Subject: That is of no concern. Thanks for the concrit. (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2012-08-27 12:48:00 UTC
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Permission Request, Once Again by
on 2012-08-26 01:06:00 UTC
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More Concrit, not a Permissions person at all. by
on 2012-08-26 18:17:00 UTC
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Sorry about that format issue. (nm) by
on 2012-08-26 18:18:00 UTC
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That is of no concern. Thanks for the concrit. (nm) by
on 2012-08-27 12:48:00 UTC
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Concrit by
on 2012-08-26 14:38:00 UTC
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Your writing, though you have some excellent ideas, is rather stiff. I think the problem is that you are doing a lot of telling and not nearly enough showing. You describe Anebrin's journey from the Marquis de Sod's office in less than a paragraph when it could easily take up two. You have to tell us how your characters feel. What thoughts are racing through their heads?
Also something to think about: The Flowers, to my knowledge, usually don't partner two newbies together. -
About the two-newbye partnering. (nm) by
on 2012-08-26 14:41:00 UTC
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Ops, clicked on "post" by
on 2012-08-26 14:47:00 UTC
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It actually happened - remember, training ISN'T top priority for the Flowers.
In fact, there was even a case of a new Agent sent in his first mission alone, without equipment and without a clue on what to do (IndeMaat's Allison Carter).
It all depends on how it is done, and it can be done well with a lot of fun potential. I do refrain from it, though. -
I have to say... by
on 2012-08-26 11:08:00 UTC
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Not a PG, but... by
on 2012-08-26 01:58:00 UTC
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Ahum. by
on 2012-08-27 12:21:00 UTC
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"I am the PPC" by
on 2012-08-26 03:47:00 UTC
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You may be a bit mixed-up, here. by
on 2012-08-26 02:24:00 UTC
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Re: You may be a bit mixed-up, here. by
on 2012-08-26 03:07:00 UTC
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I understand, and apologize. That having been said, I do not like the idea of desdendelle being representative of the PPC. Not to the "oh hell no" extent of Jacer, but I nevertheless have an issue with things like evolution being dismissed when they are so patently a fact. Say what you will about me for this, but I don't like it when scientific facts are considered deniable, for any reason whatsoever, and I'm deeply suspicious of the people who deny them.
That having been said, the writing sample is still dry and beige and boring, and that is directly related to desdendelle getting Permission. -
And on that note... by
on 2012-08-26 03:41:00 UTC
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Hum... by
on 2012-08-26 01:38:00 UTC
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