Subject: Concrit
Author:
Posted on: 2012-08-26 14:38:00 UTC

Your writing, though you have some excellent ideas, is rather stiff. I think the problem is that you are doing a lot of telling and not nearly enough showing. You describe Anebrin's journey from the Marquis de Sod's office in less than a paragraph when it could easily take up two. You have to tell us how your characters feel. What thoughts are racing through their heads?
Also something to think about: The Flowers, to my knowledge, usually don't partner two newbies together.

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