and actually write a Permission piece, as well as a newcomer to my roster who I have yet to settle on a partner for.

• Agent Larkus Grun, DMS. Forcibly retired officer of the Coruscant Security Force, rambler, gambler, and fugitive from Imperial justice.
• Agent Turff-Croft, A.K.A. Curff, DMS. Lupin Sorcerer of the Ninth Circle of the Ashen Hill (translation: level nine D&D sorcerer, homebrew setting), Retired Adventurer, amateur alchemist, comfortable chair enthusiast.
• Rinnel Anweir, a new arrival from the setting of The Bastion Walls, one of my own as yet unfinished stories. Boatswain of the airship Starlight Dancer, thief, pickpocket, smuggler, and general scoundrel.

Being dropped in the badfic mess without a brief and the fireworks at the DoSAT when we got back take the cake by far. I heard some Techies are still keeping a grudge.

But if you're thinking... before, then I'd say that was about one year after learning about magic. Back then, we'd figured out the worst of the accidental hexing was behind us, with knowing how to avoid the worst of it now. I had came back home for a family movie night after a... special lesson with my master, so I was already tense. The movie was... Madagascar 2, just a nice little thing my little sister could enjoy too for us to watch. I'm relaxing... Then our phone begins ringing. It's ridiculious, but that's so unexpected it got me jumping out of my armchair... Straight out of my circle. Bye Bye TV. And since by that point I'm also feeling this is my fault and getting pretty frustrated at the relapse... Living room electronics follow by the time I'm getting it under control. I was feeling real bad by the time it was over.

What thing have you done that you most regret?

What torture have you planned for the foul sorcerer? And why does he continue to return?

My love of Turtle's writing (Turtle, if you're reading this, please write up some Alistair and Corellieth shorts, because they are hilarious and I love them and more people should see them) and general respect for Zing (sorry Z, I want to say I love your writing, but I haven't actually read much of it yet...) won out over being intimidated by the fact that I don't know any of the agents here.

Thankfully, the entire thing was essentially coherent anyways, and extremely entertaining. Having met geese, they really are that evil.

Oh, and I would be awesome at the roll-the-rim thing.

sinnin' around a fire 'n swappin' stories. Most people are hidin' two to a cave. 's lonely. Sure, there's the pub, but it's not the same, y'know?

Also, it's good to hear from SeaTurtle again!

And I'm with hS: the goose definitely reminds me of Agent Monty. He's a gray goose, IIRC, but this is the Canada AU, so there you go. Clearly the same character. ^_^

~Neshomeh wishes she liked coffee.