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This, and the obvious attempt at desperately finding a rebound relationship after the case Zeb.

I think it really depends on the chapter and the marine. The Blood Angels are said to be quite handsome, as were the Emperor's Children before they fell to Chaos. And Captain Titus was an Ultramarine, but he was by no means ugly.

Hi everyone! I have been wanting to join you guys for some time now...
My computer's kinda broke right now, so I'll hafta use library comp now. anyway I'm form FL, and write manly poetry and fanfic s across multiple fandoms. I don't know how often I can come here though,so drop me a line or a comment on my AO3 page
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire_Spark/

{Miralii-Aroline-Liuary!} Farilan snapped.

There was a clatter of little hooves, and then a tiny purple Andalite appeared in the doorway. Her tail drooped when she saw her mother standing in the middle of the RC, all four eyes fixed forward.

{Yes, Mother?} Miralii said, dread settling in her stomach.

Farilan sighed, using the flat of her tail blade to lightly cuff Miralii's flank. {Pick up this mess,} she said, indicating the jumble of toys in the middle of the floor. {And I'm going to have to have a word with your father about giving you broken CADs to play with.}

{But Mother, I asked—}

{I don't care what you asked,} Farilan said. {It's dangerous equipment, not a toy for a child. You can tinker with them when you're older.}

{Aww...} Miralii stooped to begin picking up her toys. {Are we still going to go see Uncle Nume today?}

Farilan's eyes crinkled in a smile. {You know he hates being called that.}

Miralii smiled back. {Isn't that why you told me to call him Uncle Nume?}

Farilan chuckled. {Exactly. Try not to antagonize him too much, though. Your father wants to have a peaceful dinner, for a change.}


(Totally off-the-cuff, not to be taken too terribly serious thing. Apologies for using curly brackets instead of the usual markers.)

Though you can keep calling me 'monsieur,' if you like. I'm kind of enjoying it.

...in fact, maybe you'd like to keep calling me 'monsieur' over drinks...?

Probably with the same amount of shock I had when I learned the Doctor had fathered my child. And for the record, I'm pregnant again, this time with triplets, except I'm not sure if the children are Zeb's or the Detective's or Jacques', or maybe one of each.

F--k's sake.

How did you react when you learned that your partner's date Jacques Bonnefoy is only a cheap way to get a substitute for his impossible relationship with canon character Jack Harkness?

Is there anything you can tell us regarding the fact Agent Zeb is using you as an obvious way for him to have an ersatz of dating the canon character Jack Harkness?

Ilraen will just be over there. In the friend zone. Forever Alone.

~Neshomeh

You offered to buy. That basically automatically means yes. At least, I think that's what she was hinting at when she stopped swearing again.

I should let her off the tree at some point. I'm not going to, but I should.

Not so funny being on the receiving end, I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. It's just sort of a relief seeing the tabloids writing about someone else these days. You'd think me admitting to shagging the Detective would be enough to sate them, but... *shakes head*

Listen, Ce'rana, if you ever want to get drinks sometime, I'll buy. It's bulls--t, what it is. Can't do much but laugh about it, I'm afraid.

[DTE(g) is as not-busy as ever. Alex walks into RC 369, copy of the Multiverse Monitor’s latest release in hand. He closes the door.]

Alex: Hey, Ce’rana? Did you give an interview for that tabloid again?

Ce’rana: They asked me a few questions, to which I objected. If you would consider that an interview, then yes. May I ask why?

Alex: *hides a smirk behind the MM* Oh, they just happened to write an article about you. Thought you might want to hear what it says.

Ce’rana: …*turns to face him* What, exactly, have they said?

Alex: *reads aloud*

TAPPING IN: HOW CE’RANA OF BORUNE SLEPT HER WAY INTO THE UPPER BRANCHES OF THE PPC

Ce’rana: *bristles* No. I no longer wish to know.

Alex: Why not? You gave some interesting quotes.

In an exclusive interview with the Multiverse Monitor, Ce’rana reveals that she uses “seduction to claim and keep [her] job.”

Alex: So that’s how you ended up with a room big enough for a tree… *ducks to avoid a flying pen*

Ce’rana: *stands* That is the exact opposite of what I said. And the size was required for medical concerns, as you very well know.

Alex: *waves her off*

Salacious tales of a sexy threesome with Hornbeam the Ironwood and the Hippie Sequoia have run rampant through HQ, along with rumors that it was inspired by access to the Sequoia’s “personal stash.”

Ce’rana: *grinds teeth* No. No. No. Stash of what? And why would I care regardless?

Alex: I was hoping you could tell me what’s in the stash. Was pondering a heist.

Ce’rana: *picks up another pen, takes a step towards Alex*

Alex: *staring at the paper, not seeing her approach* Huh. Did not know you could do that.

Ce’rana: *pauses, pales slightly* No. I cannot.

Alex: I didn’t even say what yet. *reads aloud*

But a branch emerges in the tale: as Ce’rana informs us, she is absolutely “capable of having children with a tree.”

Ce’rana: *grips pen tighter, begins walking towards him again*

Rumor has it she’s already carrying a child, and the Flowers are gearing up to fight over who the parent is.

Alex: Also, who is it? Am I invited to the shower?

Ce’rana: *reaches up and jabs the pen into his arm, glares up at him* No.

Alex: Oww. Why not?

Ce’rana: *stomps on his foot* One, because that means there would be one, and that is a lie. Two, because you enjoy this too much.

Alex: Okay, fine. *steps away and starts reading again*

Private logs of the Board of Directors’ meetings inform us that the Sunflower Official and the Lichen are the primary contestants (and who wouldn’t want to sleep with John Cleese’s voice?).

Alex: So which one was it?

Ce’rana: *growls and reaches up to try and take the tabloid away*

Alex: *raises it out of reach, moving it about two inches* It’s the Lichen, isn’t it.

Ce’rana: I didn’t sleep with our bosses! Are you even listening to me?!

Alex: Do I ever?

Ce’rana: …*grits teeth* No. You don’t.

Alex: See? Anyways, where were we?

But those of you hoping to hear news of her tying the knot with a branch, prepare to be disappointed. Ce’rana is a free-spirited, 21st-century girl, and she’s far too busy with her career to be a parent.

Ce’rana: *goes still*

Alex: Well, now I know they’re making things up.

Ce’rana: I told--

Alex: You’re about as far from 21st-century as possible.

Ce’rana: *jams the pen into his leg*

***

[A few minutes later, Ce’rana is chained to her tree, while Alex bandages several small stab wounds on various appendages.]

Ce’rana: ...wait, didn’t they ask about you too?

Alex: … oh, merda.

[It is a slow day in the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology. Alex Dives saunters over to Farilan's desk, magazine in hand.]

Alex: *snickering* Hey, Farilan, you've seen the latest Multiverse Monitor edition, right?

Farilan: That pathetic drivel you humans read for entertainment? No. I have not.

Alex: You really have to see this.

Farilan: *sighs*

Alex: *dramatic voice*

Agent Ilraen of the DIC is no stranger to romantic hijinks. But after an experimental tryst with his partner, Agent Supernumerary (see last issue),

Farilan: Oh, forgive me, I didn't realize I was being kind calling this 'pathetic drivel. Try... 'complete and utter waste of paper'?

it seems the amorous alien has finally had his heart snatched away.

Farilan: ...Where are you going with this.

The lucky girl is Farilan-Haothil-Esthine, of DoSAT.

Farilan: *sighs* Yes, because it's such a secret that the poor boy is hopelessly in love with me.

Upon her first glance at Ilraen, she was immediately entranced.

Farilan: WHAT?

Alex: Wait wait wait! It gets better!

Farilan: Technician Dives, you call this better? This is... outrageous!

She urgently informed us that “Ilraen and I are… [in a] relationship,”

Farilan: No.

constantly referencing it during our interview with her,

Farilan: No!

and giving off a general air of satisfaction about it.

Farilan: NO!

Katie: *whispering from behind a desk* How well do you think she'll take the ending?

Olivine: *also whispering* Ten Galleons she impales the Monitor with her tail blade. Or Squishy.

Katie: I hope it's not Alex.

Alex: So, you and Ilraen, huh?

Farilan: *tail twitches*

Katie: It's gonna be Alex.

Ilraen, ever one to brag of his latest conquest, informs our reporters that, “she feels she can rely on me, for anything!”

Farilan: *mirthless laughter*

And while he certainly appears to have every intent of good faith, only time will tell if the new girl on the block will finally be the one to quench his seemingly unending lust.

Farilan: 'Unending lust'? While I won't deny Ilraen is... overly affectionate, to call that unending lust is just... *shakes head* What sort of psychoactive drugs were used to write this piece?


Rumors of a Bleepka-fueled threesome between Nume, Ilraen, and Farilan are as of yet unconfirmed.

Farilan:

Alex:

Farilan:

Alex:

Katie: *passes over ten Galleons*

That image is deliberately kinda awful, judt to be clear (that is, it was the first kinda awful/sorta accurate image I could find). The reason for that is to make the Blatant Lies obvious to people who aren't familiar with the canon.

And yes, I am already aware you have a warped mind. XP

Agree on the canon one. That one is the one that is there. Agree on most of the other bits.

That last one, though... Jeez. Woooow. That is... no.

I didn't expect that big a reaction. This was pretty off the cuff. ^_^;

~Neshomeh

Aw, drat, I messed up the image. I did intend for her to be reacting to that picture, because that guy is a) not Thoth glistening with oil, and b) just weird-looking. His jaw is a cube. {X D

There are images I prefer for reference to what Space Marines look like under the armor. Like, this one and this one are pretty similar to the one you used, but are much more reasonable without being really good-looking. This one seems to be more or less canon?

I like the effect used for the black carapace in this one, but that guy is not nearly built enough to be an Astartes.

And then there's this guy. I don't even know about this guy. This may be what happens when you really want to make a guy pretty but annoying people keep telling you he's not supposed to be, so you get base prettiness with superficial grit layered on top. It doesn't quite hide the prettiness. It just looks like his right eye (audience left) is trying to escape.

ANYWAY! Glad you enjoyed. ^_^

And yes, Gall does have a warped mind. Guess that means I do, too. >.>;

~Neshomeh

I said - or at least emphasized - the wrong thing, and made a poor example of myself in the process.

Alright, this deserves reactions. One of us will post some when we get around to it.

I know what I'm doing for the badfic games in September. >:)

I mean, what else do I say? That was outstandingly funny. In... every way.

Also, "Thoth and Derik's oiled-up pillowfight" is just an inherently funny phrase.

I will note, that image *was* supposed to resolve to here. But Gall's dissatisfied reaction probably still fits. I mean, that was rather the joke. Astartes aren't as attractive as some may believe.

Also, Gall clearly has a warped mind.

Finally, for People Who Aren't Nesh and aren't 40k and thus don't know... there is actually a reason for Thoth being covered in oil. That being that A Thousand Sons has a memorable percentage of men in oil. Including, at one point, Magnus himself, and a description of Ahriman that contributes to suspicions that the man whose perspective that particular scene is from may be gay.

Ah well. You can't spell "Horus Heresy" without "Homoeroticism."

Nice work.

That IS the thing I'm worried about, though.