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I think I see what you're trying to do here, slowly building up the impression of the world (I guess?) that this guy is really gone while also leaving it eerily ambiguous. Even if he's dead, his legacy clearly lives on in some fashion. It's a cool idea.

I'm thrown off by the tense changes and inconsistent paragraphing, though. Are those things deliberate? If so, I can't work out the meaning to them. Are you trying to show a meta effect of Harrison's ability to mess with reality? I'm confused.

Also, some SPaG:

- "approached" is a very passive word for a speeding bullet and doesn't tell us how close it got.

- You want "farther" for physical distances; "further" is for everything else.

- Stray hyphen at the end of the fourth paragraph.

- "phenomena" is plural, so the phrase should be "phenomena are ... are not connected" or "phenomenon is ... is not connected".

- "amount" is for uncountable measures. Golems are countable, so you want "a small number" of them. And, where are they roaming? The house? The farmland? Somewhere else?

- Were the golems silenced by an outside force, as the current phrasing implies, or did they just run out of juice and fall silent on their own?

- It sounds a bit like it's the fire that was demolished and shipped, since that's the subject of the first clause of that sentence. It could benefit from rephrasing to put the house in that role.

I think that's everything I noticed. Again, cool idea, and I think it could be very effective with some tweaking.

~Neshomeh

At least plant sprouts are fairly manageable... *shudder*

The context was rather unclear but I’ll probably be using these characters for some more prompts.

Amelia doesn’t really have to start studying quite that early - Clara’s probably been hassling her for weeks!

I’m not quite sure what Amelia looks like, but I know Clara’s small with blonde hair and glasses.

They’re... well, schoolgirls, for lack of a better term. They’re studying magic and the exams are probably the equivalent of GSCEs.

Hope that makes it a bit clearer!

The shot was fired from behind. Point blank, from behind a cardboard box. In a flash of explosive light, the bullet left the chamber, piercing the cardboard, and approached Harrison's spine. In an instant, he vanished. The bullet might not have hit him, if it was any further away. But the bullet had vanished with him. The bullet hit, far away, in a dark safe room, somewhere miles away underground. Or maybe not. Harrison was gone, and so was the bullet.

It was written off as a failed mission. The target had gotten away.
Or maybe he wasn't lucky enough.

Two weeks pass. There were no more sightings of Harrison. No more tears in reality. No more extra hours of daylight, or unending night. No more. -


Or the bullet hadn't hit and he is merely biding his time. Maybe he is taking the chance to finally disappear. A fake death. A get out of jail free card.
A rare opportunity for a man like him. He should get what he deserves.

Another month passed.
He was only human, after all. Wasn't he? He seemed more machine than man. More animal than human. He was strong. Powerful. But a bullet can change all of that in an instant.
Harrison is presumed dead, succumbing to his injuries.

He was a force to be reckoned with. He defended many people. He helped many. But he harmed many, many more. He never showed his hand, and was trusted by nobody. He got what he deserved.

Harrison is dead. Whatever phenomena is occurring is not connected to him whatsoever. His house has fallen over a patch of farmland. Constant streams of ash pour out. A small amount of partially damaged golems currently roam, but will be contained and destroyed. Harrison is dead, and the dead have no hold over the living.

The golems began screeching at 9:04 pm, Tuesday evening. Simply bashing them with hammers wasn't enough. Attempts to move and contain them have failed. Harrison must have had batteries somewhere continuing their power. They will die soon enough.

After eight weeks, the golems have finally been silenced. Twenty ton deadweights; it was simpler to bury them than to move them. The house fire ceased, and was promptly demolished and shipped to a proper disposal site. An anticlimactic conclusion to the end of his tale.
And now, for some final words: Good riddance.

But the last sentence of that paragraph seems a bit disjointed. The word "estimation" carries a bit of a logistical connotation, and one would use it for things that has a quantity attached to it. What you used it for however is something that has no inherent amount; one can't have varying degrees of artisan, whereas one can have varying degrees of artistic ability. Perhaps a better word might be "impression" or "judgement" instead.

Re: Ave being tense. She's worried about Elanor's glitter levels. Some of the glitter in her system was passed on to her baby, but not enough to warrant a tracker. Still, she's a mom, and moms worry about their kids.

Sorry, Zeb becomes a permanent bachelor and Ave and Dee don't know what the hell is going on between them.

The beginning was very sweet and heartwarming. And Zeb teasing the Aviator was very fun.

This sue was pretty blatant, wasn't she? And man, that plants line. Spelling is important! (Although it's true planets probably would have been worse.)

Anyhow, very enjoyable. Read it on the train and laughed out loud.

Full context only really comes if you read what goes on in the Dreamwidth roleplay comm

Full context only really comes if you read what goes on in the Dreamwidth roleplay comm

Full context only really comes if you read what goes on in the Dreamwidth roleplay comm

My brain's not putting up any coherent thoughts on characterization, so I'll leave that to someone else who wants to review, but I think this was overall a well-written piece that did a good job of conveying people's emotional states (especially Ianto's urge to go out and do something and/or go on a roaring rampage of revenge).

- Tomash

but that was an interesting scene and I think I'd like to read more.

- Tomash

I think this this a good job of describing how people are moving throughout the scene, and for a dialogue-heavy piece the lack of a setting is helpful for letting people focus on the important bits (the conversation and the snuggle session), I think.

- Tomash

However, I'm confused about how what's presumably a bottle labeled "hair day" (or at least that's the impression of it I got) isn't that unidentifiable, unless it's an unlabeled colored bottle (which seems like a rather silly idea)

- Tomash

Not sure where this is set or who Nautilus it, but it overall makes sense.

Also, pokemon!Bobo is an interesting image.

Now that's some fine sleuthing going on in this thread... and some fine rhyming, as well. ;)

I kid, I kid. ;)

That said, this was adorably light. Best of luck to Amelia on her exams!

... Even if she has to start studying that far in advance. She has my sympathies. |D

I admit to being a little lost as to who these two are/what they look like, but they play off each other wonderfully.

Some gentle teasing going on here! And it's always good when Ix is able to laugh at herself. Character development between these two!

Things aren't going so well here in the animal kingdom. Ever since King Richard - God bless him - passed on, bad ol' Prince John's been trying to hold onto the throne. He's already done for Prince Arthur, and had Princess Eleanor - that's Maid Marian to you, of course - locked up, and now he's on the hunt for our Robin Hood.

See, if there's one man that all the poor folks of England can get behind, it's Robin Hood. When they heard his wife had been jailed by the Prince, why, they just rushed to Sherwood Forest to help him out. And, you know what they say: when you've got that many people gathered together, they'll always have need of a minstrel...

Robin Hood and Little John
Gathering an army
Rallying the villagers and
Leading them away.
Off on a Crusade the way
King Richard did in olden times
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day.

Not for them the battles
in Jerusalem or Germany,
They're heading to a city nearby.
Where John and all his cronies,
With the Sheriff and their soldier boys
Are keeping Lady Marian inside...

Robin Hood and Little John
Marching with their army
Off to rescue Marian
Off to save the day
Concentratin' everythin' on
Plannin' for their victory
Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day.

Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally
Golly, what a day...

---

In writing this, I realised that King Robin's War also fits perfectly into the history of the period: it's the events surrounding the signing of Magna Carta, and the First Barons' War that followed (when John refused to keep to it). That was an uprising of the nobility, fighting to protect their rights against John, and ultimately the war ended in John's death and the accession of his 9-year-old son to the throne. As a bonus, Magna Carta was also signed by the bishops, so Friar Tuck clearly has a part to play.

This theory would put Robin Hood in the place of Robert Fitzwalter, leader of the Barons' armies (bearing at one point the delightful title "Marshal of the Army of God"). The name works very nicely ('Fitzwalter' is just 'son of [his father] Walter', and Robert->Robin is an easy shift), and the biography... well.

Robert was associated with various lands, mostly a long way south of Nottingham, but Wikipedia makes mention of unidentified northern lands. That's enough to let us speculate on the Sherwood connection (after all, he wouldn't exactly rebel out of his own bedroom!). It's interesting to note that, in 1201 (three years after John claimed the throne), Robert was engaging in legal battles over a stretch of forest near one of his castles...

Robert was married, possibly around 1194, to a woman named Gunnora de Valognes. Interestingly, the de Valognes' castle was demolished by King Henry back in 1177, so it looks like the family may have been relatively insignificant. Did King Richard encourage his niece to take a false name, to hide the fact that the second in line to the throne had married a minor noble?

Robert actually fought in King John's armies in France; would our Robin do that? Well... why not? Marian was only second in line, and her younger brother wasn't pressing his claim. To all intents and purposes, John was the rightful king. He made sure to curry favour with Robert - making him warden of Hertford Castle in 1202 - so while I doubt Robin was happy with it, it seems plausible he would have gone along.

1203 was the turning point. Robin was in France when he heard the news: Gunnora/Marian/Eleanor had been imprisoned by John in December, and her brother (captured the previous summer) had vanished in John's custody, presumed dead. Robin must have been desperate to return to England and rescue his wife - but disastrously, he was taken prisoner by the French and held to ransom. Given John's previous involvement in trying to keep King Richard imprisoned, could this all have been an evil scheme of the Phony King?

Robert was released sometime between 1204 and 1206, but his rebellions didn't start until 1212 (when, according to him, King John tried to seduce his daughter Matilda o.O). Would Robin have been willing to wait six years to even start his plans to rescue Marian? Given how much John moved her around, and how on-guard he would have been against Robin, it's certainly possible.

The idea that Eleanor/Marian was rescued during the rebellion actually, surprisingly, holds up. When Robin/Robert forced John to sign Magna Carta, he insisted the king release all his hostages - but Eleanor wasn't mentioned. Clearly, she had already been released.

History tells us that Gunnor, wife of Robert Fitzwalter, died sometime between 1211 and 1222, and that he married a second woman named Rohese. Given that 'and then Marian died' is a miserable ending, I think we have to assume this is another false name; Rohese ended up outliving Robert, which makes sense when we consider how much younger Marian was than Robin. And in a final helpful coincidence: Eleanor the Fair and Rohese died within 5 years of each other, both in the 1240s.

It's not perfect, I know... but once again, it actually hangs together much better than I would have expected.

hS

... I'll try making this about something other than PPC.



Amelia wandered reluctantly into the library. Clara was, of course, already waiting in her usual spot, with books all around and currently buried deep in an ancient volume entitled “History of the Divisions, Volume One – 100BC – 500AD”.

“Hello,” said Amelia, and Clara glanced up.

She put the book down and motioned to Amelia to sit down beside her, before pulling out a piece of paper covered in her tiny handwriting.

Amelia groaned and looked closely at it, trying to decipher her friend’s spidery scrawl. “What is this thing?” she asked.

“A study plan – look, I’ve worked out when you’re going to do what – you can see it later.”

Amelia rolled her eyes. “Look, Clara, I asked for some help with revision, not a whole study plan for the next… how long?”

“Six months. That’s how long until the exam.”

Amelia nodded.

“Anyway. Shall we get going?” Clara asked, picking up one of the textbooks (“The Theory of Magic”) and opening it.

Amelia moved a little closer and peered over Clara’s shoulder. She tried to focus, but the textbook wasn’t very engaging and she couldn’t stop thinking about what Nathan had said.

Clara turned a page and asked, “What was on that last page?”

“Um…” Amelia groaned inwardly.

“You’re distracted, aren’t you? What is it?”

“Oh… um… nothing….” Amelia knew there was no way Clara would believe that, and the red flush on her cheeks didn’t help.

“It’s Nathan, isn’t it?”

Amelia sighed and said “Maybe…”

Clara smiled triumphantly and began chanting “Amelia and Nathan, sitting in a tree…”

Amelia groaned.

The two women were curled up in bed together, blankets drawn up over bare skin to keep away the chill. Charlotte draped an arm over Ix's waist, grinning.

"So your full name is—?"

"Yes," Ix said, looking rather shamefaced.

"I mean, I knew Potterverse werewolves' names were a little on the nose, but—"

Ix rolled over, grumbling when Charlotte's arms tightened, pulling her closer. "You don't have to take the mickey out of it."

Charlotte rested her chin on Ix's shoulder, grinning. "I'm not teasing, I just think it's hilarious, that's all. Faolan Amaris—'little wolf moon'? Your old author really had it in for you."

"Weren't you named after a spider who wrote messages for a pig?" Ix said, glancing over her shoulder at Charlotte.

Charlotte stuck her tongue out at her. "Hey, it could be worse," she said. "Lupin's dad's name also meant wolf, and his mom's maiden name was Howell, so..." She trailed off when she noticed Ix's grimace. "What?"

"My middle name, Amaris, was my ma's given name," Ix said. "My da's name was Connell... which also means wolf."

Charlotte stared at her for a minute before letting go, guffawing loudly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing, but—"

Ix waved a hand, smiling wryly. "Wolf and Moon had a werewolf kid. It's alright, I'd be laughing, too."

The theme of Ianto and Jon picking up traits from each other was sweet - and Rose is Rose, even when she's an AU! ... Imagine Rose in the PPC, though.